School Discpline Issue

[off to neverland]

EDITED:

Thank you to everyone who weighed in on this. I appreciate all of the input and have taken all the comments to heart! This has been resolved for all of us, and there is more to the story and problems other parents are having, but because this has been fairly stressful and emotional for me, and I don't want to take the time to go over some of the other issues on this board because I need to be emotionally finished with this -- I am deleting this post. I just don't want to discuss it any more, and hope to join some happy calm threads this weekend!

Again, thank you all for your words. I appreciate them so much.

 

[paigevz]

My son's been in the hall once or twice.........once as a first grader for running to the water fountain........he just was "REALLY thirsty mom". I just told him to listen to the teacher and stay in line next time.

 

[daisyduck123]

I don't think standing in the hallway for a time-out is a really big deal. I know that it is frustrating when a student seems to be ignoring the teacher & some kind of consequence should be in order.

 

[lindalinda]

Well, since you asked, I think so. a little. I mean, its okay to talk to him about it, but getting mad and venting over this might have been over the top. You have to take up for your kid...absolutely, but you also have to pick your battles, and believe me, there will be many more, and much bigger than this one. I would say, sit back and try to relax. This ones really not that bad.

 

[momrek06]

Well, since you asked, I think so. a little. I mean, its okay to talk to him about it, but getting mad and venting over this might have been over the top. You have to take up for your kid...absolutely, but you also have to pick your battles, and believe me, there will be many more, and much bigger than this one. I would say, sit back and try to relax. This ones really not that bad.

ITA!

OP, I decided early on that basically having my two DS' they definitely had their good days and definitely had their bad days at school (and at home for that matter as well).

I made a decision early on that I, as a parent, will let DS' teachers handle DS' when they are in their "hands" (at school)!

Just like the teachers will allow me to handle my DS' when they are in my "hands" (at home)!

Teachers do NOT come into my home and I do NOT go into the school.

Now before someone gets "all in my grille"... IF I felt it was something SERIOUS, sure I would be in that school in a NY minute but basic day to day situations that arise when a teacher is dealing with a large number of youngsters, naaa, I will let the teacher TRAINED and a PROFESSIONAL handle the classroom situations that arise.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, since you asked, I think so. a little. I mean, its okay to talk to him about it, but getting mad and venting over this might have been over the top. You have to take up for your kid...absolutely, but you also have to pick your battles, and believe me, there will be many more, and much bigger than this one. I would say, sit back and try to relax. This ones really not that bad.

I agree. It's not that I don't agree with you that the principal likely overreacted, but I wouldn't have gone into his office to vent. Your son was probably over it at that point and will hopefully listen better and not daydream. I have one of those first graders, too, and I know that he needs to pay attention and listen to instructions. I would hope that he would get a warning before having a time out in the hallway, but I wouldn't storm into the principals office over it, either.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

I tend to let the school handle what needs to be handled in school. I don't want to question how they handle discipline unless it was handed out completely unfairly. But in order to make a fair judgement, I will ask as many people as I have too to get my answers. But I do not think a time out in the hall is a bad thing, it gives the student time to think about their actions and behavior. JMO

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Well, my DS9 was sent to the principals office in Kindergarten! I about died! And it was for sliding around the room in his socks during play/free time. Needless to say, I've learn to deal with things a bit better since then. I was hot at the time though, my gosh, a 5 yr old going to the principals office for that?! Glad to say it didn't scar him for life. He's now in 4th grade and let's just say the fun never ends! He's been in school so far for two and a half weeks and he's been out to recess a total of 4 times! He's been made to stay in the gym during recess either for forgetting work at home, not getting his work done in a timely manner or....well....just because he's not perfect in class. I figure if anything is going to make him be responsible and behave in class, missing recess might just do it, so I'm not complaining! Well, except he comes home from school all juiced up b/c he's not had any "play" time and then doesn't want to sit and do his homework! Ahhh, and just think...it's only September!

 

[bsnyder]

I have to fall into the over-reacting camp, too.

Some kids have to learn how to behave when they are put into group settings, it's pretty common in K and First Grade. It just doesn't come as naturally to them. They'll test the boundaries, or in this case, not pay attention. The appropriate punishment, IMO, should be to remove the child from the group for a period of time. Which is how this was handled.

I've always been willing to listen to my kids' complaints about teachers, fairness, etc, but my default position has always been to side with the teacher. After a while, it really cuts down on the complaints about the petty stuff, but it keeps the lines of communication open, because schools and teachers do sometimes make big mistakes, and if so, I'd want to know about it.

 

[ktpool]

My first grader just got his first naughty note sent home last week. In his 1st grade, the kids design their own 'fix it' plan and tell the teacher, and she has to agree. His plan for his punishment for goofing off while standing in line is this:

1. Sit by himself in the cafeteria for 1 week
2. Go to the end of every line for 1 week

I aked him if his teacher helped him decide on the punishment, and he said no - he did it all by himself!

I think I have a son who is stricter than any teacher will be on him.

But the good news is...no naughty notes this week!

 

[poohandwendy]

I think you are overreacting. From what the principal said, he told him three times to get up. That is enough to warrant the time out. You even admit that he tends to 'daydream' and in school that is a problem. I think I would be talking to him about that. If you think it is possible medical problem, talk to his pediatrician. If he is just daydreaming, maybe the embarrassment of the time out will remind him to pay closer attention?

If the principal did think he was being defiant (which it probably appeared to be), a time out in the hall way is definitely warranted. Yes, even a first grader, even the first week of school.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think you are overreacting. From what the principal said, he told him three times to get up. That is enough to warrant the time out. You even admit that he tends to 'daydream' and in school that is a problem. I think I would be talking to him about that. If you think it is possible medical problem, talk to his pediatrician. If he is just daydreaming, maybe the embarrassment of the time out will remind him to pay closer attention?

If the principal did think he was being defiant (which it probably appeared to be), a time out in the hall way is definitely warranted. Yes, even a first grader, even the first week of school.

I agree with everyone whose opinion is that you overreacted. When school authority figures are responsible for a lot of students then often they have to use stricter methods to get the message across. I think part of the problem in schools is caused by parents who don't back up the teachers in disciplinary actions. We may not always agree with them, but looking at the big picture, we should first see things from their side. If there is obvious misjudgment on their part, then yes, step in, but not for something as minor as a timeout - even if it was embarrassing. I look at these moments as learning steps that everyone has to take to learn to function well in society.

to you. I know you're just trying to do well by your son.

 

[Keli]

Wow, I'm really surprised that you had such a big reaction to this. I do think you seriously overeacted.

Honestly? Your ds should have been paying attention. He had to have either been being definant or absolutely not paying attention. Completely zoned out instead of focusing on what he should have been doing. This probably taught him a valuable lesson that he needed to learn about paying attention to his teachers. This is, of course, just MHO.


Edited to add: I do feel sorry for your little guy, it's never fun to learn a lesson that way.

 

[Anewman]

My 16 year old daughter also hears what she wants to hear. I mean we could be whispering about going out to eat two rooms away and she will hear perfectly, but when I tell her to "take clothes to the dryer", she will pull the "I didnt hear you dad" routine.

I am guessing you son has learned that the "I didnt hear" routine will work, be prepared to VENT on teachers very often over the next 12 years.

I do believe DS. I've had his hearing checked before because sometimes he doesn't seem to hear things. The tests came back fine, and I think what happens is DS tends to daydream a bit and doesn't hear things around him.

Maybe you should send a note to school telling staff to allow him to daydream and not punish him for it.

 

[kdibattista]

Well, since you asked, I think so. a little. I mean, its okay to talk to him about it, but getting mad and venting over this might have been over the top. You have to take up for your kid...absolutely, but you also have to pick your battles, and believe me, there will be many more, and much bigger than this one. I would say, sit back and try to relax. This ones really not that bad.

I don't think it's that big of a deal

 

[RobinMarie]

I have to go with overreacting.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think you really need to relax.

 

[Principessa Alba]

First of all, I know how you feel. LOL, for some reason if I had done it to my child (given them a time out when I was just feeling frustrated), it wouldn't have seemed so bad as when some principal does it!!! (and I think I still have this latent hostility for them from when I was in school!!! )

The thing is, it isn't a big deal, and even if the principal was completely wrong, your son has to learn how to roll with the punches a little. The sooner he learns it's not a big deal, the better. If you go nuts he'll go nuts, and then it will only be that much harder the next time this happens (and it will!!! )

My DD, in 4th grade had something similar happen. I was mad at a teacher for years and years for what I thought was an unfair punishment -- DD admited when she was in HS that the teacher had been right and that DD had *cough* fibbed a bit when originally telling the story!!

It's hard, I know!

 

[Mermaid02]

Personally I think that standing on the wall in the gym and watching the other kids have fun is more of a punishment than going out in the hall- my son would have LOVED to go out in the hall alone and watch everyone walk by.

I think you over reacted. And this is from a Mom who is SURE her kids permanent records have a big red X on them and say, "Beware of Mother!"

 

[Principessa Alba]

And this is from a Mom who is SURE her kids permanent records have a big red X on them and say, "Beware of Mother!"

Trust me, that X is on my dd's!!!!