Serious SAHM burnout!

[AlexTina]

Forgive me if I'm being Captain Obvious, here. I'm asking because I was in a similar situation once.

Have you TOLD him? I mean, have you come out and said it?

"Honey, this is my only alone time. Go to bed without me." did wonders for me. It hadn't occured to him and I finally realized I'd never said it, I'd just assumed he knew and was being difficult.

Yes actually I have told him many times that this is the only time I have to myself and I just don't want to go to bed immediately after the kids. His response is either well "I'll just wait" or "you could watch t.v. in bed it won't bother me". I just can't get him to understand that the point is not to watch t.v. but to just be able to sit around and do whatever I want by myself! I have no desire to sit next to him in bed watching t.v. while he snores, LOL.. In fact although the t.v is generally on all evening I don't spend much time watching it. I usually surf these boards, read a magazine/book, or pack up the items that I need to ship for my business. It's so much easier to pack it up after the kids go to bed and there's nobody around saying "let me see that", "do you have to mail that", "can I have some", and on and on . The fact that he won't go to bed without me really isn't that big a deal it just gets to me on occasion. I sometimes feel like I'm being monitored/supervised or something, LOL...

Tina

 

[lilybrooke14]

I just have one kiddo to watch, and I'm totally overwhelmed some days! I work some evenings at a retail store just to get away. Some nights I throw DD at DH and flee the house! I make him put the dinner leftovers away and he puts DD to bed. I've given DH chores. He has to clean the litterbox, take out the trash, and unload the dishwasher most of the time. He whines, but at least there are a few things I don't have to worry about.

Do the three year old and the six year old have any chores? Your three year old could help you set the table in the evenings and the six year old could probably handle putting away her own laundry or unloading the dishwasher. They are both old enough to make thier own beds (although the little one probably won't do a great job). I know whenever I uttered the phrase "I'm bored" my mother would find something for me to do, and it was usually along the lines of vacuuming or weeding the roses.

Heck, it's barely 8:00 here, and I've already listened to enough whining today to last me the rest of my life.

 

[sherreis]

I feel for you as well. Being a SAHM is a hard job. ITA with the others and try to get DH more involved with evening rituals with the children. It really helps solidify his relationship with them and they learn to depend on him for some of their needs as well. One of the things I always admired about my BIL was that once he arrived home from work, his daughters were his to care for. He was the one who did bath, books, and bedtime and I learned from an early age that when I had children I would want my DH to do that. In our home, DH was the one who did bath time and we would share book time.

As for school, since you want to move up as you get started -- why not shoot for the end result first. You can get started with preliminary courses for a degree - English, psychology, sociology, etc. by doing online courses. More and more colleges offer online programs. You can knock out a lot of the prerequisites by the time you are ready to start doing the clinical parts of the program.

 

[Dorisk3]

I was thinking about your situation in the shower. I've been there too. One thing that saved my sanity when my kids were younger and I had to help them with everything was going out by myself about 3 hours a week. I basically said to my husband that I needed alone time out of the house. I didn't ask- basically I just informed him in a nice way what I needed and what I wanted to do. On rough weeks I really looked forward to just that little time away.


Also, I have a husband that can sit and relax while I fold laundry, vacuum, clean the kitchen whatever. It can really get me furious. I find that if I ask him directly that he will help. I think guys are so different from us, they don't even realize that we need help because we are so good at doing so much!


Just on a side note: a great source I use for home organization is flylady.net- she even has stuff on her site for making your own camp/fun during the summer and keeping the kiddos busy.

Good luck to you- I realize you just need to vent- we all do- the only good thing I can tell you is that is does get so much easier when they are older and in school more. Then, you can enjoy their company much more without the drudgery of the diapers and help requests!

 

[Taja]

I'm right there with you. How about this though. DH will either start asking me if I'm ready to go to bed around 10 p.m. or he'll fall asleep on the couch. I have said many many times "go to bed"," I'll be there shortly" and he will not budge he'll sleep on the couch before he'll go to be without me . He just does not understand that I need my time, I really truly need the few hours I get when nobody needs anything from me and I can sit and do whatever I want. It's really frustrating.



This sounds like a great idea, I plan on trying it tomorrow. My youngest still has a nap almost everyday and if I could get the others to quiet down and relax while she's sleeping that would really help.



LOL!!! You saying that had me rolling because I can't tell you how many times I've heard "don't I have any clean underwear?" Um yeah it's in the laundry room! He just can't understand why I haven't gotten around to putting it away for him And as far as the coffee goes. Yes you are right he could do it but God only knows why he doesn't. He does help me get the kids down most nights but there are some nights when he just takes them up and puts them in their beds while I'm putting the youngest to bed (she won't accept anyone but me) and then he goes back downstairs well within a few minutes they are calling me and so I wind up dealing with them for another 20 minutes while he's sitting on the couch. Yes he could make the coffee in that time but he has never once done it! He gets up before me so I guess I could just leave it and he would be out of luck when he gets up. But my self diagnosed OCD wouldn't allow me to sleep well if the coffee wasn't ready .






Oh, I definately agree! We've had a busy summer and it is now winding down and their bored. 5 days after DD#1 got out of school we left for WDW, then we got back and 1 week later started swimming lessons (everyday for 2 weeks), then a couple of weeks later we got a visit from my mom who lives about 4 hours away and usually comes to visit every 6 weeks, she was here for a week and we were constantly going. Now we are waiting for DH mom to come visit which is the first week in August and we don't have much going on between now and then except that we are adding on a room to our house and can't leave during the day while they are working. So YES I agree they are bored but GEEZ I have done my best to keep them busy this summer with a few boring weeks in between entertainment and I just feel like I have done all I can and they are going to have to entertain themselves for just a couple of weeks and then we'll get back into being constantly entertained. DH mom will come and 1 day after she leaves my mom is coming back and 2 more days later DD#1 starts school again. WOW now that I've written it down we've done a lot this summer

Anyhow, thanks to all of you for letting me vent I feel so much better now just having talked with all of you and knowing that I'm not alone. I really appreciate it. It's so nice to be able to come here and vent and talk to people who are in similar situations. Helps me to realize that I'm not alone and there are lots of people dealing with the same emotions/situations as me.

Thanks again

Tina

Have you planned any activities at home for your children? We always had busy activities (playing outdoors) and quiet activities (art--at various levels!--music, reading, etc.) interspersed throughout the day. We weren't allowed to participate in organized activities until we were around third or fourth grade. "We" refers to the neighborhood children. Everyone knew everyone and their business--a bit like a small town! *LOL*

Quite honestly, we never were allowed to be *bored* during summer vacation. If that word was even whispered, there were chores to be done--and we were expected to do them! And any of the parents could assign chores--not just the parents of the child who mentioned the word! So you could see a gaggle of children "weeding" someone's lawn or flower garden, washing a vehicle (with adult supervision) or bicycles, sweeping driveways, porches or walkways or raking lawns, etc. Never done as well as adults, of course, but the objective was to appreciate the free time.

 

[minkydog]

I was a SAHM for many years with my three kids. I homeschooled them, so it was 365 days a year and I never got a break, not even on vacation. My DH sooo didn't get it even though I told him. Like a lot of men, my DH just had the idea that I watched TV and played with the kids all day. I guess he thought dinner & clean shirts appeared out of thin air.

couple of things to suggest:
1--Make a calendar of events for your kids and put it on the fridge. I tried to have only 1 or 2 things scheduled on any given day. We did the free summer movies, library day, pool time, nature walks, craft day, cooking day, etc. It really helped my kids to understand that "we have to get things picked up before we go have fun"

2--Institute a quiet time at your house. I would suggest early afternoon. The two younger kids go to their rooms, the older one can either go to her room or may play quietly elsewhere by herself. The rule at my house is "You don't have to go to sleep, but If I hear or see you then you can't come out of your room until suppertime." Of course, I kept my kids' rooms childproofed and stocked with blocks, puzzles and quiet toys.

3--Consider whether you might need some additional help so you can do your home job. It's nigh impossible to watch the kids and work from home. Somebody always gets shorted. Perhaps a teenage girl could come over a couple afternoons a week to play with the kids while you work for 2hrs.

4--Dad needs to be cleaning up the dinner dishes. The rule in my house is "Whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up." this rule works especially well when your kids get old enough to cook They'll be falling all over themselves to cook dinner so they don't have to clean up.

Incidentally, my DH had to learn the hard way that SAHMs have the hardest job in the world. He was retired on disability last year so now HE is the SAHD. Responsible for doing some laundry, cooking the dinner, running a few errands, dealing with school issues,etc while I work full-time.

Care to take a guess how long it took him to hire a part-time housekeeper?

 

[minkydog]

Quite honestly, we never were allowed to be *bored* during summer vacation. If that word was even whispered, there were chores to be done--and we were expected to do them! And any of the parents could assign chores--not just the parents of the child who mentioned the word! So you could see a gaggle of children "weeding" someone's lawn or flower garden, washing a vehicle (with adult supervision) or bicycles, sweeping driveways, porches or walkways or raking lawns, etc. Never done as well as adults, of course, but the objective was to appreciate the free time.

Absolutely correct! None of my kids has every been allowed to be bored. My first son tried it--once.
There are baseboards to be scrubbed, lintels to be dusted, steps to be swept. Even a 3yo can wipe off counters and line up shoes neatly. My 2nd child was very observant; she has never claimed boredom in her 15yrs.

 

[princess&her4princes]

From one SAHM to another....I'm right there with you!!! It's the toughest job in the world and this week was a tough one for me too!! I've never been so happy to be my DH tonight! I hope this weekend you can take some time for yourself and do something you enjoy, by yourself (or with girlfriends!!) and relax. I scheduled a haircut for tomorrow and I can't wait!!

 

[LovinPooh]

Today was my day. Throw in the heat with some PMS. Oh, yeah... no matter what activity was planned... I was a mess with a capital M!
It just seemed today that everyone knew I was irritable, and went out of their way to irritate me. Even the dog.

I have been a sahm for 10 years. No matter what you have planned, sometimes you just go batty!

 

[Mrs D]

I was about to write this same thread today...until I found this one!
I am working on Potty Training DS (will be 3 in August) so we have all been in the house for 4 days straight. Seriously. I did run out to pick up dinner tonight and made a run to the grocery store Wednesday night. Although since it's been over 90 degrees here, I guess I picked a good week to stay inside. DS and & I did play in the sandbox outside while DD napped until he had a an accident.

It seems everyone woke up cranky this morning. I'm grateful tomorrow is Saturday but am nervous on how DH is going to handle potty training, he gets all worked up if DS has an accident on the carpet (that's why I started on Tuesday instead of a weekend). I think he's more with the program since I explained that carpet can be cleaned, DS needs to learn a life skill.

Anyway, I feel ya and am glad to hear it's not just me.

 

[DumboPrincess]

Not a stay at home mom, but a mom to two little ones who still needs alone time now and then---


I can't always get the help I need b/c DH struggles with depression, but one thing I do to "get out of the house" is take the kids to Barnes and Noble. I can get a Satrbucks treat, grab some guilty magazines and read them for free while the girls play (free) with Thomas the Train. Works for me! (For awhile, anyway...)