Should I not be upset?

[threeboysmom]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the relationship if a man doesn't want to spend every waking moment of the day with his wife. Nor, for that matter, do I think there is anything wrong with the relationship if a woman doesn't want to spend every waking moment of the day with her husband. I hardly think my DH wants to come to my 3 hour hair appt with me. That is my alone time, that is my me time. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband or my children. It means I love myself and my alone time as well. I truly don't think there is anything wrong with that, YMMV.

Trust me, I get that part of it. More than you know, lol.

However, I was under the impression from the original post that they hadn't had much time alone together as a family and she wanted that Sunday to include family time.

He left at 10:30 to get a haircut and didn't arrive home until 2:00 without the haircut.

Yes, I would be upset too if I were her.

 

[denisem]

I am surprised to hear some of the opinions here. Are there women who would really call the barber to check up on their DH? How would you feel if your DH called your salon to make sure you were really there? I guess that's why my DH says he's so lucky to have me that I don't smother him. As far as the Sunday with the cousin thing....I read it as the DH was there too. It was his mom and brother and they liked to spend Sunday together. What's wrong with that? I'm thrilled when my DH does something like that rather than keeping my children in the house with nothing to do. My children absolutely adore their cousins and pester me every other day to see them.

I also didn't read it as they never have family time. I read it as they rarely have Sunday's together but they have other nights of the week that they can spend time together. OP, am I right?I still wonder if OP asked her DH what he wanted to do before making plans for him.

Bingo. Once again, we don't know all the dynamics of this relationship.

Why not just have the conversation with your husband instead of checking up on him and then confronting him with it? Nothing like putting someone on the defensive frmo the get go.

Granted, I'm old, but ya know what we all did before the internet? We talked to the people directly involved -or- to close friends/relatives who had a better idea of both sides. I'm seeing this more & more on the DIS & elsewhere - people give their version of events in 25 words or less & others feel the need to project their own perceived experiences on a situation as "law".

Well as long as we are making assumptions about what's going on, I'll throw it out there - brokeback mountain.

I could come up with probably 25 different scenerios on this issue, but that one escaped me.

 

[threeboysmom]

If she was anxious for family time, why did she schedule DH to help move her father's furniture - or is that OK and good, healthy family time?

You have a point there.

 

[hambirg]

Wow, this thread!

If the DH is working six days a week and has the DS on his day off, I don't blame him at ALL for wanting to go run off with his buddy for a few hours. I'd probably do the same thing!

 

[ccgirl]

Wow, this thread!

If the DH is working six days a week and has the DS on his day off, I don't blame him at ALL for wanting to go run off with his buddy for a few hours. I'd probably do the same thing!

Ding..ding...ding....we have a winner!

 

[LittlePinkDot]

If the DH is working six days a week and has the DS on his day off,I don't blame him at ALL for wanting to go run off with his buddy for a few hours ..

You say that like it is a bad thing My goodness. Who wouldn't be fighting to spend time with their child on their only day off?

And it's not like he is spending any one on one with the son. He is hanging out with his buddy while his son hangs out with his cousin.

When does the OP's family get to spend time together as a family? You know: Mom, Dad, Child All together.

 

[monkeybug]

Wow, this thread!

If the DH is working six days a week and has the DS on his day off, I don't blame him at ALL for wanting to go run off with his buddy for a few hours. I'd probably do the same thing!

I can see everyone's point here, except for one thing. He didn't tell his wife that!
I encourage my husband to spend time with his buddies. An advantage that I have as a SAHM is that I can make time to see mine during his working hours, he doesn't have that privilege so I have no problem if he takes "family" time to hang with his friends. I WOULD have a problem though if I expressed to him a desire to spend time together, he didn't express plans to the contrary, and then on the day that I was expecting to be together, he disappeared for 3 hours with no explanation. Thats inconsiderate! I don't think that being a man is an excuse for that either!
He could have sent her a text or something, but to leave her just sitting around waiting with no explanation on a day when she was expecting to be together is very selfish and rude in my opinion. I would be upset if anyone did that to me.

 

[hambirg]

Ding..ding...ding....we have a winner!

No kidding! People posting they would have never married a man like this.

Shoot, when I was a SAHM, between carpools and dealing with two toddlers all day, if a friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a bit, I was out the door as DH was coming up the walk.

Tag your it! Btw, there's dinner in the oven.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

I am just sad bc I was really looking forward to this family time. He knew how I felt and that I didn't care what we did today as long as we were all together. This is also not the first time he has done something like this.

This alone tells me there are issues with the OP's marriage. Again, I don't think he is cheating. I just think he doesn't have a desire to spend time with his wife. That is a problem.

 

[Andtototoo]

You say that like it is a bad thing My goodness. Who wouldn't be fighting to spend time with their child on their only day off?

And it's not like he is spending any one on one with the son. He is hanging out with his buddy while his son hangs out with his cousin.

When does the OP's family get to spend time together as a family? You know: Mom, Dad, Child All together.

Maybe when they go to WDW. Unless he's spending the whole time texting his buddy instead of interacting with his family while there.

I have to say that my first thought was that this guy was so eager to ditch his wife to spend alone time with his buddy getting a haircut that never happened or changing the oil in a car, that I wondered if he was having an affair with that buddy.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

Shoot, when I was a SAHM, between carpools and dealing with two toddlers all day, if a friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a bit, I was out the door as DH was coming up the walk.

But, what if your husband wanted to spend time with you? Would you just leave? Not contact him for hours?

 

[hambirg]

You say that like it is a bad thing My goodness. Who wouldn't be fighting to spend time with their child on their only day off?

And it's not like he is spending any one on one with the son. He is hanging out with his buddy while his son hangs out with his cousin.

When does the OP's family get to spend time together as a family? You know: Mom, Dad, Child All together.

People who want to have some alone or adult time. It doesn't make you a bad parent if you want a break every once in a while. I don't see him hanging out with his friend and the son playing with his cousin any different then going to a gf and letting the kids play. So?

As far as family time. . .he was only gone 3 1/2 hours, that leaves another 20 1/2 hours for family time.

 

[Ceila]

Shoot, when I was a SAHM, between carpools and dealing with two toddlers all day, if a friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a bit, I was standing at the door with my shoes on and bag in my hand waiting for DH's car to pull up and I was out the door as [DELETE: DH was coming up the walk] the car turned on to our street.

Tag your it! Btw, there's dinner in the oven.

There, fixed that for ya!

 

[hambirg]

I can see everyone's point here, except for one thing. He didn't tell his wife that!
I encourage my husband to spend time with his buddies. An advantage that I have as a SAHM is that I can make time to see mine during his working hours, he doesn't have that privilege so I have no problem if he takes "family" time to hang with his friends. I WOULD have a problem though if I expressed to him a desire to spend time together, he didn't express plans to the contrary, and then on the day that I was expecting to be together, he disappeared for 3 hours with no explanation. Thats inconsiderate! I don't think that being a man is an excuse for that either!
He could have sent her a text or something, but to leave her just sitting around waiting with no explanation on a day when she was expecting to be together is very selfish and rude in my opinion. I would be upset if anyone did that to me.

That, I agree with. BUT knowing what I know about why people lie or are "vague." I'm betting he has experienced some kind of consequence for being honest about these types of things, so now he feels like he has to lie. That's unfortunate.

 

[spacemountainmom]

No kidding! People posting they would have never married a man like this.

Shoot, when I was a SAHM, between carpools and dealing with two toddlers all day, if a friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a bit, I was out the door as DH was coming up the walk.

Tag your it! Btw, there's dinner in the oven.

No kidding!

There were nights I literally ran out the door!!!


I guess that makes me a really bad mom and a horrible excuse of a human being.

No - I justed craved talking to another adult and not talking about the kids, their schedules and whatever was going on in my dh's business.

 

[ccgirl]

You say that like it is a bad thing My goodness. Who wouldn't be fighting to spend time with their child on their only day off?

And it's not like he is spending any one on one with the son. He is hanging out with his buddy while his son hangs out with his cousin.

When does the OP's family get to spend time together as a family? You know: Mom, Dad, Child All together.

I don't think he works 24 hours a day the other 6 days. It's not like he never sees his son.

No kidding! People posting they would have never married a man like this.

Shoot, when I was a SAHM, between carpools and dealing with two toddlers all day, if a friend called and asked if I wanted to go out for a bit, I was out the door as DH was coming up the walk.
Tag your it! Btw, there's dinner in the oven.

First, bummer about the dinner! I haven't even thought of it yet. Darn!
Second, exactly.....but, I bet the same people that couldn't believe the DH of the OP would do that are the same ones that would say right on to you! Even if your DH wanted to spend time with you. I don't know that for sure, I am just guessing.

But, what if your husband wanted to spend time with you? Would you just leave? Not contact him for hours?

He got home at 2pm. It's not like he was gone all day and night. There was a lot left out of this story. Did the OP even discuss this with her DH. Did she ask him if he had plans? Did she ask him if he was free to move the chair? As another poster pointed out, why is it family time when her DH is moving her father's chair but it's not family time when DH brings DS to his family? They could be there for Sunday dinner.

 

[hambirg]

But, what if your husband wanted to spend time with you? Would you just leave? Not contact him for hours?

I would tell him that I already made plans, but we can have family time after. . .or get a babysitter and plan a date.

 

[LittlePinkDot]

I don't think he works 24 hours a day the other 6 days. It's not like he never sees his son.

But it seems like they never do anything together as a unit. And the OP said this isn't the first time he has ditched her

The chair thing is confusing. OP, can you clear that up? That is a pretty crappy thing to do together on your only collective day off

 

[hambirg]

There, fixed that for ya!

 

[ccgirl]

People who want to have some alone or adult time. It doesn't make you a bad parent if you want a break every once in a while. I don't see him hanging out with his friend and the son playing with his cousin any different then going to a gf and letting the kids play. So?

As far as family time. . .he was only gone 3 1/2 hours, that leaves another 20 1/2 hours for family time.

I was just going to point that out. He was gone for 3 1/2 hours of his only day off doing something with a buddy. I am still not seeing a problem with that. The OP said her,and her son, were going to go with him to the barber. Why? I wouldn't want my DH and my children to come to my hair appts with me. Why would you want to go and wait for him to get his hair done?