Well, since one of you (CHristal) has FINALLY recognized my genius, I have decided to impart to you some wisdom. There ARE levels of reality TV addiction:
Stage 1) Avoidance - you avoid shows that have actual plots, people who assume the role of a character with a name different than their own, sets,
Stage 2) Abuse - you abuse family members who wonder why we can't watch something else by glaring at them and exclaiming, "But ______ (insert show name here) is on!?!?!?" Additionally, you abuse the remote control by flipping between TWO reality shows that are simultaneously aired (#*$&^@@ networks!)
Stage 3) Dependence - you plan your days, evenings, and nights around when shows will air. You leave family reunions early so as not to miss a single second of your favorite show. While in attendance at said event, you ask every person around you, "Are you watching _____ (insert show name here)? NO? Well, here's basically the jist of the show...." YOu continue with said explanation despite clear indications that the listener has just slipped into a bordeom-induced comatose state, only to be revived by your shutting your mouth (which won't happen since another family member just indicated she had seen a preview, which to you signifies enough familiarity on that second family member's part to actually care enough to listen about what happened "last week") or death. You find yourself wondering what is happening to Drake or Johnny or Clahnyis (they all have weird names) and start to engage in debates with other people forced to watch with you about the merits of their decisions - or, in reality show speak -
strategy.
Stage 4) Withdrawal - when a reality show ends, you immediately find a new one with which to replace it. If you leave the home for an errand or even an evening out and realize you forgot to set your TiVo or VCR, you exclaim with fright and terror, "I FORGOT to set the VCRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" You then turn your car around to return home to set the VCR. You scream at the television when a twist in the game throws you for a loop. You eat Ben and Jerry's for a week when your favorite housemate/castaway/roommate/racer/contestant/performer is evicted/voted off/had the tribe speak/sent home. At this point, the only remedy is complete desctruction of your life so you can rebuild - this time without cable installed in your home.
Sorry to be so blunt, Christal, but the prognosis for successful treatment of reality show addiction is poor.
Susan, don't get me STARTED on PCTSS - another unfortunate and debilitating condition.
Susan, hilarious quote. I have this bad habit of finding it incredibly funny when someone falls down stairs - I can't stop laughing long enough to ask if they're okay. Even now - three times come to mind - and I'm giggling.....