Sad Parenting Observation

[TAX GUY]

Yeah, best for me to just hush and move on...

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I got enough going on. I could totally have been said woman on beach because my son doesn't respond to 3/4 of what I say.

What will happened in school when he doesn't respond to 75% of what the teacher tells him?

Perhaps it is because I know a very well behaved child who has down syndrome. His parents have never made excuses and have made him behave from the get go. Does he have his moments? I suppose. But his parents never, ever make excuses for him. It's amazing how it has worked for the family.

 

[gwynne]

What will happened in school when he doesn't respond to 75% of what the teacher tells him?

Perhaps it is because I know a very well behaved child who has down syndrome. His parents have never made excuses and have made him behave from the get go. Does he have his moments? I suppose. But his parents never, ever make excuses for him. It's amazing how it has worked for the family.

Oh, I think these things are often in how they are presented. The child you you referenced appears to manage without "excuses". That may indeed how it appears. On the other hand, situations can be carefully structured to make sure there is a far less chance of an issue...that might need an excuse. Most of us have good days and sometimes bad days. That's kind of human.
JMO, YMMV and all that.

 

[Skywalker]

Yesterday I took DD15 to a doctor's appointment. As we were entering an elevator, there was a man leaving, but DD15 did not wait for him to get off before she got on. They actually almost collided. The man made sure to make a comment about it as he walked away.

I told him to mind his own business, and that I would parent my own children, thank you. I wish I had the opportunity to talk to him a little longer. Because what he did not know is that DD15 was recently diagnosed with a vision condition which has robbed her of her night vision (the elevator was in dim light) and most of her peripheral vision (the man was standing near the side of the elevator, and not in front of the doors). She just plain did not see him there. This condition could very well cause her to become blind. We are scared to death.

But he did not know that, and chose to pass judgment anyway. Jerk.

I find that last statement so ironic lol. You are passing judgement and calling him a jerk while, I assume, knowing NOTHING about him and what he might be going through, what conditions he might have (mental or physical). Your daughter has to learn manners even with a sight condition (could have said "oops sorry" or something) and you coming along telling him to mind his own business. That's a nice one-two punch you threw this guy. But who cares, compassion and not passing judgements is just something to be taken, not given I guess.

 

[EMom]

Rather than sit and stare at this family and this struggling mother, I would have offered to help her with her belongings. If I were the OP, I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help than anything I may have witnessed. A 10 minute glimpse into a family's life doesn't get to make you judge and jury of how they are destined to turn out in life. Somewhere out there may be a thread on a forum about all the people watching this person struggle and no one offering to help. Thoughtless and selfish behavior is not only a kid thing, unfortunately.

Are you kidding me? If I saw a woman alone, struggling with a bunch of crap at the beach, I'd be willing to help. But if I spot her three able bodied kids standing right there, ignoring her and refusing to help despite her requests, I am not going to lend a hand. All that would do is encourage the kids to ignore their mom even more.....heck, let a stranger help her while I play. My "help" might consist of asking them why they are ignoring their mother instead of doing what needs to be done. I'm not going to enable bad behavior in kids and ineffective parenting by helping load a car. Good grief.

 

[EMom]

I find that last statement so ironic lol. You are passing judgement and calling him a jerk while, I assume, knowing NOTHING about him and what he might be going through, what conditions he might have (mental or physical). Your daughter has to learn manners even with a sight condition (could have said "oops sorry" or something) and you coming along telling him to mind his own business. That's a nice one-two punch you threw this guy. But who cares, compassion and not passing judgements is just something to be taken, not given I guess.

If her vision is that bad, you are going to have to teach her to let you check out the elevator first before she walks into it. The rule of "OUT before IN" seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many people. You must make certain all are OUT before she goes IN. If not, and she bumps into people, expect them to say something. Maybe the guy had severe arthritis or another issue which makes bumps painful. You have no idea what HE was dealing with.

 

[cornflkgrl]

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Are you kidding me? If I saw a woman alone, struggling with a bunch of crap at the beach, I'd be willing to help. But if I spot her three able bodied kids standing right there, ignoring her and refusing to help despite her requests, I am not going to lend a hand. All that would do is encourage the kids to ignore their mom even more.....heck, let a stranger help her while I play. My "help" might consist of asking them why they are ignoring their mother instead of doing what needs to be done. I'm not going to enable bad behavior in kids and ineffective parenting by helping load a car. Good grief.

Wow. So you would take it a step further from judging the person's parenting to actually parenting their kids for them?

 

[pweyl36]

No, I don't know any of that. What I DO know is that this women repeated asked three able-bodied boys to help her, they ignored her, and she was apparently OK with it.

And that a few others here are apparently OK with it as well and make up dozens of excuses for the behavior.

You are so right, first all when we go to the beach its if you want it,you carry it. If that were my kids I would of just got in the car and sat there with the doors locked. then I would of said I'll unlock the doors when they get the stuff off the beach.

 

[TAX GUY]

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Wow. So you would take it a step further from judging the person's parenting to actually parenting their kids for them?

Why is it so hard to just parent in the first place, so a stranger doesn't have to?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Our society has been ruined by people making excuses for their children. And when I read posts like "I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help" a mother with three bratty kids, I want to scream.

Why on earth would ANYONE be disappointed in themselves for not rewarding a mother that chose to allow her children to ignore her?

Yes. I will hang my head in shame for not going over to a complete stranger and help her load her car while her kids played on the phone

Sorry, I respect myself a bit too much to load a car for 3 able bodied children as they sit and relax.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

Why is it so hard to just parent in the first place, so a stranger doesn't have to?

Well there are many different ways to parent. But everyone seems to vehemently think their way is not only best, but the only way. So everybody judges everybody else.

 

[gwynne]

Well there are many different ways to parent. But everyone seems to vehemently think their way is not only best, but the only way. So everybody judges everybody else.

Boy is that the truth.
Just in general, I don't believe that occasionally assisting an adult means I am "enabling" the children.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Well there are many different ways to parent. But everyone seems to vehemently think their way is not only best, but the only way. So everybody judges everybody else.

There are some absolutes when it comes to parenting, though.

A mom is loading a car, asking over and over again for assistance as her children relax and ignore her requests? Bad parenting. Bratty kids. End of story.

 

[TAX GUY]

Well there are many different ways to parent. But everyone seems to vehemently think their way is not only best, but the only way. So everybody judges everybody else.

For many, there's parenting and there's being a friend.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

Our society has been ruined by people making excuses for their children. And when I read posts like "I would be much more disappointed in myself for not offering to help" a mother with three bratty kids, I want to scream.

Why on earth would ANYONE be disappointed in themselves for not rewarding a mother that chose to allow her children to ignore her?

Yes. I will hang my head in shame for not going over to a complete stranger and help her load her car while her kids played on the phone

Sorry, I respect myself a bit too much to load a car for 3 able bodied children as they sit and relax.

How exactly has society been ruined by this?

And the ones raising little children now are the older millenials and the younger gen Xers. it's all those Boomers who had no problem smacking their kids and are so ashamed of how awful children today are that created this generation of "terrible" parents.

These terrible parents are just coming to the age where they have the opportunity to affect society so any decline in society isn't based on today's parents of young ones.

 

[gwynne]

There are some absolutes when it comes to parenting, though.

A mom is loading a car, asking over and over again for assistance as her children relax and ignore her requests? Bad parenting. Bratty kids. End of story.

I have an uncle that pretty much sees life the same way, black and white, good and bad. Period.
I don't think I have the whole accurate picture in 30 seconds..as always, different ways of looking at life and the world.

 

[EMom]

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Wow. So you would take it a step further from judging the person's parenting to actually parenting their kids for them?

That's why I WOULDN'T do anything but get in my car. If I "helped" as was suggested, I'd know I was contributing to the problem, not the solution. And yes, if I (a complete stranger) was doing the work of loading the car while 3 able bodied kids ignored their mother and did nothing, then I'd feel compelled to say something to them. "Why are you three sitting around doing nothing while a complete stranger does your job?" seems reasonable, if blunt, to me. Because if I am helping load that car, it has BECOME my problem.

That's why I'd just get in my car.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

How exactly has society been ruined by this?

For instance, the news last night. 18-year-old Tyrone Harris draws a stolen gun out of his waistband and shoots and shoots and shoots. He is finally shot by police. Parents and newscasters are appalled. "He didn't deserve to be shot". Excuses, excuses, excuses. He is posing on Facebook with this gun. He has had numerous arrests. He is a "good kid". Um, no. He is not. Excuses. Excuses.

James Holmes' mother said campus psychiatrist never told her that James Holmes had homicidal thoughts and that "We wouldn't be sitting here if she had told me that!" ..."She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me!" Excuses. Excuses.

Just a very small sample above.

On a smaller scale: every day in our American schools. Children acting like brats day after day. Out of control classrooms. Oh well. They all have hidden disabilities. We can't correct them if they don't behave. That's just how they are Heck, you aren't even allowed to have Time Outs in many schools now because it is "too embarrassing" for the children.

These kids are going to spill out into society very soon. Our welfare system is going to collapse, because they won't be able to keep jobs. They will think they can sit on their phones all day or tell their boss what they will and will not do.

Wait for it.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

I'm seriously supposed to help someone because she can't get her own children to do it? Really??? How is that helping ANYONE? You're teaching mom she doesn't need to parent her kids. There will always be someone to step in and help her out. And teaching the kids to continue the disrespect they're already showing.

Sorry, I'm more than willing to help someone who needs it. This mother doesn't need help with her beach chair. She needs help with her kids! But that would be considered over the line....

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I have an uncle that pretty much sees life the same way, black and white, good and bad. Period.
I don't think I have the whole accurate picture in 30 seconds..as always, different ways of looking at life and the world.

Oh. Your poor uncle. I couldn't imagine seeing life that way.

But there are certain situations that are black and white. If I see a mother asking for assistance and her children ignoring her while on their phones, there is no other way to see it. Or, do you have a good excuse for them?