School Anxiety- what to do? **update pg 2**

[Mermaid02]

I'm at a loss. My son (7th grade) has school anxiety (plus generalized anxiety) and I just don't know what to do. He's been doing pretty well this year (a month in) but today he just cried and this hurt, that hurt... etc. I never know if it's "real" or anxiety- and what's the difference really? So he's home. I'm home today- but this started before he knew I was home for the day. We have a meeting tomorrow with guidance, the school psychologist, teachers etc.

Who else has dealt with this? What worked and what didn't? If we force him to go, he just digs in deeper and they end up calling me to come get him anyway. (((((((sigh)))))))

 

[Disney Doll]

Does he see a therapist? If not, I'd probably get him an appointment with one...preferably one who works with a physician so anti-anxiety meds can be Rxed if necessary.

 

[Mermaid02]

We've done that. We have also done the therapist thing and frankly, maybe a different one is needed. I never saw any help in the last one.

He's not on meds right now and we really don't want to put him back on them (took them from K-6) He has really been doing well- we had one day so far when he stayed home (today is #2) He takes ADHD medication regularly.

Any behavior therapies worked for anyone? This is a major source of stress in our family.

 

[Starbrite]

We dealt with this all last year w/ DD8. (both school & general anxiety)

I don't have much advice, my DD just eventually overcame it & (so far) this year we've had no issues.

We forced her to go. Some days she had to be literally carried onto the school bus. Her teacher, office staff & nurse were all aware of the issue so they didn't call me to come get her everytime she went to the office. She cried every night, all morning, and after school in preparation for the next day. It was horrible & I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Unfortunately, many people don't realize how serious of an issue it can be. It isn't just a kid trying to miss a test.

 

[KAMKIM]

My DD8 has been going through this since preschool. I thought it would get better the older she got, but it hasn't....although so far this year (crossing my fingers) has not been as bad as previous years (me physically picking her up and putting her on the bus). I feel for you and him because I know how it feels. I dont know how to help or what advice to give.

I would ask the obvious questions, is his being bullied? This wasn't the case with my daughter but she did feel very left out since the girls her age are getting to be very "cliquey" - spelling?

We did put her in alot of after school activies, girl scouts, gymnastics and dance to name a few - she seems very shy in these classes as well but is learning to "play" with the other kids..maybe that would help him?

I wish you both the best

 

[KAMKIM]

We dealt with this all last year w/ DD8. (both school & general anxiety)

I don't have much advice, my DD just eventually overcame it & (so far) this year we've had no issues.

We forced her to go. Some days she had to be literally carried onto the school bus. Her teacher, office staff & nurse were all aware of the issue so they didn't call me to come get her everytime she went to the office. She cried every night, all morning, and after school in preparation for the next day. It was horrible & I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Unfortunately, many people don't realize how serious of an issue it can be. It isn't just a kid trying to miss a test.

Wow I think we typed the same thing at the same time. I too had to carry my daughter and put her on the bus - even though we were both in tears. I never gave in to her and let her stay home after I was aware of what she was doing. I envy the parents whose kids get in trouble for talking and playing too much during class...the opposite is worse...way worse.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My 7th grader is on Lexapro and we are doing counseling with someone who was recommended to us with combating anxiety.

She is doing so great!!!! She started on the meds at the end of last yr.

You did not say if your son was on meds. I can tell you that once the meds kicked in she was a whole new person. She would tell you that she did not realize how her anxiety/depression was affecting her.

She has made friends at school and in fact she had a sleepver with one of her friends over the weekend.

I cannot stress enough to do the med/counseling combo.

 

[Jennasis]

DH had this problem as a child and suffered through school for 13 years (including kindergarden), because back then, nobody thought about anti-anxiety medication. Go to your ped, get a better therapist and get this kid on the right medication.

It wasn't until I came into DH's life 10 years ago, saw him have an attack when he switched jobs and found him a therapist who worked him through the whole thing, including medication that he finally was able to resolve his anxiety issues.

 

[Mermaid02]

My DD8 has been going through this since preschool. I thought it would get better the older she got, but it hasn't....although so far this year (crossing my fingers) has not been as bad as previous years (me physically picking her up and putting her on the boss). I feel for you and him because I know how it feels. I dont know how to help or what advice to give.

I would ask the obvious questions, is his being bullied? This wasn't the case with my daughter but she did feel very left out since the girls her age are getting to be very "cliquey" - spelling?

We did put her in alot of after school activies, girl scouts, gymnastics and dance to name a few - she seems very shy in these classes as well but is learning to "play" with the other kids..maybe that would help him?

I wish you both the best

He is the proverbial outcast (He has ADHD and PDD- kids think he's weird) he hasn't been invited to a birthday party since Kindergarten (and I am NOT exaggerating) and yes, he had parties and invited the whole class- 5 showed up and 3 of those kids were my friends children). He has no friends. We have done baseball, scouts, basketball, nothing seems to click with him.

 

[KAMKIM]

He is the proverbial outcast (He has ADHD and PDD- kids think he's weird) he hasn't been invited to a birthday party since Kindergarten (and I am NOT exaggerating) and yes, he had parties and invited the whole class- 5 showed up and 3 of those kids were my friends children). He has no friends. We have done baseball, scouts, basketball, nothing seems to click with him.

What exactly is PDD? My DH and I have talked about our daughter possibly having other issues but I think it's being missed because her intelligence overshadows it, kwim? She is very quiet and well behaved in school so she doesn't draw attention to herself, she does well with homework and tests so again - doesn't draw attention. My DD8 does some odd things as well, nothing major that i can pin point and say it's a clear issue...but for the last few grades kids will ask her, do you want to play with us, she'll say no thanks and sit on the bench at recess while the other kids are running around playing..then she'll come home and tell me I dont have any friends. It breaks my heart because they (the other kids) have just stopped asking her to play with them now since they figure she'll always say no. I wish there was an answer...

 

[kacaju]

http://www.stressandanxiety.com/index.html

Check out this website. I realize you are not in NJ so they won't be able to help you, but maybe if after reading this site things *click* with you you can find a place similar near you.

My dd15 was having horrible problems, I took her to a therapist and they did nothing, I found this place everything I read on their website just really clicked with me so we called them. They have been wonderful for my dd, it was just what she needed.

Nother thing... do you have 4-H (youth organization) near you. Check their program out. I have seen a few *outcast* kids come through our program and 4-H is just what they needed and they do great.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He is the proverbial outcast (He has ADHD and PDD- kids think he's weird) he hasn't been invited to a birthday party since Kindergarten (and I am NOT exaggerating) and yes, he had parties and invited the whole class- 5 showed up and 3 of those kids were my friends children). He has no friends. We have done baseball, scouts, basketball, nothing seems to click with him.

If my dd can turn it around, so can your son.

Nothing is going to click until you get your son out of his depression. I know with my dd she was unable to communicate normally with her peers.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I would seek outside intervention. Our counselors at school are really not qualified to treat something of this nature. One time occurances, yes, but this sounds pervasive.

Best of luck to you.

 

[mickeyboat]

DD10 had some school anxiety at the beginning of the year. She seemed to get over it after the first few days, but it reared its ugly head again a couple weeks ago.

Her teacher said that if I hadn't mentioned to her, she would never have known DD10 was having trouble before school, so it wasn't affecting her performance. The school counselor had her join a all girls morning discussion group which meets once a week. This has seemed to help.

Her latest episode happened at recess/lunch. Last year (or maybe the year before) she threw up in the cafeteria, and I think sometimes she gets nervous, so we started doing cold lunch so she didn't have to go through the lunch line and knew what to expect at lunch time. This has helped a lot. She has started taking hot lunch a couple days a week.

I was thinking about therapy for her when her anxiety level was higher earlier this year, and I think I would have chosen some sort of behavioral therapy. I think she needs methods to help her handle the anxiety.

Good luck to you.
Denae

 

[EdiePA]

Find a good CHILD therapist or psychologist. My son had this in the fifth grade, and yes, we could force him into the school, but you can't force them to stay there. It was so bad that I thought he would run away from home.

We found a great psychologist who worked with him (I would attend the sessions, too, but just sit quietly.) He taught my son how to overcome his anxiety by using visualizations and slowing down his breathing. DS#2 is now 24 and he still uses the tools that Dr. taught him. It was two months of therapy and a lifetime of change -- priceless!

Edie

 

[maelstrom]

As someone who had anxiety about school and still to this day has anxiety, get that kid some medication! If you think therapy will help, by all means go for that as well, but Xanax has been a lifesaver for me. Why suffer when you don't have to.

 

[Mermaid02]

OMG! At about 11:30 my son came to me and said, "Can I go to school now?" I was floored and got him there ASAP! He has NEVER done that before. If he was home for the day- that is where he wanted to stay! Maybe things are turning around for him....

 

[pilesoflaundry]

Btdt this year. Ds is in 5th grade. He is autistic but high functioning and usually does well in school. This year his anxiety is in hyper drive. Not sure if it's going through puberty or new stress with the class changes orbullying or a combo of all of the above.

He had worn out my patience with this so I'm sure that didn't help either. He was becoming a frequent flyer in the clinic.

I finally told him we were going to the doctor to see if he was really sick or stressed. Doc ran bloodwork, did a few other things and said he was fine. Which helped me and helped the nurse. Now we know for sure it's anxiety.

He is seeing the counselor and knows he can't hang out in the clinic anymore. Principal is working with us to see if he needs a homeroom change or anything else we can do to help ds.

If he doesn't chill out soon I may consider anxiety meds but I'm trying to avoid that until he is a bit older if I can.

Hang in there. It's hard when it's not something physical we can just fix with some tylenol.

 

[5lilfish]

What exactly is PDD? My DH and I have talked about our daughter possibly having other issues but I think it's being missed because her intelligence overshadows it, kwim? She is very quiet and well behaved in school so she doesn't draw attention to herself, she does well with homework and tests so again - doesn't draw attention. My DD8 does some odd things as well, nothing major that i can pin point and say it's a clear issue...but for the last few grades kids will ask her, do you want to play with us, she'll say no thanks and sit on the bench at recess while the other kids are running around playing..then she'll come home and tell me I dont have any friends. It breaks my heart because they (the other kids) have just stopped asking her to play with them now since they figure she'll always say no. I wish there was an answer...

PDD, or PDD-NOS is Pervasive Development Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. It is an autistic spectrum disorder that can affect a child to varying degrees. My son is 12 and, thankfully, mildly affected. He attends public school and his diagnosis is not even on his official record (although I have a meeting with his teachers at the begining of the year and explain Andrew's strengths/weaknesses). My son does his work, gets great grades, and is not a behavior problem. Generally, teachers like him. He is not terribly athletic (awkwardness, to varying degrees, can accompany the diagnosis). His circle of friends is not large and he has difficulty in groups...and is weaker with peer interaction, in general. To an untrained person, my son just looks a little different or they think he's a bit goofy/odd. He plays little league baseball and tennis. He plays with kids in the neighborhood. He has friends and is a great kid...but he does have social weaknesses that can be difficult for him and/or make him anxious.

My son has some anxiety and school can be a confusing place (socially) but thankfully, he has never disliked school. My heart goes out to anyone battling that.

Jess