SIL wedding- WWDY?

[lovemygoofy]

Can't the military member live in the barracks for the short time before deployment and the family stay wherever they are now? If the military is going to pay to house the dependents, what difference does it make where they live while the member is deployed? Isn't the rent payment coming from the member's pay cheque anyway?

I ask because my husband has gone to postings unaccompanied when it was in the best interests of our family for him to do so. I am not meaning to be argumentative, but I really fail to understand how it is ever in the best interests of the family to be moved to a strange place and immediately be left behind while the member goes on an extended deployment.

Military housing allowance is based on where the military member is stationed not where the family lives and the allowance varies according to the part of the country.

My husband and I are going through this now. We are moving from DC where our BAH(housing allowance) is almost 2600 to south TX where the housing allowance will be almost 1400. If I stayed here in my house that costs 2500 a month I would have to pay out of pocket or do ALOT of paper with no guarantee that we could receive this housing allowance.

My husband will also deploy again shortly after moving there. I'm going because I belong with him. I want every minute of every day I can even just look at him. I want to start getting to know the other spouses because they are a great support understanding what I'm going through because they are as well. Lastly, if I didn't move my housing stuff now on the military's dime I would have to pay alot out of pocket in a year to move my household to TX.

There is no easy answer and it varies according to each family and some people need to go home to their families but for me I need to be with my army family more so than my blood family when my husband is away.

As for the OP, I wouldn't go simply because I myself would not want to take a baby across country and to a wedding on a weekend however I would if the grandparents did not get to see the baby often and this would probably be the last visit before the husband deploys. I think seeing the baby would be a big boost for the family when the husband deploys.

 

[dbrn]

OP, I would send DH if he wanted to go, we had the finances, and he had the time off work. Honestly, if we had just moved across country and he was getting ready to deploy, my husband probably wouldn't go back for the wedding. He'd want to spend his time with me and the kids, and he wouldn't want to go without us.

I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't feel bad about it. You have valid reasons not to go. You already explained to SIL, even before a date was set, that it would be difficult to return after you've moved. She knew, or should have known, you may not be able to make it on her chosen date. I don't think there's any need for further explanation. I would call SIL, let her know you can't make it, and offer congratulations and best wishes. If anyone else in the family said anything about it, I'd tell them you already discussed it with SIL and leave it at that.

I know that's easier said than done depending on the family dynamics, but as others have said, you have to do what's right for you and your family.

 

[Anne MN]

The other thing about unaccompanied to new duty station- If service member (Army) is Sgt or above- they will likely NOT be allowed to live in the barracks. the barracks are for single lower enlisted. so he would have to find an apartment off post and pay rent besides paying for family housing somewhere else. and if they live in on-post housing- service member gets orders to new duty station- they are no longer eligible to live in that house once soldier has cleared post.

 

[dimimi]

I ordinarily would be on board with me staying extra time, but DH is getting ready to deploy, and I don't want to take time away from him and DS. Its going to be tough on DS as it is, I want him to get in as much Daddy time as he can before he has to go.

Plus the wedding is shortly after we move out there, so I'm still going to be in the throws of unpacking and setting up the house.

I am going to keep looking for tickets, but really I think its more about traveling with DS than it is the money, he really is tough traveler!

Since it isn't really about the money, I would go. Your son will be fine, he will adapt. I think you will be sorry you missed the wedding. The unpacking can wait until you get back. I think you will be fine if you just know this is how you will handle it. Of course, these are just my opinions. I have moved many times with young children and I understand your dilemna. I missed the wedding of a close friend after I had my son. He would have been 6 months old and the car ride was over 8 hours. We decided not to go since we were just home a few weeks prior...I still regret it. Yes, it would have been inconvenient, but in the long run, I wish I would have gone instead of missing such a big event.