Sharing apartment questions...

[luvthatdisney]

Hi,

My DS21 is moving out for the first time. He will be sharing an apartment with one of his buddies (known each other for about 10 years). They each will have their own bedrooms and bathrooms. He really wants his independence, but he is questioning the safety of his personal belongings when he is not home.

It is not that he does not trust his friend, but some of their shared friends are not the trusting type and he knows it is possible for some of them to show up at the apartment when he is not home (he works 2nd shift). Is there a way he can secure his room, when not at home?

We have thought about putting in a key lock doorknob on his room door, but we know these boys would just use their license to pop the lock if they wanted in. Both my DS and his friend promised each other they will watch over each others stuff, but you can't watch everyone every minute of the day.

Has anyone experienced this and found a solution that worked? I told him not to keep anything there that was valuable, just to leave it at our house. But you know young adults value things differently than us old folks. He is mainly concerned about his Xbox, games, food and drinks for work, clothes, and toiletries

I would like to make him feel more secure being away from us for the first time. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Kath2003]

Hi,

My DS21 is moving out for the first time. He will be sharing an apartment with one of his buddies (known each other for about 10 years). They each will have their own bedrooms and bathrooms. He really wants his independence, but he is questioning the safety of his personal belongings when he is not home.

It is not that he does not trust his friend, but some of their shared friends are not the trusting type and he knows it is possible for some of them to show up at the apartment when he is not home (he works 2nd shift). Is there a way he can secure his room, when not at home?

We have thought about putting in a key lock doorknob on his room door, but we know these boys would just use their license to pop the lock if they wanted in. Both my DS and his friend promised each other they will watch over each others stuff, but you can't watch everyone every minute of the day.

Has anyone experienced this and found a solution that worked? I told him not to keep anything there that was valuable, just to leave it at our house. But you know young adults value things differently than us old folks. He is mainly concerned about his Xbox, games, food and drinks for work, clothes, and toiletries

I would like to make him feel more secure being away from us for the first time. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

Get good insurance for renters of shared accommodation.
You can buy small indoor alarms that can be fitted easily; he could use one of these for his rooms but it wouldn't do any good if he weren't home.

Seriously, if he is that worried, he'd be better off getting his own place than share with someone who keeps "bad company".

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would look into getting a lock on his door.

ARe the untrustworthy friends the friends of both ds and the roommate? If the friends are that untrustworthy, why would you let them into your apartment in the first place? Has he and the roommate sat down and come up with some "roommate rules"?

If he is that worried, I agree with the PP that said perhaps he needs to get his own place where he can control who comes in the door.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I lived in an apartment while in college. It accommodated 4, but was set up with individual leases. We had a real lock on our doors. But I don't recall how exactly it worked. I never felt I had to use it--although for a moody time period, I did.

Frankly, I would not move in with someone whom I did not trust who they brought around. It just isn't worth the hassle or potential losses.

Kinda stinks! I understand he wants to be independent. This may be 1 year to let him know what that feels like as it is unlikely he will listen to any advice you provide.

Short of installing a deadbolt, I am not sure how you would prevent his room from being burglarized.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly since he is moving out I would tell him to get a lock for his door. Then I would step back.

It is not the end of the world if his XBOX and other stuff is stolen. He choose to room with someone who keeps bad company.

Tell him to get renters insurance for his stuff.

Time to cut those apron strings mom.

 

[mamacatnv]

Storage foot locker w/lock - we bought one when DS went off to the dorm, along with a laptop lock. He still uses both

Now, DS shares a house with 2 girls, they are all students - my DH went over and put hasp style clasps on all the door frames and they all got a small master lock.
They rarely use them, generally if they plan on being away for awhile. Its not the roomies that are the issue its the friends of the friends of the friends of the roomies.

 

[Imzadi]

We have thought about putting in a key lock doorknob on his room door, but we know these boys would just use their license to pop the lock if they wanted in. Both my DS and his friend promised each other they will watch over each others stuff, but you can't watch everyone every minute of the day.

There are many different kinds of door locks. If it was that simple to break into doors, people would be stealing stuff in every home down the street, every day. Check out exterior door locks like deadbolt locks. Or the locks that overlock with a good padlock that can't be picked. Make sure there is a good lock on the closet door, too.


Am alternate would be to add up how expensive all the items are that he may lose, and have to replace, and if it amounts to paying that amount in extra rent, to live alone.

Plus, friendships are hard to replace. If he loses his friendship with someone he's known for 10 years, as they end up with hard feeling for each other because one of the friends or friends of friends steals stuff, was it worth living together? That situation could be avoided by choosing a different roommate, or living alone. The fact that he is worried about this friend's friends, is a warning red flag situation he already knows about his friend. It is telling him in advance that he can potentially avoid this situation.

 

[Judy Judy Judy]

Get a good deadbolt...my dd did that for her door, college kids coming and going in an apartment is not uncommon to have friends of friends with sticky fingers and it's better to have peace of mind than anything. Plus that you don't want to come home and find your bed was used as the vacant place to um.... well you know.

 

[Kath2003]

You'll need to check the lease on the apartment if you're thinking about fitting locks, though - I've rented in lots of different homes and never have I come across a lease that allowed significant changes to the apartment like fitting locks, without permission of the landlord (most of them even banned us from fitting picture hooks!).

I still maintain that he shouldn't be moving in if he genuinely believes his housemate will have guests that will BREAK IN to a locked room to steal or use his belongings...

 

[LuvLDM]

If it's not financially prohibitive I would suggest he get his own place so he is in control of who is there & has access to his belongings.

 

[bdcp]

Our boys have both had roommates and never had any issues or worries about them. Oldest owns his own townhouse now and youngest lives with a very good friend and they have friends in common and both have new girlfriends but they have had no issues of any kind. They don't befriend or keep as friends people they can't trust. I guess my question is how good a friend is he living with that the friend would have questionable friends? He shouldn't have to secure his room from friends or friends of friends. The other issue is what does the landlord say about putting locks on and probably damaging doors?

 

[DisneyChula]

I agree with the PPs about Renter's Insurance. The company I work for owns apartment complexes and they require the residents to either provide a copy of their policy or sign a waiver. It's really affordable and absolutely worth it. I would suggest that he talk to his landlord about installing a deadbolt on his bedroom door.

 

[AKL_Megs]

First, I don't know of an apartment that would let you add locks. ALL of my leases have had clauses against that very thing.

But maybe it's something to take up with the landlord?

With that said, I'd NEVER live somewhere where I didn't feel safe.

I had one roommate one time, and I didn't trust her. I was constantly hiding things in shoes or in pockets, and constantly worried about her using/stealing/breaking this or that. It was NO way to live. I didn't have a choice, it was during training for work, but it was the most unsettling feeling.

If it were me, I'd find another place to live.

 

[JessicaR]

I don't think his situation is ideal if he is already concerned about visitors stealing from him. Get more trust worthy friends. He could also get a safe and make sure his treasured items are locked in it when he goes out.

 

[luvthatdisney]

Okay OP here,

Thanks for all of the responses. It has given us a lot of ideas.

First, the friends in question are friends to both boys. We live in a very small town and there are just not a lot of "friend" options sad to say. This is a group of boys that have hung around each other for many years. My DS and his roomate friend are the two that are responsible and both have jobs. The others are kind of floating through life with the help of their parents. Sticky fingers is the exact term I would apply to this situation. It is not like they need to steal to survive, they do it for kicks. Gosh that sounds bad, but it is reality. My DS does want to move out of the area, but does not have the means to do so at this point. He is making due with the resources he has, which means he does not have the money to rent his own place. With the current arrangement he will be able to save some money.

Second, we have checked and their lease will not allow any modifications to anything. No deadbolts on bedroom doors. There is already a key lock, but I took my car key and opened it DH said he can remove the knob there and replace it with a better locking knob and when they leave replace it with the original one. We may proceed with that.

As a PP said, it is the friends of friends that he worries about...plus the friends of girlfriends. I think there is going to be an adjustment period where newness wares off and people stop coming by to see the "new place". I have warned him about the people they let in their apartment, but at his age most of what I say is disregarded as he already knows everything Time to let him learn from his mistakes! Rental insurance is something we have discussed. He is calling our agent next week.

I did want to say I liked the foot locker idea. DS could keep it in his closet and store extra drinks and food for work and his xbox in it. I am going to check on one tomorrow.

Thanks again!

 

[bumbershoot]

I still maintain that he shouldn't be moving in if he genuinely believes his housemate will have guests that will BREAK IN to a locked room to steal or use his belongings...

I would also say that the quickest way to lose a friend is to room with them!


The friends who stop by while your son is at work will be there while his trusted friend is there. So hopefully there won't be time for the *other* friends to *break in* to his room while the roomie is there.

The two of them need a pact to keep guests in common areas, to not let people stay there while neither of the roomies are home, and to keep the house doors locked! That should take care of a lot of it.

 

[mamacatnv]

I did want to say I liked the foot locker idea. DS could keep it in his closet and store extra drinks and food for work and his xbox in it. I am going to check on one tomorrow.

Thanks again!

We bought DS's at Bed Bath & Beyond - its not a safe but it certainly is a deterent. It was about $60

IMO anytime there is a roommate situation there is going to be issues to deal with. The friends of friends is a common issue, even "nice" kids can be shady friends. Communication is the key - a roomie agreement is not a bad idea either. Where they agree on things like guests (how many, how long & overnight?) where they agree on chores (who cleans the bathroom bi-annually ) common items: paper towels, dish soap, sponges, cleaning supplies etc.......when the utilities are due and how they are paid etc...if its all in writing it will work out much better.

DS and his 2 roomies all have an individual fridge in their rooms, they share the kitchen fridge. This has worked out well for them. They also each have a cupboard that is theirs and is off limits to anyone but them.

Remind your DS that the little things will be what cause the biggest issues. The biggest fight DS has ever had with his roomies was over Toilet Paper, paper towels and hand soap - I am not kidding, screaming, yelling, swearing and lots of "I hate living with you" all over paper products They survived the Great TP meltdown and they learned they needed to respect each other a bit more than they were.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We bought DS's at Bed Bath & Beyond - its not a safe but it certainly is a deterent. It was about $60

IMO anytime there is a roommate situation there is going to be issues to deal with. The friends of friends is a common issue, even "nice" kids can be shady friends. Communication is the key - a roomie agreement is not a bad idea either. Where they agree on things like guests (how many, how long & overnight?) where they agree on chores (who cleans the bathroom bi-annually ) common items: paper towels, dish soap, sponges, cleaning supplies etc.......when the utilities are due and how they are paid etc...if its all in writing it will work out much better.

DS and his 2 roomies all have an individual fridge in their rooms, they share the kitchen fridge. This has worked out well for them. They also each have a cupboard that is theirs and is off limits to anyone but them.

Remind your DS that the little things will be what cause the biggest issues. The biggest fight DS has ever had with his roomies was over Toilet Paper, paper towels and hand soap - I am not kidding, screaming, yelling, swearing and lots of "I hate living with you" all over paper products They survived the Great TP meltdown and they learned they needed to respect each other a bit more than they were.

Yep. My sister's relative just moved out of shared living situation because of stuff like that.

It got to the point where they were locking up all of their stuff. These were grown adults & teens with drug/alcohol problems.

Needless to say they moved out.

Frankly I would put the deadbolt on anyway and then pay for damages later if you have people you KNOW are going to steal from you.

I think it needs to be the hinge deadbolt since stealer will just take the door off the hinges.

 

[MickeySP]

Get a deadbolt, 1st. then get a storage locker with a lock for double protection.

Also keep serial #s of all his electronics with pictures of each. Keep these in 2 places in case one walks away with the items.

Let all know you have all your iPods etc registered online like with Mobile Me.

I would also let shady friends know that if anything disappears, they are on the short list and when policve reoprt is made - their names are given too.

But honestly why are these people even allowed in his life?