should we tell the kids

[bubbleprincessmom]

that their grandfather is not going to live much longer. My wonderful FIL has Hep C and is in the end stages of liver failure. My MIL was told last week that he had just a short time left. We saw him two weeks ago and he was weak but still laughing and joking with the kids (DD is 7 and DS is 12) but this last weekend when DD gave him a hug he pushed her away and asked us "who is this" . He has amonia building up and that is causing some dementia. They lost their brother (when they were 13 months and 5 years old) so they know that dying is a forever thing, I'm just not sure if I tell them now or wait until he passes. This is so hard.................

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I'm sorry about your FIL.

This is a tough one. I guess if it were me, I'd definitely tell my 12 year old, and consider telling my 7 year old. They may feel betrayed if they learn that you knew the end was near and they weren't told. The death of our loved ones hurts (and I'm sorry that you know that all too well), but I think it's wrong to hide the reality of death from our kids.

 

[kejoda]

I'm so sorry about your FIL. As for your kids I would tell them esp. the 12 year old. It would be best coming from you rather than they overhearing it or being told by someone else. I know its tough we've had to have the same conversation with our oldest when he was much younger but he knew that the stress in the family wasn't because of him. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[LisaTx]

I too am sorry about your FIL.

My dad died of cancer the day after my 10th birthday. Mom mom knew for a long time that his illness was terminal. I prayed every day and night for God to make my daddy better. I still resent the fact that I was not told he was going to die.

I say let them know.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I'm sorry too. I would definatly tell both of them. They need their time to say their good-byes. If you wait until afterwards they could feel bad that they didn't get a chance to say good-bye. My father died suddenly a few years ago, and even though I'm an adult I feel bad about not being there to get to say good-bye.

 

[Mickeyfaniam]

I'm so sorry about your FIL.
I think I would tell the kids, actually I did tell the kids. My sons were 11 and 14 when my mother died of liver failure. It was an extremely stressful 6 months and no way could it have been hidden. It would have been even worse if I had to worry about hiding my feelings from them.
{{{HUGS}}} to you and all of your family

 

[tar heel]

I definitely think you should tell the older child and probably the younger one. If he has hospice care, the medical social worker can give you advice about this and let you know how soon to do it. She/he will also be able to recommend some wonderful books.

My wonderful grandmother died of liver failure. After she started having some dementia, she would have moments of lucidity. She eventually slipped into a light coma and just stopped breathing a couple days later. It was really hard but a fairly peaceful death.

 

[Michelle]

I'm so sorry.

Yes, I also would definitely tell both children. Children really know WAY more than we think they do and my guess is they already suspect something is wrong, especially the older one. I think they will be much better prepared to deal with his passing if you talk openly about it now.

Hugs to your family.

 

[SuiteDisney]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL.

Tell the kids. It will be hard, but everyone wants the chance to say good-bye if they can. If you involve the kids and let them know what's going on and how you're feeling, then they'll know that their feelings are normal.

 

[Kermit]

{{{Hugs}}} I'm so sorry.

I would tell them too. I lost my grandmother when I was about 12, and it did help a little bit to know ahead of time. Death is a traumatic event to a child, not just because of the actual loss, but also because the grownups start acting sad, schedules are disrupted, and all kinds of other related things. If you tell them ahead of time, they can at least start to get used to the idea so that it won't be quite as hard.

 

[preshi]

I am so sorry!!! {{{hugs}}}

 

[Serena]

I would tell them.

I'm so sorry.

 

[lvs_eeyore]

I am so sorry about your FIL.

I would definitely tell the kids. I was nine when my grandmother died. I knew she was sick I just didnt know how sick. The day she died I was awoken by the phone with my uncle asking if my parents were at the funeral parlor. That is how I found out she died. I didnt get a chance to say goodbye and even this many years later it hurts sometimes.

 

[imgoingtodisney]

I would tell them. We told DS (2 at the time) when his grandfather (my father) died since it was a sudden heart attack.
FIL was sick with cancer and died slowly. DS was 4 at the time and we told him what was happening.
He attended both grandfathers wakes, funerals and gravesite services.

 

[supercarrie]

{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry. When I was 10, my grandma who was very close to me passed away. She had struggled for almost two years prior to her death. My parents told me early on that "Grandma was very sick," and I was glad they did. They also were honest with me about her condition through it all. Although it was hard to hear, I wanted to hear the truth rather than have them keep it from me. I would tell your kids, especially since he is suffering from dementia and the kids are probably wondering what is wrong.

 

[CamColt]

Im so sorry to hear this.
We recently had a similar situation with FIL. We told both our kids 5 and 2(he probably didnt really get it), because we werent sure if we were going to have to cancel our trip because "Papa is very sick and, might need Daddy around". Of course we didnt go into much detail, in advance, but they did hear us talking and if they were older we would have said more to them.
Prayers & Pixie Dust to you and your family.

 

[helenabear]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I would tell them both. I remember when I was 5 my grandfather had heart trouble (brought on by stress to his heart after an accident at a building he helped design/build) and had open heart surgery. I was told what was going on and I went to visit him often in the hospital. I was 5 and I understood. I am glad that my parents told me so I could understand all that was going on (or as best as a 5 year old can understand it all). {{{hugs}}} to you all.

 

[Kallison]

IMO you should definintely tell them. Nobody told me when my grandmother was dying, I was in 4th grade so around 9. I still get mad when I think about it. They are old enough to understand, they should get the chance to say their good-byes.
Sorry to hear about your FIL, prayers and hugs.

 

[Buckalew]

I'm so sorry.
Yes, I'd tell both children.

 

[justjulie]

My heart goes out to you and your family but I think you should tell them. It won't be easy, I've been there. I was amazed at how my children handled the news of their great grandmother's passing. My eldest child who is usually an emotional basketcase held up well and at the graveside took the last remaining rung on the casket to help carry his great grandmother to her final resting place all by himself because it was what he wanted to do - I was so proud of him.

Prayers to you and yours