SAHM Vent

[Mkrop]

You should just do what I do -- keep a low profile and take care of your own. Don't let anyone know how available you might be. Ask no favors of anyone else, either. Works pretty well for me!

Oh, and drive a mid size suv, none of this mini van stuff!

And I agree, Coonhound is being unfairly judged.

I dont drive a minivan...a 7 person SUV

And there have been plenty of time carpools have been the best thing ever and they were very helpful...just a few that have been bad apples.

I thought I was being nice and helping out. I was available and I was going there too. I mean the coaches both had jobs, one was nephrologist, one was a lawyer. I was grateful they were coaching the team. And that is how I saw it...a team. But sadly by the end of the season, I did start just driving DS and myself

 

[mefordis]

My thing is I hate depending on people. I am very self sufficient and hate asking for favors (whether it is from a boss or other moms). I guess it's good that I don't work, because if I did my daughters would not be taking all the dance and gymnastics classes they take now. They are at all varying times.

Plus, a few times now my kids have needed me to pick them up because they were sick, or bring them something they forgot. I don't have family around so that would have been very difficult to do.

I dont drive a minivan...a 7 person SUV

And there have been plenty of time carpools have been the best thing ever and they were very helpful...just a few that have been bad apples.

I thought I was being nice and helping out. I was available and I was going there too. I mean the coaches both had jobs, one was nephrologist, one was a lawyer. I was grateful they were coaching the team. And that is how I saw it...a team. But sadly by the end of the season, I did start just driving DS and myself

 

[daughtersrus]

Unless you're married to her or they are asking you to pay their bills, it is none of your business what she does all day. She may sleep all day, she may clean all day, she may cook all day, she may shop all day. Why does it matter?

I know it's none of my business and I have never asked her. My curiosity comes in part because of some of the comments that she has made and things that she expects others to do for her and her family.

 

[JanaDee]

You should just do what I do -- keep a low profile and take care of your own. Don't let anyone know how available you might be. Ask no favors of anyone else, either. Works pretty well for me!

Oh, and drive a mid size suv, none of this mini van stuff!

And I agree, Coonhound is being unfairly judged.

No minivan for me, I have a 7 passenger SUV. Maybe I should get a smaller vehicle.

 

[JanaDee]

I know it's none of my business and I have never asked her. My curiosity comes in part because of some of the comments that she has made and things that she expects others to do for her and her family.

Sorry, that probably came out a lot more harsh than I meant, but after fielding yet another "I just can't imagine what you do all day" query from a mother at school, I am admittedly a bit irritated.

I apologize.

 

[Laura66]

I work out of the home, and spent and entire hockey season carting the child of a SAHM to almost every practice and game - home or away. The SAHM was not available because her DH's worked long hours at a job that was not flexible, and the family had four children. I was my daughters' GS troop leader and carted the children of SAHM's around all the time. I was also one of the most active volunteers at the school, working the activity tables at after school events, chaperoning the children of SAHM's, etc. because they had younger children as well, and could not contribute.

You might just find at some point you will need a favor, too. And a minivan.

As for Coonhound, he often makes derogatory remarks regarding others' parenting skills. Even if he was a perfect parent himself, I lose all respect for someone who puts others down for making choices that are not the same as his.

Oh my gosh I'm a stay at home mom that needed carpool help when my youngest was born! Definitely appreciated the help as there was an 8 and 11 year gap between my oldest and youngest children!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Interesting article on this "motherism" concept that keeps coming up.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...mums-face-prejudice-assuming-lazy-stupid.html

He added that evidence from biosciences showed that mothers provided ‘unrivalled benefits’ to young children that other people, including fathers, could not.

That seems rather extreme, and makes me sad for dads everywhere.

 

[jrmasm]

How many jobs really allow that? One day off every 2 or 3 weeks? Honest question, no snark. I've never had a job with that kind of flexibility or vacation time. Even if I'd been able to get away with taking time off like that, it would have consumed my vacation time for the year leaving no time for actual vacationing.

I get five or six weeks per year and can carry what I don't use. I just need to be sure my job is done or have coverage. My husband doesn't have as much time but is hourly so he can make up his time. I can't speak to my DD's friends' parents situations but we all made it work. I am sure that not everyone has the flexibility that we have.


Several times it's been mentioned on this thread that working parents aren't carpooling and are relying on SAH parents. I'm sure that does happen in some cases. But I was sharing that not only do my husband and I carpool but we've also handled unusual practice times (mid day) without the assistance of SAH parents. And I have no doubt that there are plenty of other working parents that do as well.

If you, as a stay at home parent, are being taken advantage by someone, they're a jerk but they'd likely be a jerk whether they were working or not.

 

[NewRVLady]

How many jobs really allow that? One day off every 2 or 3 weeks? Honest question, no snark. I've never had a job with that kind of flexibility or vacation time. Even if I'd been able to get away with taking time off like that, it would have consumed my vacation time for the year leaving no time for actual vacationing.

My DIL just negotiate a 4 day work week in lieu if a raise
Because of the new baby

 

[kidshop]

Interesting article on this "motherism" concept that keeps coming up.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...mums-face-prejudice-assuming-lazy-stupid.html


That seems rather extreme, and makes me sad for dads everywhere.

It is not really sad. . It is biology plain and simple. The system is designed where in the mammal world the mother gestated the fetus, gives birth and produces milk. It is just the way life is, from a biological standpoint. Nothing against dads and not a personal attack.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It is not really sad. . It is biology plain and simple. The system is designed where in the mammal world the mother gestated the fetus, gives birth and produces milk. It is just the way life is, from a biological standpoint. Nothing against dads and not a personal attack.

Many will disagree, including me.

 

[NMAmy]

To go way back to the OP, if it's your DH who is making these comments, then that's where your real issue lies. It doesn't appear as though he's on board with you staying home anymore. And it really doesn't matter what these other 18 pages of responses say. He's the one you need to work this out with.

I do often feel sorry for the husbands of SAHM's. It would make me nervous to be the sole support of the family. It makes it difficult to change careers or if there are threats of layoff. I realize this isn't the case for everyone but I know so many two-career families who would have been in a lot of trouble if both spouses hadn't been working.

 

[StephMK]

My post was quoted but I can't get it on here. It was about getting peeved that SAH parents mention having to take WOH kids to practices. Yes, I get peeved because just as others don't want to be lumped into a category, I don't either. I totally get it if that's been your experience and I'd be feeling put out too. But it was not directed at any one person.

I had just read a few posts about people commenting in general terms about how staying at home was being taken advantage of by working parents - volunteering, driving, etc. DH & I do work hard to take care of our schedules and specifically don't sign our kids up for activities if we know getting them there is going to be a huge issue.

Since this seems to be directed at me, I'll answer. None of these parents are my friends. Friendly, yes ~ friends, no.

Just curious how you'd handle it if you had a DD in VB like I do? They had open gyms twice a week all summer, in the middle of the day. The last two weeks, they've had VB practice in the middle of the day that lasts for 2 hours (today it is from 10:15-12:15, tomorrow 2-4pm). Missing practice for unexcused reasons means you sit the bench. If you want to play, you show up for practice, which I completely agree with as a parent.

Ok, you quoted my original comment about me being peeved about WOH parents taking advantage of SAH parents by having them drive their kids. My post was not directed at any one person. I'm respectfully puzzled how my post relates to your response. From what I can tell, you are a SAHM and take your DD to daytime practices? Did you mention being taken advantage of by WOH parents? If you are taken advantage of by WOHMs, then I wanted to say that we are not all like that.

On the note about your DD's practice though, it is very nice if you are driving other kids. That is a horrible time for a practice if someone works. My kids would not be playing or we'd work out a deal with someone ahead of time. I'd never assume just because someone was home, that I could just rely on them to take my kids. Actually, if were summer, I'd take them because I'd be home. During the school year, DH takes care of more of the last minute, schedule change kind of stuff. His schedule is much more flexible than mine.

I completely get that SAHP are needed when one parent has a stressful job or crazy hours. I also get that if they can stay home or just want to, that's fine too. I never said anything against SAHP and support any decision a family chooses to make. I just don't like when someone feels there is only one right way. I don't believe either of you said anything like that but some on this thread have make those types of indirect statements. Every family has to find their own balance!

 

[LJSquishy]

Don't listen to other people.

I'm a housewife with NO KIDS. I manage to stay pretty busy. As a housewife, I don't work M-Fri 8am-5pm...I work 365 days a year, and it's essentially a split shift. Lol Sure, I take breaks during the day, but my job doesn't end...meals to cook, laundry to do, errands to run, cleaning, organizing, shopping, researching prices for large purchases, etc. I've never understood why people think housewives or SAHMs are lazy. My husband and I worked it out so I could stay home, and as such he doesn't have to do any cleaning or cooking. We sacrificed a second income but are happier this way.

 

[handinpocket]

Common sense dictates that if SAHMs have it so hard and it is such a rigorous job, then Working Moms have it harder.....they have to do ALL of that AND have a full time job. Truth.

 

[quandrea]

Common sense dictates that if SAHMs have it so hard and it is such a rigorous job, then Working Moms have it harder.....they have to do ALL of that AND have a full time job. Truth.

Not a truth. Every working mother I know delegates something. I delegate nothing.

 

[jodifla]

The problem I see for OP is her husband questions what she's gong to do all day. That is an issue I see all over anonymous message boards - men ticked off that they have to slog through long hours while their wife gets to stay home.

 

[handinpocket]

Not a truth. Every working mother I know delegates something. I delegate nothing.

I delegate NOTHING and neither do plenty of single working mothers or married working mothers.
You know people with luxuries, some don't have that.

 

[Planogirl]

Not a truth. Every working mother I know delegates something. I delegate nothing.

I delegate nothing either but then I'm only part-time. I've had comments about that in the past.

 

[Colleen27]

To go way back to the OP, if it's your DH who is making these comments, then that's where your real issue lies. It doesn't appear as though he's on board with you staying home anymore. And it really doesn't matter what these other 18 pages of responses say. He's the one you need to work this out with.

I do often feel sorry for the husbands of SAHM's. It would make me nervous to be the sole support of the family. It makes it difficult to change careers or if there are threats of layoff. I realize this isn't the case for everyone but I know so many two-career families who would have been in a lot of trouble if both spouses hadn't been working.

Only the OP can know what her husband means. Mine makes the occasional comment, especially early in the school year, but he doesn't want me to go back to work. In fact, he feels more strongly about me being home than I do. But he's the type that would take the first day of school and jump all over the house to scrub away the "good enough" summer standards, while I take a few days to get back into school routines before really attacking the chores.

As far as being sole support, that is stressful in a way. But other choices come with other stressors. Speaking solely for my DH, he feels sorry for his friends with working wives because they work the same crazy hours he does and then go home to do their share of the cooking, cleaning, kid running, and other household duties. He has changed careers, started and closed his own business, then reopened it following a layoff, so I doubt he feels like having just one income has held him back professionally.