September 2007 POP'ers??? MoJiTooooOoOoOOooo!!!!

[angwill]

Hi everyone, I've been busy so not keeping up on the list, sorry.

Wic,
You and your family are in my prayers. It is wonderful that your mother is fighting the fight and that you still have one another. It is women like her that inspire people to love life.
I have a mother who when she found out she had emphasema gave up on life so I have been watching her slowly kill herself. She refuses to even leave her house and could care less about grandchildren. It is really sad since she is living and capable to do so much more.

Slightly Goofy,
Bring your grandchild to Disney next time. He could always hand with and ride with my son who is an only child.

Angela

 

[wic0721]

wic0721, I am surrounded by Disney haters. My husband is always ready to go but it is really all about the food. He just sits and looks at the floor on the rides and at the shows. My children would not go if I were on my deathbed and it was my last request. (I know cause I tried that one) I have one grandchild who told me that he loves DW but 'those people', his parents, would not take him. I so envy those of you who go in family groups and seem to have so much fun. I love sitting and watching it all go on.

Your daughter is very intelligent and knows just what to say. Bet she wins out.

SG/Linda

Oh I'm sure she will win this battle with her daddy! Actually we are planning on going next year. She really wants to go to the Halloween party, so it looks like we'll be going in September. Personnally, I'd like to go end of April, beginning of May again...the crowds are managable and the weather is awesome! Shawn and I went in September last year.....it was sooo hot and humid and those love bugs they were disgusting! Next time you go to Disney, take your grandson with you, and leave your husband at home!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

angwill, oh if only I could. I have some severe health problems and would not be able to keep up with my grandson, even if he is kind enough to slow down for me. It just about kills me to take my husband around the parks.

If any DISers run into me this trip PLEASE suggest that we sit down and talk. I can sit down and chat away but I get out of breath and near to falling over when I have to stand in one spot for much time and might come across as unfriendly when I really am not.

I have a mother who when she found out she had emphasema gave up on life so I have been watching her slowly kill herself. She refuses to even leave her house and could care less about grandchildren. It is really sad since she is living and capable to do so much more.

This sort of describes my dh however he has always been like this and is very proud of the fact that he does nothing, even though it is killing him. We are conducting an unscientific experiment to find out which is going to kill us first (inactivity him) or (overwork me). It sounds as if your mom has true depression though and that can be greatly helped with medication. It is not the years in your life but the life in your years that matter.

Maybe I will live long enough for my grandson to take ME to DW??

Slightly Goofy/Linda

 

[wic0721]

Hi everyone, I've been busy so not keeping up on the list, sorry.

Wic,
You and your family are in my prayers. It is wonderful that your mother is fighting the fight and that you still have one another. It is women like her that inspire people to love life.
I have a mother who when she found out she had emphasema gave up on life so I have been watching her slowly kill herself. She refuses to even leave her house and could care less about grandchildren. It is really sad since she is living and capable to do so much more.

Slightly Goofy,
Bring your grandchild to Disney next time. He could always hand with and ride with my son who is an only child.

Angela

Hey Angela,

Yes, my mother is definately a fighter...which is great, I'm so impressed by her! I'm so sorry to hear about your own mother, that's got to be hard on you!

My daughter is an only child too, how old is your son???

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

wic0721, I am with you about September trips. If it were up to me alone the Free Dining does not nearly make up for the heat and humidity. Not good for my breathing and I am unable to eat much anyway under such circumstances. Maybe you could go in October when it is a bit cooler? What you save on room rates can go a long way toward paying for the food and for many eating at the CS makes for a more relaxed vacation. That is my plan for this trip.

I think I have to go back in JUNE next year as a dear family friend will be there with her family and I have not gotten to see her in some time. We talk often and I am buying her a basic computer for Christmas so that she and I can keep in closer contact. She was my mom's best life long friend and my last connection with my mom. There is no way she could keep up with her family so I want to be there to help her get around slowly and more in tune to the things she would enjoy. I am dreading the heat and higher costs though.

Make sure to take lots of pictures of your daughter at the Halloween Party. Bet she is a princess of some sort.

My generation of 'housewives' do not have our own money so we are not allowed to go somewhere without hubby or his permission. It has only been the last few years that I have gone to town alone. It is not that hubby likes to shop or anything but he loves to eat out and eating out without him is grounds for divorce. He does not know about the times I sneak over to McD's with a friend and have an ice cream cone. No kids at home anymore, not as much to hold over me. Call my house sometime and hear him rant and rave if I talk more than a minute or two. He stands in the hallway and listens in. His dad did the same to his mom and often she and I were talking to each other while our husbands carried on like mad men. I am older, tireder and less interested in putting up with it now though.

I go to DW every night, in my dreams, though. I just concentrate on one park and start thinking about what I would be doing if I were there right then and it gets me through the night very nicely.

Slightly Goofy/Linda

 

[wic0721]

wic0721, I am with you about September trips. If it were up to me alone the Free Dining does not nearly make up for the heat and humidity. Not good for my breathing and I am unable to eat much anyway under such circumstances. Maybe you could go in October when it is a bit cooler? What you save on room rates can go a long way toward paying for the food and for many eating at the CS makes for a more relaxed vacation. That is my plan for this trip.

I think I have to go back in JUNE next year as a dear family friend will be there with her family and I have not gotten to see her in some time. We talk often and I am buying her a basic computer for Christmas so that she and I can keep in closer contact. She was my mom's best life long friend and my last connection with my mom. There is no way she could keep up with her family so I want to be there to help her get around slowly and more in tune to the things she would enjoy. I am dreading the heat and higher costs though.

Make sure to take lots of pictures of your daughter at the Halloween Party. Bet she is a princess of some sort.

My generation of 'housewives' do not have our own money so we are not allowed to go somewhere without hubby or his permission. It has only been the last few years that I have gone to town alone. It is not that hubby likes to shop or anything but he loves to eat out and eating out without him is grounds for divorce. He does not know about the times I sneak over to McD's with a friend and have an ice cream cone. No kids at home anymore, not as much to hold over me. Call my house sometime and hear him rant and rave if I talk more than a minute or two. He stands in the hallway and listens in. His dad did the same to his mom and often she and I were talking to each other while our husbands carried on like mad men. I am older, tireder and less interested in putting up with it now though.

I go to DW every night, in my dreams, though. I just concentrate on one park and start thinking about what I would be doing if I were there right then and it gets me through the night very nicely.

Slightly Goofy/Linda

Hey S/G,

I'm not sure how old you are, but my parents are pushing 80, and my dad would never dream of telling my mom she couldn't go somewhere or talk to someone on the phone. They've been together since high school, so maybe that's got something to do with it?

So you dream of DW at night, you and my daughter would get along great, seeing that you BOTH dream of Disney at night!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

wic0721, I am 59 and my husband is 73. I know it has more to do with the man than his age. He is just very insecure. It used to be far, far worse than it is now. I have found as I get older, more brave and outspoken it gets better though. The power has shifted as he is totally dependent upon me for everything, his choice, I am just kinder and gentler than he used to be. (sometimes)

BTW, tell your daughter that tonight she and I can dream of Disney together. I am going to be taking her over to the GF for a special tea party with the princesses and then a private cruise on the lagoon to see the MK fireworks and the EWP up close and personal. I will take pictures.

SG/Linda

 

[wic0721]

wic0721, I am 59 and my husband is 73. I know it has more to do with the man than his age. He is just very insecure. It used to be far, far worse than it is now. I have found as I get older, more brave and outspoken it gets better though. The power has shifted as he is totally dependent upon me for everything, his choice, I am just kinder and gentler than he used to be. (sometimes)

BTW, tell your daughter that tonight she and I can dream of Disney together. I am going to be taking her over to the GF for a special tea party with the princesses and then a private cruise on the lagoon to see the MK fireworks and the EWP up close and personal. I will take pictures.

SG/Linda

You're young! So the power role has shifted huh, good for you...I'm sure his age has something to do with giving up his power status though! You would have thought that after all these years, all your good traits would have started to rub off onto him by now!

I will definately let Kellie know that she's going to have to dream about DW tonight! She'd love the tea party with the princesses! Actually I had a breakfast with the princesses and a dinner at the castle booked for this past September! It would have been the first time for all of us, as I have never been able to book into either location before!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

wic0721, power is in the eye of the beholder. Tom once told someone that I was the boss of the house and he liked it like that cause he saw how much work that entailed and he did not want to do it. True, true. He has always been thus, it is not an 'old' thing. In spite of his recent diagnosis he has no outward symptoms of what will eventually kill him. I am glad for him. I would never abuse my 'power' as he has though. I am not that mean nor insecure.

I have rubbed off on him. I made him quit drinking before I would marry him, he also had to quit chasing wild women (or any women), go to work on a regular basis and start paying his bills but there is only so much that one woman can do with only one lifetime to work with. My mil loved me.

I try to warn young women who are desperate to marry that being married greatly cuts down on your chances to meet "Mr. Right".

Going to the GF tea party is something I have often dreamed of. With grandsons I am not apt to get either of them to go. Dalton likes gourmet food but tea sandwiches and princesses would not be quite his cup of tea. He is more of a Victoria and Albert's type of guy. He reads Indianapolis Monthly so that he can see what the 'rich' folks do. I applaud ambition but am not so sure that being rich is the ambition I would choose.

I have the car loaded up and am doing a few last minute chores before I head out on my day. I think I will actually have a few minutes to sneak down to McD for some ice tea and quiet time while the bowlers keep an eye on dh. Joy!!

SG/Linda

 

[wic0721]

wic0721, power is in the eye of the beholder. Tom once told someone that I was the boss of the house and he liked it like that cause he saw how much work that entailed and he did not want to do it. True, true. He has always been thus, it is not an 'old' thing. In spite of his recent diagnosis he has no outward symptoms of what will eventually kill him. I am glad for him. I would never abuse my 'power' as he has though. I am not that mean nor insecure.

I have rubbed off on him. I made him quit drinking before I would marry him, he also had to quit chasing wild women (or any women), go to work on a regular basis and start paying his bills but there is only so much that one woman can do with only one lifetime to work with. My mil loved me.

I try to warn young women who are desperate to marry that being married greatly cuts down on your chances to meet "Mr. Right".

Going to the GF tea party is something I have often dreamed of. With grandsons I am not apt to get either of them to go. Dalton likes gourmet food but tea sandwiches and princesses would not be quite his cup of tea. He is more of a Victoria and Albert's type of guy. He reads Indianapolis Monthly so that he can see what the 'rich' folks do. I applaud ambition but am not so sure that being rich is the ambition I would choose.

I have the car loaded up and am doing a few last minute chores before I head out on my day. I think I will actually have a few minutes to sneak down to McD for some ice tea and quiet time while the bowlers keep an eye on dh. Joy!!

SG/Linda

So how come you don't bowl with your husband, my husband and I are on a candlepin bowling league...it's our guaranteed one night out a week! Well enjoy your time at McD's! go have yourself a big mac!

Yeah, I can't really see any boy wanting to go to a tea party with the princesses at Disney! Heck I'd have to make some pretty big promises to my husband to get him to go to that!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

wic0721, not having a retired husband you do not fully comprehend my situation. The two hours that my husband spends bowling are the ONLY two hours the whole week long that I have to myself. I do such fantastic things like go grocery shopping, take the car for oil changes, wash the cars, and do all the small chores that us adults have to do to keep life humming. Watching me do those things makes Tom extremely nervous. It has been hard on him since he retired as I used to be able to do the household chores while he was at work and now he is forced to be inconvenienced by seeing me do them. You think I am kidding. I am not.

On a good day I sometimes manage a half hour to sit and chat with a friend over an iced tea. I am blessed to know a couple of people who can fit in that schedule since mine is so restricted. It is difficult to explain. If I were less responsible life would be easier for me, not him though. Morals sure do mess up a person's life sometimes.

SG/Linda

 

[wic0721]

wic0721, not having a retired husband you do not fully comprehend my situation. The two hours that my husband spends bowling are the ONLY two hours the whole week long that I have to myself. I do such fantastic things like go grocery shopping, take the car for oil changes, wash the cars, and do all the small chores that us adults have to do to keep life humming. Watching me do those things makes Tom extremely nervous. It has been hard on him since he retired as I used to be able to do the household chores while he was at work and now he is forced to be inconvenienced by seeing me do them. You think I am kidding. I am not.

On a good day I sometimes manage a half hour to sit and chat with a friend over an iced tea. I am blessed to know a couple of people who can fit in that schedule since mine is so restricted. It is difficult to explain. If I were less responsible life would be easier for me, not him though. Morals sure do mess up a person's life sometimes.

SG/Linda

Yeah I guess you're right! Your husband sounds like a piece of work Linda! You definately should receive the yearly saint of the year award!
Shawn would have been fish food by now, if he was like that!

 

[angwill]

Wic,
My DS just turned 13. Funny thing is I booked a princess breakfast in the castle for his 10th birthday and him and DH enjoyed it. DS loves women and princesses are a bonus. Both DH and DS could just enjoy and say they were there because I wanted to be there. Actually I schedule the ADR's and they just go with whatever I schedule no questions asked. I do ask what they prefer and DS will tell me which he really wants to do and DH will tell me which he really doesn't want to do and I take it from there.

SG,
If you go the same time as me next year consider taking your GS and he can hang with us and we could just meet up at times if you want. This way he can keep going at a fast pace. Maybe I will trade and leave my DH with you since he can never seem to keep up with DS and I so we slow down to accomodate him. Slower is ok though because when he goes with we stop to smell the roses more and really enjoy everything around us.
After reading bout your DH I now believe I married a saint. lol My DH really is happy go lucky and so is my son. Now if I could get them both to stop being pack rats everything would be great. lol In reality that is the small stuff and I am blessed to have them both.
My mother gave up as soon as she was told she was in the beginning stage of emphasema. She took it as her excuse not to do anything and just kept on smoking. After always using it as an excuse to get everyone to serve her she got depressed and I believe she has made herself agoraphobic (not going anywhere). She is on antidepressants and antianxiety meds but refuses to go to a psych and just keeps seeing the same family doctor who she has gotten to come to her for years and she convinces him that she is fine on the meds she takes. I have been telling her for years that she needs a change but everyone else around her is afraid to upset her by telling her because she is extremely sensetive. She is also and expert at getting people to feel guilty. The last time she called for her med refills the doctor told her no more house calls if she wouldn't leave the house then he would give her the phone number to a good psychiatrist. My mother was not too happy when she told me and got ticked at me when I said that is the most helpful thing he has ever done for her. It is a long and sad story really and sadly I have concluded that there is no way for me to help her help herself.

 

[Poohbear67]

Hi gals sorry I haven't been on lately its been way to busy at work (thank god we need it) and haven't been able to get anything done it seems.

How is everyone doing?? Wic how is your mom doing??

Ang I am so sorry to hear about your mom my Adoptive mom had that and at first she did the same thing you just need to give her a good kick in the butt and tell her she has a lot to live for and that there are many people who have the same problem. I hope she comes around soon it would be ashame for her to miss out on her grandchildren.

S/G Are ou two still at each others throats???LOL!!! just kidding you kill me gal.

Jan how are ya??

I was going to go to my mom's for christmas but I think instead I am going to take a small vaca and go to Disney to see the sites for a short couple of days, I need to just get away.

 

[wic0721]

Hi gals sorry I haven't been on lately its been way to busy at work (thank god we need it) and haven't been able to get anything done it seems.

How is everyone doing?? Wic how is your mom doing??

Ang I am so sorry to hear about your mom my Adoptive mom had that and at first she did the same thing you just need to give her a good kick in the butt and tell her she has a lot to live for and that there are many people who have the same problem. I hope she comes around soon it would be ashame for her to miss out on her grandchildren.

S/G Are ou two still at each others throats???LOL!!! just kidding you kill me gal.

Jan how are ya??

I was going to go to my mom's for christmas but I think instead I am going to take a small vaca and go to Disney to see the sites for a short couple of days, I need to just get away.

Hey Pooh,

Mom's doing good, she went and had her chemo yesterday, and she's feeling fine today. The doctor looked at her hand yesterday, told her it looked good now, but it will probably flair up again in a week or so.

How are you and Mike doing? Are you planning on going to Disney with him at Christmas, or just by yourself????

 

[Poohbear67]

Hey Pooh,

Mom's doing good, she went and had her chemo yesterday, and she's feeling fine today. The doctor looked at her hand yesterday, told her it looked good now, but it will probably flair up again in a week or so.

How are you and Mike doing? Are you planning on going to Disney with him at Christmas, or just by yourself????

Well we are doing better I just told him no matter how many days or weeks or months or years that we wait to talk or cool off to talk I am not changing my value or morals so if he couldn't live with that than we need to split but not the case so we are doing well at this point I guess just working through the bumps.

Oh yes he will be going I guess.

Well we will keep praying for her that her hands don't flair up and that she does well with the chemo she has to take. Have they told her if there is any other type of chemo they can give???

 

[wic0721]

Well we are doing better I just told him no matter how many days or weeks or months or years that we wait to talk or cool off to talk I am not changing my value or morals so if he couldn't live with that than we need to split but not the case so we are doing well at this point I guess just working through the bumps.

Oh yes he will be going I guess.

Well we will keep praying for her that her hands don't flair up and that she does well with the chemo she has to take. Have they told her if there is any other type of chemo they can give???

Well that's good! I'm happy to hear that you guys are trying to work things out!

She only has one more round (beginning of December)before they do CAT scans and a mummogram (sp) it's a in-depth picture of her heart...another side effect of this stuff, can cause cardiac toxicity! The doctors did tell her that her numbers were down from 65 to 30, so this chemo is working. So fingers crossed, the round she got yesterday and the December treatment will kill it once and for all! I'm really not sure what happens next at this point. I'm sure we'll have another family meeting with her onocologist again sometime in January! The chemo she is on now is considered mild, so I have no idea if they have anything milder or not.

 

[Poohbear67]

Well that's good! I'm happy to hear that you guys are trying to work things out!

She only has one more round (beginning of December)before they do CAT scans and a mummogram (sp) it's a in-depth picture of her heart...another side effect of this stuff, can cause cardiac toxicity! The doctors did tell her that her numbers were down from 65 to 30, so this chemo is working. So fingers crossed, the round she got yesterday and the December treatment will kill it once and for all! I'm really not sure what happens next at this point. I'm sure we'll have another family meeting with her onocologist again sometime in January! The chemo she is on now is considered mild, so I have no idea if they have anything milder or not.

Awe Thanks

well thats great then, down that much that is so good. well maybe the doctor will give you a great christmas present you all deserve it.

let me know if there is anything I can do for you at all and I mean at all.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

wic0721, there is an upside to everything. Tom has never hit me or cheated on me. Not sure if that is because either one would require effort but whatever. The real upside is this. I have agoraphobia as well. I am high functioning because I HAVE to be. My doctor asked me why that would be and I told him it was because I had never found anyone to wait on me hand and foot. I really do think that is key. If you do everything for a person they have no incentive to do anything themselves and that is exactly what an agoraphobic does not need. I did not have it until I got married. Might have had something to do with being isolated for many years with no outside contact at all. It is all in the mind and I fight it everyday. Being able to drive up the street is a victory and driving to DW is heroic.

Such good news about your dear mom. May it continue so and you get exactly what you all want for Christmas, her good health.

Poohbear67, it is important to have the same basic values in any relationship. Differences in the details makes life interesting and broadens your horizons but basics are basics and if one person is really unhappy I am hard pressed to understand how the other could possibly be happy either. Just keep talking and spend some time together away from the computer. I spend a lot of time on the computer because there is nothing else and that is not good but it is the best I can do as I am too darned old to want or need another man. With my track record I would be plain scared to try and I am old enough to know that I do not swing any other way. Basic, boring me. I like it that way, most of the time.

angwill, my grandson is the same way about women. He has always loved them, as people. He has had girls chasing him since before he was old enough to crawl and still does. He is a hunka hunka. He is also sweet. I think men secretly like 'having' to go some places with us women so they can complain to the guys and still enjoy whatever. Wonder how many guys complain about 'having' to go to DW when most of them love it just as much as we do? See my story to wic above and gather your family together and determine exactly what level of care you are willing and able to give your mom. It is sort of the order of when you taught your children to crawl. If you give them everything they want they have no incentive to try to get it themselves. You put their favorite toy a bit out of reach and they extended themselves until they were able to get it for themselves. Trust me agoraphobia is very real and sometimes painful but catering to someone with it hurts them in the long run and does not do a thing for their family either. Everyone has to agree though or it will not work.

My grandson is so booked with athletics and keeping his grades up (he is in AR classes) that I doubt he would have the time to go to DW. If I have to go in June it would be perfect but I cannot take care of him AND Tom. Tom does not like it if he is not the center of attention and I cannot ride the rides that Dalton would want to do. I think his family is going to NYC next year and I am buying them Broadway show tickets.

SG./Linda

 

[angwill]

Wic,
I am glad to hear that your mom only has one treatment left and that she is doing better.

SG,
Funny I would never have thought you had agoraphobia since you seem like a go getter. Going to read to the kids in town etc. Driving to Disney and spending a month there doesn't seem agoraphobic to me either. lol I guess it is the thought process you go through to get yourself to do those things each time.

As for my mother, I am very much from the tough love end of things. I do not do things for her I tell her come on mom I will drive you to the store. she uses every excuse in the book about how she can't breath so I offer to push her in the wheelchair or put her electric scooter in my car (she is not that bad because I have seen her sit so long when she has to pee that she will literally get up and run to the bathroom). She will cry and try the guilt thing but eventually declines because she knows she can use guilt and pity to get one of my brothers or a neighbor to do it for her. She will cry to them about how cruel her daughter is that she won't do it so they feel bad and go run for her. She is on oxygen and people buy her cigarettes she is that good at manipulating people.

It doesn't help that three of my grown brothers need her financially so she uses the money she gives them as a way to guilt them into doing everything for her. It is a very sad situation that I won't go into detail about but sitting down with them to all get on the same page with her is impossible. I've tried.

I just try to distance myself because it is a very unhealthy situation for my DS to have to experience especially since he is so loving and truely adores my mother despite not spending much time with her. She also uses him as her slave boy which isn't good. She also live 2 hours away so that helps.

Anyway, if you change your mind about DGS he is welcome to tag along with us and I will take care of him for you.