Seating for wedding reception question

_19disnA

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Aug 8, 2018
Wedding reception practices vary based on preferences of the couple/parents, what they can afford and local traditions. Growing up in different states, I can recall all of the ones where a meal was served also included a place to sit. It would be VERY awkward having limited seating and additional 'high top' tables when trying to eat a meal. I have seen those used effectively when the reception was brief and only included punch/cookies. I can recall some of those being held at a hall next door to the church. Those were more like cocktail parties or an 'open house' and most people would snack & walk around for the short period of time the reception lasted. At weddings with a meal and table seating, people typically move around after the meal has finished to talk with other friends/relatives/neighbors. Everyone doesn't stay the entire evening, so typically the venue is less crowded once the meal has ended and people move around to visit with others since every seat is no longer taken.

Assigned seating is less about forcing you to interact with others you don't know and more about having somewhere to sit together with those you came with regardless of if you are the first or last to arrive.
 

Boopuff

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Feb 27, 2015
My brother had his wedding hijacked by my SIL and her family. We have a small family, but SIL and her parents had to invite all the "important" colleagues of her dad. He paid for most of the wedding, stating that his guests "would give expensive gifts or big checks" so they ended up with 250+ guests. They rented and outdoor (no indoor space) venue in July in Illinois. 90+ degrees day of wedding. Needless to say about half didn't show up, my bro and SIL ended up having to pay her dad back for the cost of the wedding (they returned almost all of their wedding gifts) My mom tried to say something early on, but was quickly shot down as my SIL insisted they'd be rolling in the dough with all her dads 'associates'. It was really tragic.
 

mjkacmom

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Feb 20, 2006
My brother had his wedding hijacked by my SIL and her family. We have a small family, but SIL and her parents had to invite all the "important" colleagues of her dad. He paid for most of the wedding, stating that his guests "would give expensive gifts or big checks" so they ended up with 250+ guests. They rented and outdoor (no indoor space) venue in July in Illinois. 90+ degrees day of wedding. Needless to say about half didn't show up, my bro and SIL ended up having to pay her dad back for the cost of the wedding (they returned almost all of their wedding gifts) My mom tried to say something early on, but was quickly shot down as my SIL insisted they'd be rolling in the dough with all her dads 'associates'. It was really tragic.
This does not make sense, why did they have to pay him back for the no-shows? Who expects to get more in gifts than what the wedding cost (and I live in the original cover your plate region, and literally no one thinks this way). I think folks should stick to their own cultural traditions or else it can go bad.
 

Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

Chugging along the path of life
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Oct 23, 2015
My brother had his wedding hijacked by my SIL and her family. We have a small family, but SIL and her parents had to invite all the "important" colleagues of her dad. He paid for most of the wedding, stating that his guests "would give expensive gifts or big checks" so they ended up with 250+ guests. They rented and outdoor (no indoor space) venue in July in Illinois. 90+ degrees day of wedding. Needless to say about half didn't show up, my bro and SIL ended up having to pay her dad back for the cost of the wedding (they returned almost all of their wedding gifts) My mom tried to say something early on, but was quickly shot down as my SIL insisted they'd be rolling in the dough with all her dads 'associates'. It was really tragic.
If the dad paid for the wedding why would your brother and his wife being paying anything back? Sounds like maybe this was misrepresented to you because that more or less means the dad was loaning the money with conditions applied and ones he made up on his own (like X number of guests have to show up, etc).

Your brother didn't have his wedding hijacked, it's his fiancee's (your sister-in-law) wedding as well. Just because you have a small family that is supposed to mean the fiancee can't have more people? It does sound like the influence of the father took over in an unfortunate way.

And that was really rude of the guests not to show up, I don't know if it was only from the bride's side but I've also been at a wedding outdoors in June in hotter heat and humidity than that and you don't just not show up. And from the way you said it you make it sound like it's the bride and groom's fault for picking that location, it's really on the guests though.

I sense more to this than what was written, it kinda doesn't make much sense. To be fair wedding stuff sometimes doesn't lol.
 

Boopuff

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Feb 27, 2015
Just to clarify: (I didn't explain it well) When my SIL dad paid for the wedding, he expected the couple to "reimburse" him for his upfront cost. He was so darn sure that his colleagues would give lavish gifts that he'd be paid back and the couple would still get a large sum. The guy was a doofus, but you can't say anything when you're just "family"
 

mefordis

If you can dream it, you can do it.
Joined
Jun 23, 2006
I was doing better than my fiance at the time of our wedding, and I ended up paying for all of it, plus the honeymoon. His mom got to invite most of the guests because my family lives out of state. I also had a jewish wedding because they are jewish and his mom wanted us to have one (I'm not). They lucked out with me. I also paid for the rehearsal dinner (we only invited the wedding party and a few special people, not a repeat of the wedding like it seems to be today).

Now my husband makes all the money and has been for almost 2 decades so I can't complain.
 
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NotUrsula

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Apr 19, 2002
If the dad paid for the wedding why would your brother and his wife being paying anything back? Sounds like maybe this was misrepresented to you because that more or less means the dad was loaning the money with conditions applied and ones he made up on his own (like X number of guests have to show up, etc).

Your brother didn't have his wedding hijacked, it's his fiancee's (your sister-in-law) wedding as well. Just because you have a small family that is supposed to mean the fiancee can't have more people? It does sound like the influence of the father took over in an unfortunate way.

And that was really rude of the guests not to show up, I don't know if it was only from the bride's side but I've also been at a wedding outdoors in June in hotter heat and humidity than that and you don't just not show up. And from the way you said it you make it sound like it's the bride and groom's fault for picking that location, it's really on the guests though.

I sense more to this than what was written, it kinda doesn't make much sense. To be fair wedding stuff sometimes doesn't lol.

I think perhaps the implication was that if FIL was going to invite business contacts in the hope of shaking them down for gifts, choosing an outdoor venue in hot weather might not have been the best bait. The business contacts probably didn't actually no-show, just looked at the idea of "Do I really want to go spend 3 hours sweating through the wedding of Harry's daughter that I've never met, and actually pay for the privilege?" and decided that declinely politely was in their best interests.
 

Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

Chugging along the path of life
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Oct 23, 2015
I think perhaps the implication was that if FIL was going to invite business contacts in the hope of shaking them down for gifts, choosing an outdoor venue in hot weather might not have been the best bait. The business contacts probably didn't actually no-show, just looked at the idea of "Do I really want to go spend 3 hours sweating through the wedding of Harry's daughter that I've never met, and actually pay for the privilege?" and decided that declinely politely was in their best interests.
Yeah none of that was mentioned in the comment so I can't really assume what you've written, how can you say the guests were polite for example? No offense to the PP but this is exactly why sometimes things get frenzied in how people respond, the way you choose to tell the story impacts your responses.
 

leebee

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Sep 14, 1999
People definitely get weird over weddings. When DD got married, the agreement was that we'd each pay 1/3rd (DH&I, groom's parents, and Happy Couple). We had hoped to set a budget, include everything except the rings and honeymoon, and have everyone pay their 1/3rd up front, and then let DD/fiancee manage everything. Unfortunately, the groom's parents weren't having it, they'd pay up to X dollars after the wedding but wanted to see what they got for their money first. You can guess where this is going. DH and I ended up paying for almost all of it, with DD paying her 1/6th share.

The groom's parents paid for the groom's father's and brother's suits for the wedding (bro was best man, dad wanted to match). They also paid for the rehearsal lunch, but it was weird. They picked the location, consulted with DD and her fiancee on the menu and agreed to it, then changed everything. DD/fiancee wanted a brunch (scrambled eggs, pancakes, breakfast meats/breads, fruit, etc), and made it clear that there were dietary considerations (a few vegetarians, one bridesmaid with celiac/milk protein allergy, DD is lactose intolerant). Menu ended up being what the parents wanted: Sliced sirloin, chicken, mashed potatoes (which were all on the wedding menu), no non-meat entrees, everything with either dairy or flour (cheese, cheese sauce, gravy, croutons, etc.). There was literally nothing that one bridesmaid could eat, which was embarrassing. (DH ordered and paid for a meal for this lovely young lady, who was willing to go without.) Of course is was a cash bar, individual tabs. We were told no significant others for the wedding party and no other relatives. My sister was there as her 2 high-school aged daughters were in the wedding party, but I'd hoped to include my other sister and BIL who'd flown up from NOLA. They don't have disposable income and hadn't been home in 10 years- but whatever, we did as we were asked. I am not an "everyone from out of town and all relatives should be at the rehearsal lunch" person, I feel it's for the wedding party and immediate family, but to exclude spouses/SO of the wedding party felt odd, as did not including my Sis/BIL. It was so surprising to get to the lunch and discover that the groom's "immediate" family included his grandparents, SOs of the groomsmen, some aunts/uncles. There were probably 50 people there, only 10 from "our side" and that included DD and the bridesmaids (including the girl for whose lunch DH paid). I know what this place cost, it was about $15 per person, so I don't think that they thought this was "their share" of the wedding cost. Oh well... that should have been what we now know was the final warning as to how the marriage was going to go, too.

(Not my proudest decision, BUT... We left the lunch in a hurry as the bridesmaids had a nail appointment and time slipped by. We were in the middle of having our nails done when I realized we hadn't paid our bar tab... less than $20 for 3 mixed drinks. Oh well. I'd listened to DD sob all the way to the appointment, lost and hurt as to what the lunch turned out to be and "why did they do that". I figure the groom's parents owed me- and her- for all that sadness. )
 

BroadwayHermione5

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Feb 9, 2017
People definitely get weird over weddings. When DD got married, the agreement was that we'd each pay 1/3rd (DH&I, groom's parents, and Happy Couple). We had hoped to set a budget, include everything except the rings and honeymoon, and have everyone pay their 1/3rd up front, and then let DD/fiancee manage everything. Unfortunately, the groom's parents weren't having it, they'd pay up to X dollars after the wedding but wanted to see what they got for their money first. You can guess where this is going. DH and I ended up paying for almost all of it, with DD paying her 1/6th share.

The groom's parents paid for the groom's father's and brother's suits for the wedding (bro was best man, dad wanted to match). They also paid for the rehearsal lunch, but it was weird. They picked the location, consulted with DD and her fiancee on the menu and agreed to it, then changed everything. DD/fiancee wanted a brunch (scrambled eggs, pancakes, breakfast meats/breads, fruit, etc), and made it clear that there were dietary considerations (a few vegetarians, one bridesmaid with celiac/milk protein allergy, DD is lactose intolerant). Menu ended up being what the parents wanted: Sliced sirloin, chicken, mashed potatoes (which were all on the wedding menu), no non-meat entrees, everything with either dairy or flour (cheese, cheese sauce, gravy, croutons, etc.). There was literally nothing that one bridesmaid could eat, which was embarrassing. (DH ordered and paid for a meal for this lovely young lady, who was willing to go without.) Of course is was a cash bar, individual tabs. We were told no significant others for the wedding party and no other relatives. My sister was there as her 2 high-school aged daughters were in the wedding party, but I'd hoped to include my other sister and BIL who'd flown up from NOLA. They don't have disposable income and hadn't been home in 10 years- but whatever, we did as we were asked. I am not an "everyone from out of town and all relatives should be at the rehearsal lunch" person, I feel it's for the wedding party and immediate family, but to exclude spouses/SO of the wedding party felt odd, as did not including my Sis/BIL. It was so surprising to get to the lunch and discover that the groom's "immediate" family included his grandparents, SOs of the groomsmen, some aunts/uncles. There were probably 50 people there, only 10 from "our side" and that included DD and the bridesmaids (including the girl for whose lunch DH paid). I know what this place cost, it was about $15 per person, so I don't think that they thought this was "their share" of the wedding cost. Oh well... that should have been what we now know was the final warning as to how the marriage was going to go, too.

(Not my proudest decision, BUT... We left the lunch in a hurry as the bridesmaids had a nail appointment and time slipped by. We were in the middle of having our nails done when I realized we hadn't paid our bar tab... less than $20 for 3 mixed drinks. Oh well. I'd listened to DD sob all the way to the appointment, lost and hurt as to what the lunch turned out to be and "why did they do that". I figure the groom's parents owed me- and her- for all that sadness. )
Bless your DH for paying for that girls meal. And tbh (and not knowing your SIL) if I were in your daughters shoes I might not have gone through with the wedding. Who pulls something like that last freaking minute??!?
 

mjkacmom

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Joined
Feb 20, 2006
Bless your DH for paying for that girls meal. And tbh (and not knowing your SIL) if I were in your daughters shoes I might not have gone through with the wedding. Who pulls something like that last freaking minute??!?
You would not marry the man you loved because his parents changed the lunch menu? I don’t think DH or I were consulted about the menu, definitely not the location, they were paying/hosting (although I actually love the idea of a brunch instead of a dinner).
 

BroadwayHermione5

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Feb 9, 2017
You would not marry the man you loved because his parents changed the lunch menu? I don’t think DH or I were consulted about the menu, definitely not the location, they were paying/hosting (although I actually love the idea of a brunch instead of a dinner).
Here is my whole thing-and I’ve seen how it affects family first hand-the way I saw what those in laws did was not take anyone including their future DIL into consideration. They also made it into their own party. Would every event be like this? What happens if the grandchildren have serious allergies? I would definitely be rethinking a lot.
Obviously if I found out my fiancé was also completely blindsided and/or fought it or said something, I wouldn’t be reconsidering. But this-especially if it’s been done in the past or known about behavior-would be making me question a lot (though I also don’t think I would’ve said yes to the proposal if I had realized this)
 

Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

Chugging along the path of life
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Oct 23, 2015
Bless your DH for paying for that girls meal. And tbh (and not knowing your SIL) if I were in your daughters shoes I might not have gone through with the wedding. Who pulls something like that last freaking minute??!?
Here is my whole thing-and I’ve seen how it affects family first hand-the way I saw what those in laws did was not take anyone including their future DIL into consideration. They also made it into their own party. Would every event be like this? What happens if the grandchildren have serious allergies? I would definitely be rethinking a lot.
Obviously if I found out my fiancé was also completely blindsided and/or fought it or said something, I wouldn’t be reconsidering. But this-especially if it’s been done in the past or known about behavior-would be making me question a lot (though I also don’t think I would’ve said yes to the proposal if I had realized this)

I agree with the PP about that wouldn't mean I wouldn't marry someone, it would however signal to me that strong enough boundaries would need to be put in place for the future. And from what was described it sounds like the groom was just as jipped as the bride, no sense in forever swearing off someone for a situation like that, in fact it could make the couple's relationship and bond stronger such that they both have an understanding the parents of both sides need to ensure they respect the unit such that is created between a couple.

In your writing there's more punishing the groom for the acts of his family and I think that outlook isn't really the best one to have if someone is looking for a marriage. I do understand how families can create such disharmony in a relationship in a couple but I don't think it's fair either to punish unless there's contribution to that disharmony. As it was described it didn't rise to that level to me.
 

BroadwayHermione5

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Feb 9, 2017
I agree with the PP about that wouldn't mean I wouldn't marry someone, it would however signal to me that strong enough boundaries would need to be put in place for the future. And from what was described it sounds like the groom was just as jipped as the bride, no sense in forever swearing off someone for a situation like that, in fact it could make the couple's relationship and bond stronger such that they both have an understanding the parents of both sides need to ensure they respect the unit such that is created between a couple.

In your writing there's more punishing the groom for the acts of his family and I think that outlook isn't really the best one to have if someone is looking for a marriage. I do understand how families can create such disharmony in a relationship in a couple but I don't think it's fair either to punish unless there's contribution to that disharmony. As it was described it didn't rise to that level to me.
Hence why I said if I knew my groom was blindsided too I wouldn’t call off anything.
I know everyone’s experience with family is different (just like everyone’s experiences everywhere is different). I’ve seen what nasty in laws do to family (hi I’m the ping pong ball in my family on one side and my parents are still married I honestly give them an insane amount of credit). If I had seen this behavior prior I would be seriously having conversations with my SO. And also really questioning how much I want to deal with this.
Stuff can get nasty. Really fast. To the point where my dad specifically has always expressed to me “tell me what to wear, and where no questions asked it’s your day” and my mom totally agrees with me only having parents involved and no other family input. They also don’t expect to be at every little thing and also respect that family time is important. I think it helps I’m an only child in this sense but I can also understand how this would be not so good for them. But they at least acknowledge that. That’s how bad my situation is.

While I do also feel as though said groom was blind sided as well, especially after re reading it, I do wonder if he said anything. I’ve always hated the “a son is a son until he marries his wife a daughter is a daughter for life” stupidity. Your kids are your kids point blank and they are full grown adults who can make their own choices.

I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone and as I stated first and foremost everyone’s experiences are different, but from mine I don’t know if I would’ve been so keen on entering a marriage with someone whose family doesn’t even take my allergies and dietary restrictions into account let alone my family and friends in general.
 

TwoMisfits

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Feb 21, 2002
I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone and as I stated first and foremost everyone’s experiences are different, but from mine I don’t know if I would’ve been so keen on entering a marriage with someone whose family doesn’t even take my allergies and dietary restrictions into account let alone my family and friends in general.

My siblings forgot my food allergies at my mom's funeral reception when we were using my mom's life insurance (which was intended for the funeral) to pay for the whole thing.

They didn't mean to forget, and they told me I could eat everything before I got there (which I couldn't eat anything). When she realized the issue, my sis (the executor who was in charge of said insurance) said to get the staff to make anything they could, so I fixed the issue on the fly as much as possible, but everyone had a 4 course Italian feast with multiple dishes, and I had some roasted veg and a kid's bowl of pasta with plain tomato sauce by the end. Yes, I was the only person to go back to my hotel room (yes, this was also out of town for me), and try to find leftovers from a previous meal I had...

That said, it's not like I've punted all of my siblings. People forget allergies and dietary preferences, especially in times of stress (aka funerals and weddings)...or they just don't think through menus when the restaurant offers them something. This is why I have drilled it into my kids that if they bring me food from anywhere, even if they listed the allergy in the order, they ask again at pick up. And I ask every time in a restaurant and when food is delivered if it "doesn't look right" or the wait staff doesn't mention "this is the allergy order"...
 

Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

Chugging along the path of life
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Oct 23, 2015
Hence why I said if I knew my groom was blindsided too I wouldn’t call off anything.
Right but that wasn't in your first comment, it was just in your follow up so I had (and the other PP as well) had immediate thoughts based on the first comment
I’ve seen what nasty in laws do to family
I don't disagree there I think the difference is seeing the line in the sand to marrying a person as that. In a world of grey it's hard for me to do that but perhaps to you it's your line in the sand. I think for me it's looking at things that can be done. In terms of if the groom did know it would be how he handled it but still I think if you get to the marriage point you've taken things seriously and to me that means not running at the drop of a hat not saying that's what you were insinuating just that the event itself would not rise to the seriousness to me that would cause me to halt getting married to said person.
Your kids are your kids point blank and they are full grown adults who can make their own choices.
Very much agreed. Sometimes the issues my husband and I have faced over the years is do to interference from his family. My family is not one that is enmeshed in their kid's life so it's a different vibe. On the other hand there was no way my husband and I were going to let our families plan our wedding so at least in that respects we were likeminded no matter that his family is more hands on than mine. And I know people like to throw the "young" card out there but my husband was 23 and I was 24 when we got married. He was a few months shy of being 24 and I was a few weeks shy of being 25. To most we probably were very young but we were also independent enough that it was our wedding not someone else's vision that they can vicariously plan for.
 

mjkacmom

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Feb 20, 2006
Hence why I said if I knew my groom was blindsided too I wouldn’t call off anything.
I know everyone’s experience with family is different (just like everyone’s experiences everywhere is different). I’ve seen what nasty in laws do to family (hi I’m the ping pong ball in my family on one side and my parents are still married I honestly give them an insane amount of credit). If I had seen this behavior prior I would be seriously having conversations with my SO. And also really questioning how much I want to deal with this.
Stuff can get nasty. Really fast. To the point where my dad specifically has always expressed to me “tell me what to wear, and where no questions asked it’s your day” and my mom totally agrees with me only having parents involved and no other family input. They also don’t expect to be at every little thing and also respect that family time is important. I think it helps I’m an only child in this sense but I can also understand how this would be not so good for them. But they at least acknowledge that. That’s how bad my situation is.

While I do also feel as though said groom was blind sided as well, especially after re reading it, I do wonder if he said anything. I’ve always hated the “a son is a son until he marries his wife a daughter is a daughter for life” stupidity. Your kids are your kids point blank and they are full grown adults who can make their own choices.

I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone and as I stated first and foremost everyone’s experiences are different, but from mine I don’t know if I would’ve been so keen on entering a marriage with someone whose family doesn’t even take my allergies and dietary restrictions into account let alone my family and friends in general.
While I think you are projecting due to your personal circumstances, not honoring dietary restrictions in this one time event wouldn’t be a blip on my radar (and my daughter has celiac, my niece and nephew have a bunch of food allergies and carry epi pens).
 

Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

Chugging along the path of life
Joined
Oct 23, 2015
My siblings forgot my food allergies at my mom's funeral reception when we were using my mom's life insurance (which was intended for the funeral) to pay for the whole thing.

They didn't mean to forget, and they told me I could eat everything before I got there (which I couldn't eat anything). When she realized the issue, my sis (the executor who was in charge of said insurance) said to get the staff to make anything they could, so I fixed the issue on the fly as much as possible, but everyone had a 4 course Italian feast with multiple dishes, and I had some roasted veg and a kid's bowl of pasta with plain tomato sauce by the end. Yes, I was the only person to go back to my hotel room (yes, this was also out of town for me), and try to find leftovers from a previous meal I had...

That said, it's not like I've punted all of my siblings. People forget allergies and dietary preferences, especially in times of stress (aka funerals and weddings)...or they just don't think through menus when the restaurant offers them something. This is why I have drilled it into my kids that if they bring me food from anywhere, even if they listed the allergy in the order, they ask again at pick up. And I ask every time in a restaurant and when food is delivered if it "doesn't look right" or the wait staff doesn't mention "this is the allergy order"...
Yeah this just happened at the wedding we were in Disney for a few weeks back at the Happy Hour at Rainforest at DS. There was a need for gluten free and unfortunately that was a disappointment in how it was handled. Pretty sure the waiters forgot. The chef was supposed to come out and everything with a separate menu and that didn't occur. I know she (not the bride though) got a plate but it was quite a while after every one else had been noshing on the apps that had been provided. Not quite on the same level as what you were talking about but that it can happen.


We've also been to a wedding in the midwest (the one that occurred in June with the ceremony and a somewhat drawn out well wishes and other stuff outdoors before being moved indoors for the other things) and the catering that actually came with the venue (as in you didn't have a choice) mixed up the orders of fish and chicken so they had a very large percentage of fish and very small percentage of chicken. Many guests, including my husband and I, were left with nothing because they had ran out of chicken. I mention the midwest because it should have caused a "do we really have this order correctly" due to the amount of fish to chicken ratio. Majority of the weddings you'll have much more chicken than fish.
 

BroadwayHermione5

DIS Veteran
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Feb 9, 2017
My siblings forgot my food allergies at my mom's funeral reception when we were using my mom's life insurance (which was intended for the funeral) to pay for the whole thing.

They didn't mean to forget, and they told me I could eat everything before I got there (which I couldn't eat anything). When she realized the issue, my sis (the executor who was in charge of said insurance) said to get the staff to make anything they could, so I fixed the issue on the fly as much as possible, but everyone had a 4 course Italian feast with multiple dishes, and I had some roasted veg and a kid's bowl of pasta with plain tomato sauce by the end. Yes, I was the only person to go back to my hotel room (yes, this was also out of town for me), and try to find leftovers from a previous meal I had...

That said, it's not like I've punted all of my siblings. People forget allergies and dietary preferences, especially in times of stress (aka funerals and weddings)...or they just don't think through menus when the restaurant offers them something. This is why I have drilled it into my kids that if they bring me food from anywhere, even if they listed the allergy in the order, they ask again at pick up. And I ask every time in a restaurant and when food is delivered if it "doesn't look right" or the wait staff doesn't mention "this is the allergy order"...
Oof I am sorry. I think what you do with your kids is great too! It can help them with friends as well!
 

BroadwayHermione5

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Feb 9, 2017
Right but that wasn't in your first comment, it was just in your follow up so I had (and the other PP as well) had immediate thoughts based on the first comment

I don't disagree there I think the difference is seeing the line in the sand to marrying a person as that. In a world of grey it's hard for me to do that but perhaps to you it's your line in the sand. I think for me it's looking at things that can be done. In terms of if the groom did know it would be how he handled it but still I think if you get to the marriage point you've taken things seriously and to me that means not running at the drop of a hat not saying that's what you were insinuating just that the event itself would not rise to the seriousness to me that would cause me to halt getting married to said person.

Very much agreed. Sometimes the issues my husband and I have faced over the years is do to interference from his family. My family is not one that is enmeshed in their kid's life so it's a different vibe. On the other hand there was no way my husband and I were going to let our families plan our wedding so at least in that respects we were likeminded no matter that his family is more hands on than mine. And I know people like to throw the "young" card out there but my husband was 23 and I was 24 when we got married. He was a few months shy of being 24 and I was a few weeks shy of being 25. To most we probably were very young but we were also independent enough that it was our wedding not someone else's vision that they can vicariously plan for.
Yeah unfortunately my parents have often said if they could do it over it would be completely different and not what my grandparents wanted. Mind you they actually did pay for a chunk of it, but the 80s were a weird time from what I’ve been told.

And yes I can totally understand how I’m projecting, I just am also the type of person who genuinely would make sure of things. I did have a cousin who didn’t go through with her first wedding. She did make the call about two weeks prior, which is better than the day before, but I am happy she stuck to her guns (our birthdays are a day apart and while there is an age difference it must be a thing with our horoscope because we tend to think similarly) and didn’t let it go any further. She felt bad about it for a good while and now no one cares. We didn’t have to see her go through what would’ve been hell.

I’ve also seen what other friends and family members have had done to them, and I just…it sucks. It really sucks.

And again I didn’t mean to offend.
 








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