Shy kid versus cheery CM - advice?

[Magpie]

The last time we visited, in 2005, I loved all the positive attention we got from the CMs. My son, on the other hand, is rather shy.

He was seven, very tired - and in retrospect probably having a low blood sugar moment - and we were waiting for the rest of our party to get out of the bathroom, when a very sweet CM decided to "cheer him up."

The more she talked about what a great place this was, and how much fun he had to be having, the more his face crumpled. And the more desperate she got. I tried to explain that he's shy, but that just made her try harder. By the time my husband got back, my son had his face hidden in my shirt and the poor CM looked like she was sure they were going to take her mouse ears away at any moment.

So, now we're going again in December. The boy will be ten, but I noticed at the bank the other day that he still has trouble talking to people he doesn't know. I had to poke him to get him to answer any of the bank manager's questions. He wouldn't look at her at all.

And now we're booked to eat at the Biergarten, probably at a table with a family we've never met, and I also told them at our Crystal Palace reservation about his food issues so the chef is apparently going to come out and talk to him about what he can safely eat off the buffet. I'm worried people will think he's rude. He can't really help not looking strangers in the eye - he wasn't able to do it at all as an infant, and he's had to work hard at it with people he knows and trusts.

Does anyone else have a shy kid? What do you do? Any tips?

 

[lisa6373]

I don't have an answer for you, but I'd love to hear any suggestions. My DD6 is the same exact way. It's funny though, she tells me she only behaves that way when I'm around because she is embarrassed in front of me. What the!?!? She struggles to even say thank you to someone when I'm around. We also have reservations for 50's Prime Time, but I think I'm going to tell them up front that they can pick on me, but leave the kids out of it.

 

[Magpie]

I don't have an answer for you, but I'd love to hear any suggestions. My DD6 is the same exact way. It's funny though, she tells me she only behaves that way when I'm around because she is embarrassed in front of me. What the!?!? She struggles to even say thank you to someone when I'm around. We also have reservations for 50's Prime Time, but I think I'm going to tell them up front that they can pick on me, but leave the kids out of it.

Have you ever noticed that some strangers seem to take "shy" as a personal challenge? It's as if they're thinking, "I'm going to make this kid LIKE ME! No matter what!"

And it never works!

 

[tjmw2727]

My oldest is shy, always has been, probably always will be but getting better. I have always required her to be polite, to respond to hello and say please, thank you, no thank you etc. One thing that helped was constantly re-assuring her that she didn't have to be "friends' with everyone who spoke with her and that seemed to put her at ease.

I will say that for the most part I found the CM's at WDW to be very receptive to the signals kids put out esp the characters and the character handlers. Unfortunately you had a little run in but I wouldn't worry too much about it happpening again. We even had a great meal at 50's prime time, my shy daughter included. My nephew picked it for his bday lunch so we gave it a shot. Our waiter instantly got a good "read" on the entire table and knew who to joke around with and who not.

Have fun!
TJ

 

[Magpie]

My oldest is shy, always has been, probably always will be but getting better. I have always required her to be polite, to respond to hello and say please, thank you, no thank you etc. One thing that helped was constantly re-assuring her that she didn't have to be "friends' with everyone who spoke with her and that seemed to put her at ease.

I will say that for the most part I found the CM's at WDW to be very receptive to the signals kids put out esp the characters and the character handlers. Unfortunately you had a little run in but I wouldn't worry too much about it happpening again. We even had a great meal at 50's prime time, my shy daughter included. My nephew picked it for his bday lunch so we gave it a shot. Our waiter instantly got a good "read" on the entire table and knew who to joke around with and who not.

Have fun!
TJ

Thank you - that's very reassuring. Especially reading about your experience at Prime Time! I also insist on good manners and he's very polite (kinda painfully so), but I'll try talking to him about the idea that he doesn't have to be friends with people - he might not know that.

Thanks!

 

[GoinToDisney]

You know, I agree. I run into this situation with my dd 3 all the time at the grocery store, etc., but we never had a problem at Disney. It's easier since my dd is younger right now, but I just tell her that if she feels shy, she can just smile. She doesn't have to speak, but she can't be rude either. So far it works, but some people just won't give up.

 

[Nanisashi]

I was EXTREMELY shy as a child, and it was torture to have someone question me or focus alot of attention on me, all of my insecurities were magnified when someone would get close and solicit a response from me. Honestly, what didn't help was my mom declaring how shy I was to people, it made it worse. My dd4 can have her shy moments, so I bite my tongue before I say the "she's just shy" line. I feel like we say that line to make the stranger feel ok and comfortable, but by doing that we are making our own child feel inadequate and uncomfortable. Enjoy your trip, and I'm sure your ds will do great at the Crystal Palace!

 

[tjmw2727]

I was EXTREMELY shy as a child, and it was torture to have someone question me or focus alot of attention on me, all of my insecurities were magnified when someone would get close and solicit a response from me. Honestly, what didn't help was my mom declaring how shy I was to people, it made it worse. My dd4 can have her shy moments, so I bite my tongue before I say the "she's just shy" line. I feel like we say that line to make the stranger feel ok and comfortable, but by doing that we are making our own child feel inadequate and uncomfortable. Enjoy your trip, and I'm sure your ds will do great at the Crystal Palace!

Yes, good point - its like reinforcing the "shy" tag for the child rather than an explanation for a stranger. I don't even think my dd's considers herself shy she just knows she takes a while to warm up or get to know people.

While I try not to speak for my kids its obvious to me when they truly need my help so I will step in and re-direct the conversation esp with a stranger. This has also helped model for her how she can handle situations esp at school and now that she is getting older.

Interesting perspectives - thanks for starting the thread Magpie.

TJ

 

[Manda]

I have no helpful suggestions, but I'm just adding that it really, really irritates me when people try to chat with my child and then keep pushing it when it's obvious that he doesn't want to chat with complete strangers. Especially since that then leads to ME having to chat with complete strangers in order to get them to leave my poor kid alone and I definitely don't want to chat with them.

Of course, we're a whole family of Introverts and the very thought of eating at the Beirgarten gives me a panic attack.

 

[TupperMom7]

My sister's youngest daughter, now 24, was "shy" as a child. My sister would always say that when she didn't answer people, "oh, she's just shy". She mades excuses for her and now she's 24 and still does not know enough to say hello to people when entering a room. The "she's a little shy" line has worn too thin for me!

Anyway, you might consider trying to teach your son some ways of talking to strangers instead of making the excuse that he is shy. If he has trouble making eye contact, tell him to look below the eyes, like at the person's mouth. The person he's talking to will never know and he can read their lips as they are talking and reply when spoken to.

As far as the cheery CM goes, I've had some meltdown moments at WDW and run into CM's who want to "cheer me up". All it does is add fuel to the fire, even for adults.

 

[Magpie]

My sister's youngest daughter, now 24, was "shy" as a child. My sister would always say that when she didn't answer people, "oh, she's just shy". She mades excuses for her and now she's 24 and still does not know enough to say hello to people when entering a room. The "she's a little shy" line has worn too thin for me!

Anyway, you might consider trying to teach your son some ways of talking to strangers instead of making the excuse that he is shy. If he has trouble making eye contact, tell him to look below the eyes, like at the person's mouth. The person he's talking to will never know and he can read their lips as they are talking and reply when spoken to.

As far as the cheery CM goes, I've had some meltdown moments at WDW and run into CM's who want to "cheer me up". All it does is add fuel to the fire, even for adults.

Most of the time, unless I feel backed into a corner, I do *try* not to come right out and say he's shy. But it's true - I also do want to smooth things over, and make the other person feel better. I end up spending a lot of time looking at him and saying, "Well? What do you think?" - or sometimes just poking him until he answers properly. Sometimes it seems like he goes blank or something, even if it's as simple a question as, "What's your name?" He sort of goes red and stares into space for awhile before managing to come up with the answer.

I've taught him to shake hands and say hello nicely, so that goes well and he gets compliments there. He knows his pleases and thank yous. It's all automatic. But after that he just clams right up. Even when he's having a great time, he's quiet. And then the moment we're alone, he starts talking a mile a minute!

So I send him to the store by himself, and make him run errands for me, and get his own food from the fast food counter and so forth. And he does it, but he only says as much as he has to say to the other people, and no more. And when they try to compliment him, he pretends he can't hear them. (Mind you, I understand perfectly why a nine year old boy would rather not hear, "Oh, with curly hair like yours, you must be popular with the girls!" ) I've been on his case lately about that, because it IS rude to ignore a compliment, especially when it comes from a sweet old lady.

I'll definitely try suggesting he look at peoples mouths! Thank you! Normally he sort of looks over to the side. I'm very interested in making sure he's successful and independent as an adult.

It's very helpful reading all these posts!

 

[Magpie]

I have no helpful suggestions, but I'm just adding that it really, really irritates me when people try to chat with my child and then keep pushing it when it's obvious that he doesn't want to chat with complete strangers. Especially since that then leads to ME having to chat with complete strangers in order to get them to leave my poor kid alone and I definitely don't want to chat with them.

Of course, we're a whole family of Introverts and the very thought of eating at the Beirgarten gives me a panic attack.

See, I don't know what this kid is! Is there such a thing as a shy extrovert? Because he loves school and his friends. He's just wary of folks he doesn't know. It takes him about three meetings to warm up to someone new.

Me, I love meeting new people. I love working with the public, and I can't wait to visit the Beirgarten. My husband and daughter are the same - and then there's my son!