Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[5 for WDW]

My three kids are 11, 9 and 5. The cutoff for K here is December 1st.

My oldest son has an early August b-day. He is in 6th grade now and has always been one of the baby's of his grade. He has never had a problem academically or socially. He was ready for K and did great.

My middle son has an December 21st b-day so, he missed the cutoff for K. He turned 6 in Kindergarten. He is in 3rd grade now and this is the first year he has not complained about being bored in school. He is a strong student. Not "gifted" in any way. He loves school and we have been told since K how mature he is. Obviously, we did not have a choice in when we sent him to K but, he absolutely would have been ready if his b-day was 20 days earlier.

Our daughter turned 5 in October. She started K in September so she was 4 for a few weeks. She has done wonderfully since day 1. Huge change from Nursery when she was 3 and cried everyday until we took her out. At that point we never would have thought she was going to be ready for K, but she was more then ready. We have no regrets about sending her. I am sure she is going to continue to do great. K here is full day by the way. 8:25-3pm.

Like most everyone else has said. I really feel it is an individual child decision. Not one that should only be based by age. My three are all over in their b-days in regards to the cutoff and when they started, and they have all done great. Good luck in your decision. I know we all want to do what is right for our kids!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't want to offend anyone this is just for conversation sake: Question no matter when you decide to send your child all the way through school years you will always have 2 different age groups. There will always be the older kids and younger one even if they all went to school at age 5. Everone has different b-days. I just think it is up to the parents what they want to do. But not many people regret making the decision when the hold them back, but it sounds like some people didn't have the choice and don't like decision that others make by holding their kids back. If this makes any sense not sure. I think that it would be easier if they make all the school cut off 6 months before school start date. Then school has started and they will have to wait until start of a new year. Who came up with a cut off of year has started 2 months in then cut it off. That makes no sense. For Nj it should be April or May.

Of course nobody regrets holding their kids back. They are a year older than the kids in their class. Why would they have any problems? As for the age gap, having a 12 month age gap v. a 24 month age gap is a big difference at this age.

 

[kristilew]

We have never regretted red shirting our DD. Especially now that she is getting ready for middle school and is mature and ready for it. Every year some situation comes up that I think, would she have handled it this well last year? And the answer is always no. So glad she's the oldest!

 

[angeleigh]

My ds is very small for his age (39 inches). He will start school in September. He will turn 5 on August 5th. I am sure he will be the smallest in his class but I couldn't image not sending him. He is so ready. He knows all of his colors, can spell his name, can identify most letters, can count to 100 and identify coins. I think all children are different and you have to look at each one individually to figure out what is right for them. Two of our dds started kindergarten at age four and we don't regret it at all but we were sure that they were ready before we sent them. Our oldest dd was just 5 when she started school.

 

[princessmom29]

I just thought I would add my two cents here. I teach high school and am the mother of a DD 5 who will strat K this fall. She missed the cutoff this year by a month and I wish there had been some way to get her in this year. As a college student I spent 4 years doing after school care, holiday care, summer camp, and working as a part time assistant with 3,4, and 5 year old classes. I see a lot of people commenting that their children are "too immature" for k. It has been my experience that an immature child is actually helped by being placed in an environment with peers of his or her own age. I saw many kids whose mom were sure they "couldn't handle" a full day in school who did just fine. It was mom who had problems letting go of her baby. Children tend to do only as much as we expect them to. If you expect little Jonny to have problems adjusting, sitting still, obeying the teacher chances are he knows that, and that is exactly what will happen untill you change your expectations. Please moms expect your child to succeed and give them the chance to do so! so much at this age is about the climate that parents set for a child. If you are positive about school they will be too. I feel that holding back a child that meets the age cutoff without giving them a chance to try is doing that child a disservice, and a parent who considers it should examine wether you are doing what is best for your child or trying to hold on to your baby a little longer. I am not being accusitory, but please, please be sure you are holding back your kids because they need it, not because you need it.

 

[angeleigh]

My dd was 3 when she started preschool. The teacher was surprised that she was assigned to th 4 yo class because that is the class that they put the kids that start k the following year. Her birthday is November 16th. When we went to orientation the teacher said we will try it for a while and see. It was fine and when she finished preschool they felt she was ready not only for k but for 1st. She begs me now to hold her back because she hates being the youngest in the class. Many of the kids in her class are more than 1 year older than her. Some kids are just not ready and keeping them back is not wrong or the schools wouldn't offer the option. However, I personal would not base my decision on age and size alone. This is the first year dd is not bored and she started at 4 and is in 5th grade now.

 

[Leajess99]

My DS will be 5 in May, and he will be going to full day Kindergarten in Sept!!

This is how my 10 year old was. She turned 5 in May and started that August. She is the youngest in her 5th grade class and is also in 6th grade Math. Sometimes an injustice is done by holding a child back just because of their birthday or they may be immature. Had I held my dd back for immaturity She would be even more ahead of her peers. My ds was actually approved to start Kindergarten at 4 through Ft Knox (birthday in Feb) but school did not want to accept him. He is on a college level for Math and Reading (testing stops at 12.9 and he is there and then some) and has been for over a year now.

 

[hmacmahony]

Honestly, I have "redshirted" two out of my 4 kids, and will "redshirt" the other two as well. (all 4 happen to have very late birthdays...) Did I do it because I wanted them home another year, you bet I did.
Kids are pushed to grow up way to fast as it is, that extra year home did not hurt my kids in any way, shape or form. My child has an extra home with her parents, her siblings, and extra year to play, to have no responsibilities, to be a little kid. Why push them? They have the rest of their lives to grow up and have to be in school?
Was that the only reason we kept them back a year, nope, there were lots of reasons. None being that I wanted my child to be the "smartest" in the class. Study's prove that kids even out around 3 grade anyway, so really that had nothing to do with it.
If I had sent my kids at 4 (going to be 5) I would of expected as much out of them as I did when I sent them at 5 (going to be 6). My expectations of them did not change because they were given an extra year of childhood. I did not do my kids a "disservice" by keeping them home an extra year, I personally think people who push their kids into school are giving their child a disservice. Let them be kids for as long as they can be.
To the OP, I would find out what your curriculum is, talk to the preschool staff, the kindergarten teachers, the grade school principal (all of which told us to hold them a year), find out what most parents in your area are doing as well. Most people in my area hold back their late summer birthdays, so my child was one of 15 last year in kindergarten who could of gone the year before. My daughter in kindergarten this year is one of 13 who were held back this year.
Could my kids done find in kindergarten, I am most certain they would of done fine at 4 (almost 5). But, then they would also go to college at 17. It will never hurt my child to be the oldest, but could impact them if they were the youngest.

Do statistics mean anything? No not really, but in all the research we did about this subject, we found drop out rates higher, quitting college rates higher, teen pregnancy, drug, drinking, early sex, suicide rates all significantly higher in kids with later birthdays. And, I mean 60-75% higher. Does it really mean anything? Not sure, but, I figured if I could stack the odds a little higher in my kids favor why not.

I am thrilled we held our kids back a year, I know for us it was the right choice. I know I will never say, "what would of happened if we had given our child that extra year to grow a little"
You have to do what you feel is right, but go with your gut.
Good luck!

I just thought I would add my two cents here. I teach high school and am the mother of a DD 5 who will strat K this fall. She missed the cutoff this year by a month and I wish there had been some way to get her in this year. As a college student I spent 4 years doing after school care, holiday care, summer camp, and working as a part time assistant with 3,4, and 5 year old classes. I see a lot of people commenting that their children are "too immature" for k. It has been my experience that an immature child is actually helped by being placed in an environment with peers of his or her own age. I saw many kids whose mom were sure they "couldn't handle" a full day in school who did just fine. It was mom who had problems letting go of her baby. Children tend to do only as much as we expect them to. If you expect little Jonny to have problems adjusting, sitting still, obeying the teacher chances are he knows that, and that is exactly what will happen untill you change your expectations. Please moms expect your child to succeed and give them the chance to do so! so much at this age is about the climate that parents set for a child. If you are positive about school they will be too. I feel that holding back a child that meets the age cutoff without giving them a chance to try is doing that child a disservice, and a parent who considers it should examine wether you are doing what is best for your child or trying to hold on to your baby a little longer. I am not being accusitory, but please, please be sure you are holding back your kids because they need it, not because you need it.

 

[princessmom29]

My dd was 3 when she started preschool. The teacher was surprised that she was assigned to th 4 yo class because that is the class that they put the kids that start k the following year. Her birthday is November 16th. When we went to orientation the teacher said we will try it for a while and see. It was fine and when she finished preschool they felt she was ready not only for k but for 1st. She begs me now to hold her back because she hates being the youngest in the class. Many of the kids in her class are more than 1 year older than her. Some kids are just not ready and keeping them back is not wrong or the schools wouldn't offer the option. However, I personal would not base my decision on age and size alone. This is the first year dd is not bored and she started at 4 and is in 5th grade now.

Schools around here don't typically offer it as an option. Parents have a legal right to hold their kids out of school untill age six if they choose to, but I do not know of any school that actually recommends doing so except in the case of diagnosed developmental delay. All public and all private schools i have had any contact with in trying to find a school for my DD recommend going with the age cutoff recommendations initally and allowing the child time to see how things progress, then addressing problems as they occur.

 

[angeleigh]

Schools around here don't typically offer it as an option. Parents have a legal right to hold their kids out of school untill age six if they choose to, but I do not know of any school that actually recommends doing so except in the case of diagnosed developmental delay. All public and all private schools i have had any contact with in trying to find a school for my DD recommend going with the age cutoff recommendations initally and allowing the child time to see how things progress, then addressing problems as they occur.

I know when we lived in PA and our oldest started school they tried to encourage us to hold he back because that was the norm in the area we lived. She has an August birthday. Dh and I were more familiar with starting at age 5 because that is what is done in NY where I am from so that is what we did. I guess all states are different. I can see both sides of the issue. If the kids aren't ready than they should wait but on the other hand a child who is 4 turning five is sitting in class with a 6 yo. Not a big difference at that age but how about 10 and 12?

 

[G's mommy]

My son has a late July birthday and he started K on time at the age of 5. Here in GA, cut-off is September 1st, so he is always one of the youngest. He's in 7th grade now, doing just fine and gets along fine with peers. I remember dealing with this issue when he was in pre-k, I talked to the teachers and they said he was more than ready for K. He went to private school for K-3, so he was tested for entrance to K and he tested right on target. I have seen this "redshirting" going on for years. Some schools even encourage it, private schools especially because they want older kids taking the standardized tests, making their students look like they are miles ahead of the averages. Well, I guess they will be above averages if they are all almost a year older. I think you just have to consider your individual child, talk to their current teacher, remember that kids change a lot in 8 months.

 

[Leajess99]

ok, I can see holding your July, August, maybe June baby back but January? How fair is that to my child who was born in August but I chose to send? They are 20 months older than my child.

Kindergarten is geared towards five year olds, not almost seven year olds. The whole curriculum will have to be changed to keep up for the children who are bored because they are a year and a half older.

Sorry, I also don't want my fifteen year old freshman in school with kids who are almost twenty. You may not think it ever happens, but it does.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere. And don't say change the cut offs. You change them to May and then the Aprils will be held back. It will never end.

By the way, my oldest are NOvember and Aug. My son graduated at 17, my daughter will too. My son just turnted 20 and is a Junior in college. My daughter is an honor student. They did fine. I couldn't imagine holding them back. However, I was mad that my son was in the same grade as kids that were almost two years older than him because the parents held him back.

This is what gets my daughter as well as she has 12 year olds in her class. My youngest has a January birthday as well and the first week of school they did evaluations and I recieved a letter asking for permission to place her in 1st grade Math. She is doing great in it. She has kids in her class that were kept from starting school when they should have and they spend a lot of time pulling sticks (being in trouble). They do not just do work all day as they do get center time which to them is play but they are learning while playing. My dd is totally amazing me with what she learns to include the Science stuff they work on. I would so rather a child redo Kindergarten if they need to than just not even have the chance to see if they can actually handle it. Maturity level is not always the best indicator on whether or not a child can handle kindergarten.

Oh and I have worked in kindergarten class as a Teacher's Assistant and it was a half day class. I prefer the full day class as they are not being forced to squeeze so much into such a small period of time. Kids do mature differently but most teachers are aware of that. I only ever had an issue with one teacher and that was because she told my middle dd that she could not go to advanced math because she was too immature. Her idea to handle my very smart daughter was to hold her back from being in the Math class she should have been in because she was too immature. A visit to the Assistant Principal and my daughter was placed where she needed to be. There are 4th and 5th graders who are still not as mature as they should be. Heck I know grown men and women who are still very immature so if they were held back for that they would still be in school. Just something to really think about.

 

[princessmom29]

Honestly, I have "redshirted" two out of my 4 kids, and will "redshirt" the other two as well. (all 4 happen to have very late birthdays...) Did I do it because I wanted them home another year, you bet I did.
Kids are pushed to grow up way to fast as it is, that extra year home did not hurt my kids in any way, shape or form. My child has an extra home with her parents, her siblings, and extra year to play, to have no responsibilities, to be a little kid. Why push them? They have the rest of their lives to grow up and have to be in school?
Was that the only reason we kept them back a year, nope, there were lots of reasons. None being that I wanted my child to be the "smartest" in the class. Study's prove that kids even out around 3 grade anyway, so really that had nothing to do with it.
If I had sent my kids at 4 (going to be 5) I would of expected as much out of them as I did when I sent them at 5 (going to be 6). My expectations of them did not change because they were given an extra year of childhood. I did not do my kids a "disservice" by keeping them home an extra year, I personally think people who push their kids into school are giving their child a disservice. Let them be kids for as long as they can be.
To the OP, I would find out what your curriculum is, talk to the preschool staff, the kindergarten teachers, the grade school principal (all of which told us to hold them a year), find out what most parents in your area are doing as well. Most people in my area hold back their late summer birthdays, so my child was one of 15 last year in kindergarten who could of gone the year before. My daughter in kindergarten this year is one of 13 who were held back this year.
Could my kids done find in kindergarten, I am most certain they would of done fine at 4 (almost 5). But, then they would also go to college at 17. It will never hurt my child to be the oldest, but could impact them if they were the youngest.

Do statistics mean anything? No not really, but in all the research we did about this subject, we found drop out rates higher, quitting college rates higher, teen pregnancy, drug, drinking, early sex, suicide rates all significantly higher in kids with later birthdays. And, I mean 60-75% higher. Does it really mean anything? Not sure, but, I figured if I could stack the odds a little higher in my kids favor why not.

I am thrilled we held our kids back a year, I know for us it was the right choice. I know I will never say, "what would of happened if we had given our child that extra year to grow a little"
You have to do what you feel is right, but go with your gut.
Good luck!

I really don't mean to be accusitory here as you are perfectly welcome to your opinion and obviously you did what you felt was right for your child, but by your rationale why not wait two years, three, more?? Where does it end?? Once everyone has decided to hold their kids back untill they are 6 someone will decide i want to hold my kid back untill they are 7 because they can't keep up with the six year olds in K. Where does it end? I am all for letting kids be kids for as long as possible, but I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to teach my DD responsibilty, accountibility, and work ethic. These lessons started in our home as soon as she was old enough to understand that she was responsible for picking up her toys. I do not feel that I am denying her childhood by sending her to school. I am helping her be the best kid she can be. You don't have to wonder what would have happened if you had given your child an extra year to grow a little. My goal is to never have to wonder if she would have been less bored and more motivated if i hadn't held her back.

 

[Leajess99]

It needs to be entirely based upon each child.
Our cutoff is must be 5 by Dec 31st. My DD is 11(w/ a Sept b-day) and in 6th grade. I sent her at 4 turning 5 a few weeks later. She is an high honors student. She is also very tall for her age(5'4") so I am especially glad I didn't hold her.
My DS just turned 5 in Nov. I didn't hold him back but agonized over the decision. I ended up having his preschool teachers feedback hold the most weight and they all agreed he was more then ready for K. We have full day and he has done wonderfully. His teacher told me even though he is one of the younger ones he is one of her "mature" students. Academically and socially he is doing great.
So both my children will be 17 when I send them off to college. I lover the thought of having my baby here an extra year but holding him back wasn't fair to him.
I would highly recommend talking to his teachers. Kids are different when mom and dad aren't around. It is entirely your decision and you'll hear lots of different opinions.

My friend found this out today. She found out that her son is doing very well in Math and will more than likely be placed in the advanced Math class when he starts Kindergarten in the Fall. He has a December birthday so will be an older child like I was (which I so hated).

 

[ilandrazdsw]

In the Bahamas shcool begins with the 1st grade at age 5. DS is a July baby. He made the September 30 cut off and we sent him. We are now dealing with several issues with his work. He has a difficult time writing and does not like to write, so he fights it. Being gr 1 they have homework 4 days a week...that they have to copy from the board along with other assignments because they do not have books/workbooks for every subject.

I thought DS was ready for school. He was reading at a 2nd gr (US) level, did addition and subtraction, and was social. However with the demands of school I am noticing that he is lacking in fine and gross motor skills in certain areas. Unfortunately, my DD3 now is writing better than him and the teacher is not doing a thing to help him improve...yes, I do work with him at home between screaming sessions cause he hates it so much (even trying to make it fun). Knowing what I know now I wish we hadn't sent him! But with no K on our island and homeschooling not being an option for us he went.

What gets me is that schools/school systems seem to dictate our childrens' lives. These are children and they are expected to do work in gr K & 1 that we were doing 2 or 3 years later. The schools set the families' yearly schedule and some districts go as far as calling truancy if you take you children on a vacation when school is in session. When did education seem to just get rediculous...or is it that I am just noticing it...and I used to teach special ed!

 

[Leajess99]

This is an interesting discussion for me, particularly given that we have the opposite problem. DD is a Decemebr baby. She's very bright, and at 3 is starting to read (no writing yet), doing basic math, etc. but our cutoff is 9/30--no exceptions. So I'm in a position where I'm being forced to eait until she's nearly 6 to put her in school. RIDICULOUS!

I feel really strongly that there should be some kind of assessment of children rather than depending soley on the date of birth. It's so frustrating. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a manual on how to deal with these little people?

I had the same problem and it it hit even harder when I was in High School and friends were getting their driver's licenses before I could get mine. Being one of the oldest kids really stunk. When I was a teacher's assistant in Kindergarten we had a child that had done Kindergarten through a private school at 4 and they were looking at moving her to 1st grade. She had just moved in the district (military installation) so they had to figure out if they could move her up early because of her age. I moved before finding out the result but she was really needing to be moved up.

 

[PEANUT1]

You will know what to do. I think he will be fine either way. The cutoff for our district is that they must turn 5 by Oct 1st. My eldest was 5 in December so she will start prek this September. She is in township pre-k right now.

My 2 year old has a birthday of Sept 29th. I think she is much more outgoing and independent than her sister was at her age and she will be ready for kindergarten when she is 4 (turning 5 at the end of the month she starts)

However, if later I feel that she is not mature enough or emotionally ready, I will hold her back til the next year. I am sending her to nursery school when she turns 3 in September for 2 half days. My other daughter really enjoyed that.

 

[hmacmahony]

I don't think anyone has said they never want to send there kid to school, or keep them out of school until they are twenty. But, to keep a kid who just turned 5 out of kindergarten one more year won't hurt them.
And because I let my kids stay home an extra year are you ASSuming that we don't teach them responsibility? Serioulsy, I am not sure how you made that jump.
I am helping my child to be the best child they can be as well, and to spend an extra year home with me, will never hurt them. I am not in a rush to get rid of my kids.
And if my kids need a little extra push, we do extra school stuff at home. That is what being an involved parent is all about right?

Clearly this was not an option for your family, but to jump to saying things like people are going to start holding their kids at 7, 8 and 9, well, is just plain silly. 99% of the people who hold their kids do it because their child will still be 4 when starting school.
Personally I think schools need to change the cutoffs, and actually in our state that is happening. And once that does, my kids will all actually be have birthdays after the cutoff. So, clearly I am not the only one who sees the problem here with cutoffs.

I really don't mean to be accusitory here as you are perfectly welcome to your opinion and obviously you did what you felt was right for your child, but by your rationale why not wait two years, three, more?? Where does it end?? Once everyone has decided to hold their kids back untill they are 6 someone will decide i want to hold my kid back untill they are 7 because they can't keep up with the six year olds in K. Where does it end? I am all for letting kids be kids for as long as possible, but I feel that it is my responsibility as a parent to teach my DD responsibilty, accountibility, and work ethic. These lessons started in our home as soon as she was old enough to understand that she was responsible for picking up her toys. I do not feel that I am denying her childhood by sending her to school. I am helping her be the best kid she can be. You don't have to wonder what would have happened if you had given your child an extra year to grow a little. My goal is to never have to wonder if she would have been less bored and more motivated if i hadn't held her back.

 

[Leajess99]

Your original quote to me didn't come through on the quote. But ,,,what would your solution be....My kids pre-school teacher is telling me to hold my DS back ...so I don't and now he struggles his whole school career.

To me its just as bad to fail in everything you do such as study study study and never get good grades unless you have a tutor. This is my friends child. Her son and my son were best friends when they were younger. They are only a week a part in age. We moved into a very competitive, fast moving school district, probably one of the reasons it was suggested DS be held back.

Though it was suggested my friends son be held back too. Their school district isn't as fast moving or competitve as where we live so she sent her son. He's now in 5th grade and fights and fights hard with constant studying and tutoring for every "C" and occasional "B" he gets.

Its actually painful to watch sometimes. Yea, my son may be older, but he's more confident and self-assured. I'm not saying all kids need to be held back because there are kids in DS's class that weren't kept back and do fine.

But for my son, it was the right decision.

My question is has this child ever been evaluated for a learning disability or dislexia?? Just because he was not held back does not mean that is the reason for him struggling so. I know my friend's daughter was diagnosed with dislexia because of her struggles. That diagnosis came 2 years ago and this year she is on the ALL A Honor Roll because they got her the help she needed.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

I had the same problem and it it hit even harder when I was in High School and friends were getting their driver's licenses before I could get mine. Being one of the oldest kids really stunk.

Do you mean being one of the youngest kids really stunk? The older you are the sooner you get your license (unless things have changed). DS is a July baby and wont get his license until the summer of his Jr year. I got mine Feb of my Soph year. The only down side was that I was the one who had to drive my friends around.