School pollyanas!

[Colleen A.]

Don't get me wrong. I think the idea of children exchanging gifts in school is a good thing. I only wish that ALL parents would follow the guidelines set by the teachers! My youngest DD's 3rd grade class exchanged their gifts today. They sent home a letter asking for parents to spend $5.00. When the gifts were opened, my daughter got a small key chain pony from the dollar store!! She was so upset, but kept a brave face on in class. Needless to say, she lost in when she got home! She was crushed! Why can't parents use their brains sometimes!!

Colleen

 

[Puffy2]

Reminds me of when I got a small, plastic pin (like a party favor)as a gift at a school party when I was a child. In retrospect, the other child came from a family that lived in a poorer section. I think it taught me not to expect so much. And, maybe to be more generous to others when I can.

Maybe try to turn it into a "learning" situation for your daughter- thinking of others, what makes a "good gift" - asking, "does it have to be a "material thing", etc..."

 

[JAP]

Not to be rude Colleen but maybe the parents are not in a good way right now.

I myself am having a tough year and have had so many gifts to purchase. Many are small, but none the less thoughtful.

Maybe you could try and explain to your DD that some families just cannot provide. I am sure Mommy and Daddy will more than make up for it on Christmas Day!

 

[dizneegirl]

It's a good lesson that thoughts are more important than money...

 

[lulugirl]

Originally posted by dizneegirl
It's a good lesson that thoughts are more important than money...

I agree, this is a very important lesson.

 

[Tuffcookie]

I think a better idea would have been to have the class make a donation (whatever they could afford-no $ amount stipulated) for Toys for Tots.

TC

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, learning some of the realities of life is hard. Things aren't always fair. It is a good teaching moment followed with lots of hugs and hot cocoa.
{{{HUGS}}} to your dd.

 

[Barb]

Hi, Colleen! I'm sorry your DD was upset. I agree, try to help her understand the spirit of giving and that maybe her exchangee couldn't afford to spend that $5.00. I hope that helps to make her feel a little better.
Our school district forbids any gift giving of any kind. There are to be no gifts for the teachers or gift exchanges within school time. That way there are no hurt feelings by the ones who couldn't afford it or pressure for anyone to buy things they can't afford. (It also saves the teacher from getting 20 bottles of awful perfume.) While I always felt like a small gift for the teacher would have been nice at Christmas time, I followed the rules. At the end of the year, I always gave a bouquet of cut flowers to the teacher. (only in elementary school, though)

 

[Lucky4me]

My kids schools have never done this. Probably for the exact reason as your situation. Someone will always be disappointed. If I were you I'd request the school to put an end to the tradition. A better idea is bringing in donations for the poor, bringing in food for a Holiday party, or having a game day.

 

[Colleen A.]

I did try to explain to my DD that this girls family might not have a lot, but when you're 8, it's a hard lesson to understand.

While the school does allow the class to exchange gifts, this year, all the 3rd grade teachers got together and sent memos home. They requested that instead of buying them gifts, donate money to a organization called Angel Flight (they fly sick children to hospitals free of charge). My DDs teacher announced today that they collected $880.00.

 

[kejoda]

When my oldest exchanged gifts in class the teachers requested books. Well actually you sent a book no matter what. the price limit was 3.00 which was good for a book. You should suggest a book exchange to the teachers so this kind of thing could be eliminated.

 

[raidermatt]

Yes its an important lesson, and yes that's how Colleen's daughter should approach it.

But we are talking about $4 here. At least go $2.50 so it'll look like MAYBE you spent $5.

Even on the slim chance that the extra $4 was an issue, there are important lessons to learn about giving even in times of adversity as well.

 

[Kallison]

We did gift exchange in Brownies today, also 3rd grade girls and it did not go well! My DD's friend got a book - Junie B. Jones, she was not happy. Everyone was yelling about the one gift they wanted. We basically said "Get over it". I suggested we just do books next year and another Mom said - they can learn to deal with it and be gracious for whatever they get. I agree it can be disappointing, but it's one of those life lessons.

 

[JoeThaNo1Stunna]

To some people who have to choose which bills to pay, spending $4 is not an option, if they have to give a 10 cent spider ring no one should complain.

 

[Lynn CC]

My DS who is a sophmore in High School exchanged gifts with his homeroom classmates. They were secret santas for one another.
They were to spend $3...DS spent $6 on a movie ticket, and got a classical CD in return. He was quite happy, he would have been happy if it was a package of M&M's.
Sometimes you just have to explain to kids that it's fun to give and not to expect anything in return. I agree it's a hard lesson to learn, but better they learn while they are young.

 

[snoopy]

This story hits home for me, as I remember being in Colleen's daughter's shoes, a loooooooong time ago, when I was 6 or 7 years old.

It was 2nd grade, and I was so excited, since I picked the prettiest and the most popular girl's name. I couldn't wait to pick out something so special for her, it had to be the right thing. My mother took me shopping, and against her better judgement, she let me buy these expensive paper dolls for this girl. She knew how important it was to me, so she let me do it.

It came time to exchange the gifts, and I gave this girl, her name was Susan, my gift. I will never forget the look of disdain on her face, she just kind of threw them aside and said she already had paper dolls like that. I was crushed.

Then it came time to open my gift. As it turned out, the little girl who had my name was the poorest kid in the class (Alice was her name), always dressed in rags, very undernourished, she was the one everyone picked on. I opened my gift to discover that she had given me a bar of Ivory soap that she had stuck colored pins in to form the shape of a star. I wanted to cry, I was so upset, here I had given this girl these amazing paper dolls, and all I got was an ugly bar of soap!

Somehow I managed not to cry until I got home. My mother, who was the most compassionate person ever, made a HUGE deal out of this soap. She declared it a work of art, and put it in our bathroom and told me it was only to be used for special guests. That made me feel a little bit better.

The next day, my mother made arrangements for Alice to come over to our house and play. And when Alice arrived, my mother did something she never did before. We had 9 kids, and we never got gifts unless it was Christmas or our birthday. But my Mom overlooked that fact this one time, piled Alice and I in the car, and took us to Toys-R-Us where she bought us each a set of those amazing paper dolls.

I learned a lot about compassion and caring about those that are less fortunate that day. I was just a baby, but it stays in my mind forever. I started a lifelong friendship that day, and I would never have had it not been for my mother and her taking the time to show me what Christmas is all about.

So I hope that somehow you can show your daughter the same type of lesson, Colleen.

 

[Saffron]

Wow snoopy! I've read posts before here on the CB about how special your parents were. This post truly shows how loving and caring your mother was. Wow. That story is beautiful. I wish I could live life and pass along lessons as she has. She sounds like a remarkable person.

 

[Disney Doll]

Good time to teach the "it's the thought that counts" lesson. I know many eight year olds who are more than able to understand it.

snoopy, you are very lucky to have been raised by such a woman.

 

[snoopy]

Thank you, Saffron & Disney Doll, she really was a remarkable person.

And the loveliest part of this story, is I had a chance to catch up with both Alice, the girl who was so poor, and Susan, the popular pretty girl who didn't appreciate my paper dolls. I saw them both at my 20th high school reunion.

Alice is a writer, living in Manhattan. Sometime during college she completely bloomed, and she is now this stunning, self assured woman. She immediately asked me about my mother, and cried when she learned that my mom had passed away. She said my mother made a huge impact on her life. That made me feel so good, I know my mother would have loved to have known that.

Susan, on the other hand, was a frumpy dumpy bitter and hateful woman that still had the same snotty look on her face as she did that day in the 2nd grade. She spoke to no one outside her group of "popular" kids, who all had that same look. Instead of hating her, I had nothing but pity for her. She missed out on all the great things these people less fortunate than her had to offer. Poor her.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well...what's that saying???? "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone."