RickinNYC
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2003
- Messages
- 7,870
Its been almost three years since that fateful day, September 11, 2001. Three years for all of us to understand we have indeed entered into a new world that I never dreamed possible in my lifetime.
Ive been especially pensive about the coming anniversary due to the nature of my job. Im a program officer for a major financial firms philanthropy department. We have more than two hundred thousand dollars left in our 9/11 victims relief fund and I have been charged with identifying a worthy cause that this money could help serve. That said, Ive been doing a huge amount of research, making dozens of phone calls, speaking to agencies that are still operational.
And it brings back so many memories
I was a different person then. It was late in the summer and I been laid off from my position as an Implementation Specialist for a financial distance e-learning company. The money had been great up to that point so I thought I would take it easy for the next few months. I would travel, see family and friends. I would basically be a bum. Id never done anything so shamelessly frivolous before and I thought, What better time than ever?
And bum I was indeed. My partner Joe would occasionally needle me by tossing the New York Times help wanted section before he left for work in the morning. Other times he would ask me how the hunt was going with a mild level of scorn in his voice. He knew it was just a matter of time before I put my nose to the grindstone and really started looking. He knew I was just trying to enjoy myself for a change, and not being the workaholic that he fell in love with. But he enjoyed the opportunity to tease me and get my goat.
The days of unemployed stretched into weeks and I was thoroughly enjoying my newfound bump-on-a-log status. I was sleeping in one sunny morning when the phone rang, waking me from a sound sleep. It was Joe. Turn on the TV! A plane just hit one of the towers in the Trade Center! He was practically screaming in my ear.
I didnt believe him and said as much but he kept insisting. I mumbled that it had to have been a little Cessna or something of the type, certainly not a multi passenger jumbo jet. And Joe kept screaming, Im outside, on the street and staring at the tower right now! Its on fire and smoke is pouring out of it! Papers are floating all over the place. Turn on the TV!
So I did.
And it felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room. What I saw, what we all saw, took my breath away. I was in shock and couldnt speak.
Are you there? Rick? Answer me! Joe was shouting at me once again, for fear he had lost the tenuous connection.
Im here where are you?
He breathed and said, Im just outside my office. Everyone is outside, watching the towers. We can see everything down the avenue, its horrible all those people . At that, the love of my lifes voice started to hitch. I have to go inside now. I cant watch this Ill call you when I get upstairs, ok?
I made him promise that he would call me as soon as he sat at his desk. He swore he would. Minutes passed. I sat on the edge of the bed, remote hanging limply at my side. My eyes were glued to TV screen. Names whirled in my mind. John. Tom. Liza. Myrna. Mike. Veronica. Peter. Felicia. Darryl. Pat. Gary. Steven. Chris. And the list grew and grew. Friends and coworkers who worked in either the towers or immediately next door. I reached for the phone and started dialing.
Busy signal. I dialed Tom. Busy signal. John. Busy signal. Liza. No connection. Mike. No connection. Steven. No connection. Myrna. No connection. Veronica. No connection. Gary. No connection. Over and over. I wasnt getting anywhere so I stood and walked into the living room and paced, cordless phone in one hand, remote in the other.
I had left the bedroom set on and turned on the living room television. I stared at the screen, clicking from channel to channel. The same images. Flames. Smoke. Bodies. Reality television at its absolutely most horrifying. And I kept watching.
The phone handset rang, startling me to the point that I jumped. It was Joe. Ive been trying to call you but I couldnt get through. Everyone here is ok. I could hear the constant scream of sirens in our own neighborhood as well as outside his office window. It was a noise that we would hear for many days to come.
Neither one of us wanted to get off the phone with the other. We both agreed that we would keep trying to call our friends who worked downtown. I was still staring at the TV screen when the first tower fell and I felt a scream build in my chest and I couldnt stop it. Joe was asking me what was wrong so I tried to tell him but I was too horrified. When I finally burst out, Its falling! The tower is falling! he already knew. I begged him to stay put, not to walk outside for fear of rioting or panicked groups.
Of the two of us, Joe is the gentle soul, the most likely of us to lend a helping hand to a total stranger. Joe just beams trust, kindness and peace. I was terrified that he would be swept up in the fear and panic. Stay put. Dont leave your office right now, ok? Promise? Just stay there!
He promised and then told me he had to get off the phone. A lot of folks in his office were understandably upset and he felt he was needed. A lot of the women are crying and some of the guys want to go. I have to go. At least to help out a little, ok? I wont leave the building but I have to go. Ill call you back. Keep trying to call Tom and John, though, ok? Keep trying to get in touch with them and let me know what happens.
And he hung up. And I started my marathon dialing. And the second tower fell. And I cried and dialed. Tom. John. Veronica. Mike. Gary. Felicia. On and on never getting a dial tone, only getting busy signal or no signal at all. Sometimes I would get through and the phone would ring, my heart would soar and then Id get disconnected, only to have to start all over. Dialing Tom. Then John. Then Liza. Then Myrna. Then Hello!?? Who is this?
TOM?! Is that you? Are you ok? TOM? I was screaming into the phone. I had finally gotten through to one of my closest college friends. I could hear sirens in the background. And people shouting, others crying. And Tom. My buddy was ok. He was outside when the towers were hit and he watched everything unfold in front of him. He was out of breath and kept coughing. I breathed in a lot of smoke man, its killing me, he wheezed. Nevertheless, he confirmed he was fine, just pretty winded and tired from running. Hey, can you do me a favor? I cant seem to get through to anyone on this cel phone. Can you call my mom for me? And Roberta? Can you call her and tell her Im fine? And I could hear the tears in his voice. Im fine. Can you please tell them?
And I promised I would and miracles of all miracles, I got through to Toms mom out on Long Island on the first try. I reminded her who I was, and before I could explain why I was calling, her next question tore through me. Is Tommy ok? she asked so quietly, so timidly. Is he ok?
Yes maam, hes fine, I assured her. Hes on his way home, not a scratch on him.
Immediately after, I called Toms girlfriend to tell her the news but I couldnt get through. She worked in midtown Manhattan, in Time Square, away from the horror that was unfolding downtown. I knew she would be near panic, worried about Tom so I kept at it. She was just one more name to add to my list of calls.
John. Liza. Myrna. Roberta. And now Joe. I couldnt get through to him. I tried calling his office but this time, all I heard was a high-pitched keening noise filled with static. I immediately started moving from one news channel to the next, desperate to know if any thing else had happened. Nothing. No other planes. No bombings. But he was in the Flatiron Building and the news anchor said that landmarks were likely going to be targets for more attacks. His building was one the most famous in the city. So I kept speed dialing to no avail.
I kept trying to reassure myself that all was well, that Joe was fine. So I moved on. To keep myself occupied, I tried to call my friends and former coworkers. I did get through to Roberta. She had walked home and was in their apartment. She had already spoken to Tom who happened to be walking through the door at that moment. She dropped the phone and ran to him. They hugged and I could hear each of them talking to the other at the same time. I heard tears before I hung up to give them privacy. They were okay.
I sat there still, watching the TV, phone in one hand, the other neurotically stroking my dog Bills coat. A mindless gesture that was keeping me grounded in a semblance of sanity. Minutes passed to hours and I still couldnt get through to anyone. I paced the apartment, with the phone glued to my hand. My thoughts of Joe were rocketing through my head. I was praying to God that Joe was fine. I prayed for all the friends I couldnt reach. And I prayed for all those that wouldnt come home that day. And I sat on the couch with Bills furry head in my lap. Phone in my hand. Staring at the TV screen.
And the phone rang, it was Joe. I shouted at him, angry, frustrated, relieved, ever so relieved, What happened?! Where have you been?! I tried to call and I couldnt get through! They had been forced to evacuate their building and since the bridged, tunnels, subways and busses were closed down, he didnt have anywhere to go. His boss took him back to her apartment where he had been sitting for a couple of hours, watching everything through her living room window.
Oh, and John called me. They couldnt evacuate his building because he was so close. Hes been stuck down there and couldnt get out till just a little while ago. Hes home and safe. Im walking over to his place in a minute, he said. John was one of Joes greatest of friends, the two of them were exceptionally close. I just want to make sure hes really ok. So when they start the subways again, Ill come home, ok? I want to come home
My partner in crime, my right hand man, was safe and sound. Scared but safe. And that was what mattered. Hearing his voice, I was able to concentrate on other things, like what might happen next. I grabbed my wallet and walked into the neighborhood. I live in Forest Hills, Queens, very much a part of the city. As I walked towards Queens Boulevard, it was a scene right out of a 70s disaster movie. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was gently blowing through the neighborhood. It would have been a perfect day but for the scene of cars and people in front of me. There were cars jamming the boulevard, traffic was at a standstill. Thousands of people were plodding along the median and sidewalks, walking away from Manhattan. What added to the surreal moment was the fact that not a car honked, not a truck blasted its horn. People werent jostling each other. No talking. No laughing. Nothing but the dank smell of smoke that hovered over all of us.
I withdrew a few hundred dollars from my checking account and walked down the street to C-Town, our local grocery store. I picked up a few essentials, as well as several extra bottles of water and a couple boxes of meal replacement bars. I hoped for the best but wanted to be prepared for the worst. Walking back to my apartment, I noticed a number of neighbors had started coming home. I asked if they had taken the subway but it turned out they had walked. The subways were still shut down. The city was at a stand still, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I walked along, shifting the heavy bags from hand to hand, trying to get a better grip, thinking things through. Trying to remember where my first aid kit was, where my supply of extra batteries were stashed, the thermal blankets, backpacks, extra prescriptions, maps, compass, flashlights, radio. I was mentally checking things off when a low flying military jet blew right over the neighborhood, the sonic boom smashing over our heads. Several people screamed, others ducked, some fell to the ground. I dropped my bags and fell to one knee, staring up at the sky, waiting waiting
I picked up my scattered water bottles and collected the meal bars that had fallen out of their boxes. Carrying everything the last couple of blocks, I went home to my apartment to find messages on my machine. Veronica was fine! Peter made it home! Pat, Gary and Felicia were together and they were good! I could feel the lump in my throat. So many of those that I was worried about were healthy and alive. Covered in soot, dirt and who knows what else, but they were fine.
With relief, I started putting my purchases away and sat in the back yard, letting the dog have his daily romp. I watched him play with his treasured hedgehog, tossing it in the air, running after it. Lather, rinse, repeat. The knucklehead was so full of joy and life, I couldnt help but smile. We stayed there for the rest of the afternoon. I continued to try to contact my friends I hadnt heard from but I didnt want to do so in front of the glow of the television screen. I couldnt watch it anymore.
I kept glancing at my watch, noticing that the shadows were growing longer and the afternoon grew into evening. And I still sat, occasionally playing catch with the dog, otherwise dialing, dialing, dialing. I reached down to scratch Bills head when I saw him pause and stare at the back door. His head tilted and his butt quivered; with a snort, he was off like a shot into the kitchen and through the living room. I heard a door slam and a loud OOF! Joe was home.
Strangely, we hesitated when I saw him at the door, Bill happily jumping around his legs, my eyes looking at him. I smiled. He smiled. And we awkwardly stood there, staring at each other, relieved to see the other. A few seconds passed and no one said a word. We walked towards each other, tears falling without shame, hugging, his head on my shoulder, arms holding each other tight. His shirt and hair smelled like smoke but I couldnt stop, I didnt care. My Joey was home.
Throughout the evening, I would move into the kitchen and Joe would follow. Joe would move into the living room, and Id be right behind him. We didnt want to leave the others side. Joe helped me make more phone calls. We were finally able to reach my parents and assured them that we were well. More tears, more talking, more words of I was so worried I couldnt get through I tried to call all day and night Joe reached his sister and brother and yet more tears.
Over the next few days, into the next few weeks, phone calls started coming in, confirming what I had feared. Nine of my friends and former co-workers had died on September 11, 2001. Nine of them never went home from work that day.
Over the next three years, like everyone else in New York City, life went on. So many of us lost someone we loved. Some of us lost a husband, a wife, a daughter, a son, a mother, a father. Some of us lost our friends. And we still miss them. Things have gotten better. And I sit here, sifting through grant requests, trying to find a non-profit agency that is serving the victims and families of 9/11. Trying to find one that is still helping the community. There are still so many. But one day, maybe there wont be any need for them. I hope so.
Ive been especially pensive about the coming anniversary due to the nature of my job. Im a program officer for a major financial firms philanthropy department. We have more than two hundred thousand dollars left in our 9/11 victims relief fund and I have been charged with identifying a worthy cause that this money could help serve. That said, Ive been doing a huge amount of research, making dozens of phone calls, speaking to agencies that are still operational.
And it brings back so many memories
I was a different person then. It was late in the summer and I been laid off from my position as an Implementation Specialist for a financial distance e-learning company. The money had been great up to that point so I thought I would take it easy for the next few months. I would travel, see family and friends. I would basically be a bum. Id never done anything so shamelessly frivolous before and I thought, What better time than ever?
And bum I was indeed. My partner Joe would occasionally needle me by tossing the New York Times help wanted section before he left for work in the morning. Other times he would ask me how the hunt was going with a mild level of scorn in his voice. He knew it was just a matter of time before I put my nose to the grindstone and really started looking. He knew I was just trying to enjoy myself for a change, and not being the workaholic that he fell in love with. But he enjoyed the opportunity to tease me and get my goat.
The days of unemployed stretched into weeks and I was thoroughly enjoying my newfound bump-on-a-log status. I was sleeping in one sunny morning when the phone rang, waking me from a sound sleep. It was Joe. Turn on the TV! A plane just hit one of the towers in the Trade Center! He was practically screaming in my ear.
I didnt believe him and said as much but he kept insisting. I mumbled that it had to have been a little Cessna or something of the type, certainly not a multi passenger jumbo jet. And Joe kept screaming, Im outside, on the street and staring at the tower right now! Its on fire and smoke is pouring out of it! Papers are floating all over the place. Turn on the TV!
So I did.
And it felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room. What I saw, what we all saw, took my breath away. I was in shock and couldnt speak.
Are you there? Rick? Answer me! Joe was shouting at me once again, for fear he had lost the tenuous connection.
Im here where are you?
He breathed and said, Im just outside my office. Everyone is outside, watching the towers. We can see everything down the avenue, its horrible all those people . At that, the love of my lifes voice started to hitch. I have to go inside now. I cant watch this Ill call you when I get upstairs, ok?
I made him promise that he would call me as soon as he sat at his desk. He swore he would. Minutes passed. I sat on the edge of the bed, remote hanging limply at my side. My eyes were glued to TV screen. Names whirled in my mind. John. Tom. Liza. Myrna. Mike. Veronica. Peter. Felicia. Darryl. Pat. Gary. Steven. Chris. And the list grew and grew. Friends and coworkers who worked in either the towers or immediately next door. I reached for the phone and started dialing.
Busy signal. I dialed Tom. Busy signal. John. Busy signal. Liza. No connection. Mike. No connection. Steven. No connection. Myrna. No connection. Veronica. No connection. Gary. No connection. Over and over. I wasnt getting anywhere so I stood and walked into the living room and paced, cordless phone in one hand, remote in the other.
I had left the bedroom set on and turned on the living room television. I stared at the screen, clicking from channel to channel. The same images. Flames. Smoke. Bodies. Reality television at its absolutely most horrifying. And I kept watching.
The phone handset rang, startling me to the point that I jumped. It was Joe. Ive been trying to call you but I couldnt get through. Everyone here is ok. I could hear the constant scream of sirens in our own neighborhood as well as outside his office window. It was a noise that we would hear for many days to come.
Neither one of us wanted to get off the phone with the other. We both agreed that we would keep trying to call our friends who worked downtown. I was still staring at the TV screen when the first tower fell and I felt a scream build in my chest and I couldnt stop it. Joe was asking me what was wrong so I tried to tell him but I was too horrified. When I finally burst out, Its falling! The tower is falling! he already knew. I begged him to stay put, not to walk outside for fear of rioting or panicked groups.
Of the two of us, Joe is the gentle soul, the most likely of us to lend a helping hand to a total stranger. Joe just beams trust, kindness and peace. I was terrified that he would be swept up in the fear and panic. Stay put. Dont leave your office right now, ok? Promise? Just stay there!
He promised and then told me he had to get off the phone. A lot of folks in his office were understandably upset and he felt he was needed. A lot of the women are crying and some of the guys want to go. I have to go. At least to help out a little, ok? I wont leave the building but I have to go. Ill call you back. Keep trying to call Tom and John, though, ok? Keep trying to get in touch with them and let me know what happens.
And he hung up. And I started my marathon dialing. And the second tower fell. And I cried and dialed. Tom. John. Veronica. Mike. Gary. Felicia. On and on never getting a dial tone, only getting busy signal or no signal at all. Sometimes I would get through and the phone would ring, my heart would soar and then Id get disconnected, only to have to start all over. Dialing Tom. Then John. Then Liza. Then Myrna. Then Hello!?? Who is this?
TOM?! Is that you? Are you ok? TOM? I was screaming into the phone. I had finally gotten through to one of my closest college friends. I could hear sirens in the background. And people shouting, others crying. And Tom. My buddy was ok. He was outside when the towers were hit and he watched everything unfold in front of him. He was out of breath and kept coughing. I breathed in a lot of smoke man, its killing me, he wheezed. Nevertheless, he confirmed he was fine, just pretty winded and tired from running. Hey, can you do me a favor? I cant seem to get through to anyone on this cel phone. Can you call my mom for me? And Roberta? Can you call her and tell her Im fine? And I could hear the tears in his voice. Im fine. Can you please tell them?
And I promised I would and miracles of all miracles, I got through to Toms mom out on Long Island on the first try. I reminded her who I was, and before I could explain why I was calling, her next question tore through me. Is Tommy ok? she asked so quietly, so timidly. Is he ok?
Yes maam, hes fine, I assured her. Hes on his way home, not a scratch on him.
Immediately after, I called Toms girlfriend to tell her the news but I couldnt get through. She worked in midtown Manhattan, in Time Square, away from the horror that was unfolding downtown. I knew she would be near panic, worried about Tom so I kept at it. She was just one more name to add to my list of calls.
John. Liza. Myrna. Roberta. And now Joe. I couldnt get through to him. I tried calling his office but this time, all I heard was a high-pitched keening noise filled with static. I immediately started moving from one news channel to the next, desperate to know if any thing else had happened. Nothing. No other planes. No bombings. But he was in the Flatiron Building and the news anchor said that landmarks were likely going to be targets for more attacks. His building was one the most famous in the city. So I kept speed dialing to no avail.
I kept trying to reassure myself that all was well, that Joe was fine. So I moved on. To keep myself occupied, I tried to call my friends and former coworkers. I did get through to Roberta. She had walked home and was in their apartment. She had already spoken to Tom who happened to be walking through the door at that moment. She dropped the phone and ran to him. They hugged and I could hear each of them talking to the other at the same time. I heard tears before I hung up to give them privacy. They were okay.
I sat there still, watching the TV, phone in one hand, the other neurotically stroking my dog Bills coat. A mindless gesture that was keeping me grounded in a semblance of sanity. Minutes passed to hours and I still couldnt get through to anyone. I paced the apartment, with the phone glued to my hand. My thoughts of Joe were rocketing through my head. I was praying to God that Joe was fine. I prayed for all the friends I couldnt reach. And I prayed for all those that wouldnt come home that day. And I sat on the couch with Bills furry head in my lap. Phone in my hand. Staring at the TV screen.
And the phone rang, it was Joe. I shouted at him, angry, frustrated, relieved, ever so relieved, What happened?! Where have you been?! I tried to call and I couldnt get through! They had been forced to evacuate their building and since the bridged, tunnels, subways and busses were closed down, he didnt have anywhere to go. His boss took him back to her apartment where he had been sitting for a couple of hours, watching everything through her living room window.
Oh, and John called me. They couldnt evacuate his building because he was so close. Hes been stuck down there and couldnt get out till just a little while ago. Hes home and safe. Im walking over to his place in a minute, he said. John was one of Joes greatest of friends, the two of them were exceptionally close. I just want to make sure hes really ok. So when they start the subways again, Ill come home, ok? I want to come home
My partner in crime, my right hand man, was safe and sound. Scared but safe. And that was what mattered. Hearing his voice, I was able to concentrate on other things, like what might happen next. I grabbed my wallet and walked into the neighborhood. I live in Forest Hills, Queens, very much a part of the city. As I walked towards Queens Boulevard, it was a scene right out of a 70s disaster movie. The sun was shining and a cool breeze was gently blowing through the neighborhood. It would have been a perfect day but for the scene of cars and people in front of me. There were cars jamming the boulevard, traffic was at a standstill. Thousands of people were plodding along the median and sidewalks, walking away from Manhattan. What added to the surreal moment was the fact that not a car honked, not a truck blasted its horn. People werent jostling each other. No talking. No laughing. Nothing but the dank smell of smoke that hovered over all of us.
I withdrew a few hundred dollars from my checking account and walked down the street to C-Town, our local grocery store. I picked up a few essentials, as well as several extra bottles of water and a couple boxes of meal replacement bars. I hoped for the best but wanted to be prepared for the worst. Walking back to my apartment, I noticed a number of neighbors had started coming home. I asked if they had taken the subway but it turned out they had walked. The subways were still shut down. The city was at a stand still, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I walked along, shifting the heavy bags from hand to hand, trying to get a better grip, thinking things through. Trying to remember where my first aid kit was, where my supply of extra batteries were stashed, the thermal blankets, backpacks, extra prescriptions, maps, compass, flashlights, radio. I was mentally checking things off when a low flying military jet blew right over the neighborhood, the sonic boom smashing over our heads. Several people screamed, others ducked, some fell to the ground. I dropped my bags and fell to one knee, staring up at the sky, waiting waiting
I picked up my scattered water bottles and collected the meal bars that had fallen out of their boxes. Carrying everything the last couple of blocks, I went home to my apartment to find messages on my machine. Veronica was fine! Peter made it home! Pat, Gary and Felicia were together and they were good! I could feel the lump in my throat. So many of those that I was worried about were healthy and alive. Covered in soot, dirt and who knows what else, but they were fine.
With relief, I started putting my purchases away and sat in the back yard, letting the dog have his daily romp. I watched him play with his treasured hedgehog, tossing it in the air, running after it. Lather, rinse, repeat. The knucklehead was so full of joy and life, I couldnt help but smile. We stayed there for the rest of the afternoon. I continued to try to contact my friends I hadnt heard from but I didnt want to do so in front of the glow of the television screen. I couldnt watch it anymore.
I kept glancing at my watch, noticing that the shadows were growing longer and the afternoon grew into evening. And I still sat, occasionally playing catch with the dog, otherwise dialing, dialing, dialing. I reached down to scratch Bills head when I saw him pause and stare at the back door. His head tilted and his butt quivered; with a snort, he was off like a shot into the kitchen and through the living room. I heard a door slam and a loud OOF! Joe was home.
Strangely, we hesitated when I saw him at the door, Bill happily jumping around his legs, my eyes looking at him. I smiled. He smiled. And we awkwardly stood there, staring at each other, relieved to see the other. A few seconds passed and no one said a word. We walked towards each other, tears falling without shame, hugging, his head on my shoulder, arms holding each other tight. His shirt and hair smelled like smoke but I couldnt stop, I didnt care. My Joey was home.
Throughout the evening, I would move into the kitchen and Joe would follow. Joe would move into the living room, and Id be right behind him. We didnt want to leave the others side. Joe helped me make more phone calls. We were finally able to reach my parents and assured them that we were well. More tears, more talking, more words of I was so worried I couldnt get through I tried to call all day and night Joe reached his sister and brother and yet more tears.
Over the next few days, into the next few weeks, phone calls started coming in, confirming what I had feared. Nine of my friends and former co-workers had died on September 11, 2001. Nine of them never went home from work that day.
Over the next three years, like everyone else in New York City, life went on. So many of us lost someone we loved. Some of us lost a husband, a wife, a daughter, a son, a mother, a father. Some of us lost our friends. And we still miss them. Things have gotten better. And I sit here, sifting through grant requests, trying to find a non-profit agency that is serving the victims and families of 9/11. Trying to find one that is still helping the community. There are still so many. But one day, maybe there wont be any need for them. I hope so.