Severing ties with a good friend

[AustinTink]

I know it has to be done, but it feels like my heart is dying.

How do you get through it? Severing a toxic relationship.

 

[katesorad]

I recently did this with a friend I had for a long time. She was just too immature for me. I couldn't deal with her constant drunk dialing and middle of the night crises happening multiple times a week.

It's hard, but just spend time with other friends who you have a healthy relationship with.

 

[Goofyluver]

I know it has to be done, but it feels like my heart is dying.

How do you get through it? Severing a toxic relationship.

You know and understand that toxicity breeds toxicity.

A wise person once told me that if you willingly participate or keep a toxic person in your life, you are giving permission for their actions to affect you and your life.

It may be hard now, but you know it will be better in the end.

 

[low-key]

Tell him you have a rare disease and its catchy

 

[AustinTink]

It's been such a long day, lots of tears. I know it is the right thing to do.

 

[mamacatnv]

My Former BFF of 13 years lives next door. I had to walk away, it has been like a divorce. It affected our social circle and it is something I think about almost every day. I took the high road, I chose to not continue the relationship and I cut off all ties and communication. She totally and completely violated my trust. It is not something I am willing to get over, I can't trust her and so I had to let her go.

I will say I miss her every day, I miss the relationship we had but I also know it was the best thing and for me the only choice.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it can be very difficult but sometimes we have to do things that are not easy in order to preserve ourselves.

 

[AustinTink]

My Former BFF of 13 years lives next door. I had to walk away, it has been like a divorce. It affected our social circle and it is something I think about almost every day. I took the high road, I chose to not continue the relationship and I cut off all ties and communication. She totally and completely violated my trust. It is not something I am willing to get over, I can't trust her and so I had to let her go.

I will say I miss her every day, I miss the relationship we had but I also know it was the best thing and for me the only choice.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it can be very difficult but sometimes we have to do things that are not easy in order to preserve ourselves.

This is what happened to us. She not only hurt me but effected my kid. THAT is where I draw the line. She was the closest thing i have to a sister in town. I will see her everyday at school. That will be so tough, but it's over.

 

[C.Ann]

This is what happened to us. She not only hurt me but effected my kid. THAT is where I draw the line. She was the closest thing i have to a sister in town. I will see her everyday at school. That will be so tough, but it's over.

Every time you're feeling bad about severing this relationship, remind yourself of the portion of your post that I underlined..

I too would draw the line at that point..

It will get easier - as time goes on.. Hang in there..

 

[AustinTink]

Thanks, C. Ann. The mama bear came out, enough was enough.

 

[FredinFL]

Good for you honey. Sometimes you just have to protect your own.

 

[JacksLilWench]

About a year ago, the same thing happened to me. My best friend of 12 years was an alcoholic, and I had to pull her out of a hotel room at 3am to keep something bad from happening to her, and all the while I'm on the phone with her mother (who was like a mother to me) while she's in tears. I got no apology or explanation or even a "thank you". And about a week ago, I was telling another friend about it, and she gave me her insight on the situation. (And I don't know if you're religious, so forgive me if I offend you!) But she told me that God always knows what's best for you, and will take you out of situations where you don't need to be. Sometimes he does it because he knows the things we have to accomplish in life and we wouldn't be able to do those things if we're surrounded by those negative and toxic influences.

One of the big things I had to do was to forgive my friend. I didn't have to do it to her face, but I had to do it for me so I wouldn't carry around all the anger and betrayal I felt about everything that happened. It's really hard in the beginning, and some days it's still really hard. But it will get easier.

I am sorry you have to go through it though

 

[autumnpalm]

I know how hard it is. I lost my best friend of fifteen years two years ago and it really was harder than any breakup I'd ever been through. She violated my trust in a major way and in the resulting conflict, words came out of her mouth that I honestly never thought she would be capable of saying. It devastated me. She was my closest friend, practically a sister, and we had grown up together. It felt like losing a part of myself.

Two years on, I realize that parting ways was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Thankfully we are on friendly terms now, but we have very little contact and I have not seen her in over a year. I wish her the best, but cannot live with her toxicity in my life. It took me a long time to come to terms with how badly she hurt me and the fact that I had lost one of the most important relationships in my life. Looking back, it saddens me to think of what happened but I do believe it was for the best.

Sending hugs and thinking of you. It is such a difficult situation, but I hope you are able to find peace soon!

 

[stepmommyof1]

I'm sorry you're going through this. A while back I lost my best friend as well,I posted here about it when it was happening but I haven't posted here too much since that time because I have been a little depressed about it. She was my best friend but not only did she effect my family she also hurt my stepson and if it was me, im a forgiving person but you mess with my kid and thats it. that is something that I will not tolerate. But even so it is really hard, it makes u feel like you don't know who to trust and you are sad and lonely because despite what they did they were up until now your best friend.
hugs to you

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

look at it this way.

a GOOD friend would not put you through whatever emotional duress they obviously have.

nor would a friend.

when you get put in the position that your own well being is in jeopardy, by the actions of an outsider (allegedly a friend). then they are not your friend at all.

not worth a second thought if they do not give you the same respect you gave them.

 

[themilesfamily]

It might be good role modeling for your child. The kids will learn that 1) family comes first, 2) there need to be reasonable boundaries put on relationships and 3) it's not okay to sit back and be victimized -- some people need to be escorted out of your life.

I can see how all three lessons could potentially benefit a child as they grow older and begin their own friendships, dating relationships, marriages, etc. You'd hate to see your kids be in relationships where someone was treating them badly, betraying them, etc.

Good luck!

p.s. I'm guessing the person who you are severing ties with knows full-well what he or she did. Shouldn't they be somewhat expecting your course of action?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know it has to be done, but it feels like my heart is dying.

How do you get through it? Severing a toxic relationship.

If she violated your trust, I would be blunt.

 

[AustinTink]

Thanks everyone. My husband is involved now. He sent an extremely blunt email to the husband of the other lady. Our families were close, the kid is in my son''s class. The bleep is going to hit the fan today.

Another fun day today.

 

[Mermaid02]

Thanks everyone. My husband is involved now. He sent an extremely blunt email to the husband of the other lady. Our families were close, the kid is in my son''s class. The bleep is going to hit the fan today.

Another fun day today.

Hold your head high and know you are doing what you have to. I would however try to limit the drama- just do NOT participate. "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away.....

 

[ZachnElli]

This is what happened to us. She not only hurt me but effected my kid. THAT is where I draw the line. She was the closest thing i have to a sister in town. I will see her everyday at school. That will be so tough, but it's over.

This just happened to me too. But she wasn't just a friend, she's my sister in law. I have no idea how we will handle the holidays, but we at least have quite a few months before then. Of course, it makes it worse that what she did affected her own niece! Believe me, I keep wishing she would apologize and we can make things right again, but I know her and she will never admit she was wrong. and then I also remember she is telling other relatives that I'm telling rumors about her, who am I telling, I'd be telling them if I did that sort of thing. It is so frustrating and it saddens me so much!

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I had to do this about a month ago with my best friend. I still break down and cry about it sometimes but it had to be done.

Essentially, my best friend (we'll call him Chuck) for most of my adult life got into a toxic relationship with a woman, 10 years younger than him (she is still college age), that he had never met. They would spend every night on the phone, to the point that my friend was ignoring people who cared about him in real life. The only time I would ever get called anymore was if he was having a mental breakdown crying because of her yelling at him and making him feel bad. It was a very screwed up situation. Honestly, I have never witnessed anything more messed up in my life. It reached a point where my friend could barely function in life sometimes because of the worry about her and things surrounding her. And I would always be the one to go pick him up when he was slumped on the floor crying over her.

While all this nonsense was going on, they were also planning to move in together (even though they never met) this fall. So….

Myself, and Chuck's other best friend (we'll call him Joe) attempted to be nice to this girl, even friending her on Facebook, despite her constant complaints about me. (I am a woman but I am a happily married woman and have never had any interest in Chuck or vice versa… he was actually in my wedding party). For the longest time, Chuck would lie to her about me, and when he finally told her the truth, and admitted we'd been platonic bffs for, like, ever, she had a hissy like you wouldn't belive.

She had once tried to come on to Joe, and this made Joe very uncomfortable since he is also married, happily. Joe also thought it was strange that this woman constantly posted that she was "soooo ugly" and then would proceed to post 97 cleavage featuring shots of herself to draw the 3000+ men on her page to compliment her. Ugh. She'd ask Joe if Joe thought she was sexy etc. And Joe would just be like…"um, talk to Chuck".

Well, in FB friending her, we noticed her frequently "checking into" places with other men. One day, it was really bad because she was drunk posting about how drunk she was with other guys. She also went psycho ballistic when I made an innocent remark referring to Chuck as her "boyfriend" (keep in mind, she swears she loves him and is moving in with him soon). It struck myself, Joe and Chuck's brother Timmy as very peculiar that this woman who had such a psychological grip on Chuck would not admit she was even involved with him to her friends and family. Angry, Timmy called her out on it.

Around this same time Chuck began to fall really bad. Saying he could not possibly live without her etc. etc. It was scary and sad. Joe began to ask me what I thought and I told him I was worried. Well, Joe and Timmy and apparently Chuck's parents were also very worried and a minor intervention was planned.

It backfired and Chuck ran away to the state where the girl lives and took a photo with her to put on Facebook and then returned. He then unfriended me (but not the men) and proceeded to tell everyone we knew that I unfriended him. Wow. He also told the girl some deeply personal stuff about me and Joe and our own marriages. Like stuff we had confided in him. Joe eventually stopped talking to Chuck because the girl contacted him once again and said something akin to "why don't you like me…I mean you have a weird relationship too…didn't you almost get divorced because of ….. ?" Needless to say Joe was FUMING.

Joe and I both said our peace to Chuck and removed the girl from our facebooks, as has his family. His family has made it clear they don't approve. His landlord (another friend of ours) has even told him he will not allow this woman to move in as he is not okay with the situation. We've all told him, when she is out of his life, we can talk.

What on earth would possess a person to ignore every single friend and family member in their life for a girl who blantantly cheats on him? She even admitted to him that she cheats on him. It's so sad but too painful to watch unfold. He's going to have to go through this alone. He has not spoken to me, Joe or any of his family for over a month. My heart breaks for his mom.

On the plus side, my life has been drama free for a month and a half...