SIL Strikes Again.... VENT!

[smkiya]

Today I was cancelled from work. Great! I can work on a paper for one of my 3 classes (graduate school). So I didn't go to my sister in law's for dinner. It was also possible that I could still get called in to work.

Well, she cleaned my 22 month old son's ears with peroxide because she said they were dirty. Who knows what else she did to his ear.

Before you go on about how peroxide has been used for years... etc. This is not a thread about whether to use or not to use peroxide.

I am an RN. He is my son. He has been to his pediatrician every three months or so since birth for check ups and shots. He did not have an excessive buildup of wax, and did not require a peroxide cleaning, thereby increasing his risk for developing an ear infection (especially in his age group).

Why would anyone proceed to put peroxide or anything in the ears of a 22 month old without asking their mother first (nurse or not)?

 

[redlight]

She really overstepped her bounds. I assume from your title that this isn't the first stunt she's pulled.

 

[mommasita]

Your last line says it all.

I would be FURIOUS and give her a nice phone call.

 

[ksjayhawks]

While what your SIL did was wrong, where was your dh while this was going on? Wasn't he watching your ds? Did he know it was going to happen before it did? Did he just hand over care of ds to his sister or mom?

Sounds like from now on, either you or dh need to have an eye on your kids at all times when they are around her. Definitely no alone time with her!

 

[brockash]

While what your SIL did was wrong, where was your dh while this was going on? Wasn't he watching your ds? Did he know it was going to happen before it did? Did he just hand over care of ds to his sister or mom?

Sounds like from now on, either you or dh need to have an eye on your kids at all times when they are around her. Definitely no alone time with her!

I agree.

 

[jenjifer]

Maybe I'm a Pollyanna who doesn't think that every action has evil intent, but I wouldn't make a criminal case out of this. Not knowing any background on what happened, I can think of situation that might have arisen where I might clean my neice's ears -- maybe you SIL was cleaning her own childrens' ears and your kiddoe wanted theirs done too? Who knows, but call her and ask, non-confrontationally, 'cause at the end of the day, she IS your sister-in-law, and this won't be the last you ever see of her.

Did you get very far on your paper? Hope you had a productive day.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm with the other poster. Where was your DH? and before you go ballistic on your SIL did he tell her it was OK? Because if he did then you have no complaint unless it is with him, but he is his kid to so if he said OK.

So I'd find out why he didn't stop her and if he thought it was OK and if he did then forget it cause he is his son also and in the long run it isn't going to hurt anything.

 

[smkiya]

While what your SIL did was wrong, where was your dh while this was going on? Wasn't he watching your ds? Did he know it was going to happen before it did? Did he just hand over care of ds to his sister or mom?

Sounds like from now on, either you or dh need to have an eye on your kids at all times when they are around her. Definitely no alone time with her!

DH didn't say anything because he's afraid of what she and his mother will say. Apparantly they were complaining about their clothes too. I don't think they'll be going over there again any time soon.

 

[Hannathy]

DH didn't say anything because he's afraid of what she and his mother will say. Apparantly they were complaining about their clothes too. I don't think they'll be going over there again any time soon.

IMO you are mad at the wrong person......

 

[Jennasis]

Today I was cancelled from work. Great! I can work on a paper for one of my 3 classes (graduate school). So I didn't go to my sister in law's for dinner. It was also possible that I could still get called in to work.

Well, she cleaned my 22 month old son's ears with peroxide because she said they were dirty. Who knows what else she did to his ear.

Before you go on about how peroxide has been used for years... etc. This is not a thread about whether to use or not to use peroxide.

I am an RN. He is my son. He has been to his pediatrician every three months or so since birth for check ups and shots. He did not have an excessive buildup of wax, and did not require a peroxide cleaning, thereby increasing his risk for developing an ear infection (especially in his age group).

Why would anyone proceed to put peroxide or anything in the ears of a 22 month old without asking their mother first (nurse or not)?

So what did you say to SIL about it?

 

[smkiya]

Maybe I'm a Pollyanna who doesn't think that every action has evil intent, but I wouldn't make a criminal case out of this. Not knowing any background on what happened, I can think of situation that might have arisen where I might clean my neice's ears -- maybe you SIL was cleaning her own childrens' ears and your kiddoe wanted theirs done too? Who knows, but call her and ask, non-confrontationally, 'cause at the end of the day, she IS your sister-in-law, and this won't be the last you ever see of her.

Did you get very far on your paper? Hope you had a productive day.

No one I know would ever do that. She wasn't cleaning her other kids ears, she just cleaned ds's ears.

About 2 years ago she attempted to have her hairdresser chemically alter my dd's hair. She and her mother frequently make comments about how their way is the right way, and basically I don't know how to raise my own kids. It's not even always about the kids, it's how I care for my pets ("oh, I can't believe you crate train your dog! I would never put my animals in a cage"), how I clean and decorate my house, you name it. All they do is gossip about other people.

I was having a productive day until dh came home and told me this...

I'm with the other poster. Where was your DH? and before you go ballistic on your SIL did he tell her it was OK? Because if he did then you have no complaint unless it is with him, but he is his kid to so if he said OK.

So I'd find out why he didn't stop her and if he thought it was OK and if he did then forget it cause he is his son also and in the long run it isn't going to hurt anything.

He is afraid of them. He refuses tell them to mind their own business. And you better believe he got an ear full from me...

ETA: MIL and SIL are of the Marie Barone variety (from Everybody Loves Raymond) and dh is just like Ray Barone

 

[twinboysmom]

RN here. Yes, I would be mad but I do agree that hubby needed to take a stand. For what it is worth, my mil is always digging in my 18 month old twins ears, telling me how dirty they are. I have told her on numerous occasions to keep her fingers and her q tips out. So help me if I catch her again...

 

[smkiya]

So what did you say to SIL about it?

I don't know yet. This was the last straw and I'm very angry. I'm going to wait until I cool down before I decide how to confront her. Unlike her I'm not passive aggressive and I respect others. Venting on the dis is helpful...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm confused. Why did your DH and son go to his sister's house for Easter dinner without you?

 

[sookie]

Today I was cancelled from work. Great! I can work on a paper for one of my 3 classes (graduate school). So I didn't go to my sister in law's for dinner. It was also possible that I could still get called in to work.

Well, she cleaned my 22 month old son's ears with peroxide because she said they were dirty. Who knows what else she did to his ear.

Before you go on about how peroxide has been used for years... etc. This is not a thread about whether to use or not to use peroxide.

I am an RN. He is my son. He has been to his pediatrician every three months or so since birth for check ups and shots. He did not have an excessive buildup of wax, and did not require a peroxide cleaning, thereby increasing his risk for developing an ear infection (especially in his age group).

Why would anyone proceed to put peroxide or anything in the ears of a 22 month old without asking their mother first (nurse or not)?

This does not increase the risk of an INNER ear infection. Is that what you are talking about? If so you might need an anatomy refresher...
Further, I've never had anyone report to me that they got an outer ear infection after a simple peroxide rinsing. We actually recommend that in our clinic all the time if someone does have an earwax problem. As long as the ear is dried it should be ok. She should not be using q-tips. If all she did was a rinse, I don't think she hurt him like you are suggesting. I do think that she overstepped her boundaries though. Really, no one needs to be worrying about his wax unless it is his doctor. I'd rather people not mess with it unless we are having a problem because people tend to cause more harm than good (q-tips and picking mostly). If there is a problem - believe me we are the first to dig those ears out. Otherwise - soft wax at the end of the canal is not a problem - this is what the ear is supposed to do.
All the other stuff is social. Good luck with that - that sucks!! At least she does care about your kid - that is one way people show it I guess...

 

[sookie]

No one I know would ever do that. She wasn't cleaning her other kids ears, she just cleaned ds's ears.

About 2 years ago she attempted to have her hairdresser chemically alter my dd's hair. She and her mother frequently make comments about how their way is the right way, and basically I don't know how to raise my own kids. It's not even always about the kids, it's how I care for my pets ("oh, I can't believe you crate train your dog! I would never put my animals in a cage"), how I clean and decorate my house, you name it. All they do is gossip about other people.

I was having a productive day until dh came home and told me this...



He is afraid of them. He refuses tell them to mind their own business. And you better believe he got an ear full from me...

ETA: MIL and SIL are of the Marie Barone variety (from Everybody Loves Raymond) and dh is just like Ray Barone

Well, I kind of think that your husband needs to step up and man up and tell them to stop. Otherwise - you are outnumbered. Don't let him go over there without you anymore.

 

[sookie]

RN here. Yes, I would be mad but I do agree that hubby needed to take a stand. For what it is worth, my mil is always digging in my 18 month old twins ears, telling me how dirty they are. I have told her on numerous occasions to keep her fingers and her q tips out. So help me if I catch her again...

OK, what does your licensure status have to do with the post and the information you replied with? Just saying I'm a mom with twins means a lot more to me in regards to this post?
I just find it funny how, on the dis, people love to say "I'm an RN". Just say it if it really pertains to what you are writing about!!

And to the OP - I think that you are perfectly capable of taking care of your childs ears with or without an RN license. Tell your SIL that she doesn't need to groom your children and tell your hubby that he needs to verbalize his concerns when stuff like this happens (if he really has them - or just said he did when he saw you flip). And there would be no way in hell that I'd let my kids go back to SIL or MIL house without me.

 

[smkiya]

This does not increase the risk of an INNER ear infection. Is that what you are talking about? If so you might need an anatomy refresher...
Further, I've never had anyone report to me that they got an outer ear infection after a simple peroxide rinsing. We actually recommend that in our clinic all the time if someone does have an earwax problem. As long as the ear is dried it should be ok. She should not be using q-tips. If all she did was a rinse, I don't think she hurt him like you are suggesting. I do think that she overstepped her boundaries though. Really, no one needs to be worrying about his wax unless it is his doctor. I'd rather people not mess with it unless we are having a problem because people tend to cause more harm than good (q-tips and picking mostly). If there is a problem - believe me we are the first to dig those ears out. Otherwise - soft wax at the end of the canal is not a problem - this is what the ear is supposed to do.
All the other stuff is social. Good luck with that - that sucks!! At least she does care about your kid - that is one way people show it I guess...

I'm not so sure that she only used peroxide in his ears. And the research that I've seen suggests that ear wax is beneficial in protecting the ear from debris. More ear wax is better than less in offering this protection and young children do have an increased risk of developing ear infections simply because of the shape of their ear canal. I do not want her prying in his ears without my consent because she believes she is a better mother than I.

But again, I am not really concerned with the whole to use peroxide or not (I've used it in my own ears). More with the, why does she continue to undermine my parenting!?

 

[Wishing on a star]

IMO you are mad at the wrong person......

Yes...
This...
100%

Only problem here is with the father.

 

[sookie]

I'm not so sure that she only used peroxide in his ears. And the research that I've seen suggests that ear wax is beneficial in protecting the ear from debris. More ear wax is better than less in offering this protection and young children do have an increased risk of developing ear infections simply because of the shape of their ear canal. I do not want her prying in his ears without my consent because she believes she is a better mother than I.

But again, I am not really concerned with the whole to use peroxide or not (I've used it in my own ears). More with the, why does she continue to undermine my parenting!?

You're right - wax is good for the ear!!!! And you're right but its the inner ear shape - basically, the ET is much flatter in a child under the age of 2-3 (or so) and its like a flat top roof - can drain very poorly. That is on the inside of the ear - so congestion, due to anything (and sometimes some kids / parents never report congestion but still get ear infections) can really cause fluid to back up in the middle ear and then it is a great media for bacteria to grow - and voila - you have an acute otitis media. This is on the other side of the TM. Boys are much more likely to have that problem and so are native american / alaska native kids!!! The outer canal - he will be OK but she still shouldn't have done that.

IN regards to your last paragraph - EXACTLY! But you have to get hubby on board. I'm afraid that it will continue if he doesn't step up for you. :-(
I mean, what she tried to do to your daughter would have flipped my lid. Next thing you know she will be piercing her ears or worse!