Should EX help pay for kids vacation?

[QT Pooh]

Sorry - I had to laugh at this question...

Not only has he NEVER contributed to a vacation (nor have I asked) but he ALWAYS asks the kids to bring him a souvenir!! (They don't work so guess who he's really asking to buy it for him!)

 

[taaren]

Not a single mom, but from the child's perspective, I think it would be alright if they asked their dad for spending money, particularly if they have a good relationship with him and he can spare it ...

My mom and I often take my nephew on vacation with us, and a couple of times my divorced brother has brought same nephew to meet up with DH, DS5 and I on Disney trips. Usually both of his parents kick in some spending money for my nephew for whatever his trips are and sometimes give him a bit of cash specifically for the purpose of taking the person who is treating him to a trip out for a meal to say thank you. He's not a very spendy kind of kid though.

Don't know if that's unusual but they've had a great relationship after the divorce, sometimes we even get to have the ex + nephew's half-sibs over for non-major holidays.

 

[thelionqueen]

Looks like I'm about to say the opposite here. Kinda sorta.

I'm a single mom to a 6 year old. I've been fortunate enough to take her to Disneyland once and Disneyworld twice. I do NOT get child support. We share 50/50 custody. We normally split costs 50/50. Seems lately he has forgotten to pay his 50%.

So would I ask him to pay for the vacations nope. Have I asked him to give her some spending money, yup. A lot, nope. I've always asked, hey can you give her 20 bucks and I'll give her 20 bucks so she has some spendinng money. His reponse has always been of course, are you sure 20 is enough.

All the angry responses are really inappropriate in my opinion. It sounds like the majority of divorces are not amicable or many abide strictly by the divorce decree.

I agree not to expect the ex to help pay, but asking for spending money for THE kids (BOTH parents) is totally appropriate in my opinion. Of course my ex and I are on really good terms and genuinely work together for the health and happiness of our children. If he took them on a trip, I would HAPPILY give them $ to spend, and also ask my ex if he needed additional help. I guess that's the difference between co-parenting and ugly divorce...I'm thankful for our situation.

To the OP..I think there is NOTHING wrong with asking this question, and I would suggest ignoring the ugly comments in this thread

 

[Robinrs]

To the OP..I think there is NOTHING wrong with asking this question, and I would suggest ignoring the ugly comments in this thread

The OP is obviously new here and found out like we all did that the DIS is NOT the place to come for questions like this. Go ask a friend but the internet?

You have NO control over the responses, NONE, so expect it. It's par for the course due to the anonymity. You ask a "duh" question, you get the rail.. it's par for the course on the DIS.

I've been a single parent since my son's Dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 3 months old. Since he was 5 we've been to Orlando at least 25 times. He's 19 now.

Paying for the vacation is not a choice, having him support your children in a way that allows for vacation money and time... that's up to you. That requires budgeting and careful saving.

Back away from the DIS when it comes to personal questions. These people are NOT your friends.

I'm sure you know that now.

 

[thelionqueen]

Well said Robin...but I don't agree with it being a "duh" question. To those who replied who think it should be a "no brainer" that is their opinion. I was raised being told that the only dumb question is the one that's not asked.

I just find the judgment some people throw around is disturbing. State your opinion, directly if you choose..but no need to be ugly or insulting....that's just my opinion.

You're definitely right though..the internet and its anonymity somehow gives people the license to do and say whatever they feel without any sense of right or wrong. I personally hold on to my values and manners in all areas of my life..including the internet.

 

[HouseofMinnie]

To the OP..I think there is NOTHING wrong with asking this question, and I would suggest ignoring the ugly comments in this thread

Thank you. And I'm not letting it bother me.

 

[AJ1983]

I'm assuming you have a child support order, and you know how it works, so you don't need that explained to you I agree with the majority that he is not obliged, legally or morally, to provide any financial support whatsoever for this type of trip. If, for example, your kids were in high school and their school was taking a chaperoned educational trip to Europe (without either parent going themselves), then it would be reasonable that you both financially support that trip, if it was within your financial means.

That's the legal stance. However, my personal opinion was that if my child was going on ANY sort of trip without me, I would offer them reasonable spending money. If you guys have a good coparenting relationship, chances are he will offer up some cash to the kids. However, if he doesn't offer anything, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Perhaps he feels that a vacation is enough of a luxury? Maybe he genuinely can't afford it? Maybe he's planning to take them on a vacation himself?Whatever the case, may not be worth causing a fuss for something he's not obligated to do.

But you certainly know him better than any of us here. Good luck with and and I hope you and your kids enjoy your vacation

 

[Robinrs]

Well said Robin...but I don't agree with it being a "duh" question. To those who replied who think it should be a "no brainer" that is their opinion. I was raised being told that the only dumb question is the one that's not asked.

I just find the judgment some people throw around is disturbing. State your opinion, directly if you choose..but no need to be ugly or insulting....that's just my opinion.

You're definitely right though..the internet and its anonymity somehow gives people the license to do and say whatever they feel without any sense of right or wrong. I personally hold on to my values and manners in all areas of my life..including the internet.

Absolutely. I sometimes wonder about the really mean ones... and if they would say that to someone's face or they're just tough anonymously. I'd love just 5 mins with a few of them, personally!

As for the "duh" question, I totally disagree with the statement about the one that is not asked.

A question that you ALREADY know the answer to or the answer is so overly obvious, is a "duh" question. Asking it puts a target on your back that people LOVE taking a shot at. It's human nature. Being the mother of a teenager leaves you open to MANY "duh" questions...

Anyone who comes to the DIS should be aware of them but we get a newbie everyday and there we go.

My motto... Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth (or post on the DIS) and remove all doubt.

"duh" questions remove ALL doubt.

 

[punkin]

The OP is obviously new here and found out like we all did that the DIS is NOT the place to come for questions like this. Go ask a friend but the internet?

You have NO control over the responses, NONE, so expect it. It's par for the course due to the anonymity. You ask a "duh" question, you get the rail.. it's par for the course on the DIS.

I've been a single parent since my son's Dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 3 months old. Since he was 5 we've been to Orlando at least 25 times. He's 19 now.

Paying for the vacation is not a choice, having him support your children in a way that allows for vacation money and time... that's up to you. That requires budgeting and careful saving.

Back away from the DIS when it comes to personal questions. These people are NOT your friends.

I'm sure you know that now.

Ain't it the truth though!!!!

While the majority of Dis posters are very nice, there are always those just looking for a way to show their "superiority" by putting others down...Come to think of it, I know quite a few people in real life just like that, but somehow IRL we never make the mistake of thinking that these people are our friends.

For what it's worth, OP, I didn't think your question was obvious.

 

[lillygator]

First, I don't need his help paying for our family (me, DS13, DS11) vacation. I have paid for everything and have not asked him to help any other time we have been to WDW. (7 times!!)

Is it reasonable to ask for him to help pay for his kids vacation? He has never taken them anywhere for vacation and he has never mentioned taking them anywhere. I know if he were to take them somewhere I would give them money to spend on things they wanted. Should he contribute to their vacation money?

No flaming please. I am just curious if other single moms get any help from the ex to pay for vacation. What are your thoughts on the subject?

maybe he can't afford to take them since he is paying you support.

Absolutely. I sometimes wonder about the really mean ones... and if they would say that to someone's face or they're just tough anonymously. I'd love just 5 mins with a few of them, personally!

As for the "duh" question, I totally disagree with the statement about the one that is not asked.

A question that you ALREADY know the answer to or the answer is so overly obvious, is a "duh" question. Asking it puts a target on your back that people LOVE taking a shot at. It's human nature. Being the mother of a teenager leaves you open to MANY "duh" questions...

Anyone who comes to the DIS should be aware of them but we get a newbie everyday and there we go.

My motto... Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth (or post on the DIS) and remove all doubt.

"duh" questions remove ALL doubt.

guess i'm not seeing the mean ones, but no you should not ask for $$$ for your vacation

 

[Marionnette]

Don't you think that people's personal experience sort of colors the way that they would answer a question like this?

I know plenty of divorced moms who feel that the scum-of-the-earth ex husband should pay for half of any vacation that mom takes with the kids. Mostly because she sees that her ex has gone on to a new life, with a new wife and younger kids, in a bigger house, nicer neighborhood and plenty of nice vacations. And if he hadn't been such a rat-b, that would be her big house in a nice neighborhood and her kids taking nice vacations.
He "owes it to her" and the kids. And in some way, I can understand that reasoning.

OTOH, I have an ex-SIL who cheated on my brother, drinks to excess and got dumped by her boyfriend because she wrecked his car. She has tried every which way to Sunday to squeeze money out of my brother. One time she even she asked him to start paying for half of my nephew's monthly guitar lesson bill (which was supposed to be HER Christmas gift to him). She told my brother that "his half" came to $70/month. My nephew informed my brother that the lessons are $60/month - total. Maybe you can see why any request from her that involves money for the kids would be met with raised eyebrows. If the kids need extra money for a field trip or vacation fun, then my brother gives it directly to them (or the school) and not their mother.