Santa Troubles!

[rotlex]

I dread this, as it is so much fun having the kids believe. However, my Grandfather made a statement to me when I was younger, and went through this, that sticks with me till this day, and that was that Santa only ceases to exist, when you stop believing in him. As long as you believe, he is very real!

 

[njmeisje]

My girls are 12 and 13 now. The year they stopped believing was a tough one - but I told myself that when they asked me straight up - I would not lie to them. So, I told them Dad and I were Santa - but that year they "became Santa" too. We began a tradition of selecting names from the "gift" tree in our local mall, and selected presents to give to other children. The girls began to understand that not all children have been as lucky as they have been. They came away with a very good feeling of helping other kids "have Christmas" too.

Give it a try. As parents its hard to let our "babies" go....but here is where we have the opportunity to add to the persons that they will become....

Merry Christmas
Diane

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I totally understand OP being upset. My DD 15 stopped believeing at about age 10, or so she thought. We were at Disney (of all places) for Thanksgiving and after dinner at CM we hopped on the monerail to take a ride to the GF to see the gingerbread house. Right after she sat down an older man, heavyset, with white hair, beard and mushtache dressed all in red sat down next to her and said hello. She looked over and about wet her pants. (She had been saying she knew the truth but I just kept saying that's what you think, huh?) She mumbled hello and he asked if she had been being good. Her face was priceless. That man gave us one more year with her believeing. She was so good that next month. By the next year she figured it out, but remembers that year so fondly. When she finally "found out" I explained to her that Santa is a spirit that lives inside you. It's what makes a frugal mom like me and a sleeping in lover dad like my husband to go out at 3am to get in line for toys or gadgets we never would otherwise buy. She very much at 15, still loves that spirit!

DD10 still has never said anything about not believeing, and while I am sure this is probably our last year, I am going to let her as long as she does.

The other thing is I have told my oldest that she gets the benefit of her sisters believing and if she were to ruin it for them, she'd be hurting herself because Santa will come for all of them as long as even one kid believes.

 

[tricia]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents! Santa came to see me until I got married. Didn't he come to see you?

Yep, we grown children all believe in my family (at least when Mom is within earshot )

 

[ChristusG]

My mom always told us if we didn't believe, we wouldn't get presents! Santa came to see me until I got married. Didn't he come to see you?

Yep, my mom said the same thing. She'd say "If you don't believe, you don't receive!" So I decided that I believed LOL! Right up till I got married too.

 

[Joyful3Heart]

P.S. You could always add the frank discussion about, "Well, you know Santa only brings presents to the good girls and boys. You don't think ___________ is on the Naughty List and gets no presents from Santa, do you?"

Love this!

 

[Jasperann]

We always used this one too! Santa only comes to those who believe... And let me tell you, we never breathed a word that we didn't believe...just in case...


My son is 12 now and I've told him the same thing. And he's never said he doesn't believe either!

This is how it is in our family. My mom had me guessing until I was in my late teens...

I do the 12 days before Christmas for my children. They get a small dollar store gift each day in there stocking that 'Santa' brought for them. Although this has caused a little bit of an issue with the school... My girls seem to think that other kids are naughty because they don't get a present each day. Except for a few of them that the parents do the same thing. I have since had to tell them that it is a secret and that they need to keep it to themselves or 'Santa' would have to stop coming. My poor kids, they are going to believe until they are married. Maybe even after if I have anything to say about it.

Santa always delivers presents on Christmas Eve for myself and DH and kids on the front porch. He rings the bell and leaves... It is very magical and really helped me when it was my first year away from my mom for Christmas. My mom loves being Santa. I went with her one year to deliver presents to my sister. It was a lot of fun. We dropped the stuff on her porch and then drove down the street and had my DH knock on her door and run down to our car. She opened the door and he jaw dropped... it was so magical. It was her first year on her own after her marriage ended.

I love Christmas time and the magic that is in the air.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

This is how it is in our family. My mom had me guessing until I was in my late teens...

I do the 12 days before Christmas for my children. They get a small dollar store gift each day in there stocking that 'Santa' brought for them. Although this has caused a little bit of an issue with the school... My girls seem to think that other kids are naughty because they don't get a present each day. Except for a few of them that the parents do the same thing. I have since had to tell them that it is a secret and that they need to keep it to themselves or 'Santa' would have to stop coming. My poor kids, they are going to believe until they are married. Maybe even after if I have anything to say about it.

Santa always delivers presents on Christmas Eve for myself and DH and kids on the front porch. He rings the bell and leaves... It is very magical and really helped me when it was my first year away from my mom for Christmas. My mom loves being Santa. I went with her one year to deliver presents to my sister. It was a lot of fun. We dropped the stuff on her porch and then drove down the street and had my DH knock on her door and run down to our car. She opened the door and he jaw dropped... it was so magical. It was her first year on her own after her marriage ended.

I love Christmas time and the magic that is in the air.

And that right there says it all, Santa is real and lives inside all of us if you believe!

 

[luvmy3jewels]

This post really hit home for me because a couple of months ago a neighbor's child informed my kids that Santa wasn't real. My kids (8, 7, & 5) immediately went inside and searched on-line whether Santa was real (my dad was over babysitting and wasn't paying enough attention to what they were doing). Imagine my suprise when I got home from work and the kids informed me that they had discovered Santa was "dead" through Google.

I didn't confirm Santa's death, but I glossed over the issue and told them that I believe in him and that if they didn't believe, then they wouldn't receive. I suspect my 8 year old (and probably my 7 year old) know the truth. I'm hoping to keep him real for my 5 year old a little longer.

Incidently, I figured the whole Santa thing out when I was 5, and once I had mom's confirmation that he wasn't "real" I went through the whole list of Easter Bunny and tooth fairy. I immediately shared this discovery with my sister, who was 8 at the time, and she was devestated!

 

[abcboys]

This is a hard one, because you want them to still "believe"... But at the same time you don't want to tell them a bould face lie. Because then they will wonder what else you are lying about.

I truly believe that if you are asked you should tell. I have 4 children. When they got to the age of directly asking...I was honest. If they asked if Santa was real, I would ask them what they thought. If they said yes they believed in him... then I left it with that. If they told me; No they didn't think he was real...I would ask them why and then tell them the truth. I would also ask them not to ruin "santa" for the younger ones. My DD loved being in on the "santa secret".

This is exactly what I have chosen to do with my kids. My oldest asked me at age 8 if santa was real, I asked him what he thought and he said he didn't think he was and I told him he was right. Just a few months ago my 7 year old read Superfudge and I guess it mentions santa being fake in there so he asked me about it and he said they book was talking about it so I told him he was right, now he is in on the "big kid secret" but we were still going to "pretend santa" for the 4 year old.

To me santa is fun to pretend but not a big deal. I mean really all they care about is the presents. I tell them its fun to pretend santa even if we know the truth. Its fun to put out food for the reindeer and track santa on the norad tracker....but beyond that its just make believe. I have never been one to tell the kids "if you don't believe you don't receive" cause that's just silly to me.

 

[Becky2005]

My ds8 is in 3rd grade and I told him last year. He has suspected the year before but when he asked me straight out and wanted the truth

That sounds like my oldest DS -- he basically did a "I want the truth & nothing but the truth" and was forceful with it -- he had basically already said he didn't think it could be real (while my DD is over there going "HE IS SO REAL" when DS said that in the car and doing the stick fingers in your ears I can't hear you la, la, la type of thing...).

I told him had to wait until we got home so I told him. He loved being in on it. Although, really, we don't make it that big of a deal here.

I literally had to ask my mom how in the world I knew who Santa was because as far as I can remember I *always* knew but that didn't diminish the fun...we still had stockings & gifts from Santa. We even would say Hi to Santa at the mall ocassionally, etc... So somehow we were able to mix both knowing while still pretending. I asked her that after DD was born because I had no clue how I knew, I thought maybe it was because I was a third kid. Turns out she never told us he was real, she just always let us know it was her but we were under strict order to never tell anyway. I know I never said anything to anyone and went along with it.

Then she also never wrapped Santa gifts after I was an adult & I had to ask her about that but she said "Do you see gifts wrapped in Santa's bag?" -- Hmm...No, usually you do see a Teddy Bear, Doll, whatever hanging out of his bag. Never gave that a thought as to that's why our Santa gifts were never wrapped. I can't do that though because we don't have a room we can close off with doors like we did growing up.

I haven't the foggiest idea if my younger 2 know or don't know. I suspect they are like me when growing up...just somehow know it but go along with it. Especially considering my 15 year old will make comments about wanting Santa to get her some outrageously priced thing & I just look at her like "I'm not so sure Santa could afford THAT" or basically tell her "That's not going to happen, so you need to tell Santa something else".

 

[4luv2cdisney]

I felt lied to as a kid when I found out there was no Santa. So, I've worried about my kids being angry when they find out. When DD11 was 9ish, she asked and I wanted to tell her the truth, but her sister was in the room, so I couldn't come clean at that moment. So, Easter rolls around and I get the same question about the Easter Bunny. Thankfully, we were alone in the car and so I told her. She says, "..and the tooth fairy..." so I tell her "no, not real". She's quiet a minute and then says "...and Santa - JUST SAY YES!" So, what am I supposed to say??? I said, "You want me to say yes, then yes". She is 11 and in 6th grade now and has never asked again. I hope she doesn't still believe, because I wouldn't want her to be made fun of. I think she knows the truth, but wants to believe. I have never told her she needs to believe to receive.

 

[CheshireSmile]

Santa comes to everyone in this house. Mom, Dad, and 2 grown-up believers (and this year Santa even has a new family member to bring a gift for, my sister's husband). Santa brings each person one big gift, be it large in size or just an expensive thing you wouldn't have bought for yourself. My mom always told us Santa wanted to make a dream come true for us, that he was the magic of Christmas. But whenever she said that, she would say the magic wasn't the gift, the magic was the love and joy of the family who was receiving it. So no, I never questioned Santa, there was always a lot of magic in my house on Christmas mornings!

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, I'll give you the other side. We don't do Santa gifts at all. For us, Santa is just another Christmastime story character like Ebeneezer Scrooge or Rudolph. (It's not a religious issue, we just preferred not to do it. My own family did not do it, either.)

If you show my 2 yo a picture of Santa and ask her who it is, she'll say, "Snowman!" -- I honestly have no idea why.

DS has Asperger's, and like a lot of Aspie kids, he was very disturbed when he heard the story at daycare; what he took away from it was that a stranger was supposed to break into our home on Christmas Eve. He saw Santa as a very sinister thing, and was very relieved to hear that it was just a pretend story.

We do tell our children that other kids like to believe that Santa is real, and that they should not say anything about the subject one way or another, because it isn't nice to question people about what they believe in, or to make people feel bad about what they believe in. We like to stress that people have different beliefs, and that that is fine.

The difficulty that we have is with my MIL. DH grew up with the Santa thing and hated it, because he figured it out very early on, but no matter how many times he told his Mom that he knew it wasn't real, she persisted in insisting that it was. She now does the same thing with our children, even though she knows that we don't support it. She persists in saying things like, "If you don't believe, you won't get any presents!" What that leaves us with is young children who know that either Grandma or Mom/Dad are lying, but they are not sure which. It's upsetting for them.

So for any teachers who do maintain the fiction, I ask you please, if you encounter a child who does NOT believe, please don't deliberately try to make them doubt, because by doing so, you more often than not are implying that their parents have lied to them, just the same as you would if you told a believer that Santa wasn't real.

 

[kldmom2000]

My 9 and 7 year old DD's believe still.... completely. I'm sure this may be a difficult year for my older DD in 4th grade as there has been chatter in the halls.... when she questions it, I will give her a copy of Virginia's letter re: is there a Santa Claus... I think it's perfect for that question... here it is:


"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

 

[tara32]

Santa comes to every member of our house. Adults and children- Santa comes to those who believe- and I sure do. I can feel his magic in the air at Christmas. I can see his generousity be spread when normally selfish people become more generous and compassionate.

Santa brings us surprises that we wouldnt have splurged on . Thats part of the realism too- Mommy would not have bought that x toy...

Interesting tidbit about the Asperger's kids- my 6yo ds has suspected Asperger's (he has some symptoms hardcore but missing a few key symptoms)
and from the time he was 2ish he was afraid of Santa. IN preschool he was the only one afraid of hima nd deathly so. At home, he was preoccupied with the thought of someone coming in while he was sleeping. After MUCHO reassurance, he is okay now (still won't go near Santa at the mall) but blasse about the whole Christmas thing. I am looking forward to get a bit more ofd the spirirt and traditional kid reaction with younger ds.

 

[sadiebug]

Last year my DD9 started telling me how some of the kids at school were saying that Santa didn't exist. We talked about it a little bit and I told her that Santa only came to people who believed in him. She decided that maybe those kids had stopped believing in Santa and so the parents were still pretending to be Santa so the kids would still get toys at Christmas!

Before we had that discussion though I googled the issue and found a really neat article that I planned to use if she really decided that Santa wasn't real. Here's part of it:

"I don’t remember when I found out that Santa was not real. My brother and I just gradually realized it on our own over time. We didn’t feel hurt or betrayed at all. In fact, we continued pretending to believe for several years. We wanted those extra Santa Clause presents under the tree every Christmas! But was Santa ever really a lie?

I think not. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer may be a fairytale, and Santa may not really live on the North Pole – but he lives! Santa Clause is the jolly bearded man at the mall who lends an ear to the desires of children’s hearts as they sit in his lap. He is the red-suited woman ringing the bell by a donation bucket. He is the relative in disguise, bearing gifts to the Christmas party. On Christmas Eve, he is the parents who sneak downstairs long after the kids have gone to sleep to deposit treasures under the tree. He is the joy and wonder children feel as they discover the half-empty glass of milk, the nibbled carrots and the remaining cookie crumbs.

Santa Clause is the spirit of kindness and giving. He loves us all, no matter who we are; rich or poor, we are equal in his eyes. As we accept what Santa Clause really is, we become him. We each in turn become Santa Clause for the next generation. Let your children know that, now that they know the truth about Santa Clause – they are Santa Clauses. It is time for them to leave behind the role of the eager child, anxious to receive gifts – and adopt the role of the giver, who relishes in the delight on the faces of those receiving presents."

I really liked the idea of telling DD that once she knew the truth about Santa Clause that meant she was old enough and mature enough to BE Santa Clause to others. And as most of us know BEING Santa Clause is every bit as fun and magical as receiving from Santa Clause!

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My 9 and 7 year old DD's believe still.... completely. I'm sure this may be a difficult year for my older DD in 4th grade as there has been chatter in the halls.... when she questions it, I will give her a copy of Virginia's letter re: is there a Santa Claus... I think it's perfect for that question... here it is:


"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

I have a "reading" of this on my computer and had my DS12 listen to it the other day because he no longer believes. He and my 10yo both say they don't. I told them that Santa Claus isn't so much a person as a representation of the magic of Christmas. They blew me off, but hopefully some of it sank in.

 

[PA Princess]

I'm sorry to hear this. As a 3rd grade teacher, we're quickly approaching the time of year that I both love and hate, for this very reason.
P.S. You could always add the frank discussion about, "Well, you know Santa only brings presents to the good girls and boys. You don't think ___________ is on the Naughty List and gets no presents from Santa, do you?"

Boy, I sure hope this is not a tactic you use in your classroom. We do not do Santa in our home. He is a story and a character associated with the holidays, but my husband and I do not purchase presents that are from Santa.

If my third grade daughter was told by another child that her teacher said she was "naughty" or on a naughty list for not believing in Santa - that would be devastating to her!

I know this is an emotional issue for many parents, but I have to say I have witnessed and experienced and read about on these boards terrible behavior by adults in related to perpetuating this story for kids. This type of action by a teacher would be at the top of the list.

Consider as a parent how you would feel if your child was told by a public school teacher (either directly or indirectly by comments to another child which you know would be repeated on the playground) that he/she was naughty for not believing in Jesus or Buddha or witches or ghosts or any other thing???

 

[C.Ann]

We all "believe" - adults and children alike - and always will..