She can't do this can she??

[SandrA9810]

When Kari broke up with me, she refused to go through any of "our" things to claim what she wanted. For months, I asked and asked and asked. If she was at the house, I'd try asking her "do you want this?"
So for 5 months I was the most evil, passive aggressive, awful person for trying get her to sort through things.

Now I'm the most evil awful person again for stealing her belonging for five months. Everything is sitting in a storage unit in Florida. And she believes I should send her my one and only copy of the key to the lock to the storage unit, so she can rummage through my belongings and take what she feels she wants.

I told her she'll have to wait till I return to Florida, then I will be happy to go through the boxes with her, and she can ask for items she wants back. There's a few things that I know that are in there that are hers, which I didn't mean to take, but wound up in a box I took. (Well she says she doesn't have XY and Z items, so I must have it). And I know there are a few items of mine are in her possession because I didn't have time to move everything into the unit.

Now she's got her new girlfriend yelling at me on the phone, saying they're gonna call the cops to have them break my unit open for all of the "stolen goods". She can't do that, right??

Everything was joint, my name on all the CC and bank account (still is), so she can't claim I stole anything right? The items were bought with equal agreement or as a gift for one another.

There's no way to get back to Florida any time soon, and I don't particularly want this looming over my head, I packed that stuff in there to be secure. And her name is not on the contract or as an approved person to be allowed in.

 

[disykat]

Yikes - what a mess. It sounds to me like the new girlfriend is probably the root of this. Just keep repeating, "you weren't willing to sort through the stuff before I left so I had no choice but to store everything. It wasn't what I wanted to do, you gave me no choice. I'll be happy to help you retrieve all of your stuff when I get home." The key is to calmly keep reminding her you tried numerous times to get her to retrieve her stuff.

I'd laugh off them calling the cops since you didn't steal anything, but you could offer to not charge her for her half of the storage fees!

 

[OceanAnnie]

When Kari broke up with me, she refused to go through any of "our" things to claim what she wanted. For months, I asked and asked and asked. If she was at the house, I'd try asking her "do you want this?"
So for 5 months I was the most evil, passive aggressive, awful person for trying get her to sort through things.

Now I'm the most evil awful person again for stealing her belonging for five months. Everything is sitting in a storage unit in Florida. And she believes I should send her my one and only copy of the key to the lock to the storage unit, so she can rummage through my belongings and take what she feels she wants.

I told her she'll have to wait till I return to Florida, then I will be happy to go through the boxes with her, and she can ask for items she wants back. There's a few things that I know that are in there that are hers, which I didn't mean to take, but wound up in a box I took. (Well she says she doesn't have XY and Z items, so I must have it). And I know there are a few items of mine are in her possession because I didn't have time to move everything into the unit.

Now she's got her new girlfriend yelling at me on the phone, saying they're gonna call the cops to have them break my unit open for all of the "stolen goods". She can't do that, right??

Everything was joint, my name on all the CC and bank account (still is), so she can't claim I stole anything right? The items were bought with equal agreement or as a gift for one another.

There's no way to get back to Florida any time soon, and I don't particularly want this looming over my head, I packed that stuff in there to be secure. And her name is not on the contract or as an approved person to be allowed in.

I would get her name off of my accounts ASAP.

Technically, she can "claim" anything. Is she still in Fla.? If so, she has accessibility to pull some hi-jinks.

I would consider calling the police in the jurisdiction of the Fla. storage unit. File an harassment complaint citing the ex GF, her new GF, and the stored goods. Have it on record that you offered the ex her things and she declined. Also mention you are willing to return her things when you return to Fla.. Have a copy sent to the storage unit management for your file. That should shut down their operation.

P.S.- Arrange for someone to be with you when you do return her things. It's ugly. You'll need a witness.

 

[SandrA9810]

I would get her name off of my accounts ASAP.

Technically, she can "claim" anything. Is she still in Fla.? If so, she has accessibility to pull some hi-jinks.

I would consider calling the police in the jurisdiction of the Fla. storage unit. File an harassment complaint citing the stored goods. Have it on record that you offered the ex her things and she declined, also you are willing to return her things when you return. Have a copy sent to the storage unit management for your file. That should shut down their operation.

It's her CC (so all she has to do is make the call), and as far as the bank account goes, she never wanted to make the drive to South Florida to the branch location to deal with it. It's her account, I don't use it.

This Friday I'm gonna call the storage unit to make sure to keep the passcode secured, and possibly change it.

 

[cm8]

When Kari broke up with me, she refused to go through any of "our" things to claim what she wanted. For months, I asked and asked and asked. If she was at the house, I'd try asking her "do you want this?"
So for 5 months I was the most evil, passive aggressive, awful person for trying get her to sort through things.

Now I'm the most evil awful person again for stealing her belonging for five months. Everything is sitting in a storage unit in Florida. And she believes I should send her my one and only copy of the key to the lock to the storage unit, so she can rummage through my belongings and take what she feels she wants.

I told her she'll have to wait till I return to Florida, then I will be happy to go through the boxes with her, and she can ask for items she wants back. There's a few things that I know that are in there that are hers, which I didn't mean to take, but wound up in a box I took. (Well she says she doesn't have XY and Z items, so I must have it). And I know there are a few items of mine are in her possession because I didn't have time to move everything into the unit.

Now she's got her new girlfriend yelling at me on the phone, saying they're gonna call the cops to have them break my unit open for all of the "stolen goods". She can't do that, right??

Everything was joint, my name on all the CC and bank account (still is), so she can't claim I stole anything right? The items were bought with equal agreement or as a gift for one another.

There's no way to get back to Florida any time soon, and I don't particularly want this looming over my head, I packed that stuff in there to be secure. And her name is not on the contract or as an approved person to be allowed in.

no advice, but a big hug

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's her CC (so all she has to do is make the call), and as far as the bank account goes, she never wanted to make the drive to South Florida to the branch location to deal with it. It's her account, I don't use it.

This Friday I'm gonna call the storage unit to make sure to keep the passcode secured, and possibly change it.

The thing is you will still be held responsible if she makes a financial misstep. Even if you don't use it. If your name is on the accounts, you are liable. If it were me, I'd move mountains to get my name off of those accounts.

 

[C.Ann]

The thing is you will still be held responsible if she makes a financial misstep. Even if you don't use it. If your name is on the accounts, you are liable. If it were me, I'd move mountains to get my name off of those accounts.

Yes - that could be an even bigger nightmare..

As for the storage unit and the contents, I don't "think" she can do anything, but could you call the local police dept. where the unit is just to be sure?

Sorry you're having to go through this..

 

[RitaZ.]

You said that the CC is hers. I'm guessing that means that the CC was acquired based on her credit and you're an authorized user. Is that right? Do you still use that credit card? Your name is also on her bank account. If the two of you broke up and she has a new girlfriend, why are the two of you still maintaining accounts together? I mean, even if you don't use them, why remain tied to an ex-girlfriend?

The whole situation makes no sense to me. Sounds very messy and complicated. Good luck.

 

[lovetoscrap]

I would call the non emergency number of the Police Department where you lived or the storage unit is and ask them. If at all possible I would try to see if they can document that you called and that she is threatening to file a false police report. This way they also have your contact information if she does call.

I suspect though that they would probably just tell her this is a Civil Matter and she would need to take it to Small Claims/Civil Court to get anything back. Police really don't want to get involved in helping to sort out who owns what when a relationship breaks up.

 

[C.Ann]

I would call the non emergency number of the Police Department where you lived or the storage unit is and ask them. If at all possible I would try to see if they can document that you called and that she is threatening to file a false police report. This way they also have your contact information if she does call..

Very helpful advice!

Go with this suggestion, Sandra.. (And try to get your name off of those accounts ASAP..)

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

About the only problem I could see happening is if she was able to go the unit and break the lock off. Is the storage unit behind a fence? Do you have to show ID to open it? Does she know the name of the storage facility and your unit's number?

When will you be returning to Florida? If it's going to be a long time, is what you have in the storage unit that valuable? Could you make a copy of the key and send it to her, let her get her stuff and call it a day?

 

[SandrA9810]

You said that the CC is hers. I'm guessing that means that the CC was acquired based on her credit and you're an authorized user. Is that right? Do you still use that credit card? Your name is also on her bank account. If the two of you broke up and she has a new girlfriend, why are the two of you still maintaining accounts together? I mean, even if you don't use them, why remain tied to an ex-girlfriend?

The whole situation makes no sense to me. Sounds very messy and complicated. Good luck.

It's not that I really want to be tied to her now. It's just the way it is.
Credit Cards - I'm listed as an authorized user. Once she "took back" the budget, she stopped paying on all the credit cards. She doesn't want to call, because she'd have to deal with them wanting money. Only she can talk them. I even tried talking to one credit card company, but because she was in such default her account was sent to a different department, and I'd have to go through hoops to get my name off the account.
Bank Account - While I love the fact that the credit union has sister branches to do banking at, this kind of thing has to be dealt at the branch. I tried to make arrangements to go down there with her, but last minute she was always "too busy". And when I was still living in Florida, I used the account to cash my paychecks through savings (since she only used the checking side). I now have a new checking account with a bank.

I think it's this new girlfriend causing most of the issues. While we weren't buddy buddy, we could still be civil to each other on the phone. And a few months ago, she was ok with waiting. But all of sudden it's a "horrible" thing that I have some of her belongings.

 

[dakcp2001]

Now is a good time to start a paper trail! Sorry you are going through this! I would start by calling the storage place and letting them know that under NO circumstances should anyone be allowed to access the unit. Make sure the manager knows and make sure the manager passes this on to all staff. I would also file a police report alerting them to the fact that this threat has been made. Does your ex know what unit & storage place your stuff is in? Do you have any friends (and I mean GOOD friends) that can go move your stuff to a new storage facility for you? Hide it. Or better yet, have that friend go there and get the items that belong to your ex, then mail them so she must sign that she recieved them.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I would write a letter to both the credit card company and the bank where the account is, and ask to have your name removed. Keep a copy and send it certified mail, return receipt. This way you have it on record that you officially asked to be removed. If you are a signer on her checking account and she overdraws it, you could be equally liable. The Bank can send it to collections and report you to Chex Systems (it makes it very difficult to open a new account if you have a Chex Systems record).

 

[hambirg]

Like the PP said. . write to the credit card company and the bank asking to be removed. . .you could be held liable for her debts. As far as her asking for her belongings in storage, tell her to sue you. She has to prove to a judge that she is entitled to those things. She doesn't have any legal rights to go into your storage unit if it is solely in your name. She would have to get a court order, and even then they would just tell you to return her belongings. . .she has no right to go into your unit. So tell her and her new gf to go bite wind!

BTW. . .if she does get a court order proving that you are in possession of some of her belongings that are in your storage. . .you are entitled to storage fees. Keep written records as to when you were willing to allow her to come pick up her things, but she refused.

What kinds of things are we talking about. . .because the courts will only allow her the actual value of things she can prove were her's before the relationship. . .no sentimental value, and no replacement value. . .so if we are talking about a photo album of her long lost grandma that is 10 yrs old. . .she would only be entitled to a couple of bucks. . .minus storage. . she might actually owe you money.

 

[SetzKitten]

I have some questions based on some of your past situations. Or maybe I'm just slow and missed some basic information.

You said in the original post that everything was joint. Is that just bank accounts and credit cards?

Do you solely rent the storage unit? As in yours is the only name on it and you pay for it with your own funds from your own account? If that's the case, you have nothing to worry about.

If Kari's name is on the account or if she pays all or some of the bill, she has a right to access it. If this is the case, and I were Kari, I would be down there in a skinny minute getting my belongings. If I had to break the lock or have the storage place do it, I would and I'd send you a bill for half the expense.

Lastly, if Kari is on the account and is supposed to pay for part/all of it, but doesn't (you said she stopped paying on the cc), then you don't have to worry because the storage unit will sell your stuff.

Which scenario is closest to your situation?

Can't help you with the credit card mess, that was just a bad financial move you made.

 

[SandrA9810]

Just the CC and bank account were in our names.

The storage unit was opened up months after the break up. And I did not put her name on the list of authorized people to access the code. She does know where the facility is, but she's never been to my unit, so she doesn't know which one is mine.

A few of the things she wants, is the tent (bought it on clearance at Target 7 years ago for 25$), a camcorder (bought at walmart 4 years ago for around a 125$), and some out of print board games from Disney (most of them purchased with steep discounts). These were all things purchased while living together, on the intent that they were "ours". Ohh and the whole thing came about from her not getting any of the christmas lights, which are pretty much worth pennies now and I brought most of them into the relationship.

 

[Green Tea]

You have joint credit cars that are not being paid? Yep, you're screwed. Seriously. If you were intertwined as a married couple, you needed legal representation at the breakup, just like a divorce. Anything and everything she is doing in her new relationship, financially, still comes back to you.

 

[SandrA9810]

You have joint credit cars that are not being paid? Yep, you're screwed. Seriously. If you were intertwined as a married couple, you needed legal representation at the breakup, just like a divorce. Anything and everything she is doing in her new relationship, financially, still comes back to you.

Right now, I'm not overly concerned with the financial part. She's not doing anything crazy with the bank account, and once I'm removed as an authorized user from the CC, the entire history is removed from my credit report.

Right now the more important part is making sure my belongings are secured. I'm debating about sending the key to a friend down there to go check on it. But I'd really prefer to not have the key out of my possession.

The other part that worries me, is we previously had a storage unit there together. I just hope that the girl at the front desk actually looks at the papers to see she's not an authorized person to access the unit. Instead of just assuming.

 

[RitaE]

Seriously Sandra. She bought the stuff. Send the key to your friend - have him go get what she wants and give it back to her.

It is sitting in a stinking storage facility. You aren't even using the stuff. You are on the opposite side of the country paying to have it locked up safe away from her.

For once - do the right thing.