~ Sew Sweet 16 ~I’m packing your angry eyes just in case~Aug 2014~ BFF' bag 8/20!!!!

[DisMom1981]

That's great! Hugs!

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[Chicago Mo]

checking in..

just know i'm there with you giving hugs!!!

 

[disneychic2]

Yay!! So glad the end is in sight for you, Josh and your Dad! Loved the towels and I'm sure your Dad did too. Have a safe trip tomorrow and hopefully you'll get a great night's sleep once you're home. Hugs to you.

Sandra: You've gained NO weight during pregnancy??? Wow! Will your diabetes go away after you give birth? I know nothing about gestational diabetes. (obviously) Keeping you in my prayers for a great delivery!

 

[disneychic2]

duplicate post

 

[Sweetly]

Finally caught up from my last visit.
So sorry for all your added stress D. Glad in the end it seemed to work out for your dad.
The weather has been insane lately. It's either been freezing cold,snowing, raining or it's warm. The other day I took a good fall on the ice. I just sore, it could have been worse. That being said, I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUMMER!
Don't worry about your custom bags, everything will fall into place on getting done. Plus it's nice to know that everyone is understanding.

Even though I am not on here as much as I'd like to be, I think of you all and you all are in my prayers.

 

[ladylyons]

D - So glad to see he's been moved in!!! Now hopefully you can relax (well as much as you can anyways!!)

Sandra: You've gained NO weight during pregnancy??? Wow! Will your diabetes go away after you give birth? I know nothing about gestational diabetes. (obviously) Keeping you in my prayers for a great delivery!

I gained 15 lbs between when we first found out I was pregnant in June 2013 and November 3 when I had my appointment with my nutritionist (we found out I have gestational diabetes right before Halloween.) I had to learn how to eat more healthy and keep my numbers under control or else they were going to put me on insulin (whether it be shots or oral medication I didn't want to take anything for it.) They told me it's normal to lose weight once you start eating more healthy which is exactly what happened (plus I was overweight before I got pregnant). I've lost the 15 lbs I've gained (plus some since the baby is growing just like he should be) and I'm back to where I was when I first got pregnant. The gestational diabetes should go away since I've been able to keep it under control and have lost weight. I won't know for sure though until 6 weeks after the baby is born (I go back in for the glucose testing and all that.) But most of the time it does go away. Thank you!! I'm ready for this baby to be here but I figure I have about another week to go before he decides to arrive (my due date is January 31.)

 

[Texan]

Just checking in while I am "at work". I would rather check in on the Dis boards than do my work. Had to see how everything is going. Our internet at home is still horrible and couldn't check in on you this weekend. That's what we get for living so far out. Glad to see everything is going smoothly. I will be checking in when I can to see how you are this Monday. Like you said, you will have already done your workout for the week!

The towels are awesome! You are so thoughtful and put so much of yourself into your sewing. Prayers and hugs sent your way!

 

[jedimeg16]

I'm glad to hear that your dad is mostly moved into his new place. I haven't been around the DIS or FB much lately because my family had a busy weekend too - my younger brother got married on Saturday and my sons were the ring bearers. So it was a fun and crazy weekend.

 

[DMGeurts]

Joining! Popping over from Mo's thread! I have heard so many great things about you! Hoping I can meet you if/when you come to Chicago!!

First of all... Welcome! I didn't want you to think I missed your post.

**********************************************************

As for the rest of you...

Just kidding...

I don't know what to say... I barely had any internet at my Dad's this weekend - but occasionally, I was able to sign in and see your notes of encouragement... Please know that each and every one of them meant the world to me.

My Dad's house was very sad... I cried many tears over the weekend. I am going through a lot of sad emotions and blaming myself for not seeing how he was living. I just feel like the worst person in the world, because even though Josh and I were doing our best to make sure he had the things he needed, we didn't SEE how he was living. No person should ever, ever have to live like that.

Going through his house, we found so much evidence of how sad and lonely he had become, and I blame myself for all of that. I should have been a better daughter, and I should have seen. But I didn't...

Over and over, through out the weekend, Victoria continued to tell me what a wonderful daughter I am to my Dad, and all I could see how I neglected him.

As BFF, Josh and the girls keep telling me... I cannot change the past, I cannot go back in time... Life for my dad will be much different in the future, and I am determined to do it myself if I have to.

He is in a much better place. He is somewhere where people can watch over him and make sure his basic needs are being met, that he is clean, fed and his medications are checked. Things that I just cannot do on a daily basis.

He is somewhere where he can be social and still enjoy his privacy. This is huge for him and a huge relief for me.

As I am slowly going through my dad's finances and taking over managing his life, and I continually asked by everyone he had contact with, how he is doing and a genuine care for his well being. I am shocked by how many people love him and enjoy him. I think he is shocked too...

Soooo... I just wanted to let you all know I am home... I couldn't have asked our weekend to go any better. There was so much sadness for me, and it was such an eye opening experience, I know that his living conditions did not happen over night, and it was a progressive thing... but wow... If any of you out there have parents that live alone, or you are unsure of their living conditions... I beg and URGE you to please step in and make it your business. Find out... Just because you visit and see their living areas - it is not enough... Open those closed doors (private bathrooms... bedrooms... fridges... cupboards/pantires... stoves...) and really LOOK. Please.

Prayers were sent up and prayers were answered, and I couldn't be any more thankful for all of my friends here and everywhere who lifted our family up during this time. It hasn't been easy, and it's been very stressful on all of us, but in the end, the outcome is good - very good - and worth all of it.

So, thank you... THANK YOU - from the very bottom of my heart. All of your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us.

D~

And... If you asked for my Dad's address - could you repost? I did not keep a running list. Thanks!

 

[Iamthequeen]

Firstly, you cannot change the past and the best thing to do is move forward and not dwell on things that cannot be changed. You know that your Dad is in a place where he is going to be taken care of. Feel blessed for that and let the rest go.

Hugs my friend.

Yes, please send me your Dad's address.

T

I also wanted to add that I know how hard it is when your parent is so far away. Charlie's mom is in a nursing home on the other side of the state - 5 hours away from us. Thank goodness for his sister, who is there almost every day to check up on her. We do help out financially, but the rest is left up to his sister. It is hard on Charlie, but there is not much else we can do.

 

[KatMark]

Your family is right...you cannot change the past and you should not be so harsh on yourself. I am sure your dad knwos you did what you could when you could and he loves you all the same.

I'm glad the move went smoothly and I loved the pictures on FB.

 

[ladylyons]

Your the best daughter you can be!! It is harder when your farther away and not able to see the every day things. All you can do is move forward and do what you can to make the changes you want now. The past can't be changed. Continued prayers for you and your family!

 

[DisMom1981]

It is so hard living apart from family. Look at all you have done to make sure your dad can retain and improve his privacy, comfort, social life, dignity, independence- while sill ensuring his health, well being and general needs are met. You are a damn good daughter- no one can be all knowing and perfect all of the time. Sending more hugs and prayers!

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[NiniMorris]

Hugs D~!

Believe me, it is just as hard when the parent lives close to you! I lived less than 5 miles from my mom after my step father died. Looking back, I noticed some changes, but they were not strong enough to send out any real warning signals.

It wasn't until I went to pick her up for a shopping trip that I realized her house was much colder than it should be...digging, I found out her heat had been cut off for a couple weeks! I had been in her house each day during that time! She was good at covering things up.

We moved her in with us that afternoon...I went directly against my mother's wishes and I know I made her mad! I didn't giver her a choice. Cleaning out her house made me cry...and made me sick! This was NOT the mother I remembered!

I now know if we had not moved her she would not have made it much longer...she had decided a good way to save money was to take her meds once a week...and her memory was so bad she was skipping weeks...being a diabetic...this is NOT good!

You can't change what has happened. You can only remember it to make sure that you watch in the future. But then again, that is what history does...it is a teacher.

Much hugs and prayers! You ARE a good daughter....

Nini

 

[Wood Nymph]

*hugs* for you, Dee. I'm so sorry for all these difficult things that you are dealing with. You have been doing a very good job of taking care of your own family, your daughters and husband, and that was very important to do. Even now that you know what you know and are able to move forward, you'll find that there are things you can't do anything about no matter how hard you try. Your father is still his own person and will still want some control over his life. At least he is safe now.

 

[DMGeurts]

Firstly, you cannot change the past and the best thing to do is move forward and not dwell on things that cannot be changed. You know that your Dad is in a place where he is going to be taken care of. Feel blessed for that and let the rest go.

Hugs my friend.

Yes, please send me your Dad's address.

T

I also wanted to add that I know how hard it is when your parent is so far away. Charlie's mom is in a nursing home on the other side of the state - 5 hours away from us. Thank goodness for his sister, who is there almost every day to check up on her. We do help out financially, but the rest is left up to his sister. It is hard on Charlie, but there is not much else we can do.

Thank you Tess... It's just so hard to know, while I am sitting her planning Disney trips and adding magic to so many lives... There he sat - my own Dad - sad and lonely. There was no magic there for him. The future will be very different...

I k now how hard it must be for Charlie... You are right though - at least his sister is there every day for his mom, that does make a huge difference.

Your family is right...you cannot change the past and you should not be so harsh on yourself. I am sure your dad knwos you did what you could when you could and he loves you all the same.

I'm glad the move went smoothly and I loved the pictures on FB.

Thank you Kathy. I am trying very hard not to be hard on myself - it's not an easy thing. And you are right... my Dad doesn't blame me for anything - he never would - it's not the way he is. He is just happy that I am there now, he is a great Dad and I have always been very lucky for that.

And please know that your brother is in my thoughts and prayers... I didn't read about him until this morning, my apologies.

Your the best daughter you can be!! It is harder when your farther away and not able to see the every day things. All you can do is move forward and do what you can to make the changes you want now. The past can't be changed. Continued prayers for you and your family!

Thank you Sandra. I am doing the best I can now... And I am really trying hard not to look back, only forward.

It is so hard living apart from family. Look at all you have done to make sure your dad can retain and improve his privacy, comfort, social life, dignity, independence- while sill ensuring his health, well being and general needs are met. You are a damn good daughter- no one can be all knowing and perfect all of the time. Sending more hugs and prayers!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

Thank you Ann... Yes, you are right. Thank you very much.

Hugs D~!

Believe me, it is just as hard when the parent lives close to you! I lived less than 5 miles from my mom after my step father died. Looking back, I noticed some changes, but they were not strong enough to send out any real warning signals.

It wasn't until I went to pick her up for a shopping trip that I realized her house was much colder than it should be...digging, I found out her heat had been cut off for a couple weeks! I had been in her house each day during that time! She was good at covering things up.

We moved her in with us that afternoon...I went directly against my mother's wishes and I know I made her mad! I didn't giver her a choice. Cleaning out her house made me cry...and made me sick! This was NOT the mother I remembered!

I now know if we had not moved her she would not have made it much longer...she had decided a good way to save money was to take her meds once a week...and her memory was so bad she was skipping weeks...being a diabetic...this is NOT good!

You can't change what has happened. You can only remember it to make sure that you watch in the future. But then again, that is what history does...it is a teacher.

Much hugs and prayers! You ARE a good daughter....

Nini

Thank you Nini... And thank you for sharing your story - I am glad I am not alone. I am just happy I know what I know now, and I can take comfort in the fact that he is in a community setting... It will be very good for him... And he will have people constantly in and out of his house. I am certain that his life is much happier now than it has been for decades, and that makes me feel so much better.

*hugs* for you, Dee. I'm so sorry for all these difficult things that you are dealing with. You have been doing a very good job of taking care of your own family, your daughters and husband, and that was very important to do. Even now that you know what you know and are able to move forward, you'll find that there are things you can't do anything about no matter how hard you try. Your father is still his own person and will still want some control over his life. At least he is safe now.

Thank you... You are right, I do need to move forward... I am doing my best not to continue to blame myself - it's so hard - but I do need to dwell on the things I can change - vs. the things I cannot.

**********************************************************

It was truly wonderful to be home yesterday.

I thought I would share a few pictures with you all from the weekend. I hope you don't mind.

First of all... My car flipped over to 77,777.7 miles on the trip up... Honest - I was driving, and V leaned over to take the pic for me. But V told me that 7s were lucky, so we took it as a good omen.

A picture of my brother at my Dad's old house, "helping" us move...

V playing cards with Grandpa at the nursing home, the night before he was discharged.

When going through some of my Dad's pictures, and I found this one from our first trip... I'd completely forgotten about it, and I don't think it's ever been scanned. This was back when Disney offered a free family photo with the purchase of MNSSHP... So they took your photo and sent it to you a few weeks later. I am not sure where my copy of this photo went?

And then a few pictures of my Dad's new apartment...

First, his kitchen...

Then his livingroom... On the right side of the photo - which you can barely see, is his TV and 2 book cases, which are filled with family photos and several of his favorite books... I am super happy with how comfy and nice his apartment turned out in such a short time, we did a LOT of work!

And then, his bedroom...

My Dad told me yesterday morning that his new apartment is the "perfect" size for him... And he is right - it is the perfect size.

A few of his neighbors stopped by to welcome him while I was still there, which was so nice.

He is sad that we had to toss several things that he would have liked to keep. I feel badly, but we were forced to make several decisions like that, and we did the very best we could considering how much work had to be done in such a short time.

Even though his old apartment is empty... We had to store a lot of items in his garage... We have a huge pile of trash we need to discard yet (his building dumpster was full...) and we also have a HUGE donation pile, which we need to load up and donate... we just ran out of time. But his actual apartment is clean and the keys are turned in - so that is a relief.

We will be going back up this weekend to finish up our work and to hang pictures for him in his new place.

Thanks for letting me share.

**********************************************************

I will be posting my custom order photos from last week - hopefully this morning, but for sure sometime today.

I will also be starting my next custom order. This one is quite detailed, and it will take me all of this week to do it. Since I don't have the weekend to work on it (will be at my Dad's, as mentioned above) - it will put me behind on next week's order too. Sigh. I'll just keep plugging along as much as I can, and try not to fall too much further behind.

I am also back to lifting today. YAY! Although - I don't consider myself behind on that - considering I was lifting heavy boxes/couches/TVs all weekend.

I am also back to eating right again today too... I don't think I was eating too badly while I was gone, but I know I wasn't eating enough.

Then, I am also back to Disney planning... I may not get to it this week, but it will be at the back of my mind. The girls continue to press Josh and they continue to get solid "NOs" out of him. I am not sure if we are going to get him to change his mind this time. We need to consider a Plan B attack... Sad part... We don't have a "Plan B", because Plan A has always worked in the past.

I hope you all have a wonderful day... Please know that you all have been on my mind over the last few days, and my prayers continue for those who needed them.

D~

 

[Chicago Mo]

your doing what you can now and the NOW is what matters. He knows you love him. Love is what means the most.
As for the rest.. You can only do so much. you have you home with your children which comes FIRST. You have taken care of your dad as best as you could. No one is going to fault you. You are a great daughter he knows that!!

What you see in yourself is different from what your dad and everyone sees. stop blaming yourself for things you cannot manage. NO ONE sees you that way but yourself. And well... YOUR WRONG about yourself..

Love and hugs!!!

 

[Pluto0809]

Just wanted to post really quickly to say that you have been in my thoughts all weekend. I haven't had much DIS time the last few days but I was reading along on my phone. I am so thankful that you got your Dad mostly settled!

 

[disneychic2]

Oh D~, you're post really made me sad for you. I'm sure by now you've realized that you are definitely NOT a bad daughter by anyones' standards. You are so caring about people you have never even met, so that's not someone who would knowingly fail to help their own family when needed. Sometimes as they age, parents don't want their family members to know how they're feeling or become (in their own mind) a burden to them. So, part of that was probably your Dad not willing to indicate in any way how he was feeling or getting along.

Now, though, you've got him in a wonderful situation and it sounds like he's already making new friends. What a wonderful final outcome to something that took you so by surprise just a short time ago. You've gotten soooo much accomplished in such a short amount of time. Kudos to you and Josh! And bless your heart!

I can't wait for you to get back to your planning so I can live vicariously again. I have a feeling Josh will come around. I think he knows as long as he lets his girls go, he won't have to. Hopefully one day he will want to accompany you to the happiest place on earth again. Maybe you should wait until he's asleep and begin whispering "Disney World is the best place to vacation" in his ear. Do this every chance you get and by the time the girls are away at college, HE'LL be asking YOU to go! Is that so wrong???

ETA: Loved the pics and the towel you made your Dad looked great hanging there!

 

[DMGeurts]

I've been trying to post these pictures all day, but Photobucket was not cooperating, so I am posting them from my phone.

This is last weeks custom order. I am super happy with how it turned out!

D~