Your husband might be struggling with depression and/or alcoholism, with the possibility of other factors at play such as drugs or mental illness. He emotionally manipulates (he learned this somewhere). His behavior vacillates between affectionate and pouting. You describe him as being like a child. He describes himself as a pushover in both his personal and professional life. When his wife decided for him (or with him depending on the post) that he would stop drinking for the rest of his life, he agreed to it instead of standing up for himself and saying he didn’t want to. Instead of taking ownership of his own decisions, he hid alcohol and snuck around drinking behind your back. His wife forcibly sends him to bed when he has to work in the morning or she doesn’t like his behavior.
Emotionally, he is a child. He’s stunted. That typically happens when someone is not allowed to properly develop their emotional maturity, and the reason for that is often that the child had a controlling, manipulative, infantilizing parent. A parent who put their own emotions and desires above all else, creating an environment where the child had to focus all their energies into appeasing the lunatic in the house instead of tending to their own feelings or learning to stand up for themselves.
Upthread, someone suggested they were skeptical this was even true. I said I could confirm the veracity based on how you described your mother-in-law. Had you said your MIL was a lovely woman who respected boundaries and always put other people’s needs above her own, I would’ve known the whole thing was fabricated. Or, at least, that was the joke. His dysfunction comes from somewhere (his childhood) and it runs deep. Therapy is essential.
My frame of reference is having been an RN FIR 36 years caring for more alcoholics than I care to remember and having multiple family members who are alcoholics. I will be blunt.
Your husband is an alcoholic. Regardless of what his other issues are, he is also an alcoholic. He has lied to you, snuck around with his booze, been in a “state” where his behavior has been “fuzzy”.
You have a child coming. A child that deserves stability and not the instability of not knowing what Daddy is going to be like at any given moment. A child needs both parents to be dependable and predictable and if that’s not the case, the bad parent is a hindrance, not a help.
You’re making excuses for him and enabling the behavior, because you love him. Because you don’t want a failed marriage. Because you’ve invested a lot of years into your relationship.
Personally, I wouldn’t be living hundreds of miles away from my support system with a baby on the way. I’d be making arrangements to move back near my parents, get established there with a job and good prenatal care. You’re going to need help when this baby comes and this alcoholic that you’re married to is not going to step up and be there. You can’t force him to change until he’s ready. I wouldn’t waste my time with ultimatums. That just causes alcoholics to learn how to hide their problem better.
Formulate a plan for yourself and your child, tell him and go. You owe it to that unborn baby to give it a life without the uproar of an active alcoholic father.
OP, I have to agree, for the most part, with these posts from above.
I see some important points/thoughts by both Traveler and Disney Doll that really seem to have some truth in basis.
I am not sure that leaving immediately, as in today, is my advice. (What would your DH's feeling be about the future custody of the child?)
But, in the best interests of your child, and yourself, ALL of these complex issues need addressed, by real medical and psychiatric professionals, immediately. IMHO, you need to make some major decisions, right away.
Be aware that your DH can and possibly will, with any legal guidance, request that you do not and can not take this child out of the state without his prior agreement. You do not seem to have a big support system there in your current State. (Maybe that is not correct, but you mention having moved and are far away from your family.)
Instead of being firm, and stating to your husband "THIS is what I NEED for this to work, for this to be okay, for us to be successful and happy..." There seems to be the ongoing off and on discussions, manipulations, finger pointing, compromises, etc...
That is not what is going to get you (your husband and child) where you need to be.
No matter what decisions or actions your husband follows, you should independently be dealing with YOU. The dynamic that you describe, with your need for a lot of very intimate control, and your husband being a pushover, is not a good situation, at all. I see that you are admitting this, to some degree.... But this might be something that needs to be addressed with some serious professional counseling. ( I will just throw this in... a child will not do well in a situation where they are raised by a micromanaging and overly controlling parent.... Just as the opposite, in your husband's case, he seems to have been raised in a large family, where he was barely a blip on the radar, and has lived under-the-radar, just as he is continuing to try to do with hiding his alcohol drinking.
I will say that, to me, my biggest concern is your child, and the fact that you WILL have to give up control and your child will be spending time with this man, whether he is an alcoholic, has other issues, etc... Whether or not he ever gets himself 'together'.
The fact that your DH seems to be more of the immature 'push-over', and you seem to have some control issues, makes me wonder if he would be a pushover when it regards child custody. (Maybe, maybe not???)
You are bringing a child into this... and that should always, always, always, be your biggest concern.
early on and that is why I told the OP her husband’s issues ran far deeper than just the drinking. The OP didn’t have to tell me her MIL was an attention seeking loon who would “scream bloody murder” if she dropped something in the kitchen — I already knew. 
— could get.
