Should the Father be at the birth?

[Maleficent13]

Just my $0.02...Why on earth would I want my spouse to see me like that? Miserable, in pain, yelling etc? I have said for years (since I was of childbearing age) that when I have a baby, my SO will get a pager. He and my dad will go to the nearest bar, mom and I will handle the dirty work, and I'll page you when it's over.

For the record, my current SO and I strongly disagree on this...he insists he wants to be there if and when. My SO is very protective and very sensitive...two reasons why I DON'T want him there. I prefer mom...the trained medical professional with the knowledge to understand what's happening and the brass to do something about it if need be.

Also, as an aside, I don't understand all the comments about making him suffer along with you, and "if you do the crime you pay the time". Last time I checked, if you're pregnant by your spouse, he didn't DO anything to you. More than likely this was planned by both of you, but even if it was an "oops", it's not his fault any more than it is yours.

Again, just my $0.02...

 

[poohandwendy]

Also, as an aside, I don't understand all the comments about making him suffer along with you, and "if you do the crime you pay the time". Last time I checked, if you're pregnant by your spouse, he didn't DO anything to you. More than likely this was planned by both of you, but even if it was an "oops", it's not his fault any more than it is yours.

Exactly why BOTH should be there....

FWIW, I am not talking about him suffering alone...just next to my sore, exhausted and pain ridden body....

 

[Maleficent13]

FWIW, I think the act of watching me give birth would be more traumatic to my SO than the actual act of giving birth would be to me (I didn't say painful, just traumatic). I love my SO, and I don't think he should suffer if he doesn't have to, and in my opinion, this is a case where he doesn't have to. I lucked out and got the "X" chromosome, so I'll do the suffering as far as birth is concerned. It's what I was made to do.

 

[Madi100]

Well, with my first child I was in the hospital with pre-term labor. The hospital was an hour away from our house. They called to let DH know that they were going to have to deliver DD. He missed the delivery by about 5 minutes. I think he will regret that for the rest of his life. Our daughter was born at 26 weeks. I had a c-section. When they did the spinal the doctor who performed the c-section was the one who held my hand and told me it would okay. I was terrified! Not only that, but DH missed out on seeing exactly what they did to me. Evyerone thinks a c-section is just no big deal. A woman is supposed to give birth. They are supposed to be cut up. DH took the nurse at her word when she said I needed to try to be up and walk around. So, he thought it would be no problem for me the day after I had the c-section to take four flights of stairs to see our daughter.

He was there for the second one. He was amazed by it, and it scared him to death. He saw exactly what they did to me. I don't think he mentioned steps to me for about a month after that one

Yes, I believe with all of my heart that the husband should have to be there. Why is that something a woman should have to go through alone? I suppose that since she sat there and got pregnant by herself, she should probably just do the whole thing by herself. Women have to put up with the morning sickness, the gas, kicking, heartburn, food cravings, babies on the bladder, labor pains, and the delivery. Is it really too much to ask to have the man stand there and hold his wife's hand?

 

[mickeyboat]

The decision to have a child are made as a unit. Both of you commit to one another and commit to your child for its life. Conception and pregnancy are the first steps. Birth is the next, the first chance the parent has to meet his or her child, the first time the parent has to touch and hold his child. I can't imagine that a father would want to miss out on that chance.

Birth is a painful thing to watch, but I can't imagine someone would love me enough to commit to raising a child with me, and then let me face a very difficult part of it alone.

Yes, it's difficult to watch and experience. But there will be many uncomfortable, disgusting and difficult experiences a father will face during his child's life: changing a diaper that has exploded (happened to DH) , being thrown up on (happened to DH), explaining that a Grammie has passed away (happened to DH), watching a child work through a temper tantrum (happened to DH), etc. The list of trials goes on and on.

The trauma of childbirth is the first step in the journey of being a parent. It prepares us for all the trials we will face in the future.

Denae

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
Comfort? Hell, I wanted him there to suffer along with me...''see what YOU have done?''

:roftl: I just ask because most likely, DH will NOT be there, and as I've been thinking about it, it seems like a good idea to me for him to be gone! (He's on a deployment schedule that will be 45-90 days away, 1-4 weeks home, for the next three years.)

 

[mickey4ver]

Originally posted by acepepper
That was never my intention. I just put forward what I thought were some interesting ideas and I have to say, I've been quite shocked and even a little hurt by some of the responses.

Don't worry Ace, many on this thread are taking this way to serious..don't be hurt, some of us still luv ya! I figure the world should be to each his own.

 

[acepepper]

Originally posted by mickey4ver
Don't worry Ace, many on this thread are taking this way to serious..don't be hurt, some of us still luv ya! I figure the world should be to each his own.

Thanks for that. I've been in tears for most of the day over this.

 

[mickey4ver]

Originally posted by acepepper
Thanks for that. I've been in tears for most of the day over this.

Well, let's have some of this and I'll give you one of these . Hopefully that will clear away those tears...

 

[caitycaity]

Originally posted by acepepper
That was never my intention. I just put forward what I thought were some interesting ideas and I have to say, I've been quite shocked and even a little hurt by some of the responses.

hey ace, don't let it get you down. some of the cb people are not accustomed to your sense of humour, i guess.

i personally found it pretty hilarious.

 

[Pam]

Thanks for that. I've been in tears for most of the day over this.

Tell the truth, Ace - your wife found out that you called her a "skank" and she beat the crap out of you and hence that is why you are crying....

 

[Nutsy]

Joke or no joke, how could anyone say such things about their wife & child.

The child was conceived by both you & your wife. Whether or not you like the fact or not, you are the father & why should you not be present at the birth of "YOUR" child. Yeah, so baby is not the prettiest thing to see right after birth & Mum is not exactly a Blushing Bride either, but hey, what is more important, your manly pride or being there to offer comfort & support for your wife & to jointly welcome your newborn into the world. After all, the child did not "ask" to be born or to be conceived.

If this is a joke as some of you seem to think, then it's a pretty poor one. How could anyone, speak that way of their wife & child, be it jokingly or not.

BTW I've had 2 children......both were C-sections & DH was present both times & we both welcomed our children into the world together, gunk or no gunk, that child is part of you.

I agree with a lot of posters here, too many to name, but I think you have a sick sense of humour.

 

[LisaSt]

I have not seen a single one of my kids births. We have 3 kids and I was told to leave during the first one as I looked like I was going to be ill. I have to agree with Acepepper guys save yourselves the frustration and disgust do not go in to witness this. I sat in the waiting room, playing pool and eating. Yes there was a pool table in the waiting room in the hospital we had our kids at nice touch for all of us fathers to be I think.

 

[totalia]

I agree with Nutsy.

If the woman can handle the birth, then the man can too. You should be there to support your wife no matter how disgusting you think it is. She has to deal with it and so should you.

 

[issa]

Its not only for support..though that is one of my biggest reasons...

who else knows me better..what I would want and what I need than the man I share my life with?

When I went into labor, loki at times held my hands..but for the frist 12 hours..mostly read a mag in the corner. We had discusssed this earlier that i would most likly want to be "left alone" to breath and concentrate.....but I NEEDED him there..so he could be my eyes and ears, I wasnt watching who was in or out of the room...and without him i would be constantly on guard...with him, I knew he had all the "real world" bases covered, from talking to the nurses..to music to water when I needed. I didnt have to "think"..I just had to be in labor. What a comfort!

Later when the baby's heart rate dropped to 20. I had contractions that were easily lasting 10-15 mins straight. Somthing was wrong and I was terrified. There were so many people in the room. He held on to me and gave me courage, I could not think straight through the pain...he was the one who stood up and made sure I had a voice as to what was happening..He was the one that signed the papers for the emergeny c-section and he too was standing there when they said my baby might not come into this world alive.

He saw me cut open and dealt with the doctors trying to stablize me...when things were better...he went with our breathing, healthy daughter to make sure..again..that my wishes were followed and that she too had a protector in him.

Thank god I have such a husband. He didnt care about the gore..or how messy a part of life birth is. He stood by and made me feel safe in a totally terrifing situation.

lets turn it around....what if he were to go off and have a beer. I certainly wouldnt have been as good as I was up until the emergency...and what if..in those critical minutes while the doctors were prepping me as they RAN to the O.R..we lost our child...if he lost us both. I would think the beer would be pretty stale in hindsight.

you are a sad man if you posted this as a joke..or as your true feelings...no one ever said you have to watch...but to abandon the women you supposedly love to deal with major descions and emotions when she is at her most vunerable ... and then to call her a skank cause she didnt look like a fresh daisy ... beneath low...

 

[Planogirl]

Thanks for that. I've been in tears for most of the day over this.

Satire. Sarcasm. Just plain silliness.

Many of you are missing the point I think. If it's not your type of humor, I can understand that. But don't take it SO seriously.

issa, you went through a lot. Wow.

 

[Nutsy]

well said issa I so totally agree with you.

I think anyone who can post such a thing as this & to do it a joke has a sick sense of humour.

The person I feel most sorry for is his poor wife. I wonder does she know this is how is talks about her, joke or no joke, it just is NOT FUNNY!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Issa that was right on the money!

I have to say thank God for my DH! Nothing would have kept him from the birth of his children. He wanted to be there!
When I look back, I feel joy inside that he cares about me. It is a wonderful gift.

 

[Madi100]

I think that the reason that so many of us think that it isn't funny is because we have been through situations where the births of our children were not easy. Honestly, I think that the thing that my husband regrets most in his life is missing the birth of his daughter. There is nothing funny about that. You have to understand that while there can be humor in a lot of situations, people don'' always see it because of personal experience.

If I came on here and decided to post a similar thread to this one regarding my husband and how I thought he was a jerk and why do we need men anyway and why should a woman be forced to spend the rest of her life with a man... I'm sure I'd get some people who thought it was funny and could see the humor. But, this is a huge lot of people here. I'm sure there are people on here who have lost their husbands to divorce. I'm sure there are people on here who have lost their husbands to death. And, some people (I'd have to be included in this group) are so madly in love with their spouse that they don't see the humor in such things. Why knock the one who brings you happiness.

So, while jokes are fun, you have to realize that we all have different life experiences and some things cut close to the heart.

 

[acepepper]

Originally posted by Beauty


Oh and to call your wife a skank, regardless of how she looked is pitaful, something tells me you and your wife don't have a very loving relationship, thats sad. (

LOL. Amazing the amount of insight one can have into someone's relationship by reading a few lines of text.