My heart goes out to you in this very trying time. We all question our faith when in times of trials. I have found that looking back in these times that the Lord was always there. I could point it out in many different ways. I always wished that I had seen it then.
Just this weekend I was talking with people about the person I have become and that I would not be who I was if it were not for the good and bad things that happened in my life.
The following story is my personal story of when my mother passed away at the age of 45. I just want to warn you first that it could be very painful for you to read right now, but there is a shining light at the end of the story, so I felt it would be good to at least post it.
I posted this a month or so ago on the Circle of Life Board. It's still there entitled, "When the Lord Closes a door..."
15 years ago, my 44 year old mother found a lump in her breast. She told no one as my wedding was in 7 months and she was a very private person. In February, 1987, two months before my wedding, this tumor burst while she was at work. She was taken to the hospital, where a mastectomy was instantly performed-the breast was so mangled, there was no other choice. My father was informed that the cancer had mestastitized to the liver and only he was told that she had six months to live. He kept this completely to himself for many months.
Mom, over the course of the next few months, during a process of chemotherapy, watched me walk down the isle, took a dream trip with Dad up and down the California coast and most importantly, accepted her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
In September, 1987, already one month past her due date for death, my father told me that the cancer was in her liver and she had no chance for survival, and that the doctors told him she should have been dead already. He had been living with this by himself, for all this time, but that's another story.
The day my father told me this, I called my husband and asked him to hurry home straight after work, when I informed him and begged him to let us have a baby, so my mom could have a grandchild before she died. Grandchildren were her fondest dream. After quite a soul search on my husbands part, he agreed that we would try to get pregnant. Six more months went by before I finally was pregnant. I headed straight to moms and told her. She was going downhill at this point, but was overjoyed.
I was three months pregnant with my mothers first grandchild when she died. I held her in my arms while she took her last breath and that grandbaby was tightly pressed against her. Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons" was softly playing in the background.
It is said that when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.
My doctors told me I was to have a baby boy. I said no. I was having a girl and she was to be named for her beautiful grandmother.
Six months later, I gave birth to an extraordinary baby girl, who had the same unique blue/purple eye color as her grandmother.
Over the 14 years since this unbelievable person came into my life, I have had every person who has come into contact with her, exclaim what an extraordinary person she is. Gifted, humble, beautiful and a unique gift. I have never heard anything negative about this child. That is not a mother talking. If you knew her, you would understand.
The door?---my mother's death
The window?---my baby girl
The inspiration?---I was never going to have children. If my mother did not die, I would not have this child. A hard gift to bear, but a lesson in love and life I have come to realize was the blessing born of tragedy that changed my life. The Lord lives strongly in my life and my mother is the angel watching and smiling. She has her granddaughter and sees her all the time.
I always have my mother.
Tinkerpixie-She will never leave you. Neither will the Lord. It's His will to follow--and our lesson to learn in time. There are joys ahead.
Many prayers for you. It is so hard. {{{HUGS}}}
