Should I make dd write teacher an apology note?

[mytwotinks]

DD's teacher (3rd grade) told me at our conference yesterday that dd and one of her friends are talking in class and have been taking little notebooks to school and writing notes to each other. I assume that it is getting on the teachers nerves or she wouldn't have bothered mentioning it. The mom of the other little girl didn't seem to think it was a big deal. I would like my dd to write a note apologizing for being rude. I am going overboard? The other mom just thought it was cute that they were such good friends. I am happy that they have clicked so well too, I just think that my dd should be keeping her yap shut when the teacher says!

 

[taeja71]

I think the change of your dd's behavior would be apology enough. However, a verbal apology from your dd to her teacher might have a bigger impact then a note. I think you are on the right track. Kids need to respect their teachers and focus on what they are there for learning. You're on the right track.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

That's a nice sentiment, but I think actions speak louder than words. If you have your daughter write an apology note and then she still continues the behavior, that might aggravate the teacher even more. I would just talk to her about respecting her teacher and appropriate behavior and then keep checking with the teacher.

 

[Rella Bella]

I think the change of your dd's behavior would be apology enough. However, a verbal apology from your dd to her teacher might have a bigger impact then a note. I think you are on the right track. Kids need to respect their teachers and focus on what they are there for learning. You're on the right track.

I was thinking the same thing... a verbal appology and stop the behavior. Girls will be girls, but they aren't in school to write notes.

 

[alanapapa]

Yes she should. And she should also write one to the class, appologizing for her poor choice. Yes it is nice to know the children have good friends, but once class has started they need to know it is time for focus and concentration. I work with some recent HS graduates (some graduated 2 or 3 years ago) who seem to think it is okay to stand around and talk rather than work, as they weren't taught in school that they don't get to make up their own rules (don't want to bruise their delicate egos, or argue with their imagination).

 

[barkley]

if dd has been told by teacher that the practice is not appropriate and she has continued to do it-a verbal apology is much more 'teaching' than a written (it's much easier to write an apology than face the person and speak to them face to face). if she's not been advised, she should be-and correct the behaviour. if she does not correct the behaviour a face to face verbal apology would be appropriate.

 

[hentob]

Yes she should. And she should also write one to the class, appologizing for her poor choice.

I dunno. I think involving the other students is a bit off base. This was mentioned at a private teacher conference. I don't think the elementary aged kids care. Plus, they would take the apology home to their parents and everybody would know the OP's business. Not good, IMO.

I think a verbal "I'm sorry--And I will change my behavior" is fine.

Good for you, OP, for caring!

 

[momrek06]

OP, I think, that your DD, should just one morning go up to the Teacher's desk, ask if she may speak to her for one minute and then DD can apologize to her "in person"!

I think that that will probably be more difficult for your DD to do then writing her a note. To have your DD face her Teacher and just simply say that (she is sorry for the talking in class and the passing of notes and it will not continue)...will not only impress the Teacher but will make your DD think twice about continuing to do this in class.

And then when the girls are out in the school yard, maybe DD can tell her friend that she will not be talking or writing notes to her in class anymore.

Good Luck, OP!!! If it is any consolation many of us have been there and done that with our own children!

 

[aunt kelly]

I agree w/ the verbal apology. Good for you for supporting the teacher!

 

[daisyduck123]

Hi! I'm a teacher & I think the verbal apology is fine...although I do get written ones from students (that mom made them write) from time to time. Every time I get one of those written notes, I then know the parent had a serious talk with her kid & that it won't happen again.

As for the other girl's mom, who thinks it's CUTE.....what the heck kind of response is that??? I pity her dd's future teachers, if that's how she's going to blow off issues of fooling around in class. When the teacher's talking....you DON'T fool around.

BTW, I teach 1st grade & sometimes one of my 1st grade girls brings in a little notebook like that. It's doesn't last 10 minutes in my room...I take it & tell them they can have it back at dismissal & then it is to go home for good.

 

[noodleknitter]

I think it is a nice thing to do, but a verbal apology should be enough.

That said, does anyone else have a box full of illicit notes from their grade school years? We wrote notes all of the time. Volumes. It made school worthwhile. We even still managed to have a work ethic, and graduate!

 

[taeja71]

Hi! I'm a teacher & I think the verbal apology is fine...although I do get written ones from students (that mom made them write) from time to time. Every time I get one of those written notes, I then know the parent had a serious talk with her kid & that it won't happen again.

As for the other girl's mom, who thinks it's CUTE.....what the heck kind of response is that??? I pity her dd's future teachers, if that's how she's going to blow off issues of fooling around in class. When the teacher's talking....you DON'T fool around.

BTW, I teach 1st grade & sometimes one of my 1st grade girls brings in a little notebook like that. It's doesn't last 10 minutes in my room...I take it & tell them they can have it back until dismissal & then it is to go home for good.

Wow, using little notebooks to pass notes? Must be a new thing since I've been in elem. school (years and years ago). I'll have to keep my eyes and ears open if my dd wants a small notebook.

I confess that I was a professional letter writer back in the day as well. If I got a grade for all the notes I wrote/received I would've gotten an A.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I think it is a nice thing to do, but a verbal apology should be enough.

That said, does anyone else have a box full of illicit notes from their grade school years? We wrote notes all of the time. Volumes. It made school worthwhile. We even still managed to have a work ethic, and graduate!

I have a big container of them all folded like flag. I think DD will get a kick out of reading them someday (when she's old enough not to follow her Mother's bad example.)

 

[EEYOREMAMA]

If you don't nip that behavior in the bud now, it will come back to bite you in the butt later.

If students don't learn what is aceptable behavior in school when they are young, it gets completely out-of-control later on. I teach middle school and I've noticed more and more kids coming in without having had their talking habits modified in elementary school. If there is no control in the classroom, all parents have is a babysitting service.

The last thing I want to do is sound preachy, but attitude and behavior starts at home. I'm also a parent. If my boys behaved in school like some of their peers, find me a paddle and I'd give them a pillow until they could sit down again

Your dd needs to understand there is a time for communication with her friends and during the classroom lesson, is not the right time. Let her give her teacher the verbal apology, it will have a bigger impact on both of them.

 

[JoyG]

If it's something that was mentioned at a teacher's conference, it's probably a behavior that has happened more than once throughout the year. It didn't necessarily happen that day or even that week.

At this point I would really spend a lot of time talking about it at home...read her the riot act if you need to...

Then ask the teacher to let you know (with a phone call) the very next time it happens...the same day.

I would then administer some sort of immediate punishment at home, no tv, whatever, AND use that time to have her write a note to apologize.

I teach 3rd grade and I think an apology right now, far removed from the disruptive behavior would be a little hollow on the child's part.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Wow! I could have written the original post with a slight modification.

Last year, when DD was in first grade, I got home a packet of classwork with 0s on it. When I asked DD about it, she said her teacher had torn them out of her workbook, marked them and told her to take them home. I knew there had to be more to the story, so I called and left a message for the teacher that I wnated to talk to her. The teacher called me back, and lo and behold I was right! Apparently DD had chosen to socialize rather than complete her class work. So last year she got the lecture, and I made complete all of the classwork in one sitting and turn it in. The lecture ended with an open ended threat of "If this happens again, you will be grounded!"

Flash forward to this year, DD is in 2nd grade with the same teacher (looping teacher). About a month ago, I get a packet of classwork only about half done with a note from the teacher saying that she was disappointed in DD for choosing to socialize over completing class work. This year DD was required to finish all the classwork and turn it back in, write a letter of apology to the teacher and she lost TV for 2 weeks. Let's hope the lesson sticks for at least another year!

So to answer your question, an apology is definitely needed. Whether verbal or written is up to you. Side note, most of my friends were pretty impressed that I made DD write the note. According to DD, some of the other kids who got the incoplete packet/disappointed note didn't even finish the incomplete classwork and bring it back in!!

 

[minniecarousel]

No - I don't think a written note is necessary - it would totally look like it's coming from you.

She just needs to knock it off! No more note-passing during class.