Shocked to learn the office gossip mill is churning about me

[dizluvah]

So in a nutshell...I heard through the grapevine today that apparently I have been "staring" at a coworker - incessantly. I was pretty surprised...my desk placement does give me line of sight of to his desk if I look to the right - he would be in my peripheral vision but I had no idea I was staring and certainly never intended to make anyone uncomfortable , etc. I am married and if I had to guess, at least 10 years older than this new addition to the staff. I have never spoken to this person, except when he came over to introduce himself many weeks ago when he started. I should add, I only work part-time so I only do my "staring" about 3 hours per day.

I am floored, again saddened that I made someone uncomfortable but seriously aggravated about the way this was handled. I'd like to think I would say something directly a coworker I had an issue with, even if i had to make it like a joke - like "Hey what's up...i feel like you keep staring at me"

I have no idea what to do - I am a worrier and feel very uncomfortable after hearing this. I did notice then that this person moved his desktop to create like a barrier or wall to hide behind - ie to block my line of sight

After I learned this I have been obsessing about every little move I make. Our monitors are on those arm thingies so I can't move it farther to the left (I can only move it closer to me or farther away).

I just needed to vent - I am so embarrassed. I am also a new employee (started in Aug) so I can just imagine what everyone thinks of me now...

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Wow!

I don't know what to say.

My dad has a serious staring issue that I did have to finally confront him about and he was unaware. He still gets "caught" staring, but he does his best to control it now.

I can't imagine that in the workplace you would even come close to what my dad does.

But I guess with that individual, just remove all eye contact and deliberately not look at the person. It's a challenge, but if it makes them feel better I would try to do it.

Maybe they have a relative like mine and are just extra sensitive to any seemingly deliberate eye contact of any length.

But then again, they just could be a weirdo who prefers a cubicle.

 

[tileman]

Just a shot in the dark maybe the new guy started this all up.
Kind of like the women cant keep away from me LOL

Ron.

 

[teacups]

Its never fun to be the butt of jokes and rumors and false accusations.
I'm sorry.

 

[kangareaux]

I don't know what to say either. Maybe HE's not the one who said you were staring though. Maybe it was started by some gossip monger and made it back to him just like it made it back to you. Maybe talking to him point blank is the way to get past all this as quickly and easily as possible.

FWIW, I have to be careful not to stare. I've recently started wearing glasses. Before, the only time I wore any glasses they were dark sunshades. SO....yeah, I'm nosy.....so my shades have always ben dark enough that I can look wherever I want and not be obvious. Now, with these glasses perched on my nose I have to fight back the urge to stare at that co-worker's monster pimple....or that other shopper's out of control mullet. (Without glasses, no staring! But feeling them on my face is like giving my brain a permission slip.) It doesn't help that I'm neon white blush (tomato red) REALLY easily...so when I realize I almost stared, I blush. Nobody else knows what it is about, but I know they have noticed me blushing more often lately.

 

[ericamanda01]

Just a shot in the dark maybe the new guy started this all up.
Kind of like the women cant keep away from me LOL

Ron.

OMG That is just what I was thinking. Your part time so maybe he didn't think it would get back to you.

 

[tileman]

OMG That is just what I was thinking. Your part time so maybe he didn't think it would get back to you.

Yep I own a flooring comp we do only commercial construction and there are more & more women on job site's anymore.

And to hear these guys on the job

We have a Zero tolerance policy on that and if I hear or see it your gone.

Ron.

 

[disneyhand]

Maybe he's uncomfortable that you could possibly notice that he plays on his computer a lot when he should be working! You know guilt

 

[disykat]

I know it's easy for me to say, but I'd walk right up to him and say "I know we've barely met but I'm hearing weird rumors that I stare at you. Do you know what's going on?"

You are not the one in the wrong here and if I were you I wouldn't take on the role of the accused person who is fixing her problem. Take control of it if at all possible and make it clear someone has an over active imagination.

 

[drag n' fly]

I know it's easy for me to say, but I'd walk right up to him and say "I know we've barely met but I'm hearing weird rumors that I stare at you. Do you know what's going on?"

You are not the one in the wrong here and if I were you I wouldn't take on the role of the accused person who is fixing her problem. Take control of it if at all possible and make it clear someone has an over active imagination.

I totally agree with you. Call him out on it and take the high road. As long as he keeps knowing your uncomfortable the longer this noob thinks he holds the power. It's bad enough you are falsely accused of staring but to be doubly accused of being a pantywaist starer is just TOO far

 

[luvflorida]

I can just picture the guy running to his boss and whining, "She's staring at me! Make her stop!" Reminds me of my kids when they would whine because a sibling was staring at him/her.

Tell the guy to stop whining or you'll have to put him in time-out.

Seriously, I'm sorry you have to put up with crazy stuff like that at work.

 

[Red Rover Cuties]

hey are you staring at me .......that's it i'm moving my screen so you can't see me anymore...oh and forgot to add "she's touching me, she's looking at me, i think she has a voodoo doll of me in her desk and while at lunch she puts curses on me"

some people have nothing better to do than start crazy rumors, maybe he started it so he could look cool to all his fellow guy co-workers, i don't know some people well are stupid! i wouldn't say anything to him because that will give him something else to talk about!

sorry you are dealing with that and i really hope it gets better!

veronica

 

[drag n' fly]

You know I got thinkin about what I said and maybe you dont have to take the high road after all lol.

How does he know you are staring at him? UH HUH that's right.... So the next time you catch him looking your way smile at him and give him the "focker watch".

Sorry OP I just didn't feel like taking the high road tonight so I thought providing and alternative would be of use to you

 

[bumbershoot]

How does he know you are staring at him? UH HUH that's right....

I liked a couple of the responses here (actually I liked all of them), but that one IMO is the best.

 

[shortbun]

Is he stare worthy? lol! I mean, SHOULD you be staring at him?

 

[XTinabell]

My sister has mastered this weird pervert stare that she does to me to freak me out. My suggestion is to practice in the mirror your pervy stare and then really give him something to complain about.

My sister tilts her head down slightly, pulls her eyes up to look straight at you and then puts her mouth in a closed lipped tiny smile. It's quite freaky, try it out and have some fun. Maybe even turn your chair to face him directly for full effect.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

Next time someone says anything about it to you, I would just say well that (take your pick here) booger on his upper lip was just so big, that zit on his nose was just so gross, you weren't sure just how long he would go around with his zipper undone...you get the drift! lol Just that it was just SO distracting. rofl

Kim

 

[anniemae]

Eh, it's office gossip. As long as there are offices, there will be petty gossip. When I worked in a small office, the gossip was brutal!! Honestly, there was more gossiping than working.

If I were you, I would just ignore it. Stop looking in his direction, and within a day or two they will be flapping about something (or someone) else.

 

[just4today]

Is it possible that you have been staring a lot and you're just not aware of it? I tend to stare off in the distance when I'm trying to focus or I'm lost in thought.

 

[Darsa]

I think that I would be in the camp that would actually confront the issue. I can't work in an atmosphere that isn't at least "cordial", and I couldn't stand to have to be there, even three hours a day, knowing this person assumes something about you that's just not true.