I posted the following on our family blog. I figured I would share it in our PTR too
On who I am and all that I have to be thankful for...
Up until the day I delivered Sebastian my life’s major moments included earning my BA and landing a coveted job in Corporate Event Planning. Marrying Brian topped the list. I didn’t know until Sebastian entered my life that that list (except for the amazing wedding part, of course) would seem like limp lettuce left at the salad bar too long. While I am still proud of these milestones as part of who I am, I am more amazed by who I have become since starting my journey through motherhood.
This past year especially, has been life changing for me. I’m a little stronger. My faith is deeper. My heart more grateful. My character more gracious. Everyday I wonder at the abundance of love and the richness of life that has come to me by the Grace of God. I think to myself maybe the sorrows of the past year came to stretch spaces in my heart for joy.
My most joyful moments certainly come from my family. They embody my finest hours. They don’t weigh their thoughts or measure their words. Everything just pours out of them just as they are and genuine. Be it whiny, or excited or just plain nonsensical and silly. Their laughter fills me with a sunshine that can’t compare to any other past accomplishment.
Back on my first day as a new Mom when I cradled my baby boy in my arms for the first time I got an inkling of what I was in for. The sensations of elation mixed with apprehension and a love so ferocious, I knew that somehow I would figure it all out.
People ask me these days if Sebastian’s medical issues are behind us. I wish I could honestly give the answer “yes.” Reality is that, another tumor could come along three months from now, three years from now or thirty years from now. For the moment, I’ve made my peace with that. I find myself grateful for each day I have with him, with Brian and with my girls.
The outlook isn’t always sunny. When one of my kids is sick, like they all have been this past week, I’ve held them in my arms and whispered reassuring words, while silently praying to take away their pain and for swift healing. Together we somehow always make it to a brighter day.
I’ve come to understand that the happiness of my life is made up of minute fractions—Brian finishing one my sentences, a kiss from my pig-tailed Siennah, a big bear hug from Sebastian or a dimpled smile of recognition from Savannah. These are the countless infinitesimals that make my life wonderful.
Sure, not all moments are magical. I have mischievous kids. I’ve spent a good bit of time cleaning messes and following through on punishments. Yet even when they are naughty, or worse reckless, I am still strangely in awe of their independence, cleverness or gumption. Their sense of wonder and curiosity truly captivates me. I find myself seeing the world anew through their eyes.
Many of the life changing lessons I’ve learned have come straight from my kids. When Sebastian woke up from his surgery a couple weeks ago he spent some time telling his PACU nurse about his Disney wish that is soon to come true. He was in quite a bit of pain at the time and still with a smile he told her, “I have been a brave boy so I will get to have my wish.” What really struck me in that moment is how he has never once wallowed in self pity. At his young age he’s never had the capacity to wonder “Why Me?” Instead his outlook is positive. He’s focused on the prize…the light at the end of the tunnel.
Last Wednesday morning, after being up with Sebastian all night at the hospital I went in to have an old filling re-done on my tooth. While checking out the receptionist, whom I had called before coming in, said to me, “This must be one of your worst days ever.” TIRED as I was, I said, “No... No, We’ve had worse.” I thanked her for saying that because it put the previous miserable night in perspective for me.
There’s a lot of negative energy out there! With all the trouble that our failing economy is in it’s easy to get depressed. It’s not that long ago that we experienced what it was like to pay two mortgages because we could not sell our house in Florida. This year medical bills have been pretty stressful for us. But I don’t want to let it get in the way of experiencing joy. The principle business of life is to enjoy it! Like Sebastian and his wish I’m focusing on positives. I have so much in each day to be thankful for.
I’ve been making little notes of the upbeat things in my days that have been like little rays of sunshine. I submit my partial hodgepodge of the many things this week I am thankful for:
* I’m 13 pounds lighter since starting Weight Watchers last month.
*Skinny cow ice cream bars.
*Putting on a pair of non-maternity shorts and actually getting the zipper closed.
* I haven’t mixed up my kids once today.
* The World’s Best Stroller…BOB Revolution. I squirreled money away in my underwear drawer for months to buy the double version.
* I’m proud of myself for saving for a big item.
* The For Every Season Consignment Sale. I used the money I made from selling my old stuff to buy the single version.
* I’m proud for finding a creative way to find money for a big item.
* Long enjoyable walks as a family with said strollers.
*Gorgeous Autumn weather!!!
* For the past few weeks Savannah has been waking up only once a night around 5:30 a.m. to nurse. It’s much easier to be positive when well rested.
*The Infantino sling.
*Swaddle blankets.
*I was able to host an event for the first time in over eight months.
*World's best in-laws.
*Having so many amazing, talented, caring women in my life.
*My legs are shaved.
*Most days I can get all three kids to nap at the same time!
*Sebastian has mastered clipping himself into his car seat.
*Someone invented DVR.
*The Office is back on the air. Jim and Pam are engaged!!!!!!
*Saturday Night Live was actually pretty funny last week. Love Tina Fey as Sarah Palin!
*Savannah will take a pacifier. They really do have magical powers.
*There is not one cheerio on my floor (well that I know of)
*Not sweating the small stuff nearly as much these days.
*Catching Sebastian singing Rock-a-bye baby to Savannah
*Siennah asking me to do her hair.
*Antibiotics
I should really sit down and do this every week!
