Wow... what an adventure this has been...
My DH and I went to the hospital at 3pm on Tuesday... I was very anxious at first that we would't even get a room, let alone be seen by anyone for many hours because they were extremely crowded. I checked in and was in a room within an HOUR... under a suicide watch... (there's something about having fairly deep scratches [deeper than cat scratches anyway] on your wrist that gets peoples' attention I guess...) Then they kept mentioning this organization that was coming to evaluate me...
(Keep in mind, I thought I'd just see a psychiatrist at the hospital and get my medicine fixed... maybe go to some support groups outpatient, but nothing intensive... )
So... finally around 7, the rep. from the organization come to see me... nice guy, (cute, actually...) and he talks to me and tells me that I qualify to go to their location because of my depression... he gives DH directions and tells us that we'll be seen by the Dr that night and that I can get evaluated, get my meds fixed, and then go home...
It took quite a while for the ER and the organization to get everything finalized for my "transfer"... finally, at 1am, I was discharged and DH and I headed over to the organization so I could get help.
We arrived there in about an hour, and the man that saw us thrust a packet in my lap and immediately pressured me to sign a lot of forms... he wouldn't really give me time to even glance at the packet [I know now I should have, BUT... when you're panicked and wanting to get help, you don't think that clearly... I was definitely preyed upon, I know that...]. Once the papers were signed, he left to complete some stuff and DH and I started looking for the packet. It was all about being in INPATIENT services!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! So... DH and I decided that wasn't for me, and that we needed to take that paperwork back and shred it. When the man returned, we asked for them and he got this Grinch-like grin/smirk and said "The papers have already been signed... you can't take them back... you're staying..." So, I talked to the head nurse on staff and she concurred... apparently if you're serious enough to volunteer yourself, they legally can't let you rescend it.
I was distraught to say the least. I'm VERY attatched to my DH and my family (parents and little brother... well... he's 20 now, so maybe not so "little"...) and so being without them, even THINKING about being without them, made me quite emotional. I tearfully said my goodbyes to DH and went back to admission to finish checking in...
It was really... funny (looking back on it anyway)... that when they took my blood pressure, they were ALARMED that it was high and that my pulse was 146...
(my blood pressure and pulse are always perfect...) even though I was bawling my eyes out... go figure.
They took me to my room and gave me a sedative and I went to sleep... (that was around 4am).
The next day and a half were filled with group therapies and meetings with my psychiatrist, social worker, dietician (because of my Celiac's Disease), and other assistants... not too bad... they all acted like I didn't need to be there, that I didn't belong... which is really true (everyone else was struggling from various addictions or psychotic disorders, no one else was just... depressed). They had to keep me for 24-48 hours because of insurance stuff. The group therapies were beneficial, and the psychiatrist did change my medicine... he basically stepped me up to a dose 5x stronger than what I was on (gradually... his philosophy is that you can do that since you're already at a hospital...)- the medicine started helping within hours!
Fast forward to last night... they let me go! I got discharged, but I'm still going to be going to that hospital/organization for group therapies from 9-3 every day until Monday. I'm excited. I finally feel like me...
I'm so proud of myself for taking that step... for sticking through it and not leaving "AMA" (against medical advice). I'm also excited to continue to learn coping tools so I don't get that bad again.
All in all, I'm thankful for ALL of the help and support I've gotten (from y'all, from my family and friends, from my Dr's, etc.)- without it, it would've been really hard!
Sorry for not updating you sooner, but those hospitals don't allow patients internet access...
I love you all!!!
I wish you all the best
