Should men be forced into fatherhood?

[chobie]

Condoms fail. My brother is the result of a failed condom.

Right and that is why men should have been advocating for better birth control for themselves for the last 30 yeras rather than seething that they can no longer force a medical procedure on a woman like they could in the good old days.

 

[SillyMe]

Condoms fail. My brother is the result of a failed condom.

Right, but everyone knows that it's a possibility that any type of birth control can fail. Both people are still responsible financially if they use protection and it fails. No matter what, it comes down to the fact that if you play, you pay. Both people know going in that pregnancy is a possibility no matter what.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

If a man finds out that he fathered a child, regardless of the circumstances, then if he is a real man he will step up and take responsibility for that child. Life isn't always fair, but why punish your own flesh and blood child for the stupidity of some adults??

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Can I ask one question, should a woman who knowingly lies to a man and forces him to pay child support for another man's child be made to pay back to the man and get the child from the actual father?

Yes.

Also If the woman has a child and doesn't inform him for many years that the child exists should she be able to get back support for a child he doesn't know exists. In some cases a man will find out that he has a teenage child and expected to pay 13 years of back support for a child he wasn't aware of.

If she never bothered to tell him, no, I don't think he should have to pay retro support. But if he just managed to hide out for 13 years, hell yeah.

 

[minniecarousel]

I didn't read any of the responses - but if you're going to have sex, you need to be responsible for the outcome. Since he stopped using a condom, he's at least as much responsible as the woman. Unfortunately, condoms are not 100% guarantee against pregnancy either.

 

[simpilotswife]

Can I ask one question, should a woman who knowingly lies to a man and forces him to pay child support for another man's child be made to pay back to the man and get the child from the actual father? Also If the woman has a child and doesn't inform him for many years that the child exists should she be able to get back support for a child he doesn't know exists. In some cases a man will find out that he has a teenage child and expected to pay 13 years of back support for a child he wasn't aware of.

In the US you can only collect support from the time that it is filed. Also in the US (and this is a travesty IMO) if a man finds out later that he is not the father of the child...oh well too sad for him. The law's stance on this issue is if the man was willing to be the father of the child initially then he is still financially responsible and that is that.

 

[simpilotswife]

Right and that is why men should have been advocating for better birth control for themselves for the last 30 yeras rather than seething that they can no longer force a medical procedure on a woman like they could in the good old days.

Since when? Most medical procedures were forced on the girls by her parents. The only other forcing was children to the altar.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

If a man finds out that he fathered a child, regardless of the circumstances, then if he is a real man he will step up and take responsibility for that child. Life isn't always fair, but why punish your own flesh and blood child for the stupidity of some adults??

if the women lies, it's out the window. a real man will step up like this guy is doing and fight for his rights. unfortunately, those rights don't exist right now, it's an unfair system weighted heavily in the favor of the woman. life isn't always fair, and I'm sure this kid is learning that lesson every day. if the mother lies and in order to trap the man, and he walks away, she's forced to confront that lesson as well by her own hand.

 

[simpilotswife]

Right, but everyone knows that it's a possibility that any type of birth control can fail. Both people are still responsible financially if they use protection and it fails. No matter what, it comes down to the fact that if you play, you pay. Both people know going in that pregnancy is a possibility no matter what.

But the only person who really has to pay is the one with no say in whether the pregnancy continues or not. No say, no pay.

 

[Art Vandalay]

There's a foolproof way to avoid becoming a father. Don't have sex.

 

[SillyMe]

In the US you can only collect support from the time that it is filed. Also in the US (and this is a travesty IMO) if a man finds out later that he is not the father of the child...oh well too sad for him. The law's stance on this issue is if the man was willing to be the father of the child initially then he is still financially responsible and that is that.

In Alaska, they can go back to the child's birth. This just happened with a friend of mine. Her husband never knew he had another child. He was hit with 10 years of arrears, even though he never knew the child existed and the mother was married to someone else during that time.

 

[beattyfamily]

He says men don't have a choice? Well, they do ... to abstain, to use a condom, to have a vasectomy. Three choices there. You don't want to create a life, then don't perform the act that creates one!

ITA!!! There's always a choice and both parties are resposible for the new life.

 

[yeartolate]

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

Sexual relationships should only be had by people who are willing to take the risk for the aftermath. Assume the condom will fail and you will get pregnant. Assume the person has had multiple sexual partners. Then go to bed with them.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

if the women lies, it's out the window. a real man will step up like this guy is doing and fight for his rights. unfortunately, those rights don't exist right now, it's an unfair system weighted heavily in the favor of the woman. life isn't always fair, and I'm sure this kid is learning that lesson every day. if the mother lies and in order to trap the man, and he walks away, she's forced to confront that lesson as well by her own hand.

What is out the window?? Is it the issue of financial responsibility?? I guess that is not my focus. Maybe I am too sensitive, but I don't relate to the emotional detachment from your own child. What you're saying may sound logical, but it seems so cold hearted to me.

 

[KelNottAt]

If a man doesn't have a say in whether the pregnancy should continue then he should be able to terminate his parental rights. I have thought for a long time that making a man responsible for a child that he clearly did not want and had no intention of having is an abrogation of his civil rights.

And that is at the core of his lawsuit.

Yes, yes, yes, there are lots of moral issues here (as discussed throughout this thread), but this man is (as I understand it) simply suing for equal rights. He may be a deadbeat, an idiot, thinking with the wrong head, etc., but the lawsuit is about equal rights.

When he gets to court and the case is examined on fact and precedence, there could be a landmark decision.

I've been casually following this story since it came on talk radio here in Baltimore last month. And I have to admit, this guy might have a viable argument. Basically, if women can opt out of parental responsibility, men should be have the right, too.

It will definitely be interesting to watch.

 

[SillyMe]

But the only person who really has to pay is the one with no say in whether the pregnancy continues or not. No say, no pay.

I understand the issue with the woman having total control over whether that child is born or not. I still strongly think that each one knows ahead of time that pregnancy is a risk, whether birth control is used or not. A man knows that he is taking the chance of the contraception failing and, if in fact, that happens, he knows there is a chance that the woman may decide to keep it. If he's not willing to be responsible, then he shouldn't have sex. Period.

 

[clutter]

Right and that is why men should have been advocating for better birth control for themselves for the last 30 yeras rather than seething that they can no longer force a medical procedure on a woman like they could in the good old days.

Exactly!!!

Why does everyone automatically assume that this girl lied to this guy?

1.) I was told that I could likely not get pregnant, definatly without medical intervention, and I have to stay on bcps or face hysterectomy. This was at age 22.

2.) I have a friend that was told she could never get pregnant. For years she had an on/off relationship with a guy. Suddenly, many years later, at age 38, she gets pregnant. It happens. So yeah, when you've lived more than half of your life knowing you can't have kids and one is handed to you, well, sometimes you want to keep it. (In this case, they ended up marrying when the son was about 4.)

Anyway, although it's true that women and men do lie, I really wonder if that was the case here.

Also, for all of you that think that he should get off the hook because she could terminate... given that abortion rights have been continuously diminished (you can't even get one in SD these days, right?), how do you think it should be handled once safe abortions are no longer available?

 

[AllyandJack]

When men are the ones that carry and then birth the baby and suffer through all of the health problems and risks associated with that, then they can exert more control. Until then, assume that EVERY sexual encounter will result in a pregnancy and plan accordingly. When you're in the "heat of the moment" calculate how many extra hours you'll have to work to support the baby....think about being attached to THIS woman forever. That will either make you run for the hills or you'll realize you're ready for the responsiblity and go for it.

 

[simpilotswife]

In Alaska, they can go back to the child's birth. This just happened with a friend of mine. Her husband never knew he had another child. He was hit with 10 years of arrears, even though he never knew the child existed and the mother was married to someone else during that time.

It sounds like he should have hired himself a good attorney. There are several arguments that could be made the least being the statute of limitations.

 

[Sylvester McBean]

What you're saying may sound logical, but it seems so cold hearted to me.

cold hearted is lying to become pregnant on purpose and then drawing on the father's income for 18 years.