S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[LorlovesStitch]

I work in a poor school district. I know a previous poster mentioned that to get free/reduced lunch, no one checks the family's possessions to see if they really have a need. I find this hard to swallow. There are kids in my school wearing Uggs, Ed Hardy clothing, have I-phones, Blackberries, Coach bags, etc. and parents who pick them up in Hummers. The ONLY things MY kids wanted this year were American Girl dolls, and due to some financial issues, I had to borrow the money for them from my mom. I know that they do not go see what possessions families have before giving them free lunch, but my theory is, they are getting money for all their "stuff" somewhere!!! Someone should figure this out and look into it! These families are also getting food stamps, WIC, free health care, etc.

And don't get me started on all the expensive eyeglasses these same kids wear.....ON MY DIME! They claim they can't afford insurance, so they get it from the state and the kids (who probably really need glasses), get D&G and Versace frames!!!!! We pay quite a bit for our vision plan through my husband's job and only get a certain allowance for frames. If I want the D&G frames, I have to fork over the difference. Eye glasses are a need, and therefore, there should only be a reasonably priced selection of frames to choose from ---- designer frames should not be a freebie!! The same can be said for braces. I have seen kids with decent teeth suddenly come to school with a mouthful of braces. Hey, I know lots of kids need braces, but there is a LARGE number of kids in this school with them. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out how I will pay for MY kids' braces!

Maybe these people have all this expensive stuff because SOMEONE ELSE (John Q. Public) takes care of their NEEDS. Then, they just spend whatever money they do make on WANTS. Doesn't seem fair!

Okay, I'm done ranting now!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just stumbled on this thread and I have to say that I too was turned off to the giving tree thing. Last year at my DD's school they had one. I did participate because I try to teach the kids to give to those who need. I do have to say that it left me a bit disgruntled. I get that kids have wish items. I really do. I would have gladly bought a million toys if I could for a child, but when the Mom's are asking for Starbucks gift cards I am sorry but that irks me. You are having a tough time and I want to help. Truly I do. I just don't get that as a Mom I would rather get something that I can use to help my family (maybe a grocery stroe gift card?) than something frivolous. Heck I barely buy Starbucks for myself! There were requests for A&F and Hollister gift cards as well. I ended up chosing something that goes on the computer for kids or something. It was quite high tech I thought but it was one of the lesser requests. I did not take an angel this year. Instead I helped with the school food drive that helps families in our area. We donated our time and some food. I felt much better about that.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

I can only speak for myself, but when taking a name off a tree, I want to help a "needy" child/family. However, when that child/family is asking for something that I cannot even afford for my own family it seems like they really may not be so needy afterall. Maybe it's the "beggers cannot be choosers" line of thought?

Case in point: for a few years, the youth group at our church bought Christmas gifts for a group home (foster children). For about three years, they asked for puzzles, board games, gloves, coats, basketballs, etc. Then, one year, they asked our youth for a horse, along with a 35" television, gaming system, etc. I kid you not - a horse. There were no more smaller items that the students could afford. Needless to say, we chose to stop helping this group when they asked our kids for a horse.

We now supply food to a local food pantry.

 

[mjantz]

You're not the only one who refuses to do the SA Angel Tree. I am happy to give kids gifts & not just needs but its all about understanding the budgets some people have & respecting that. I give 3 family members wishlists (by their request) & each has a different budget. Do you think I'm going to suggest a specific Wii game that costs $50 for the family members that I know have a $25 budget? I'm going to suggest the $50 Wii game to the family that spends about $100 & I still tell my kids that they might not get it because its $50. For the $25 family I'll suggest some Legos or a t-shirt that I know they'd like.
A kid is not entitled to a Wii. Yes, my kids have a Wii but they're not entitled to it. My DS currently wants a PSP & a iPod Nano. He has a Nintendo DS (his sister has his old one) & a Disney MixStick. He may get a PSP & an iPod Nano but its not his 'right' to have these things.
If some stranger was buying a gift for my children out of the goodness of their heart I would do my best to try & suggest items that would be a hit & budget friendly. To ask for a Wii, a high dollar camera or an iPod nano turns what could be a wonderful expression of love & charity into nothing more than a 'gimmie' fest. It cheapens what the Angel Tree is suppose to be about.

 

[Inigo]

My daughter has several things on her list that she will get as used gifts this year since they are not the currently popular "in" thing. I just asked her if this is going to bother her, and she looked at me like I was an idiot. "Umm, no, mom. Why would that bother me?"

That was exactly the response I expected. Both kids have been given used items before. It doesn't bother them if the items are in good condition.
I've raised my children to realize the value of a dollar. Something doesn't have to be new to be worthwhile. My kids have worn yard sale clothes, Goodwill clothes, hand-me-downs, etc. Heck, other than the unders and the shoes, everything I wore to work today was bought from Goodwill. I got compliments on my clothes today. I had to appear in front of the judge today wearing those clothes, and I didn't care, because I buy things that are in good condition. I don't buy crap.

Now, if the kids were given something broken, ripped, stained, tattered, then they might be upset. But I don't give them those types of things, and wouldn't give those things to anyone else.

 

[Ashlotte]

I give my child gently used toys proudly. I believe in the 3 R's - Reduce, reuse, recycle. While there's nothing wrong with new things I think our society gets wrapped up in having the latest, greatest, largest and shinest toy under the tree that they forget that 'new' doesn't mean better and contributes to our environmental problems.

ITA!
I love buying used things! It's cheaper, it's saved from a landfill, and it makes for a smaller carbon footprint because it is not effecting the supply and demand of production.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

My daughter has several things on her list that she will get as used gifts this year since they are not the currently popular "in" thing. I just asked her if this is going to bother her, and she looked at me like I was an idiot. "Umm, no, mom. Why would that bother me?"

That was exactly the response I expected. Both kids have been given used items before. It doesn't bother them if the items are in good condition.
I've raised my children to realize the value of a dollar. Something doesn't have to be new to be worthwhile. My kids have worn yard sale clothes, Goodwill clothes, hand-me-downs, etc. Heck, other than the unders and the shoes, everything I wore to work today was bought from Goodwill. I got compliments on my clothes today. I had to appear in front of the judge today wearing those clothes, and I didn't care, because I buy things that are in good condition. I don't buy crap.

Now, if the kids were given something broken, ripped, stained, tattered, then they might be upset. But I don't give them those types of things, and wouldn't give those things to anyone else.

You brought a tear to this frugal mom's eye!! I am the same way and it actually makes me PROUD to hear my kids saying things that show they have internalized all the life lessons you've pointed out in your post! Everything you said - - you go, girl!!! Frugal and proud!

 

[EthansMom]

I also don't buy gifts for Angel Trees that request lots of expensive items. I wouldn't be surprised if MANY of such requests came from parents rather than from the kids. Call me a cynic but high-end electronics can be easily pawned for cash or traded for drugs.

The last few years, DS7's grade school has sponsored a family through a battered women's shelter. I would get one tag for a requested gift and buy that one item. With around 100 families buying for the mother and children, I knew they would be having a good Christmas. Last year, I pulled the tag for "Girls Tennis Shoes Size #Wide" because my kids have wide feet and I know how difficult it can be to find wide tennis shoes and how relatively expensive they can be. I've never found the tags on this tree to be unreasonable and am happy to contribute. This year, the tree will sponsor one family (mother and children) and a few more children.... I think it's great that we'll be spreading the benevolence among even more children since there are so many families in need this year.

Also, this year, when my kids were opening gifts at birthday time, etc... I put aside any gifts that were duplicates or that I knew they wouldn't play with as soon as they were unwrapped (for instance, my DD already had a Lite Brite and doesn't play with baby dolls). I stashed those unopened toys. Then, this week, I put those toys and a few unopened toys from my gift closet in my van and took them all the local Toys for Tots drop off. The kids both saw what I was doing and we discussed how if they got a toy for this Christmas that they didn't think they'd like we could save it and donate it next year. We felt good about donating the toys and know they will go to children who will enjoy them.

 

[Ashlotte]

I had to appear in front of the judge today wearing those clothes, and I didn't care, because I buy things that are in good condition. I don't buy crap.

Now, if the kids were given something broken, ripped, stained, tattered, then they might be upset. But I don't give them those types of things, and wouldn't give those things to anyone else.

Amen! I would rather have used good quality things (Gymboree clothes, Melissa and Doug or Playmobil toys) than cheap junk that is going to break, fall apart, or look terrible in just a few short months. That's what makes landfill.

 

[dakcp2001]

We used to participate in this type of giving for a local (not sure the PC term) group/orphanage type home, then we found out through an employee that many of the gifts we purchased never got to the kids who requested thm. The big ticket items tended to dissapear....


So last year we participated in a local charity where they do "keep warm" type baskets for elderly people who recieve fuel assitance. We got hats, mittens, scarfs, warm cozy PJS, socks, bathrobe,slippers and a gift basket of hot choclates & teas. We also ended up addings ome extra turtlenecks, sweatsuits etc. We loved having a theme!

 

[Ashlotte]

We do not have angel trees in stores here anymore, just toys for tots boxes. I really do not know why. Our church has a tree where you can buy a toy for child whose parent is in prison. I think the parent makes the wish list and gives the child the toy and one clothing article. The tree was bare by the 3rd service so we didn't get an angel.
We make shoeboxes for Operation Christmas child. My kids enjoy doing this. I'm sure the children who receive these are very poor and appreciate them/.

I would ask if you go to my church, but I see you are in PA. Those are exactly the things we do. I love doing the Operation Christmas Child boxes. Lots of fun trying to see what I can fit in there. When our church ran out of the angels (we do the prison kids also), they had a made a bunch of extra angels that were for $30 towards a food box that our church will put together and deliver the weekend before Christmas. I am much more into that than getting someone a Wii or diamonds! You know it will go to good use and is a definite NEED. No one should go without food when people are asking for Wiis.

 

[prncess674]

My mom is a garage saler, but she is definitely not cheap! We call her GS purchase "treasures" and she is good at filling requests. I am not a big bargain hunter but I mentioned that I wanted little ramekin to make souffle. Now my normal routine would be to head out to Williams-Sonoma and probably pay $5 a piece for them. Mom found a matching set of 8 for a total of $2. She got me many other beautiful gifts but I was really excited about my "used" ramekins. Not all garage sale purchases are bad!

 

[jme829]

Our mcdonalds has an angel tree to benefit the RM house. We took 2 kid tags (the boy wanted an Indiana Jones lego set,the girl a Hannah Montanna doll) and a few for the house itself, (they had things like toilet paper, laundry soap, dryer sheets, etc.. listed.) WE got the toys for the kids and then a WM gift card for the House so they can go and get the stuff they need ( and because I didn't want to have to haul 30 lbs of laundry soap into Mcdonalds..)

While some of these kids aren't necessarily needy, they are sick with serious illnesses and if I can give them a little something at CHristmas to make them smile for a minute, then that is well worth it!

 

[disneyfreakk]

The last time my DH and I did the Angel tree was 8 years ago. We each picked out a 5 year old child and went shopping! We spent $250 for each boy and had bags and bags of Christmas items for them. We had SO much fun shopping for them. When we went to the drop off point, the salvation army people told us to "just throw it in the pile/bin". We tried to explain that we didn't have a bag big enough to fit the boys things in, and that there was no way that their stuff would be kept together. They just didn't care, and we were so disappointed.

Never again! Granted the toys and clothes probably went to needy children. But if I had wanted to donate random items and let whoever sort them out I would have done that to begin with. My DH and I are unable to have children of our own, so this was supposed to be a way to help us fill that void.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I'm sorry people, but I'm in a reaaly down down mood right now. I used to give al the time, donate to the food banks,, toys for tots, find a needy family... but you know what? I'm done. I feel like I have a big sign on my rear end that says kick me.

I took a family in last year, and gave them an apartment, with the agreement of $500 a month. No security at all. We agreed on 125 a week, because it was hard for this family to keep alump sum in their hands. This family had 5 kids and nowhere to go. This summer they were behind over 4 months and I started eviction proceedings. They had their 10 year old daughter come to me and tell me how they had nowhere to go and would be homeless. I cried and couldn't sleep. DH went and spoke to them and another agreement came about 500 a month promised every 1st of the month and 100 towards the back rent. Well they haven't paid since September, and eviction has begun again. I will not back down this time.

These same people get food stamps well over 500 a month, drive a car that DH gave them before they moved in with .. yes an agreement to pay... but never did. We couldn't see 5 kids being driven unsafely. They go to the food bank regularly, eat McDonalds at least 3 times a weekly. The church last year gave them a computer for the older kids (ages 8 & 10), nintendo Ds and 3 large garbage bags filled with wrapped toys. They also get free Thanksgiving turkey with goodies.

Why should I continue to give to the needy? So they can eat McDonalds? So I can be called money hungry when I ask for rent? I have to budget to give DD10 holiday gifts. DD is grateful to receive used nintendo Ds games so it already has extras on it! lol....

I used to cry each night to think of kids going without.. it's not their faults at all.. it's the parents, I know that... BUT what are the kids learning? Are they learning to budget? Are they learning to be responsible? Or are they learning to think the world owes them because they are living?

These same tenants are the same ones that say I have some nerve buying a camper with their money! UGH.... sorry people, just a bad day here...

When you get a chance, read "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls. It's an autobiography, it's a fascinating read, and it will give you a real understanding of why people who live like that choose to do so.

FWIW, the angel tree at my DH's work didn't have crazy stuff. We got a bike and some dolly gear for the two kids we picked.

 

[tinytink]

I was a bit taken back by our church's Angel Tree request last year but I selected three that were reasonable request and filled those. However this year our church is pushing the gift card thing and I would rather use those my hard earned $$ to help stock the local food pantry and I would probably get more for my $$ by using my coupons and shopping the sales.

I totally understand kids(i've got 4) and the need to fit in but I can purchase 5 nice outfits for the price of one name brand outfit then I would get the 5 nice outfits. I've shopped the clearance racks for myself and family and my kids are dressed in cute outfits that I can still pass on to other family or friends for a fraction of the cost of name brand clothes.

Please do find it in your heart to give this season, there are many ways to pay it forward.

 

[NMW]

Our elementry school had an angel tree last year. I didn't notice any expensive requests though. I picked one for little boy that wanted Auqua dots (or something like that) snow boots, waterproof mittens, and a winter hat.

A couple weeks later I looked at the tree and noticed that every tag left on the tree was for an older kid. All the young kids were taken. I picked one for a 14 year old girl that wanted a hair dryer and shampoo and conditioner from a hair salon. This one made me so sad. I literally have a linen closet full of stuff from my hair salon. I couldn't believe this child wanted it for Christmas. I went to my salon and started buying a couple different shampoos and conditioners. The owner of the salon asked me if I was buying gifts and I told her about the 14 year old girl. She almost started crying. She gave me 6 different styling products for free to give to the girl.

I admit that expensive electronics is a little overboard. I didn't see anything like that on any of the tags at our school though.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

One thing I've always thought would help SO much with donations. I'm hearing a lot of people say they want to do their own shopping so they know they're giving the maximum VALUE for the dollar (hence, gift cards aren't appealing).

What if there was some way to bridge the gap between the charity needing the toys, the person buying the toys, and the store selling the toys? What if you brought in a scanned card with the kids' toy list on it to say, Wal-Mart. If you go to Wal-Mart to buy the items, you get 40% off your price. When you buy them, Wal-Mart bags them up and puts them in a bin. Nightly, the charity comes to pick up the toys and their scanned tags.

Good for Wal-Mart because they get the business, they get the tax write-off for charitable donations (their 40% discount has a donation value), good for the givers because they get a discount and get to buy more (more value!!) and good for the charity because they get to help more people.

Is there any reason WHY no one's done this already?!? It seems to me Wal-Mart, K-Mart and Target would be competing over who gets to fulfill the orders and get all that business and PR for their companies, not to mention the goodwill of the public.

 

[pigletforever]

Our Angel tree does have items on it but there is also the option of giving Gift cards to the local grocery store. Then someone from the church goes and buys the stuff for a Chrismtas dinner. THat is the part we particpated in.

Where we were from the parents went to the SA or where ever and filled out the requests. The kids had nothing to do with it. So when I saw something like a Wii or something else extravagant I knew the parents were asking (maybe on behalf of the child). I felt if I couldn't give it to my child why would I give it to someone elses child?

 

[jessica52877]

I think the unfortunate thing here is that these kids probably would LOVE the big ticket items. They probably have nothing like this and if asked what they want, probably answer truthfully.

I have always wondered how the angel trees work exactly and wanted to run one. I know each is done differently and would love to know, do they ask the parents to help the kids, ask the kids, etc? Sometimes we have seen odd things and others perfectly normal needs more or less. I remember on an infants it asked for a high chair. I thought that was great.

My aunt picks one each year that asks for a Wii or DS or the like because she is able to. We try to mainly do the tree where it asks you to purchase a new outfit including shoes and then toy along with it. I feel that way the child should be covered completely.

But come the time to pass out the stuff do they take from one to give to another? I would hate for one not to get anything, but I also bought with that specific child in mind trying to make their christmas special. We usually go with the pj's, blanket, outfit, including new underwear and socks and try to get atleast a sweatshirt also. We want that child to remember this christmas as being special. What if it was the only year the child ever received anything.

I also wonder about all these toys now that require batteries and what not. What if the poor child opens it on christmas morning and no batteries are included. What fun would that be? I am specifically remember leappads we bought one year. So something I do is always carefully open the box so it doesn't look like it has been opened and toss as much as I can that is related to that gift inside also. With the leappads I was able to put in 2 sets of batteries and 2 additional books each. This year I was looking at the vflashes and trying to figure out how many games I could cram in the box.

I also read horror stories of how this person was able to receive gifts and then sold the items to buy cigarettes, drugs, etc. I try to overlook that and think positively that this won't happen. I am sure it does though and I can't control it.