Should you announce that your not gay?

[kapica3]

My neice called me yesterday and spoke to me about an incident that happened on the bus on the way home from school. (She's a high schooler) She was a little shocked and was at a loss for words (which believe me never happens).

You see she was riding back with a group of boys at the back of the bus when a young lady (by her estimate in her late teens or early twenties) came to the back of the bus and in front of everyone asked for her phone number.

Not being gay, my neice was stunned as were all of her friends, and couldn't even put together words to answer this poor woman. So I guess the lady caught on and said to her "well, maybe another time.".

So my neice called me to ask me what she should have said. If it were a boy asking for her number, she could have come up with something. But in this situation, should she have announced that "sorry, I'm not gay" or something like that. (so the woman would know that it is not just because she doesn't like her). I suggested that she say something like, "I don't feel comfortable giving out my number to people I don't know, plus anyhow I already have a boyfriend". This way she would get the idea that she was mistaken and my niece is not gay. or maybe something like "sorry I'm not interested, but thanks for the offer".

She was really uncomfortable and I was no help. As I have never had this happen, I have no idea what to tell her to do if this happens again. She doesn't want to make anyone feel bad. So it is better to announce that she's not gay or not.

Thanks so much.

 

[RemixBoyNJ]

We actually had this conversation at work the other day, its a gray area. The best thing to remember in the situation is that no matter what sexual preference you may have we are all people first. You shouldn't feel that you have to announce that you are not gay or gay. Just say sorry your not interested, but you are flattered anyway, or what have you.

Im sure I could think of better, but the coffee hasn't hit my blood stream yet.

Adam

 

[nordkin]

I think you gave her wonderful advice. I do not believe we should have to announce our sexual orientation in public or anywhere else.

 

[RickinNYC]

Well, I have to disagree with the two previous posters. Gay people live every day with the assumption on the part of the rest of the world that we are straight. We are constantly put in situations that we do in fact have to announce our sexuality in some fashion or another, whether directly or passively. That woman on the bus is as guilty as anyone for making a somewhat similiar assumption regarding your niece. Due to that assumption, I think it's fair for your niece to have said something along the lines of "I'm very flattered, but I'm not gay."

There's no insult in such an answer. Nor is it inflammatory in any way. It's simply stating a fact.

A lot of us have had to do the same in our lives, but from the opposite perspective, "I'm very flattered, but I'm gay."

It closes any possiblity for further discourse on the matter. Well, except for that nutcase back in college that followed me to a gay bar and STILL insisted that I date her.

 

[RemixBoyNJ]

Scary stalker girl stories... shudder.. I had a few of those myself.

LOL

But I have told the stalker I am gay, and flattered thing, I ended up with the "you just haven't ever been with the right woman thing" which just lead to an even bigger uncomfortable situation, with me saying I think my house is burning down, and I am giving the dog a flea bath tonight thanks LOL

 

[easleygrls]

"you just haven't ever been with the right woman thing"

How about, "You may be right, but I have met the right man!"

 

[mcco5543]

I truly feel that there is no need to bring sexual orientation into it. Someone was interested in her. What a lovely comliment no matter the gender of the person. All that is needed is a "thank you for such a nice compliment, but i'm afraid i'm taken. You have made my day though! Thank you!" The same thing she should say to a boy, should be said to a girl.

JMHO

 

[kapica3]

Thanks all for such great advice, I like this one the best.

"thank you for such a nice compliment, but i'm afraid i'm taken. You have made my day though! Thank you!"

That one will work for anyone at all and it won't leave the person with a rejected feeling.

I've been married so long I'm out of the loop, and my neice is just starting her dating years. We both say thanks, to all of you for your kind advice.

 

[odd1]

Am I the only one who find it a little strange that a 20 year old was on the school bus??

 

[WildGrits]

Am I the only one who find it a little strange that a 20 year old was on the school bus??

I too was thinking that. Maybe a city bus?

Maybe I'm out of touch but is it common for strangers to come up to you and just ask for your number?

I'm a mom here. I wouldn't be comfortable with my DD giving out her number to anyone male or female that came up and asked for it on a city bus.

I think simply stating that your don't make a habit of giving out your number to strangers. If she is in High School then I am assuming she is between 14 and 18 and therefore that would be an appropriate answer.