SIL Strikes Again.... VENT!

[smkiya]

OK, what does your licensure status have to do with the post and the information you replied with? Just saying I'm a mom with twins means a lot more to me in regards to this post?
I just find it funny how, on the dis, people love to say "I'm an RN". Just say it if it really pertains to what you are writing about!!

And to the OP - I think that you are perfectly capable of taking care of your childs ears with or without an RN license. Tell your SIL that she doesn't need to groom your children and tell your hubby that he needs to verbalize his concerns when stuff like this happens (if he really has them - or just said he did when he saw you flip). And there would be no way in hell that I'd let my kids go back to SIL or MIL house without me.

I used my status as an RN because it is actually is very relevant. My sister in law knows that I'm a nurse. Why would she apply a "medication" to my child without first consulting me, knowing my background in healthcare. It was not an emergency situation. Sure anybody can take care of their child's ear (under the care of their pediatrician of course), it was more about her. She's using it like, I don't know what I'm doing "look she's a nurse and she can't even clean her own kids ears what do her patients look like". That's how she makes me feel....

 

[sookie]

Yes...
This...
100?

Only problem here is with the father.

Nah SIL is out of line - but I do think thats part of it. They have to get on the same page then he has to back her up.

 

[sookie]

I used my status as an RN because it is actually is very relevant. My sister in law knows that I'm a nurse. Why would she apply a "medication" to my child without first consulting me, knowing my background in healthcare. It was not an emergency situation. Sure anybody can take care of their child's ear (under the care of their pediatrician of course), it was more about her. She's using it like, I don't know what I'm doing "look she's a nurse and she can't even clean her own kids ears what do her patients look like". That's how she makes me feel....

Sweetie she is doing it to make you mad!! She knows it irritates you. You're right - it is about her. And its about her trying to get under your skin for whatever reason. She has boundary issues.
Man, I just want to give you a hug after reading that last sentence.

 

[badblackpug]

I agree she over-stepped. I agree your husband needs to man-up.

...just to make you feel a little bit better... I have a friend whose cousin DID chemically straighten her 3 year old daughter's hair when she spent a weekend there "because it was too hard to comb." I also had a co-worker whose sister had her daughter's (the co-worker's daughter's) ears pierced while she was babysitting because "people keep thinking she is a boy."

 

[NMAmy]

DH didn't say anything because he's afraid of what she and his mother will say. Apparantly they were complaining about their clothes too. I don't think they'll be going over there again any time soon.

Honestly, your DH is the one you should be angry with not your IL's.

 

[cm8]

They would have heard a word from me. I would have called them ALL on their stuff and that would have been the end of that mess. The reason they keeping doing things is because no one seems to have stepped up and corrected their behavior. I'm sorry but if your DH was not in agreement, he should have stated so, all he did was show that he will allow them to do ANYTHING to YOUR children and that because it's family it makes it okay. I would tell them that if they were not able to keep their hands to themselves and stop criticizing how I did x,y,z, they were no longer welcome to visit or have my children visit them till they got it under control.

 

[aprilgail2]

I would be more angry at my husband than any of them- he needs to man up and take control of the issue and not just sit there like a little girl while they walk all over him! I would not be going there again and nor would my kids until he becomes a man!

 

[Magic Mom]

I would be more angry at my husband than any of them- he needs to man up and take control of the issue and not just sit there like a little girl while they walk all over him! I would not be going there again and nor would my kids until he becomes a man!

I agree! If he just sat there while they cleaned her ear out then that was their permission to do so. He is the child's parent too, and if he acted like he didn't have a problem with it, then why would they have to ask you too? I think your placing the blame on the wrong people.

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

OK, what does your licensure status have to do with the post and the information you replied with? .

And yet you go on and on about "at our clinic"... But someone can't mention she is an RN


Back to the OP-

Your husband is to blame. He was the adult in charge of your little boy and his silence gave your SIL the "ok" to go ahead and do whatever she wanted

 

[Jennasis]

And yet you go on and on about "at our clinic"... But someone can't mention she is an RN


Back to the OP-

Your husband is to blame. He was the adult in charge of your little boy and his silence gave your SIL the "ok" to go ahead and do whatever she wanted

I thought I was the only one who saw that.

+1!

 

[Andtototoo]

DH didn't say anything because he's afraid of what she and his mother will say. Apparantly they were complaining about their clothes too. I don't think they'll be going over there again any time soon.

Wow. Your dh didn't speak up because he's afraid of mommy and sissy? Seriously?

I'm going to say to you what I would say to my friends if they were relating this story:

Yeah, your SIL totally overstepped, but she's not your real problem.
Because I'd be way more angry with my dh over his spineless behavior than my SIL.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH didn't say anything because he's afraid of what she and his mother will say. Apparantly they were complaining about their clothes too. I don't think they'll be going over there again any time soon.

Well I would be pissed at my dh. He needs to grow up and protect his child.

Your anger is missplaced.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Obviously, SIL felt it was okay, DH allowed her to clean the child's ears. Maybe, she was caring for her nephew, plain and simple? Maybe in her mind, she's helping a busy SIL, who has a hectic schedule? Was she out of place? DH was there and didn't say a word.

My SIL never- made my children a sandwich, put their hair in a ponytail, or kissed their boo boo, etc. It wasn't her responsiblity, or in otherwords, she didn't care... While, your SIL, may overstep, at least, she appears to care about your children.

I also think, you are angry with the wrong person.

 

[Kellydelly]

I guess you know to make sure your kids are well dressed with clean ears the next time they are hanging out with their aunt . I don't blame your husband for allowing the women to mess with your kids; that is what aunts and grandmas do when they see a child with a need. If your kid came to my house with wax dripping out of his ears and I was his aunt I may take the liberty to clean his ears. I would not use peroxide (as I am not familiar with its use in ears), but I may take a wash cloth and go after the wax actually coming out of the ears. I don't think your husband is a putz for sitting back and letting the ear maintenance happen, mine would have probably done the same thing.

 

[Mkrop]

If this is something you dont want happening and your Dh is aware of that, then it is he you should be angry with him, not your SIL

 

[SydSim]

I have to be honest......my Dh's niece comes over often, without her mom (DHs sister). If I saw that her ears looked "waxy", I wouldn't think anything of it to clean her ears (with or without peroxide, since you said that's not the issue). Women folk tend to care for the youngins more attentively when the actual mom isn't there (Dh did bring your child to a function where they were present, but you weren't). I see it more as they were trying to mother the child in your absence. And to be honest, even though it may be taken as a sexist statement, women (especially mothers) tend to notice those type of things in kids, more so than men. So your DH probably thought nothing of it.

So, I wouldn't say that I would be up in arms about that particular incident. But, it is obvious that your relationship with them has other issues as well, so this made things much worse.

Now if your SIL gave your two month old, exclusively breastfeeding baby some stuffing, because she thought the baby looked hungry while you went to the bathroom, well then there might be a problem Just saying..........

 

[tlbwriter]

While, your SIL, may overstep, at least, she appears to care about your children.

And when she tried to have the other child's hair chemically treated behind the OP's back, that was also because she caaaaares so much? And not because she's a meddling busybody who wants to take over parenting the OP's children?

I'd be mad at both of them. Your SIL for overstepping some pretty obvious boundaries, and your husband for being too wussy to stop her, and also for running home and tattling. Did you really need to know they were making snarky comments about your kids' clothes? Why would he tell you that? What on earth was he trying to accomplish?

 

[RachaelA]

Wow. Your dh didn't speak up because he's afraid of mommy and sissy? Seriously?

I'm going to say to you what I would say to my friends if they were relating this story:

Yeah, your SIL totally overstepped, but she's not your real problem.
Because I'd be way more angry with my dh over his spineless behavior than my SIL.

Agree. Your DH needs to grow a pair. He could have easily stopped his sister, but chose not to do it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I see this a bit differently I guess. Think about it this way, would your DH flip his lid if you were at your families house and your Mom, sister or other relative stepped in to help care for your kids with you there?

As Moms it can be hard to keep in mind that the Dad is as much a parent as Mom and if he let this go then he gave his consent and it is not ok to undermine HIS place in the family by demanding everything be brought in front of you for review. Why assume he isn't manly enough to step in, maybe he was just fine with it?

This is between you and your husband, not you and your in-laws. It is so easy to diminish a father's place in raising kids and it's something that should be avoided at all costs IMHO. If no harm was done, and to me none was done, then this was just your husband's family fussing over their relatives and probably has zero to do with you. Now if you were there and they stomped all over you that would be different but that's not what happened.

My flame suit is on.

 

[disykat]

I guess you know to make sure your kids are well dressed with clean ears the next time they are hanging out with their aunt . I don't blame your husband for allowing the women to mess with your kids; that is what aunts and grandmas do when they see a child with a need. If your kid came to my house with wax dripping out of his ears and I was his aunt I may take the liberty to clean his ears. I would not use peroxide (as I am not familiar with its use in ears), but I may take a wash cloth and go after the wax actually coming out of the ears. I don't think your husband is a putz for sitting back and letting the ear maintenance happen, mine would have probably done the same thing.

Where on earth was there any indication that there was wax dripping out of his ears?