September 2007 POP'ers??? MoJiTooooOoOoOOooo!!!!

[wic0721]

wic0721, there is an upside to everything. Tom has never hit me or cheated on me. Not sure if that is because either one would require effort but whatever. The real upside is this. I have agoraphobia as well. I am high functioning because I HAVE to be. My doctor asked me why that would be and I told him it was because I had never found anyone to wait on me hand and foot. I really do think that is key. If you do everything for a person they have no incentive to do anything themselves and that is exactly what an agoraphobic does not need. I did not have it until I got married. Might have had something to do with being isolated for many years with no outside contact at all. It is all in the mind and I fight it everyday. Being able to drive up the street is a victory and driving to DW is heroic.

Such good news about your dear mom. May it continue so and you get exactly what you all want for Christmas, her good health.

Poohbear67, it is important to have the same basic values in any relationship. Differences in the details makes life interesting and broadens your horizons but basics are basics and if one person is really unhappy I am hard pressed to understand how the other could possibly be happy either. Just keep talking and spend some time together away from the computer. I spend a lot of time on the computer because there is nothing else and that is not good but it is the best I can do as I am too darned old to want or need another man. With my track record I would be plain scared to try and I am old enough to know that I do not swing any other way. Basic, boring me. I like it that way, most of the time.

angwill, my grandson is the same way about women. He has always loved them, as people. He has had girls chasing him since before he was old enough to crawl and still does. He is a hunka hunka. He is also sweet. I think men secretly like 'having' to go some places with us women so they can complain to the guys and still enjoy whatever. Wonder how many guys complain about 'having' to go to DW when most of them love it just as much as we do? See my story to wic above and gather your family together and determine exactly what level of care you are willing and able to give your mom. It is sort of the order of when you taught your children to crawl. If you give them everything they want they have no incentive to try to get it themselves. You put their favorite toy a bit out of reach and they extended themselves until they were able to get it for themselves. Trust me agoraphobia is very real and sometimes painful but catering to someone with it hurts them in the long run and does not do a thing for their family either. Everyone has to agree though or it will not work.

My grandson is so booked with athletics and keeping his grades up (he is in AR classes) that I doubt he would have the time to go to DW. If I have to go in June it would be perfect but I cannot take care of him AND Tom. Tom does not like it if he is not the center of attention and I cannot ride the rides that Dalton would want to do. I think his family is going to NYC next year and I am buying them Broadway show tickets.

SG./Linda

Oh my god S/G, you've got agoraphobia...and you're able to leave your house? Good for you! I give you all the credit in the world for being able to "function" with that phobia! Wow...I'm just so impressed by you!

Thank you for your kind words about my mom, it really is appreciated!

Have a good weekend everyone, I'm swamped today at work....so it's difficult for me to chat today!

 

[wic0721]

Wic,
I am glad to hear that your mom only has one treatment left and that she is doing better.

SG,
Funny I would never have thought you had agoraphobia since you seem like a go getter. Going to read to the kids in town etc. Driving to Disney and spending a month there doesn't seem agoraphobic to me either. lol I guess it is the thought process you go through to get yourself to do those things each time.

As for my mother, I am very much from the tough love end of things. I do not do things for her I tell her come on mom I will drive you to the store. she uses every excuse in the book about how she can't breath so I offer to push her in the wheelchair or put her electric scooter in my car (she is not that bad because I have seen her sit so long when she has to pee that she will literally get up and run to the bathroom). She will cry and try the guilt thing but eventually declines because she knows she can use guilt and pity to get one of my brothers or a neighbor to do it for her. She will cry to them about how cruel her daughter is that she won't do it so they feel bad and go run for her. She is on oxygen and people buy her cigarettes she is that good at manipulating people.

It doesn't help that three of my grown brothers need her financially so she uses the money she gives them as a way to guilt them into doing everything for her. It is a very sad situation that I won't go into detail about but sitting down with them to all get on the same page with her is impossible. I've tried.

I just try to distance myself because it is a very unhealthy situation for my DS to have to experience especially since he is so loving and truely adores my mother despite not spending much time with her. She also uses him as her slave boy which isn't good. She also live 2 hours away so that helps.

Anyway, if you change your mind about DGS he is welcome to tag along with us and I will take care of him for you.

Hi Ang,

Yeah, my mom has only 1 more scheduled chemo appt..beginning of December left now. We will find out I'm guessing in January, whether or not she needs to go for me treatments or not! But seeing that she really isn't getting sick with this chemo...at least she will be able to enjoy the holidays with her family! If this was a year and a half ago, we wouldn't have been celebrating at all!

Big for you for what you are going through with your own mother! Don't you just love the parental guilt trips? My husband's mother has bad mouthed, guilt tripped, and belittled my husband since the day she divorced his father 33 years ago...and I have to laugh, because she can not understand why Shawn can't stand to be around her?

Have a good weekend!

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

angwill , I live in a very small town and the CC where I volunteer is across the street. I drive to get there, not only because of all the books I have to haul but my phobia (my worst one) of dogs is so bad that just thinking about it throws me into an asthma attack. There are times when I am reading to the kids when they ask me if I am crying because I sweat so much, no reason but I cannot help it. My backyard is very secluded and I feel comfortable in those surroundings. I cannot just get in the car and go somewhere, I have to plan. I can do most anything if it is FOR someone else, not so much if it is for me. Disney is like a second home to me because I do not have to drive anywhere if I do not want to and it is familiar enough to Tom (and myself) that I can let him get away from me a bit without as much fear that he will get into some sort of trouble.

Frankly, both of us are messes. I think everyone has a problem or two. Most folks hide them well or have fewer of them that is all. I think talking about them helps others and lets us know that we are not alone.

Your mom is in the same position as those 800 pound folks that become housebound and have to be cut out of the house. If it were not for the folks bringing in the food to them they could not get in that position. Of course those folks are getting what they want out of the situation as well. You just might have to love your mom from a distance and know that while she might not love you (or herself) as you would like she does love you, in her own way. It is difficult seeing someone else ruin their lives but we cannot change them we can only change how we react.

wic0721, what a wonderful holiday to be able to have your mother with you this year, and many others and you are wise to appreciate it. Ever notice that the parents who 'guilt' their kids are often the ones who deserve it the least? My mom told me that all I owed her was to take care of my kids and I feel the same way about my kids. I love them and am here for them if they need me but how they choose to live is their business. They work, pay their own bills and it is not my business. It is my business to take care of myself and not be a burden as best as I can though. I have no more use for parents who are profligate and expect their kids to pick up the pieces than I am with kids who would do so (other than a bit when they are young and starting out and learning). I would hate for my kids to ever say "Oh, no not HER again" so I long ago set rules for myself. They are even more strict than those I would have liked my parents and in laws to have done. I did not have in law problems. Neither did my husband. Lucky us.

SG/Linda

 

[Poohbear67]

Good Afternoon gals!!! So how was everyones weekend??

its been so quiet on here over the past couple of days everyone must have been really busy

 

[wic0721]

Good Afternoon gals!!! So how was everyones weekend??

its been so quiet on here over the past couple of days everyone must have been really busy

Hi Pooh!

Hope you had a good weekend! How are you and Mike doing? Maybe everyone has gone away for the long holiday weekend?

 

[Poohbear67]

Hi Pooh!

Hope you had a good weekend! How are you and Mike doing? Maybe everyone has gone away for the long holiday weekend?

Great weekend until I got another headache. Went to the Fabulous Food Show, had a great time!!

Mike and I are well doing better I guess I am taking everything day by day, today was a baaaadddd day. He tried to pull the boss thing over me, well lets just say that didn't go over very well.

So how was your weekend???

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

I think I done scared you all. I am sorry. I will admit to being a bit nuts but not violent nuts. Besides I am far too scared to get in a car and stalk you any old way.

Poohbear67, every day is day by day. When you get up you just never know what the day is going to bring. We had a lady at my WL group go bonkers yesterday and storm out. No one missed her though. It is sort of sad as she has a lot of issues but it is awfully hard on everyone else. I had a loss so I was happy. I have about 7-8 more pounds to go to make my goal for the year. I went shopping and bought a bunch of size 20 clothes yesterday. I was shocked that I could actually get them over my hips. They do look like they were painted on though so I will wait until I can safely eat some beans before wearing them in public though. My largest size was a 56. I had set my goal at a size 18 but I am thinking that an 18 must be a whole lot bigger than it was decades ago when I last wore an 18. Inflation has hit everything.

I am so old that I not only remember when gas was a quarter a gallon but they pumped it for you, checked your oil, belts, tires, washed your windshield AND gave you a plate or a towel to thank you for coming in!! Of course I earned a massive $1.25 an hour back then too. Folks forget that side of things.

I just cleaned out my closet and have a big pile of clothes to give away to somebody. I have gone from being the second largest in my big family to being the second smallest so there are many waiting for my castoffs.

Have a great day gals!!

SG/Linda

 

[wic0721]

I think I done scared you all. I am sorry. I will admit to being a bit nuts but not violent nuts. Besides I am far too scared to get in a car and stalk you any old way.

Poohbear67, every day is day by day. When you get up you just never know what the day is going to bring. We had a lady at my WL group go bonkers yesterday and storm out. No one missed her though. It is sort of sad as she has a lot of issues but it is awfully hard on everyone else. I had a loss so I was happy. I have about 7-8 more pounds to go to make my goal for the year. I went shopping and bought a bunch of size 20 clothes yesterday. I was shocked that I could actually get them over my hips. They do look like they were painted on though so I will wait until I can safely eat some beans before wearing them in public though. My largest size was a 56. I had set my goal at a size 18 but I am thinking that an 18 must be a whole lot bigger than it was decades ago when I last wore an 18. Inflation has hit everything.

I am so old that I not only remember when gas was a quarter a gallon but they pumped it for you, checked your oil, belts, tires, washed your windshield AND gave you a plate or a towel to thank you for coming in!! Of course I earned a massive $1.25 an hour back then too. Folks forget that side of things.

I just cleaned out my closet and have a big pile of clothes to give away to somebody. I have gone from being the second largest in my big family to being the second smallest so there are many waiting for my castoffs.

Have a great day gals!!

SG/Linda

Hi S/G,

You can't scare us away, no matter how hard you try!

Congrats on the weight loss, sounds like you're doing awesome!

We're short handed at work, a co-worker is out because her DH had a heart attack (he's 43, a whole year older than me ), so she's been out the past couple days with him, and another person is on vacation...makes for a busy sales dept, when there are only 6 of us to begin with!

I don't remember $.25 a gallon gas, but I DO remember paying under $1 for a gallon of gas...and yes, they pumped it for you! I do remember when I was little my parents getting green stamps, plates and towels for filling up at the local gas station!

So how was everyone's weekend?

Hey pooh, did you set Mike straight on that whole boss/employee thing??

 

[angwill]

Pooh, Glad you and Mike are doing good. Every once in a while I have to let my DH feel like he is the boss too. lol It just isn't worth the argument when he is in one of his UGH Me Man moods.

Wic,
Sounds like your busy there at work. I too am getting to an age where people my age are having heart problems etc. It is like a cruel reality check that I am getting older. I don't however remember gas being anywhere near $1.00 that I can remember and by the time I started driving you had to drive out of the way for the one gas station that was left that would pump the gas for you. They didn't check fluids though but it was worth the drive when it was below 0 degrees out. I wonder if someone brought back a full service station if it would do better business than other stations? Probably not because today people are in too much of a hurry to wait for the person to do the job for them. I do remember when candy bars were a quarter when I was a little girl and we would hunt for glass coke bottles that could be returned for like 10 cents.

SG, Congrats on the weight loss your doing great.

You didn't scare anyone away. We got a new dachshund puppy that is taking lots of time to care for. My shih tzu is 5 years old so it has been a while since I had to potty train a puppy.

We didn't plan on getting a dog but DS and I were volunteering at a shelter because they busted some dog collector who had over 200 purbred puppies and kittens along with over 100 carcasses on her land and desperatly needed people to clean cages and walk dogs. Well DS went and fell in love with one of the 5 dachshunds they had. We tried to adopt one once they were available to adopt but they were alread promised to friends and family of the permenant volunteers. The great thing is that there were so many people who wanted to adopt these animals that they cleared out the shelter of dogs. They only gave people one choice of dog so we were SOL.

Well DS promised us everything under the sun and showed how mature he was that he could handle a dog and just had his heart set on adopting his own dog. That was all he wanted for Christmas (you know the story). Well we caved because he is extremely responsible with Beauty our dog. Since the shelter fell through I started looking around for a Christmas gift and no shelters in a 200 mile radius had any dachshunds (he had his mind set). All the breeders December litters seemed to be taken or way too expensive for my budget. So we found a litter that was just born and none were taken yet.

I failed to think through the fact that DS is at school all day and activities after school so between keeping our business going, going on potty walks, taking time to play with the cute little puppy, and constantly washing her bedding I don't have much extra time left.

Oh yeah, and my son insists that we are now grandparents which is hilarious to both my DH and I. Now whenever he is tired of playing with her he will hand her to me, laugh, and say go to grandma. Well at least it is a cute grandchild right and thank God above it is not the human kind. lol

Have a good day everyone,

Angela

 

[Poohbear67]

Ang,

That is so great of you and your DS!!! I hope that the doggie works out for you all. you will have to put up a picture of the new member of you family so we all can see.

 

[wic0721]

Pooh, Glad you and Mike are doing good. Every once in a while I have to let my DH feel like he is the boss too. lol It just isn't worth the argument when he is in one of his UGH Me Man moods.

Wic,
Sounds like your busy there at work. I too am getting to an age where people my age are having heart problems etc. It is like a cruel reality check that I am getting older. I don't however remember gas being anywhere near $1.00 that I can remember and by the time I started driving you had to drive out of the way for the one gas station that was left that would pump the gas for you. They didn't check fluids though but it was worth the drive when it was below 0 degrees out. I wonder if someone brought back a full service station if it would do better business than other stations? Probably not because today people are in too much of a hurry to wait for the person to do the job for them. I do remember when candy bars were a quarter when I was a little girl and we would hunt for glass coke bottles that could be returned for like 10 cents.

SG, Congrats on the weight loss your doing great.

You didn't scare anyone away. We got a new dachshund puppy that is taking lots of time to care for. My shih tzu is 5 years old so it has been a while since I had to potty train a puppy.

We didn't plan on getting a dog but DS and I were volunteering at a shelter because they busted some dog collector who had over 200 purbred puppies and kittens along with over 100 carcasses on her land and desperatly needed people to clean cages and walk dogs. Well DS went and fell in love with one of the 5 dachshunds they had. We tried to adopt one once they were available to adopt but they were alread promised to friends and family of the permenant volunteers. The great thing is that there were so many people who wanted to adopt these animals that they cleared out the shelter of dogs. They only gave people one choice of dog so we were SOL.

Well DS promised us everything under the sun and showed how mature he was that he could handle a dog and just had his heart set on adopting his own dog. That was all he wanted for Christmas (you know the story). Well we caved because he is extremely responsible with Beauty our dog. Since the shelter fell through I started looking around for a Christmas gift and no shelters in a 200 mile radius had any dachshunds (he had his mind set). All the breeders December litters seemed to be taken or way too expensive for my budget. So we found a litter that was just born and none were taken yet.

I failed to think through the fact that DS is at school all day and activities after school so between keeping our business going, going on potty walks, taking time to play with the cute little puppy, and constantly washing her bedding I don't have much extra time left.

Oh yeah, and my son insists that we are now grandparents which is hilarious to both my DH and I. Now whenever he is tired of playing with her he will hand her to me, laugh, and say go to grandma. Well at least it is a cute grandchild right and thank God above it is not the human kind. lol

Have a good day everyone,

Angela

Oh I wish I had known you were looking for a dachshund, my husbands grandmother is best friends with a dachshund breeder in FL....she actually sent one up to my pyscho mil 3 years ago. Buddy was a riot, unfortunately, they had to put him down about a month ago. He had cancer in his nose!

 

[Msslaydbug]

Hi guys -
I havent been able to check in with most of you since before the trip but just wanted to Pop in and say HI ! Hope everyone is doing well !

 

[Poohbear67]

Hi guys -
I havent been able to check in with most of you since before the trip but just wanted to Pop in and say HI ! Hope everyone is doing well !

I hope you and your family has been well and I hope you all have a very happy Holidays.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

Youngsters, you know what they say about when 'man proposes' and I am not talking about marriage. We make plans but God laughs and before we know it we have new additions to the family and all sorts of things happen.

wic0721, it is a requirement for mil's to be psycho I think. It ticks me off that dh gets a pass cause he is a man. I think it is cause he has absolutely no interest in how the children or grandchildren are doing and never has so they are not intimidated by him at all. I love being a grandma but hate being a mil and do my very best to not act like one. My sil and I get along pretty well cause I do everything he tells me to do. He has a sense of humor and that helps. I think my daughter married her mom. Serves her right!!

Angela, that is what you get for having a kind heart. The best part about being a 'grandparent' is that you get to play with them and then send them back to their 'daddy' when there is work to be done. I say - keep the kids busy enough that they do not have time to get into any serious trouble. My oldest grandson is more interested in his truck than any girls right now and I am thankful. When I told him to think before hopping in the back seat with anyone he gave me a strange look. I told him that I had read about it some place. Kids always think they are the first to do everything. I am hoping that the image of grandma in a backseat will quench any desire he might one day feel and keep the crops unfertilized until the proper time.

Pooh, a wise woman once told me that a marriage (or any relationship) was like a roller coaster. Sometimes you just have to hang on, close your eyes and scream. BTW, Tom will tell anyone that he is not the boss nor does he want to be cause he has seen the work that has to be done by the boss. I am the total boss in that I get to choose when to do each chore. Today I am taking a sick day though.

SG/Linda

 

[Poohbear67]

I hope you feel better or is that your way of just getting out of doing some work today and playing hookie.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

Pooh, thank you kindly but I am done with being sick for today. Nothing that could not cured with a couple of Tylenol and a bit of rest. Wish that could be said for everyone!

I laid on the couch and watched episodes of "The Starter Wife' on my laptop. I like quirky shows.

I have never played Hooky a day in my life. I had perfect attendance all through school except for a half day I had to miss cause my mom insisted on going into labor midday. The 'bratty' little sister was not born for hours later and I have never let her live that one down.

I hope you guys have a relaxing evening with no bosses to be found. I have heard that there are couples who figure out who is good at what and each does their own thing without a whole lot of squabbling. Whatever do those folks do for fun???

SG/Linda

 

[angwill]

Pooh,
I can't seem to figure out how to post pics to the dis. I will try though.

Wic,
That poor little guy having cancer of the nose how sad. I have read that they are real clowns. I find the funniest thing is when I make her chase me way back in the yard to our big tree and then I hide behind it and she thinks I disapear so she will sit there and howl and then turn around and run back to the house. I can then sneak up on her and she gets all excited when I run up from behind. She also loves to chase our Shih tzu who normally thinks she is 10 feet tall and bullet proof when the bigger dogs come in the yard but is scared to death of our new little puppy and runs from her which she loves. I can't wait till she warms up to her.

As for a Florida breeder thanks for the offer but I would then have to convince DH to go for a long ride and with gas prices where they are and the fact that I would then have to stop at Disney that would be one really expensive puppy. lol I do however know the benefit of a good breeder and getting references and sadly I didn't know of any one to get references from for our dachshund.

MsLadybug,
Hi, thanks for saying hello. Sadly, we missed meeting you at WDW but we did get your card in our door. We were in the 60's building right by the big playdo can.

SG,
It is good that you are feeling better. Too bad you couldn't get someone to do some of the housework while you recovered. Nobody but me cleans here either except for when DS does his chores. I agree with keeping kids busy. My DH is wonderful at finding fix it things for DS to help him with on his equipment and in the garage and when he gets in trouble he gets him to do his least favorite thing; sweep out his 53' trailers. lol

Angela

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

angwill, if no one helps me with housecleaning, cooking etc. when I am recovering from major surgery I think I can survive one single day of laying on the couch with a blanket, watching "Starter Wife" on my laptop. I think it is just God's way of giving me a day off once or twice a year. If that is the worst that ever happens to me I am one lucky gal.

As far as posting pics goes I will try to help you. You need to upload your pics to something like Photobucket and then 'copy' the hmtl code and then insert into the "insert image" icon you see at the top of this 'reply' page. (see icon that looks a bit like a postcard second to the right). I hope I explained that well enough.

I am off for my day. Digital Camera, new desk chair and a few other things are on my list, all at great bargains btw. I do not spend much all year long as my budget has much wiggle room for disasters and then if they do not occur I go crazy the end of the year. A local furniture store is going out of business and I am looking at a sofa with two built in recliners too. I just love Christmas presents that I cannot be expected to wrap.

SG/Linda

 

[angwill]

SG,
You deserve more than a day off but I guess that is what the Disney trips are for.

I love a good deal and need a new desk chair myself. It is sad that I can not find a good desk chair that is comfortable for much more than a year. I love my digital camera the problem is I am on dial up so it is near impossible to get any pictures to download to a photo bucket type service. It is soooo frustrating because I live so far in the middle of nowhere that I have no choice unless I want to pay a fortune for satalite internet. I even call and beg Verizon every once in a while to come out and change our lines to digital instead of analog and each time I am told it is not worth their time because there are not enough houses out this way. Someday. I am waiting for Kodak to send me updated software for my camera and I will try to download at least a picture. Windows Vista is so much fun. lol It is a wonderful program but all the devices I have came with the old software that doesn't work with vista.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

angwill, there is scant amount of 'vacation' even at DW. Think of what it would be like to take one elderly, cantankerous, autistic man anywhere and multiply that by however many days we go. There are moments in time when he can present himself as normal but there are always those, sudden moments, when all falls apart and outbursts happen. Having been married to him for a very long time I can see the symptoms coming most of the time and head them off, which makes me look like an overbearing bee atch. Left alone he can outdo the most sleep deprived two year old you have ever met. It is not a pretty sight. That pressure along with having the total care of house and everything else that goes into keeping a life going, doing all the preplanning, packing, driving, unpacking, endless requests for simple things like take a bath, comb your hair, get up, eat some veggies,take your medicine, be nice, etc. etc. etc. while doing what you need to do to keep yourself this side of sanity leaves little time or opportunity for 'vacation'. Once I get to DW it is nice to not have to clean the room or cook though. I try not to think about the long drive home, watching to make sure he does not shift the car into neutral once again or come up with some new twist, and then the unpacking etc. etc. just about plumb wears me out. He has a nice vacation though. Some days I contemplate the joys of the CP and Harlem Boy's Choir etc. and think it worthwhile but other days I just plain do not think I can handle it once again. If he gets sick down there he has me but if I get sick I have no one. Scary. I have friends who would come but I would hate to ask. Everyone has their issues.

The desk chair I am getting is an actual modern chair on a circle base that rocks, reclines and swivels with a footstool too. You must compute a lot to wear out a chair in only a year. I used a regular metal fold up chair when I was at my heaviest. You do not have such problems. Are you sure your kids are not using it for gymnastic equipment?

I hear you on the dial up. I only got fast speed last year and it makes a world of difference. AT&T is expanding its network out from towns sometimes. Have you checked for availability? My dd lives out in the boonies and she has a small local company. It costs $60 instead of the $15 I pay.

My Kodak camera is being replaced because the software stopped working and when I try to download from the site MS says it will crash my system as it has not passed their tests. I got a good deal on a Canon on Amazon. If the software does not work you might try getting a card reader and just download from that. I got a thumb drive reader for only $10. Small enough to easily haul around too.

SG/Linda