SIL wedding- WWDY?

[Pooh67_68]

My advice - don't listen to anyone here.

YOU do what is right for YOUR family.

Your family is not a democracy that I or anyone else gets a vote in.

This ^

 

[LindaG4458]

Since it was your DH's idea for you and DS to stay at home I would go with his suggestion. You will have plenty to do at home while still settling in, you will save the cost of airfare, and DH can handle his family.

 

[Katy Belle]

What Would I Do? In my family situation it would depend on $. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't consider it. If I could get cheap tickets, I would suck it up and go. In my family it would be worth the trip, even with a 2 yr old. I know in our family it would mean a great deal to my husband's parents, so I would be there, if financially possible.

You and your DH have to decide what is best for your family. And decide if its ok to you for SIL to skip important event in your lives. She may not feel inclined to fly to your son's graduation if you can't make it to her wedding....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It was actually DH's suggestion for me and DS to stay home. HE doesn't want to travel with DS either! I keep thinking if it was my family, I would definitely leave DS with DH and just go by myself, and everyone would understand.

Well if your dh suggested it, then I would go with it. Honestly while his family may be overly sensitive he may enjoy some alone time WITH his family.

I think it is a win-win.

 

[MariDisney]

Since it's a close relative I would try to go if at all possible. It looks from your sig picture like your DS has been to WDW. How did he manage the flight, etc.? Was it a much shorter distance? Perhaps if he handled that trip OK it would somehow be possible to break the travel up into shorter legs about that same distance.

 

[Mkrop]

I am confused...you say you dont want DH and DS to miss time together before he deploys...well they would be if DH goes by himself.

And then you say no cross country trips for awhile, so wouldnt this be a great reason to go and allow the GPs time with their grandson, since you are not really traveling in the future.

But if DH says stay home, then go with his lead...let him deal with the fallout though.

 

[tinatark]

What if you and DH fly out, but you use the $$ you would have spent for your ds' ticket to fly your mom over to the WC - spend some time with you in your new place, help some with the unpacking, settling, and stay with your son while you and dh go to the wedding.

 

[jujube]

I ordinarily would be on board with me staying extra time, but DH is getting ready to deploy, and I don't want to take time away from him and DS. Its going to be tough on DS as it is, I want him to get in as much Daddy time as he can before he has to go.

Plus the wedding is shortly after we move out there, so I'm still going to be in the throws of unpacking and setting up the house.

I am going to keep looking for tickets, but really I think its more about traveling with DS than it is the money, he really is tough traveler!

Is there any way that your parents, or just your mom, could fly to your house and watch your DS so that you could accompany your husband? This way you and your husband could have some down time before he deploys.

Maybe your parents could arrange to stay longer than the weekend and you could have a nice visit when you return.

 

[Sarah_Rose]

I wouldn't do it, either.

We also have a toddler who is not a good traveler and I would avoid flying cross country with him, as well. And you're moving to the Seattle area, right? We flew from Seattle to Toronto last July (this was the trip where I decided that I am NOT doing it again!) and it was $1800 for the three of us. Flights from Seattle to anywhere just tend to be expensive.

If it's not in the budget and not something that you want to do, I wouldn't do it. Your husband can represent your family and you can send your regrets. If your son won't even be allowed to be at the wedding, there is just no point putting everyone through the stress.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

Our families thankfully are not the type to get bent out of shape over that sort of thing, but I personally would feel the need to be at a sibling's wedding.

If you don't go, I really wouldn't use DS bad behavior on airplanes as an excuse. Years from now someone might bring that up as why you didn't attend the wedding and DS might feel bad. Talk about the money or IMO more importantly the difficulty of taking such a big trip when you're in the middle of moving and preparing for deployment.

As for DS behavior--I'm also a military mom and when stationed overseas have flown around the world alone with our four difficult little travelers because we needed and wanted to be at a family event. The actual travel was NOT fun but it was worth it to be able to attend and let the kids have those memories with Grandma and whoever else when we lived so far away. I just kept telling myself "13 hours and we'll be off this plane. 13 hours and we'll be off this plane. I will never see any of these other passengers again." You can do it! I think these trying situations are part of the sacrifices we make as military families.

 

[HM]

I would send DH to represent your family. Your son isn't invited anyway and the logistics are such that it's a burden to you to attend as well.

We haven't had this problem with weddings, but for funerals, I've represented our family a couple times. We just could not send all of us because of cost and time away from work and school.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Oh, that's a good idea, not to use DS's behaviour if you decide not to go.

I wonder if you used "not in the budget" if someone in DH's family would want to pay your way, then what??

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

If I had the money and someone was available to watch my child, I would go.

If I did not have the money and/or there was no one to watch my child, I would just send DH and my congratulations.

Traveling with a toddler is not all that fun but I wouldn't let it keep me from going to an important event.

 

[Nancyg56]

My niece travels across country with her little one but he is a good traveler. She generally flies alone and her DH meets her here. It sounds to me like you really don't want to travel with your little guy and that is fine. I would not use any excuse to the family to justify your decision though. I would simply have DH tell them that he will be attending alone and that it is the best thing for the baby. If you add all of your additional concerns your original reason just gets muddled and it may sound like you have decided the wedding is not important so you piled a bunch of excuses together.

 

[RunningGirl]

Being DH's sister, I would definitely go. We had to cut a vacation short and drive 2 kids - one 2 years old at the time - 15 hours each way to get to my DBIL's wedding. It's something I'd only do for a sibling, not a cousin or family friend.

Do what works for you but tread cautiously when explaining things to DH's family.

 

[CandleontheWater]

Since it's a close relative I would try to go if at all possible. It looks from your sig picture like your DS has been to WDW. How did he manage the flight, etc.? Was it a much shorter distance? Perhaps if he handled that trip OK it would somehow be possible to break the travel up into shorter legs about that same distance.

The flight to Disney is less than 2 hours, and he has done pretty awful. I keep hoping as he gets older that he'll do better, but that hasn't been the case. I am basing my reluctance to take him on our previous travel experience. He just is a VERY active little boy and HATES being stuck in seat. Driving long distances is equally torturous, but at least its just me and DH that have to deal with that!

I am confused...you say you dont want DH and DS to miss time together before he deploys...well they would be if DH goes by himself.

And then you say no cross country trips for awhile, so wouldnt this be a great reason to go and allow the GPs time with their grandson, since you are not really traveling in the future.

But if DH says stay home, then go with his lead...let him deal with the fallout though.

Well, if just DH went, he would take the red-eye out on Thursday night, and then just fly back on Sunday, so he wouldn't be gone for that long. If I were to make a trip of it, I'd likely stay for two weeks, which would be much more time apart.

Is there any way that your parents, or just your mom, could fly to your house and watch your DS so that you could accompany your husband? This way you and your husband could have some down time before he deploys.

Maybe your parents could arrange to stay longer than the weekend and you could have a nice visit when you return.

That is a great suggestion, but my mom is going to be taking time off work to help with the move, and is not going to be able to take more time off just a few weeks later.

You and your DH have to decide what is best for your family. And decide if its ok to you for SIL to skip important event in your lives. She may not feel inclined to fly to your son's graduation if you can't make it to her wedding....

If my SIL lived across the country and had a toddler there is NO WAY I'd expect her to fly out for a graduation, or any other big life event.

Oh, that's a good idea, not to use DS's behaviour if you decide not to go.

I wonder if you used "not in the budget" if someone in DH's family would want to pay your way, then what??

If they did offer to pay, I'd go, because then one of the obstacles would be taken off the table. I'd feel really bad accepting it, which is another can of worms entirely, so that is why I don't want to bring up the financial angle at all with them.

If it was one of my brothers getting married, and flying out there would mean that DS would get to spend more time with DH's parents, then I would be more inclined to go. I know that they will likely not make the trip out to the west coast while we are living out there, so then I would see it as being worth the costs. I know that DS will not be able to spend much time with DH's parents because the wedding will keep them very busy.

While I'm sure that my parents would love to have DS for a weekend, I know that they won't hesitate to visit, so it won't be like the only time they could spend together.

If we do go, all of you that are encouraging me to go, have to promise me that the next time you are on a plane with a screaming toddler, you will think of this exact situation and not judge the parents. I do not want to subject an entire plane to six hours of temper tantrums, but I may have been put in a situation that I don't have a choice.

 

[arminnie]

I am going to keep looking for tickets, but really I think its more about traveling with DS than it is the money, he really is tough traveler!

Just don't mention a thing about how hard it would be to travel with DS. They will take it as you don't want to go to any trouble to be there.

Surely anyone with a brain and any human compassion will understand a major move across country and a deployment. I think it would be a big deal if just your DH could go.

I missed my grandmother's funeral because I'd just moved across country. I hated it - but everyone understood. Maybe it's because most of my family never had ANY money so they were very understanding when you just couldn't do something.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

The flight to Disney is less than 2 hours, and he has done pretty awful. I keep hoping as he gets older that he'll do better, but that hasn't been the case. I am basing my reluctance to take him on our previous travel experience. He just is a VERY active little boy and HATES being stuck in seat. Driving long distances is equally torturous, but at least its just me and DH that have to deal with that!



Well, if just DH went, he would take the red-eye out on Thursday night, and then just fly back on Sunday, so he wouldn't be gone for that long. If I were to make a trip of it, I'd likely stay for two weeks, which would be much more time apart.



That is a great suggestion, but my mom is going to be taking time off work to help with the move, and is not going to be able to take more time off just a few weeks later.



If my SIL lived across the country and had a toddler there is NO WAY I'd expect her to fly out for a graduation, or any other big life event.



If they did offer to pay, I'd go, because then one of the obstacles would be taken off the table. I'd feel really bad accepting it, which is another can of worms entirely, so that is why I don't want to bring up the financial angle at all with them.

If it was one of my brothers getting married, and flying out there would mean that DS would get to spend more time with DH's parents, then I would be more inclined to go. I know that they will likely not make the trip out to the west coast while we are living out there, so then I would see it as being worth the costs. I know that DS will not be able to spend much time with DH's parents because the wedding will keep them very busy.

While I'm sure that my parents would love to have DS for a weekend, I know that they won't hesitate to visit, so it won't be like the only time they could spend together.

If we do go, all of you that are encouraging me to go, have to promise me that the next time you are on a plane with a screaming toddler, you will think of this exact situation and not judge the parents. I do not want to subject an entire plane to six hours of temper tantrums, but I may have been put in a situation that I don't have a choice.

(bolding mine) This is a very, very good point.

 

[okeydokey]

It was actually DH's suggestion for me and DS to stay home. HE doesn't want to travel with DS either! I keep thinking if it was my family, I would definitely leave DS with DH and just go by myself, .

There's your answer. If his family says anything to you, you reply that is what DH thinks is best.

 

[wishesuponastar]

There is that too, your DH says for you not to go. I change my answer to listen to your DH as long as he wants to deal with any fallout from his family.
I hope you don't get grief over it then.