Sending a sick kid to school -- how do you decide? (Update: she stayed home)

[Sandcass]

Please don't think I'm not putting my sick child first. I'm looking for opinions here, not judgment.

I missed a lot of work last month because of sick kids (throwing up and fevers over 100, so no decision) and my own medical issues, and I do have a job to do. The school policy is that a kid with a temp under 100 can/should go to school.

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, this is what happened to me last week... none of my daycare kids were sick ENOUGH to stay home. But they were really miserable. And I just kept thinking all week that they just wanted their moms, not me. They had the classic cold, low fever, cough, constant boogers, so they didn't HAVE to stay home. So we're talking I had a house full of miserable, crying, coughing babies, toddlers, and preschoolers to take care of. My whole family got sick too. Now this week I have to call in sick all week and take care of us.

It's just how it is when you have kids. But bottom line, your DD doesn't want to be in school if she feels lousey... and you don't want her sharing it w/ the other kids & teachers.

Sorry again, I was talking out my own frustration and didn't mean to sound like a beast.

 

[LisaR]

Please don't think I'm not putting my sick child first. I'm looking for opinions here, not judgment.

I missed a lot of work last month because of sick kids (throwing up and fevers over 100, so no decision) and my own medical issues, and I do have a job to do. The school policy is that a kid with a temp under 100 can/should go to school.

I know work is important but by your own admission, she feels "lousy." Why send a 6 year old that VERY OBVIOUSLY doesn't feel well to school to contaminate other kids and possibly go from a simple cold to something worse?

The degree of the temp really doesn't matter. People can be very ill with little or no fever. I have seen both of my kids run around like crazy with 104 degree temps and you wouldn't even guess they were sick. If the child feels lousy that really is a sign to keep her home.

Lisa

 

[CEDmom]

Just a question in response to some of the remarks:

Why would you make a doctor's appointment for this: runny nose, cough, low-grade fever? What would be the point in getting this child into the doctor's office today. What could they give you to "head it off?"

I was the one who suggested taking her DD to the doctor. My reasoning was my DD had similar symptoms yesterday except she was ok with going to school and was behaving pretty much as usual. Anyway, by late afternoon she had a fever and is home miserable today. I really think she has strep just based on prior experience with it. Had I kept her home yesterday and taken her to the doctor she'd most likely be on antibiotics already and feeling much better. Hindsights a wonderful thing.

 

[Christine]

I was the one who suggested taking her DD to the doctor. My reasoning was my DD had similar symptoms yesterday except she was ok with going to school and was behaving pretty much as usual. Anyway, by late afternoon she had a fever and is home miserable today. I really think she has strep just based on prior experience with it. Had I kept her home yesterday and taken her to the doctor she'd most likely be on antibiotics already and feeling much better. Hindsights a wonderful thing.

Oh, you weren't the only one who said it. And I hope I didn't come off as picking on anyone. I was just curious. When my kids were smaller, I used to just run to the doctor hoping for something to help. But most stuff is viral and they can't give you anything, so I finally just stopped going. The only exception to that is when there is a sore throat. I will usually "run" right in for that because both of my kids have had strep numerous times.

Now that they are older, though, (14 and 11) the last few sore throats have actually be viral and nothing could be done. Sometimes you just wish for strep, you know? It's a lot easier to "fix" than a virus.

 

[Cyndirella]

Does she normally complain about not feeling well, or does she only say it when she means it? That is a problem I have with my DD. If her nose is running, she says she feels bad. Honestly, if I had kept her home every time she complained about feeling bad she would be flunking 3rd grade.

My guideline for her is that she goes to school unless she has a fever or is throwing up. Low grade fever...that's tough. If it was my daughter, I would probably give her some Motrin and send her to school but be prepared for a phone call saying she is feeling worse. But - understand I have a drama queen type child who has "cried wolf" way too many times before.

Only you know what is best for your child...I hope it works out and she is feeling better soon.

 

[Barb D]

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. DD is cuddled up on the couch in her jammers watching SpongeBob. DH is coming home at 10:30, and I'll work 11-7 today. Hopefully by staying home today we can head this off at the pass, and we'll be back on schedule tomorrow.

Sandcass, I know it must be frustrating to be in your position, too. I hope you and your kids feel better quick.

 

[mickeyboat]

The feeling lousy information would be enough for me to keep my daughters home. My kids don't often get fevers, and they when they get a cold, it is more of a nuisance to them than something that really gets them down. I have never kept them home from school with a cold, as long as they feel well enough to go. But if I thought they were "feeling lousy," along with the other symptoms you described, I would keep them home.

I don't think based on what you described that I would take them to the doctor, though. (Although if my kids had a history of complications from colds or strep, I might reconsider).

Would it be possible for you and your DH to each take 1/2 day off to stay home? Then you could each get some work done.

Good luck. I hope your daughter is feeling better soon.

Denae

Edited to add - I am glad you resolved your situation!

 

[Barb D]

Does she normally complain about not feeling well, or does she only say it when she means it? That is a problem I have with my DD. If her nose is running, she says she feels bad. Honestly, if I had kept her home every time she complained about feeling bad she would be flunking 3rd grade.

I can look in her eyes and know she's not feeling well. (Same thing with her migraines, which she did call "wolf" with a lot last year. She does get them, and I can tell by looking in her eyes when she has one, but she told her teacher way too frequently that she had one just to get out of class for a while or get some attention. But it's hard to explain to a teacher how to "look in her eyes and know.")

Anyway, I definitely know she doesn't feel well, and she is staying home. She missed three days last month with a stomach virus. Fortunately, this is Kindergarten and not high school!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If they cannot function, keep them home.


Not an attack on whether you should go to work or not. But if she can't function--that would be my litmus test.

DD3 is sick today (vomiting)--so it is a no brainer that in that instance, she'd definitely wouldn't be going to school (if she were in school).

 

[luvwinnie]

I can't imagine being 6, feeling lousy and having to go to school. I vote for keeping her home.

 

[disykat]

I'm glad you're keeping her home. IMO an early morning temp above 99 is trouble.

 

[AdventurerKat]

I just wanted to offer a I know how you feel all too well. I have a two year old and a six year old. In the last three months I have lost track of how many days of work have been missed keeping them home, they are getting everything! We were having DH stay home because my work gives me so much grief over it (and when he stays home, it is without pay - I have to make it up, but you can see how much I did not want to have to be the one to call in for it if I am willing to lose money over it!).

Well, fast forward to last week. The two year old was sick the week before and DH called in both days. He got a "talking to" about missing again and had to sign a form per their employee handbook that he knows he has missed too much recently. It looks like the next couple of times the kids are sick it is going to have to be on me whether it ticks my employer off or not.

When we were in Seattle, we used to trade off and I swear the kids were not as sick as much as they have been down here but they also did not have the contact with other children they are having now. Frankly, we have considered moving back to Seattle over this (one reason - not the only one) because we have absolutely no back up down here with having the kids sick. No one to help with that has put us in this situation and its scary worrying how it might affect us having a job.

 

[Christine]

I'm glad you're keeping her home. IMO an early morning temp above 99 is trouble.

Exactly my thoughts. I wouldn't think anything of it if it were 2:00 in the afternoon.

 

[JoBird]

OP, I hope your child feels better. I just wanted to alert all of you to something that my Mother learned from me being a Strep-magnet as a child. Once I had a sore throat for two weeks and kept complaining to my Mom about it. She took my temp and every time, it was normal, NEVER over 98.6.
So finally after me whining (she thought it was allergies, b/c I had those bad, too) she took me to the Dr. Strep test, um, POSITIVE!
So, if you know your child and can see it in their eyes that they really feel bad, listen to them.
Thanks to all Moms on the DIS! You all deserve a medal for all you do.

 

[icebrat001]

Keep her home.
She will be miserable. She could give the other kids what she has, and then the teacher (me) gets to catch whatever your child has AGAIN.

Sick children need to stay home. Kids first, work second.

 

[mickeysgal]

We have "Sunday night/Monday morning" kids. You know...kids that get sick without fail at the beginning of the work week. A lot of my friend's kids were the ones that got sick on Fridays for the weekend. We had tons of arguments over who was going to stay home. Since my DH was more of the breadwinner, it seemed to always fell on me. That and the fact that he left early and I was the one to drop the kids at daycare. Therefore, he was never around when they awoke sick! This was one of the reasons I decided to be a SAHM. It was too much stress on our jobs/life.

I just kept my son home yesterday. He had a terrible sore throat/cough/cold. I know him...he needs one good day of solid sleeping and he's back on his feet. Sure enough he's in better (not great) shape and he's back at High School. Now, given the absense rules at the school, this will be considered an unexcused absense since he won't have a doctor's note. I'm not going to run the kids on day 1 to the doctor, nor was he sick enough for a doctor. But he was sick enough to keep home. It will still be considered unexcused - which irrates me.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Cyndi has a good point--we have to know our kids. My oldest wasn't too bad about calling wolf and I could generally believe her, even though she is a bit of a drama queen. My 15yo is terrible--his stomach hurts at the drop of a hat. If I kept him home every time his stomach hurt he wouldn't be in school much. Basically, if he's sleepy, he suddenly has a stomach ache. So therefore, I've sent him to school sick before and have gotten a call from the nurse complaining, "he said he told you this morning his stomach hurt". And I tell her, "yes, he says that at least once a week and he's fine normally". My 12yo rarely misses and if he says he's sick he's staying home, plain and simple. Haven't figured out my 6yo yet. He threw up all Thursday night and woke up at 7AM Friday morning and told me, "I don't think I can go to school today". HA, no kidding!

mickeysgal, what a crazy policy!!! I would send the child to school and let them throw up in the health room. Or have him cough all over the nurse. OK, I really wouldn't do that, but I'd sure want to!

 

[Puffy2]

This is why everyone else's kids get sick and end up having to stay home (loss time from school) , see the doc ($), and other parents have to take off time from work ($$).

It's also not good for the child who "feels miserable".

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This is why everyone else's kids get sick and end up having to stay home (loss time from school) , see the doc ($), and other parents have to take off time from work ($$).

It's also not good for the child who "feels miserable".

True, but the problem with spreading germs is that a person is contagious starting just before they come down with the symptoms. So often it's spread before a person feels sick and there's not much we can do about that other than the obvious wash hands with warm, soapy water often, etc. Doesn't mean a child is not still contagious when the fever hit, of course, and they should be kept home then, but a lot of time the damage has already been done. Sometimes it's an easy call (like Friday when my son was throwing up), but sometimes the line is fuzzy.

 

[mickeysgal]

mickeysgal, what a crazy policy!!! I would send the child to school and let them throw up in the health room. Or have him cough all over the nurse. OK, I really wouldn't do that, but I'd sure want to!

Our district has a very strict attendance policy because attendance is a major problem here. Since No Child Left Behind has criteria that is attendance based, this district has had to crack down on the number of absenses allowed. For example, if you're out sick four days due to the flu and go to the doctor for a note, its still four occurrances. That magic number will get you a letter from the school. It escalates up from there - including involving the social worker and court appearances. Problem is, its punishing the majority that take off for valid reasons. Those that abuse the system still don't care whether there is a policy in place or not.

Maybe this is why so many parents send their kids to school sick. Either they have to be at their job and/or the school absence policy.