Should I let her self-feed?

[ecki]

Those of you with special needs kids know how important independence is. Kayla can finger feed and is attempting to use a spoon and fork and is of course VERY messy! She doesn't intentionally throw food and utensils, but does manage to drop or fling a lot of it since she has poor hand-eye coordination.

We only have one ADR for Coral Reef. I'm wondering if I should just feed her myself to avoid all the mess! I hate doing that. I want her to be as self-sufficient as possible. But I also want the meal to be as stress free as possible!

 

[3DisneyNUTS]

You're on vacation do what you want that will help you enjoy yourselves. If you feel like self feeding let her if it is easier on you then feed her Maybe play it by ear till the day

 

[of2dbeach]

ok gonna type and brain storm. if she has trouble using a spoon i know they have special spoons, forks etc with curved handles or grips that are easier to hold onto.my son is 15 and has trouble holding a pencial at school. they rigged up a rubber band around his rist and puts the pencial under it to hold it steady so he can write easier. try lookin at toys r us for the spoons. I wouldnt feed her thought because she needs to learn to do it herself. maybe take along some disposable bibs so she dosent get too messy.and if people stare touch for them.she is trying the best that she can.As far as being in the resturants I am sure they can tell she has some sort of Disability and they will help you out also. I have asked if they would cut up mikes pizza into smaller pieces for me and they did no problem.if i find the old link i had for the spoons etc i will pass it along .. have a great trip !

here is a link I found. It looks like it could be helpful to you
http://www.bindependent.com/hompg/bi/bindep/store/aisles/s-needs/kitchenaids/eat2.htm

 

[alizesmom]

It's really no different than making a decision over whether you would let your toddler self-feed. Just do what makes your vacation better for you. Karen

 

[angelbearmom]

I'd let her self feed if she wants to. Just do as someone else mentioned; have extra bibs or something to cover her clothes. And, ignore anyone who stares-just praise her like crazy for what she does. The first time we went to DW 5 years ago I usually fed my son due to his increasing muscle weakness (duchenne muscular dystrophy) but when we went to our one restaurant (Chef Mickeys) he absolutely refused to let me feed him. He was fairly messy too. They had nice large cloth napkins that covered his clothes-of course his favorite food is ravioli and other nice easily staining type foods. I know the atmostphere is different at Coral Reef but hey, it's DW and a kid's place.

 

[minkydog]

Christian has been working on self-feeding literally for years. He is very messy, but at least we have trained him not to toss his cup backwards now. We used to put a shower curtain under his end of the table to catch the food, but now we have a big dog

When we go out I try to let him feed himself some bites, but a lot of times I just feed him myself. Not only does it save time, it makes me feel better about not grossing other people out.

 

[mechurchlady]

Definitely get the fat handled kids utensils and bring them with you to the park. I would let her self feed but only to the point that your dinner time is constantly interrupted. It will not hurt her to be fed by mother one special night. Also what about the other guests who are having a nice dinner only to have a kid throwing food at them. So what if the kid eats with it fingers but when I have a spoon flying over my head then I would be upset. Everyone in that restaurant is paying for the experience. I still use my fingers at times and have poor manners, lol.

I am trying to say um let the kid self feed but remember the other guests and your family. Self feeding is an important step in her life. Play it by ear and do get the fat handled untensils and a baggie to store them in inbetween meals

 

[Luv Bunnies]

To cut down on the mess, how about not putting her entire plate in front of her at once? Give her a few bites at a time on a placemat or separate plate. When she's done with those, give her a few more bites. We do this in my classroom with a little boy with Down Syndrome. It seems a larger amount of food is too overwhelming for him. It's almost like he doesn't know which piece to choose and he ends up squishing them between his fingers instead. If we give him just a few bites at a time, he does much better.

 

[SandrainNC]

It's really no different than making a decision over whether you would let your toddler self-feed.

That is exactly what I was going to say. My almost 2 year old (non-special needs) makes a mess. So it will depend on what we are eating whether or not we try to help him on our trip. Here at home, we let him do it himself. We always have extra clothes in the car so if we are going somewhere else after going out to dinner, no biggy. I also may try to make choices that aren't as messy. Say chicken tenders over spaghetti. Or I just let them both eat whatever and change their clothes afterwards. My oldest (he has Down syndrome) has gotten a little better but he will still have an orange face if he eats pizza and things like that. And he always has orange socks afterwards. I think he keeps grabbing his foot while he eats or something. My youngest is very independent and he will scream if he doesn't get his way. He does not like us to help him and he will not eat his food if we cut it up. So I stopped cutting things up (unless it is a safety issue). He picks up whole pancakes to eat them.

Sandra

 

[BeckyScott]

I don't know what all they serve at Coral Reef, but I'm wondering if you can just order her something that doesn't require utensils in the first place. Then it wouldn't make any difference.

If they have something like chicken nuggets & fries they could do for her, then you wouldn't have to worry about flying forks. Or, at least, ordering something that does not have any sauce or other messiness involved, something dry and firm.

And be prepared to leave a really big tip.

 

[ecki]

Thanks for everyone's suggestions. I guess I'm just trying to be considerate of others eating while at the same time trying to stand up for her right to be there just the way she is. I remember years ago reading a Dear Abby column where someone had written to say how disgusted he was because he went out to eat and there was some "disabled" person there and he didn't want to see all that drooling and mess. Of course Dear Abby said the disabled person had a right to go out and eat, too. That's always stuck with me. Sigh, sometimes I feel like I have to defend my kid's right to merely exist, ykwim? I guess I can put down my battle armour for one meal, though!

 

[SandrainNC]

I think she will be fine. I have had Ryan throw food and hit people at the other table before. I wanted to die!!!! He actually did this at Olive Garden when we were at WDW back in 2004. He was almost 4 at the time. Can you say embarassed?? And honestly, it could have been a typical child who had done this. Kids do stuff that is sometimes embarassing. He also threw his chewy "P" at California Grill in November and hit the woman at the next table. We won't be going there again for a very long time. However, I have been in restaurants and adults have blown their nose loudly and everything else. Gross. Last night we took my mother out for Mother's Day dinner. We had to sit at a separate table from the rest of my family but right beside them (not a big enough table for us all). The people who came and sat down on the other side of us got there and one of the men very loudly said something about having his colonoscopy. The entire section had to have heard him. I was facing the other way and laughing. My sister all the way on the opposite side of the other table heard him. Nice dinner conversation.

Anyway, my point is, let her do what you want her to do and don't worry about it and other people. If she starts to get overmessy where it is bothering you, then you can take over. When Ryan was younger I used to be more paranoid about things that he did. But now I know that typical kids and adults do stuff too!

remember years ago reading a Dear Abby column where someone had written to say how disgusted he was because he went out to eat and there was some "disabled" person there and he didn't want to see all that drooling and mess.

As far as this person, they should be paying attention to their own dinner and minding their own business.

Sandra

 

[terri01p]

Thanks for everyone's suggestions. I guess I'm just trying to be considerate of others eating while at the same time trying to stand up for her right to be there just the way she is. I remember years ago reading a Dear Abby column where someone had written to say how disgusted he was because he went out to eat and there was some "disabled" person there and he didn't want to see all that drooling and mess. Of course Dear Abby said the disabled person had a right to go out and eat, too. That's always stuck with me. Sigh, sometimes I feel like I have to defend my kid's right to merely exist, ykwim? I guess I can put down my battle armour for one meal, though!

Stuff like that always stick in my mind too, it's hard for it not to. I struggle with this too of course my dd is 25 yrs old so eating is not cute or pretty. At home she can have at it, and we have our share of mash pototoes thrown at us. Whenever we are out I try to do damage control and like someone mentioned I usually order her something like chicken nuggets or fish sticks that she can handle with less mess, I never place her whole plate in front of her at an eating place, at home yes I do ,but not when we are out . I have saved many a mess by doing this if she has say chicken nuggets and get them all over I clean around us as we go along, it's a habit now and I have never left a place feeling ashamed of the mess. My dd already knows when we eat out it's her best " lady like manners " so she does try hard, but she has no upper body control so most things she can't help. Just enjoy whatever you do !

 

[pilgrimr]

We also have a problem with our children self-feeding. Our DS is 5 and autistic and he is pretty good about going out and eating. But sometimes he finds utensiles useless and can do better w/ his hands. And of course DD age 3 sees his example and joins him. Like the previous poster we try to find finger foods for him or just encourage him to use the fork and spoon. As for others around, we always apoligize to the servers and leave a good tip. Disney being kid environment that it is, they are very understanding and probably have seen it all.

By the way, we went to the Coral Reef with our two children two years ago and they liked it and I don't remember too bad an experience with them eating.

Enjoy.

 

[ecki]

It's funny, I happened to be watching a movie, Music Within, about Richard Pimentel whose work helped create the Americans with Disabilites Act. The one event that inspired him was when he went out to eat with his friend who has CP and they got thrown out of the restaurant. The waitress said such horrible things to his friend, I was shocked that people think like that.

 

[monkeysmamma]

We just got back, and Coral Reef was one of the places we ate at. I think you'll be fine which ever way you decide. Both of my boys have autism and feeding issues. They get noisy and messy, but Coral Reef is kinda loud and laid out to focus on the fish. I didn't notice anyone staring or getting upset by my guys' antics.

Good luck!

Julia

 

[Finny]

I think you should let her self feed, as long as she won't be disturbing other guest meals. If she is messy at your table, they can choose to not look. But if part of the messiness involves flying food or utensils that may go on to other guests, or their meals, I think you should feed her.

I would not want someone else's food or utensils flying at me while I was eating. #1 Germs, #2 Allergies, you never know if something she is eating could cause an allergic reaction to someone else, and #3 food preferences, I'm vegan, if chicken nuggets or something with meat got in my food it would ruin my meal. All kids have limits, we as parents need to work with them if their limits are going to infringe on someone else's right to have a meal.