Sigh..to have a third child or not? Am I too old???

[t1gger1968]

Dh and I have two kids - age 7 and age 4 and just recently, dh said he might want another one but just can't decide for sure. I wouldn't mind a third one, but I will be 40 this year, and just not sure if pregnancy at this age is a great idea. So would you have another child at 40 if you already have two children? WHy does this decision have to be such a difficult one? I have an appointment with my ob this month, so I guess I could talk to her as well. I thought I was done with two kids, but I really wouldn't mind having another one...wish I was younger.

 

[scottish mum]

A lot of my childrens friends parents were over 40 when they had the kids. yes they are a few more health issues but if you want another I would go for it.

As for having a 3rd child I would think carefully. The whole world seems to cater for famillies that are 2 ad and 2 ch. I have 3 kids and never realised how hard it is to go anywhere with 3. Most hotels only take 4 people, then you have the car issue, 3 car seats or boosters are a hard fit in a regular car.

On all that negative though I love my 3 kids and would not be without them all. I just could never imagined only having 2 I knew that I wanted 3. I think you know when you have had enough kids.

So many decisions it is a tough call

 

[wifey1220]

My boys are also 4 and 7 . I thought for sure I was done I gave away all the baby things over the summer. Then in Oct I thought I was pregnant. I kept telling my hubby I didn't want to be pregnant this couldn't be happening. It turns out I had a chemical pregnancy. Then I was really disappointed and decided i really wanted that baby. So we started trying and I am due aug 12th. I think the chemical preganancy was God's way of showing me how much a wanted the baby.

 

[limace]

Well, I'm 39 and 3 months pregnant with number 3. Everything has been fine so far, though I'm more tired this time around. Of course, I also have 2 other kids to deal with this time, one a toddler, and we are in the middle of a move, so might not just be my age. My other two at 3 and almost-12.

It's such an individual decision, so not sure how helpful I can be. I can tell you that this is really common in our circle of friends; we have had 3 friends in the last year have their first chip when mom has been 41 or older. If you truly want to do this, I'd see no reason why not. Good luck!

 

[jms531]

I agree that this is definitely personal preference but just some things to consider:

The world really IS built for 2 children families. Also I've always heard never outnumber yourselves! 2v2 is a lot easier than 2v3

I'm not sure if finances are a question but in this economy the cost of diapers, formula, daycare etc. could really push a family over the edge

Also if you're not sure about it that might be a good indicator. Us moms have a great "gut" and usually we're right!

And lastly, you can't really miss what you don't have (I know this doesn't apply to those who so unfortunately can't conceive but in this situation it's appropriate). You have two children which I'm sure are the world to you. Once you have a third there's no going back and you will love that child with everything you've got as well but it's a lot easier to put a what if out of your mind than I wish we never would have.

Good luck with your decision! I'm sure there are many positives also as you seem to be getting a lot of responses with those but I just enjoy playing devils advocate

 

[TigMaya]

OMG! I am in almost exactly the same boat at you. I have a DD who is 6, a DS who is 4, and DH and I are thinking about trying for #3. He really wants to go for it, but would be okay if I said no, and I am on the fence. I keep thinking about all the negatives--bigger car, bigger house, bigger hotel, bigger table at restaurants. But then again, our lives would be a lot easier if we didn't have the two we have, and I wouldn't give them up for anything. I just can't decide if it would be worth it. It would probably mean fewer family vacations which I feel might be kind of robbing the two we have now. However, it would also mean another sibling which would bring so much to their lives. I don't want to have another one and regret it; nor do I want to regret not having another one 5 years from now. Argh! Choices!!!!

 

[set1208]

I am 33 and I have three kids. I have this desire to have one or two more but logically, I should be content with my three considering that I am trying to finish college and start a teaching career.

I was talking to my mom about how I was feeling the other day. She had four girls and my youngest sister is 27 and my mom is 50. She STILL has feelings about wanting to have more babies!! My girlfriend who is almost 40 and has 2 kids is feeling it too. I think it must be normal for us to crave having children.

Even though my kids wear me out, I am thinking long-term. I love that I have so many sisters and I want that for them too. My parents came from big families and I couldn't imagine life any other way.

It is such a personal decision but I have always been one to say "go for it and see what happens"! Good luck on your decision and keep us posted!

 

[mjmoon]

I think the choice should be something you have no doubts what-so-ever about. Also keep in mind that after 35 the risks of complications and genetic issues goes up quite a bit, year after year.

It boils down to a very personal choice for you and your family. For me, the infant months were a killer. My youngest (3.5) has only been sleeping through the night a very short time (and even now it's not every night). The sleep deprivation and 8+ hours of colic a night was enough to make us stop at 2.

 

[Pumbaa_]

ok, here is the downer - what if.....

you have 2 healthy kids, what if the 3rd is not? What will that do to the family dynamice?

you are 40 now, you will be 58-60! when that kid graduates high school. Look at your mom, do you want to have kids in high school and be an AARP member? Will you be able to retire and afford college the way you want?


What if you or your husband have health issues as you enter your 50's? This is the age they start. You will be the oldest parent at the PTO meetings

Just a few of the downsides to consider

For those of you who are happliy expecting -

 

[dyna]

When I had my youngest at 30 #3 DD she was so easy I thought I could do it all over again at 40. By the time I hit 40 my oldest 2 DD's was in their early 20's an was like 2 yr olds with a drivers license an I rethought very quickly an figured out I could handle a baby at 40 but the 20 yr old at 60 I did not want to deal with at all.

That was just me tho EVERYONE has to decide what is best for themselves.

 

[cogero]

I don't think you are crazy at all I am almost 38 and became pregnant with my second after I had quit trying at 35.

I had a healthy happy daughter who was in Kindergarten and we had really started to enjoy life with traveling no diapers etc.

We tried for years after DD to have #2 but it wasn't meant to be, we tried fertility drugs and we did wind up pregnant several times just wasn't in the cards at that time.

Fast forard to April 2007 and I discover I was pregnant with number 2 well. In November of 2007 we had a little boy and he had to have surgery at 1 day old for a congenital defect (HE IS PERFECTLY FINE NOW). I was a high risk pregnancy due to age and previous history. I am so glad to have him but I will tell you he has been a difficult child from day one partly due to me being a bit older and not used to the baby and toddler stages anymore.

He is now beginning to walk and be more independent so it is making it easier.

I would think long and hard about number 3 in my case. though if he had been a girl I am sure we would be trying for 3 LMAO, though I am now 100% done.

Good luck with what you decide.

 

[Janet Hill]

I had my last at 42, when my others were 2 and 17. My kids are now 9, 11 and 26, and I'm 51. I can't believe that I even contemplated having another after number 3, but I did. I don't regret having my last child when I was "old" and I've yet to be the oldest parent in either of my kids classes.

It's a hard decision to make.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I have 3 children - ages 25, 7 and 5. My olest was born when I was 18 and my youngest was born when I was 39. I had my tubes tied on my oldest dd's 21st birthday. Afterwards, I sort of wished that I had not taken that step because I would have liked to have another. I do have to say that pregnancy was harder on me for the last one but might have been because I had a stillborn baby at 22 weeks just two months before I got pregnant with her - my body had not had a chance to heal before I started over again.

If you and dh want another child, I say go for it.

 

[ckdsnynt]

Can I chime in from an older person's viewpoint? Guess I will anyway!

I have two adult children, son 35 and daughter 30. We always planned on having more than two but I started to college after I had our daughter (my father didn't think girls needed an education! All they were supposed to do was get married and have babies, after all! "Don't need no stinkin education for that!") Then, I went to law school (my dad actually told my husband "I don't know why you can't control her!").

The years went by and we never got around to having more than the two kids. My kids are very close even tho we (husband, daughter and I) live in Oklahoma and married son and his family live in MS. Now is the time I really wish we had chosen to have more kids. Funny isn't it? Maybe because I came from a large family (five of us kids, ten years between all of us. Mom was 28 and had five kids 0 to 10 years of age!) Maybe because daughter is single and my only grandchildren live in MS and I don't see them often enough. Maybe because it is easy to forget how much trouble little ones are with diapers and traveling, etc. It is easy to say, "Boy I wish I had had more kids" when those kids are all grown up, especially when those kids turned out very well, both professionals and never caused you any grief in their raising!

Also, college expenses are a factor: it took us about five years to help pay off son's graduate school even tho he worked and got a partial scholarship (daughter got full scholarships for a double major and didn't go to graduate school but still makes more $ than son ).

Sorry to ramble, but these are things to consider: not just the effect on today and what you want or expect out of today but the long range (and not just the next few years) but ten years or twenty years down the road. While we don't plan of having children to make us happy in our old age, it would be nice to have a friendly face there in our dotage!

Good luck and may you make the right choice for you and your family.

 

[DisneyBrat]

Dh and I have two kids - age 7 and age 4 and just recently, dh said he might want another one but just can't decide for sure. I wouldn't mind a third one, but I will be 40 this year, and just not sure if pregnancy at this age is a great idea. So would you have another child at 40 if you already have two children? WHy does this decision have to be such a difficult one? I have an appointment with my ob this month, so I guess I could talk to her as well. I thought I was done with two kids, but I really wouldn't mind having another one...wish I was younger.

We have 3 and my advice is DO NOT HAVE 3!!!! 2 play great together mix in the 3rd and it was always fights. It didn't matter which 2 they did good but when the other was in the mix no one was happy LOL

Another point is the possibility of birth defects at 40 plus... I am a worry wort so I would not want to chance it!!!

Good Luck with your decision

 

[DISNEYNV]

I have two kids that are three and a half years apart. DD (my first) was and still is a high maitanance child! We were older in our early thirties when she was born and I had a heck of a time convincing DH to have another. Well we eventually did and DS is a completely different kid than DD. He is east going and slept through the night at five weeks! After DS was born DH said he didn't want any more babies. We had two a boy and a girl so I felt content and happy that we had the two. DH had a vasectomy as his lovely fathers day gift to himself last year and I am longing to have a third! I always wanted three kids but I a getting older ( I will be 35 on Thursday) so I don't know what I would do if I had a husband who wanted more kids. I wish we would have started sooner but we didn't. I love my two kids and feel blessed to have them but I will always wonder what it would have been like to have three. DH has a daughter from a previous marriage that is 14. I have known her since she was two but we do not see her much since she lives five hours away. He said he has three so he didn't need anymore kids. I found that comment a bit selfish but what can I do?

I say go for it especially if your DH is longing for another! Anything can go wrong at any age you are pregnant and with the great prenatal care and screening now it is a good chance of a healthy child. Good luck in your decision

 

[luvmy3jewels]

I have three kids and it is wonderful!! Any extra hassle of dealing with hotel rooms, bigger cars, seating in restaurants, etc. is totally worth it for us. My three are very close in ages and I wouldn't have it any other way. The are (usually) best buddies and learn so much from each other. I love having three and can't imagine life without any of my babies!!!

I strongly believe that the gift of having siblings is one of the best things that I have ever given my children.

 

[I'mAlittleBitGoofy]

Dh and I have two kids - age 7 and age 4 and just recently, dh said he might want another one but just can't decide for sure. I wouldn't mind a third one, but I will be 40 this year, and just not sure if pregnancy at this age is a great idea. So would you have another child at 40 if you already have two children? WHy does this decision have to be such a difficult one? I have an appointment with my ob this month, so I guess I could talk to her as well. I thought I was done with two kids, but I really wouldn't mind having another one...wish I was younger.

God bless you! I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old and I'm 40, I couldn't imagine starting over again. I love the fact that we are a family of 4. Especially when we go to Disney, lol.
With that said, no I don't think 40 is too old as long as your OBGYN says it's ok. I would consult with them first just to make sure they give you the all clear. I wish you lots of luck and whatever you decide, many blessings!

 

[Broadway Duchess]

While there are certainly pros and cons to each, I certainly don't think you're too "old" to have another child, especially if you're in relatively good health and at a good weight now. My mother is only ten years older than you are and my grandparents still ask my parents if they're sure they're done!

I was born when my folks were 21 and 25, and I had DS in my early twenties, as well. For them it was an adjustment, and when all of their friends were doing a lot of "free spirit" stuff, they were being Mommy and Daddy. Fast forward fifteen years, though, and they're the ones declining invites because of their own childless plans. Plus, at their age, they have way more money and free pet sitters in their grandkids!

The flip side is this: I sometimes regret not having another child. I'm fairly certain that I'm done now, especially due to our current economic climate, and the fact that there would be a large age gap for another child. I had always imagined being done having children by thirty, so I think the window is rapidly closing for me.

You should do what is best for you and your family. It's a hard decision to make; don't do anything because of how you feel in this moment. With time and prayer the answer will come. Good Luck!

 

[love3monsters]

I am soooo in the same boat except I am having the urge for #6. We have 4 living children and a deceased son who passed in utero at 16 weeks from a 5ths disease infection.

We are so blessed to have 4 healthy living children but we teeter on #6 daily. We enjoy having a larger family so the whole 4 person rule does not apply to use. It does make trips more difficult and expensive but we still go many places.

My ob has some concerns after 40 but I have had 4 healthy sons and our son who passed was genetically perfect.

Follow your heart.

Angela