Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[Mouse House Mama]

I do not always make my point with the best choice of words when written.

Eh, me neither.

 

[Leajess99]

Basically this is a revolving subject. I say my child is not ready to be in the class because he is one of the youngest ones and needs time to mature to be personally successful in his academice while your child was ready and went to school. You then say that my child going to school the next year a year older makes you/your child potentially uncomfortable/left at a disadvantage because of age. So which child is to be uncomfortable/at a disadvantage??? I have my feelings that I am doing right by my child and you are feeling that you are doing best by yours. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child was not ready for school eventhough the school system makes a blanket statement that at x years old students are to begin attending school?As a parent is is my responsibility to do what is best for MY child at the time. Sorry if I seem cold and uncaring, but your child's ducation is not my responsibility.
I don't think this issue is really all that different than that of special education inclusion. Different parents/teachers react/believe differently according to what THEY THINK is right.
It is obviously the 2 sides of "red shirting" (Where did that term come from anyway?) do not agree, but it kind of seems like those that believe it is ok for the child not to start at the recommended/mandated have it coming at them pretty hard.

I am not the poster you are asking but my children are ready to start school because I work with them and make sure they are ready to start school. My now 10 year old (youngest in her class) was actually reading when she started Kindergarten because as a parent I find it is MY job to teach her. She did have to relearn how to write in the format this school was using because we moved (went from block to D'nelean) but in this day and age we as parents have access to so much education stuff on line. My youngest is a slower reader than my older kids were but she was severely speech delayed. I never even considered holding her back. She is in bed every night by 7:30 as they start school at 7:40. Her report card shows she barely needs the teacher's assistance. As for my 10 year, she is all A honor roll and in the Gifted and Talented Program. She is also a member of Duke's TIP and getting ready to take the Explore test in February. My oldest is 16 in a couple of weeks and he was an older one in his class. He has had trouble making friends and I can say it is not because he was young when he started school. He is also an all A student and is now testing on a college level and has been for over a year. Kids are very different at home and at school as well so this is why I have such a hard time understanding why parents won't give their children the chance to go to school on time rather than hold them from starting.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Unless you plan to shelter your child forever he/she is going to be exposed to some things you would prefer they not. My daughter had to deal with a child using language that is not appropriate for any child to use especially a Kindergartener. Kids pick up what they hear on tv, the radio, other adults, etc. And a child can still be a child while going to school. I just do not get this arguement that kids need another year to "enjoy being a child." My kids enjoy being kids but they go to school as well. Mine love school and get upset when they don't have school. They have many friends and fun at school and they are still kids at school.

Yes, my child is sheltered to a point..I'll admit it! Why should he have to know all the horrors and harsh realities of life at 5? He is exposed to language, watches tv, etc. However, due to the demands of school his childhood is being impaired. Like I said he has so much homework and fights it so much that the childhood play time..even that for learning is being compromised.

I am so happy (honestly ) that your kids enjoy school and want to go. Mine wants to go if it is a PE day, for recess, and sometimes for the morning session (they come home for lunch)...after lunch, when they do the majority of the writing, he wants to stay home, of course I don't let him. I have told his teacher that I am easing up on the homework if he can prove to me he knows/can do it I will not make him work for 3+ hours. Under the circumstances with us moving she is fine with that and has stopped pushing him as much.

Oh, and we have discussed having him tested for any learning difficulties or Occupational Therapy needs, but they do not have the ability to test on our island...there is a boy who is repeating 1st gr that has had in a referral since the begining of last year!

 

[Leajess99]

The discussion of special education inculsion, THE ISSUE...NOT IF THE CHILDREN BELONG IN SPECIAL EDUCATION!!! Some parents believe that their special needs student would best be served in a general education, while others feel a self-contained class or seperate facility would server their child better. This has long been debated and each party can find research to support their side.

And YES the schools do care what you think when it comes to how your special education student is educated...the parents also have to sign off on the Individual Education Plan (IEP)...If they are not happy it isn't signed.

We only have 1 self contained class and it is for severely special needs children. We have childrenw ith Downs Syndrome in regular classrooms doing very well. They have IEPs and the school abides by their IEPs but even for those in the self contained classes they still spend time in General Ed classes.

As far as the IEPs, the schools do not always care what you want either. They do what is best for the student.

 

[Leajess99]

Yes, my child is sheltered to a point..I'll admit it! Why should he have to know all the horrors and harsh realities of life at 5? He is exposed to language, watches tv, etc. However, due to the demands of school his childhood is being impaired. Like I said he has so much homework and fights it so much that the childhood play time..even that for learning is being compromised.

I am so happy (honestly ) that your kids enjoy school and want to go. Mine wants to go if it is a PE day, for recess, and sometimes for the morning session (they come home for lunch)...after lunch, when they do the majority of the writing, he wants to stay home, of course I don't let him. I have told his teacher that I am easing up on the homework if he can prove to me he knows/can do it I will not make him work for 3+ hours. Under the circumstances with us moving she is fine with that and has stopped pushing him as much.

Oh, and we have discussed having him tested for any learning difficulties or Occupational Therapy needs, but they do not have the ability to test on our island...there is a boy who is repeating 1st gr that has had in a referral since the begining of last year!

With what you have described for your school I don't think the kids would really want my kids there. Do you know when you are moving back to the states yet?? I would so be counting the days down. Hopefully once your little one gets to a school here in the states he will enjoy it more.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I am not the poster you are asking but my children are ready to start school because I work with them and make sure they are ready to start school. My now 10 year old (youngest in her class) was actually reading when she started Kindergarten because as a parent I find it is MY job to teach her. She did have to relearn how to write in the format this school was using because we moved (went from block to D'nelean) but in this day and age we as parents have access to so much education stuff on line. My youngest is a slower reader than my older kids were but she was severely speech delayed. I never even considered holding her back. She is in bed every night by 7:30 as they start school at 7:40. Her report card shows she barely needs the teacher's assistance. As for my 10 year, she is all A honor roll and in the Gifted and Talented Program. She is also a member of Duke's TIP and getting ready to take the Explore test in February. My oldest is 16 in a couple of weeks and he was an older one in his class. He has had trouble making friends and I can say it is not because he was young when he started school. He is also an all A student and is now testing on a college level and has been for over a year. Kids are very different at home and at school as well so this is why I have such a hard time understanding why parents won't give their children the chance to go to school on time rather than hold them from starting.

Thanks for answering...it was open to anyone eventhough I was responding.

My DS went to school reading and is now at a 3rd gr level. Like I've said he also has writing issues not completely sure if it is fine-motor issues or the way he was taught...I made the mistake of letting the Nursery school teach him that. I did work with my DS preparing him for school as I am DD...but I'm teaching her to write and it's going SO much better. DS' report card was c__p, but looking at his actual grades he does very well...The had EXAMS in 1st grade...DS does not test well, mainly due to the writing portions.

You had concerns and still felt confident sending your children. This is a positive example and should be shared with other parents who may not be sure of sending theirs. Unfortunately, I thought mine was ready. Due to not knowing the demands that would be put on DS (yes, not open house or anything like that) I figured being one of the youngest in his class wouldn't make a difference. Being one of the youngest in his class hasn't mattered...that he was not ready for EVRYTHING that would be expected of him (and me not know exactly what would be expected despite asking other parents) did matter!

From you, parents should learn take a "chance"...your child could do great! From me, I hope parents would learn to make sure you know what your children will be doing not only in K, but in gr 1 and if you have concerns or if the child shows any signs of not being ready check it out...don't feel pushed to do something that you DO NOT feel comfortable with.

 

[collcass]

I think a lot of this is regional also. If I remember correctly, there are 27 (give or take a few in either direction) stated that have specific dated "cutoffs" other than the Dec 31 such as ...the child must turn 5 by Sep 1. Even within many of those states, the dates vary by districts.

Here in CT it is Dec 31. 2/3 of my boys are young - Thanksgiving/Christmas and 1 is Jan. The two older ones started at 4 1/2. Although we haven't regretted it, it's always been evident that they were on the young end of the spectrum. The boys all goto a charter school with Integrated day classes so there is even more of an age range there.

Anyhow, I'm degressing. I've never understood how people see summer birthdays as "late" birthdays, but I don't live in a state that has a Sep cutoff. Even so, my interpretation would be the state considers anything after that date as a late birthday and would probably have sent my child. A person living in a region that has the Sep cutoff would most likely see anything close to the cutoff as late.

There truly is no way to get around an age range within a school. Kids are born all throughout the year and no matter how they divy them up, there's still going to be a range. I worry much more about what these kids have learned on the bus than what a student in their class who is almost two years older than them exposes them to, but, again, they are in integrated day where the classes are combined. The bus - now that is scary

 

[mommyof3rookies]

Welcome to my problem...My 5 yo (July child) was made by government to begin school. Was he ready emotionally, socially...sure. Was he ready academically...in some areas. He does not write with the fluency like his peers. His teacher is good, but this is her first year in MANY teaching 1st grade as she previously taught 2nd. Not only are the demands put on these children inappropriate in areas, she expected them to know certain things and did not take the time to teach the basics...1/2 the class attended a nursery school, 1/2 did not. Now DS has fallen behind in handwriting skills (and could use some work on fine motor skills). He is forced to write assignments on notebook paper. Any such assignment is a struggle because he now HATES writing. Assignments are sent home to be completed so he often has 2 or 3x the amount of homework as his friends. Because he fights me on this it leads to tantrums which lead to punishments (and yes we use a lot of positive reinforcement). Therefore, he is not having as many childhood opportunities of playing outside with his friends (thus not improving gross motor skills).
I am completely blaming myself because as his mother I should have found a way to keep him home. By doing so I would have had a year to help his motor skills develop thus allowing him to has a less stressful school experience.
Yes, my experience is MINE and DS is in a different country and school system. But I would feel the same way if he was 5 and not ready for K.
I

Both of my ds's were lacked good fine motor skills when they were 5. My oldest ds has always had REALLY good teachers that understood the problem and they haven't harped on him about his writing, so he doesn't have any added stress. My second ds had a teacher that wanted PERFECT writing, when I explained the problem she eased up on him although writing is still stressful for him. I have since told his teachers that I will not fight with him about penmenship, that if we could read it, that was good enough for me and it should be good enough for them. Penmenship should not be an issue, these kids have more important things to learn than how to form an "a" perfectly. His teacher this year feels the same way as I do. My ds does know that his writing his messier than the others in his class, which adds more stress. But the one way we have gotten over this is I don't stand over him anymore, he has decided he would like to do his homework in his room, so I look at his work and give him a time frame that he has to be done and he can not have his tv on. He also understands that I will check it when he's done and anything I can't read or that needs correcting he has to do without argueing, it has worked for us and made him feel more self-confident. Maybe you could see if this would work for your ds. I hope you find a way to help him not be so stressed.

 

[Leajess99]

Thanks for answering...it was open to anyone eventhough I was responding.

My DS went to school reading and is now at a 3rd gr level. Like I've said he also has writing issues not completely sure if it is fine-motor issues or the way he was taught...I made the mistake of letting the Nursery school teach him that. I did work with my DS preparing him for school as I am DD...but I'm teaching her to write and it's going SO much better. DS' report card was c__p, but looking at his actual grades he does very well...The had EXAMS in 1st grade...DS does not test well, mainly due to the writing portions.

You had concerns and still felt confident sending your children. This is a positive example and should be shared with other parents who may not be sure of sending theirs. Unfortunately, I thought mine was ready. Due to not knowing the demands that would be put on DS (yes, not open house or anything like that) I figured being one of the youngest in his class wouldn't make a difference. Being one of the youngest in his class hasn't mattered...that he was not ready for EVRYTHING that would be expected of him (and me not know exactly what would be expected despite asking other parents) did matter!

From you, parents should learn take a "chance"...your child could do great! From me, I hope parents would learn to make sure you know what your children will be doing not only in K, but in gr 1 and if you have concerns or if the child shows any signs of not being ready check it out...don't feel pushed to do something that you DO NOT feel comfortable with.

I am so sorry your school there did not better inform you of what was expected of him. I can see some tests like spelling but not at 5. That school seems to just be pushing the kids too hard. I have to wonder where they rate and if they are doing it to try and compete with countries like China and Japan. I so hope your son really likes the new school in the States (was it Indiana?) and does wonderfully at it.

 

[Embel]

My DD made the cut off by 5 days. She was absolutely ready for K, so we sent her. Now in 1st grade I see a slight maturity difference. She'll be fine, but I wish I had given her the gift of being better than fine.

If you hold them out, they have a chance to be the most mature & the most confident in their school work. It's what I wish I had done for my child.

 

[Leajess99]

I think a lot of this is regional also. If I remember correctly, there are 27 (give or take a few in either direction) stated that have specific dated "cutoffs" other than the Dec 31 such as ...the child must turn 5 by Sep 1. Even within many of those states, the dates vary by districts.

Here in CT it is Dec 31. 2/3 of my boys are young - Thanksgiving/Christmas and 1 is Jan. The two older ones started at 4 1/2. Although we haven't regretted it, it's always been evident that they were on the young end of the spectrum. The boys all goto a charter school with Integrated day classes so there is even more of an age range there.

Anyhow, I'm degressing. I've never understood how people see summer birthdays as "late" birthdays, but I don't live in a state that has a Sep cutoff. Even so, my interpretation would be the state considers anything after that date as a late birthday and would probably have sent my child. A person living in a region that has the Sep cutoff would most likely see anything close to the cutoff as late.

There truly is no way to get around an age range within a school. Kids are born all throughout the year and no matter how they divy them up, there's still going to be a range. I worry much more about what these kids have learned on the bus than what a student in their class who is almost two years older than them exposes them to, but, again, they are in integrated day where the classes are combined. The bus - now that is scary

Our district's cutoff (possibly state as well) is 5 by 1 October to start Kindergarten.

 

[keholder]

My son has a June b-day and for the 1st few years there was a maturity difference but it was between the boys that were held back. He has caught up (he's in 6th grade) and has made high honors, while the older boys by the admission of their own parents are bored because they have also "caught up" and are experiencing changes that the other kids are not. On the flip side I teach and I can almost always identify the children who have summer birthdays. I really think it depends on the child, but I believe with realistic expectations most children will amaze teachers and parents in their own special ways no matter when the start school.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Thank you for your comments.

momof 3rookies: I appreciate your sugestions. It has helped with the homework situation by me backing off and asking the teacher to do so also. Some subjects he will sit and do in an instant...phonics, reading, LA as long as it isn't sentences. Math (too many problems) and anything else writing I do have to be there...he doesn't want to do it and I have to remind him of his incentives. I do find positive reinforcement/incentives works wonders. Unfortunately I do not see much of that in the classroom...more the take away recess minutes...hu? for children who have been sitting for over an hour?!?!?!

Leajess99: The Bahamia system has to look up to see the bottom of the bottom. College is not a priority for too many Bahamians...which may be a good thing because under the ministry of education there is little chance of gaining enterance. In the capital, Nassau, there are several private schools that give the kids a chance...some even with an actual K. I think one of the biggest problems is that it is a country of islands. Some islands only have a one room school house that stops at 6th grade...parents then have to send their children to stay with family in Nassau or an island with a 1-12 school. Money is also very limited for education and getting it to the family island schools, out of the Ministry's hands, is very difficult because Superintendents and Principals can not be in their face to get it as they should be on their islands teaching.
On our island there is a private Nursery school. I found out too late how inferiour (sp) the program was...and I do have guilt over that, but did not send DD for a waste of $. There is also a "private school." They use a home school program and none of the "teacher" are qualified...I think all of the teachers have finished HS or a HS program. Other families Home school their children...this is not for us. Our k-12 school is underfunded even compared to the other schools in our district. I could explain the reasons but I don't want to offend anyone or begin a fued as the primary reason is race. The community supports the school as much as possible, parents buy all the school books, and do repairs around the campus. The principal is condescending even to the teachers and he is not forceful enought to tell the Superintendent a portion of the money is to go to SWAA and he wants it for much needed repair and supplies.
The other big issues in not only our school is the Haitian population. Before I continue I am in no way trying to show disrespect or stereotype the Haitian people or culture. Haitians have immigrated into the Bahamas in the recent years...many illegally. Their children, however, were born here thus Bahamian (which is actually still in debate in government). The families are poor and cannot afford nursery school or even books for school. Many of the parents do not speak English and the children come to school with limited if an English, reading, or writing skills. Often it is the students' older siblings that communicate with the teacher. Do I believe that these children have the right to be in school...absolutely! Do I think that they should be more prepared for entering grade 1...you betcha! Do I think that the Ministry of Education/Bahamian Government is failing ALL their students/citizens...WITHOUT A DOUBT!
I do not know the reasoning for making 5 yos who have no or poor early childhood educations come into school expected to write properly and neatly on notebok paper, be reading independently, and able to do addition & subtraction. Should all of this be taught by the teacher...yes! However, the teacher has to stick to a mandatory schedule and accomplish so much. The kids are being pushed. Originally I thought my "issues" with the education had to do with my American schooling, but after talking with DH and other parents of students in the class I now realize that I am not the only one who thinks they are being pushed. All the parents from here say i didn't do this stuff until 2 and 3 grade.
Letters have been sent year after year, quarter after quarter for help for our school and NOTHING...yet they still expect great results. Due to parents agreeing to push their students and students wanting to do better and find a way to get off the island SWAA does get wonderful testing scores. So this only sends the message to govn't that we don't need their support and what is expected is just fine.
The drop out rate used to be very high, especially for our island. Boys would go fishing (for a living) and the girls would clean homes. Peolpe were married at rather early ages..even 5,10 years ago. At 31 I am one of the older parents with a first child in 1st. I don't know if this is why govn't is pushing...to get more ed into the kids before the possibility of dropping out.
Probably more than anyone ever wanted to know!

 

[dogluva]

As I have said in a previous post and others have said. All kids are different. Yes, my child is big and probably always will be, but if the teacher recommends holding him back then he'll be held back. He was 5 in April and went to kindergarten in September. We seriously considered waiting. Not to give him an advantage but because we weren't sure he was ready. Just because "the gov't" says 5 doesn't make it right. It's right for a majority of kids, not all. And some kids with late birthdays are starting at 4.

If a child lives in New York and has a November 30th birthday they can start school when they are 4. If a child lives in Massachusetts and has a Setember 10th birthday they have to wait until the following year. If the child who started in New York moves to Massachusetts in an upper grade then they will be more than a year younger than many of their classmates.

What about a 5 year old that goes to school with an August birthday and isn't ready and gets held back. They are still going to be older bigger etc. Yes, I understand people's points about size for Sports Etc. but that's not the only consideration. Kids are not pegs. They are not one size fits all. And that is what our school system tries to do, is put all kids in the same size hole. And that doesn't work.

This is where I have a problem. April? Why don't we just send them to school when the parents feel they are ready, that may be six, 9, who knows. If my November or December baby (the cut off is Dec. 31) is ready, then your child is basically 19 or 20 months older. That is too much of an age gap.

It catches up. The 15 year old is a heck of a lot more mature than the 13 and a half year old. I witnessed it with my son in middle school. He was around these kids who were WAY more mature than him. I didn't like it. Sorry, he is my child and I have a say in what he is exposed to as well.

Kids don't stay babies. They grow into middle schoolers, high schoolers. Protect them all you want but think of how it will be in a few years.

 

[dogluva]

I am not the poster you are asking but my children are ready to start school because I work with them and make sure they are ready to start school. My now 10 year old (youngest in her class) was actually reading when she started Kindergarten because as a parent I find it is MY job to teach her. She did have to relearn how to write in the format this school was using because we moved (went from block to D'nelean) but in this day and age we as parents have access to so much education stuff on line. My youngest is a slower reader than my older kids were but she was severely speech delayed. I never even considered holding her back. She is in bed every night by 7:30 as they start school at 7:40. Her report card shows she barely needs the teacher's assistance. As for my 10 year, she is all A honor roll and in the Gifted and Talented Program. She is also a member of Duke's TIP and getting ready to take the Explore test in February. My oldest is 16 in a couple of weeks and he was an older one in his class. He has had trouble making friends and I can say it is not because he was young when he started school. He is also an all A student and is now testing on a college level and has been for over a year. Kids are very different at home and at school as well so this is why I have such a hard time understanding why parents won't give their children the chance to go to school on time rather than hold them from starting.

Kids are sometimes who they are. I don't get holding a child back because he or she is "shy". I have four shy kids. No amount of holding them back is going to make them more outgoing. My oldest son is not shy but went to school at four. He can make a friend in about a second. It is who he is. I think holding him back would have made no difference.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thank you for your comments.

momof 3rookies: I appreciate your sugestions. It has helped with the homework situation by me backing off and asking the teacher to do so also. Some subjects he will sit and do in an instant...phonics, reading, LA as long as it isn't sentences. Math (too many problems) and anything else writing I do have to be there...he doesn't want to do it and I have to remind him of his incentives. I do find positive reinforcement/incentives works wonders. Unfortunately I do not see much of that in the classroom...more the take away recess minutes...hu? for children who have been sitting for over an hour?!?!?!

Leajess99: The Bahamia system has to look up to see the bottom of the bottom. College is not a priority for too many Bahamians...which may be a good thing because under the ministry of education there is little chance of gaining enterance. In the capital, Nassau, there are several private schools that give the kids a chance...some even with an actual K. I think one of the biggest problems is that it is a country of islands. Some islands only have a one room school house that stops at 6th grade...parents then have to send their children to stay with family in Nassau or an island with a 1-12 school. Money is also very limited for education and getting it to the family island schools, out of the Ministry's hands, is very difficult because Superintendents and Principals can not be in their face to get it as they should be on their islands teaching.
On our island there is a private Nursery school. I found out too late how inferiour (sp) the program was...and I do have guilt over that, but did not send DD for a waste of $. There is also a "private school." They use a home school program and none of the "teacher" are qualified...I think all of the teachers have finished HS or a HS program. Other families Home school their children...this is not for us. Our k-12 school is underfunded even compared to the other schools in our district. I could explain the reasons but I don't want to offend anyone or begin a fued as the primary reason is race. The community supports the school as much as possible, parents buy all the school books, and do repairs around the campus. The principal is condescending even to the teachers and he is not forceful enought to tell the Superintendent a portion of the money is to go to SWAA and he wants it for much needed repair and supplies.
The other big issues in not only our school is the Haitian population. Before I continue I am in no way trying to show disrespect or stereotype the Haitian people or culture. Haitians have immigrated into the Bahamas in the recent years...many illegally. Their children, however, were born here thus Bahamian (which is actually still in debate in government). The families are poor and cannot afford nursery school or even books for school. Many of the parents do not speak English and the children come to school with limited if an English, reading, or writing skills. Often it is the students' older siblings that communicate with the teacher. Do I believe that these children have the right to be in school...absolutely! Do I think that they should be more prepared for entering grade 1...you betcha! Do I think that the Ministry of Education/Bahamian Government is failing ALL their students/citizens...WITHOUT A DOUBT!
I do not know the reasoning for making 5 yos who have no or poor early childhood educations come into school expected to write properly and neatly on notebok paper, be reading independently, and able to do addition & subtraction. Should all of this be taught by the teacher...yes! However, the teacher has to stick to a mandatory schedule and accomplish so much. The kids are being pushed. Originally I thought my "issues" with the education had to do with my American schooling, but after talking with DH and other parents of students in the class I now realize that I am not the only one who thinks they are being pushed. All the parents from here say i didn't do this stuff until 2 and 3 grade.
Letters have been sent year after year, quarter after quarter for help for our school and NOTHING...yet they still expect great results. Due to parents agreeing to push their students and students wanting to do better and find a way to get off the island SWAA does get wonderful testing scores. So this only sends the message to govn't that we don't need their support and what is expected is just fine.
The drop out rate used to be very high, especially for our island. Boys would go fishing (for a living) and the girls would clean homes. Peolpe were married at rather early ages..even 5,10 years ago. At 31 I am one of the older parents with a first child in 1st. I don't know if this is why govn't is pushing...to get more ed into the kids before the possibility of dropping out.
Probably more than anyone ever wanted to know!

Ugh! What a headache of a school system! I feel very bad for you and your child. In reality though I think from what you have posted is that your child was ready for school but the school failed him because it is inadequate. I hope you get back to the states as soon as possible.

As for the writing stuff, there is a program called handwriting without tears. It starts with learning to write shapes and lines etc. and them morphs into handwriting. It is a good program and it is fun. You might be able to find some of it online for free. It might help your son improve his motor skills without the stress of sentences.
There is also another program called Fundations. It makes handwriting easy. It is nothing like the way that we learned in that it isn't just write the letter over and over without really even knowing what you are doing. It is almost like a game for lack of a better way of describing it. It really does take the stress off the kids because it is very simple to understand and gives them a clear goal.

I hope this helps. It is heartbreaking to watch your child struggle.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Kids are sometimes who they are. I don't get holding a child back because he or she is "shy". I have four shy kids. No amount of holding them back is going to make them more outgoing. My oldest son is not shy but went to school at four. He can make a friend in about a second. It is who he is. I think holding him back would have made no difference.

I agree with this 100%. I was 4 when starting K. Academics were no problem. I was at the top of the class. Socially I was awkward. However it had nothing to do with my age. I was always socially awkward and still am to this day. That is who I am. My friends know that. My age had nothing to do with that. If I was held back a year I think it would have been even worse.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Kids are sometimes who they are. I don't get holding a child back because he or she is "shy". I have four shy kids. No amount of holding them back is going to make them more outgoing. My oldest son is not shy but went to school at four. He can make a friend in about a second. It is who he is. I think holding him back would have made no difference.

I agree. Also, in my experience I've heard a lot of parents that didn't want their child to be the smallest in class. Genetics come into play. And some kids sprout very quickly in a years time. The point is some things are out of our control. On the flip side, I have seen kids that are a year older in K (were held back) that are very large and use this against their classmates. The possibilities run the spectrum.

IMO it is counterproductive to put a child that is "immature" in with a younger group of kids. Children mature in a number of ways. Modeling behaviors from a peer group is one way maturity develops. (*Qualifier* It does depend on the degree of immaturity.)

 

[dijid]

I'd be interested to talk to the children that are held back a year once they are older. Did they go through school feeling out of place because they were older? Did they feel perfectly fine all through school? Did they find they struggled more or less than their younger classmates?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is while mom may not regret anything.. that doesn't mean child didn't feel "held back" through school.

I wrote earlier about regretting not sending my DD to K last fall. One of the reasons for my regrets is that a new boy joined my DS's Cub Scout Den. He is *much* bigger than the other kids and volunteered (in a very negative, almost depressed tone) that he was made to do Pre-K twice and that's why he's so big. The kid says this when meeting new people. Obviously it affects him.

I find one of the biggest issues is that the "redshirting" is snowballing. No one wants their kids to be the youngest. Years ago when DD was in K, she came home one day talking about how Mrs. C didn't have a 7 candle for one boy's b-day celebration. It was the first time she'd had anyone turn 7 in her class. Now, it's all too commonplace. My neighbors hold their March b-days back, and the kids are nearly 6.5 when starting K. As a result, the preschool teachers pressure hard to keep kids back who aren't at least 5.5 when starting K. (And I gave into that pressure) It is a never ending cycle. Our only saving grace is that by law the kids must start K if they turn 6 by Dec. 31st of that school year.

And yes, it is the more affluent parents doing the holding back. Our school distrct covers a very wide socioeconomic range. At the lower end the kids are almost dragged into the schools because research has shown that you can't make up for the lost years (ages 3, 4...) when you've got a disadvantaged kid who might not be getting the best academic stimulation at home. That's why there's Head Start. But now you put those kids at an even bigger disadvantage when their classmates are 1.5 years older and have had 3-4 years of preschool.

 

[michael's mom]

It sounds as if you are getting a lot of the same advice. I am a first grade teacher and currently have two boys whose birthdays are one day apart (8/14 and 8/15). One, is one of the brightest children in my class, reading at a 2nd level, mathematically and socially he is fine as well. The other child is struggling on every level and should never have started kindergarten when he did.

My point (as so many others) is that every child is different and your son may or may not be ready. We have a full day kindergarten in our system and I know that the teachers ease the students into the day because they know that it is long and that they will tire easily so I would worry more about his "maturity".

My suggestion would be to discuss this with his pre-school teacher, enroll him just in case you decide to send him, and play it by year. A friend of mine had trouble making this decision as well. Her son's birthday is 8/29 and she went back and forth. She enrolled him to begin when he was 5 but as his birthday approached she realized that he wasn't ready.

I agree that I don't think anyone every regrets holding their child out but if your son is ready, if you feel he's ready then I'd send him.