S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[cndij]

Amen! I would rather have used good quality things (Gymboree clothes, Melissa and Doug or Playmobil toys) than cheap junk that is going to break, fall apart, or look terrible in just a few short months. That's what makes landfill.

So so true. I buy almost all my neices clothes on Ebay. I get the brands they want (if it's good quality) for a fraction of what new costs. So all their school uniform pants are Aeropostale, they are happy and I spent less than if I had bought new at WalMart. I am definitely a fan of good quality used items.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

I stopped taking them off the tree for the Salvation Army about 4 years ago .
I also found the same things , I mean a lap top my own kids didnt have a lap top . I found one that had VS panties or gift card on it

We doante 5 bikes every year and I have the guys at my Dh's station put them together and we take them to the womans shelter .

I love to help but I have to feel good about it

 

[wendygrace]

Our mcdonalds has an angel tree to benefit the RM house. We took 2 kid tags (the boy wanted an Indiana Jones lego set,the girl a Hannah Montanna doll) and a few for the house itself, (they had things like toilet paper, laundry soap, dryer sheets, etc.. listed.) WE got the toys for the kids and then a WM gift card for the House so they can go and get the stuff they need ( and because I didn't want to have to haul 30 lbs of laundry soap into Mcdonalds..)

While some of these kids aren't necessarily needy, they are sick with serious illnesses and if I can give them a little something at CHristmas to make them smile for a minute, then that is well worth it!

Thanks for doing this! Ours does it a little different but the same spirit. We benefited last year from our RMH in St.Louis. We had our son in the hospital in December and never had the opportunity to go and buy anything for him and his sister. We were given the opportunity to "shop" in a room at the Ronald McDonald House were gifts that had been donated were placed on shelves and DS and DD were taken by one of the volunteers to "shop" for us and their grandparents. They were so thrilled to be able to do something "normal" and actually get their family, who had supported us so much, something.

It is a great organization and although we weren't in "need" necessarily, it helped a lot, especially for our spirit.

Something to think about in general when you go to the Angel Trees is that you don't now how the families were approached or if they were even approached. We have "participated" as a family on all three ends, giver, receiver and behind the scener. Sometimes the families are told ahead of time, sometimes volunteers fill out based on what they know about the family, sometimes the family is told to do a "grand wish", sometimes they are told "toys only" (often because the necessities are covered in some other way), some are told necessities only, and some vary even within the tree (some families fill out their own and told one thing or the other based on the volunteer and then some are filled out by volunteers). Give what you can/feel comfortable giving and if that tree doesn't work for you, find another way to give that fits your values. Know that whatever way you help, there is a family out there that really appreciates it. And that regardless of what the parent is like, you have touched a child's heart and they won't forget that.

 

[wendygrace]

Oh, and we buy all our clothes at resale shops, goodwill, etc. Most people looking at us would be surprised that we have been in "need". I don't ask for scarves, hats, etc often because I can usually pick those up for a quarter at goodwill. Not that I wouldn't appreciate a new pair though. And both my kids are getting used toys for the holidays this year. They don't care. He just wants that Ball Popper thingie and I was not going to pay $25 for it! LOL

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

We took two angels. This is actually a downsizing from our usual donations, but doing something is better than nothing. We have a 3 year old girl. It gave her sizes and she wants baby dolls and she likes Tinker Bell. My kind of kid. The boy was the one that Corey picked. He's 10 and he loves Tony Hawk. He wants a skate board, board games and clothes.

I don't think that it's a bad thing for people to ask what these kids want. I mean, it's supposed to be stuff from SANTA! Santa is who we all asked for items that we dreamed of having. Sometimes the jolly old elf came thru and sometimes, well, it just didn't happen. Honestly, if I had the means, I would love to have taken a child that wanted a Wii or an X-box. I didn't see any kids with those wishes on the tree at the YMCA. Around here, the tree is fuller than ever of those that need a little help this year. Corey and I plan on spoiling both kids rotten. We hit the ground running tomorrow to make some Christmas magic for two kids we will never meet, but wish nothing but the best for this holiday season.

Toys for Tots is our other charity of choice around here. We will most likely start collecting for them in 2009 like we did in 2007 when we were able to collect and donate over 350 toys. Kids are my soft spot. I don't have any, but the thought of any kid that believes in Santa finding nothing from him on Christmas morning just breaks my heart.

 

[rosiep]

Donate to the food bank!

When I was in grammer school our church collected for "needy" families.

I was in the second grade when the Nuns invited me into a room and told me to "go shopping". I was in heaven....there was cake mix and peanut butter and cheez whiz ...things we never had in our house.
After school my brother who was in the fourth grade was MORTIFIED and refused to help me carry the box home. (We lived a mile away) every block I had to take something out of the box and leave it on the street. But, I still remember how excited I was...and appreciative.

 

[PelletierBears]

Our elementry school had an angel tree last year. I didn't notice any expensive requests though. I picked one for little boy that wanted Auqua dots (or something like that) snow boots, waterproof mittens, and a winter hat.

A couple weeks later I looked at the tree and noticed that every tag left on the tree was for an older kid. All the young kids were taken. I picked one for a 14 year old girl that wanted a hair dryer and shampoo and conditioner from a hair salon. This one made me so sad. I literally have a linen closet full of stuff from my hair salon. I couldn't believe this child wanted it for Christmas. I went to my salon and started buying a couple different shampoos and conditioners. The owner of the salon asked me if I was buying gifts and I told her about the 14 year old girl. She almost started crying. She gave me 6 different styling products for free to give to the girl.

I admit that expensive electronics is a little overboard. I didn't see anything like that on any of the tags at our school though.

The point being that since the girl's family couldn't afford salon products she decided to "wish" for them through the angel. Bless you for 1. choosing an older child and 2. giving her what she asked for! For once she could use a quality product unstead of cheap drugstore shampoo. Nice things help people feel good about themselves and everyone should be able to wish for the things they want most.
Now having said that...I have the unfortunate ability to see both sides of ANY debate and I certainly agree with some of the other posts about greed, etc. I see it in my own extended family.
I run the Giving Tree at work and this year we're sponsoring a group of foster kids thru the Mass Dept of Family & Children. It seems from the wish list that the social workers filled out the list by the way. There are a couple wishes for bikes and MP3 players and all the teens asked for gift cards (or the workers asked for them) but you know what...that's ok. If having a bike will help build a kids self esteem or feel a part of the neighborhood group then I'll happily donate one. My daughter didn't have a bike all last summer cause hers was broken and there are no bike shops around anymore...well I didn't realize how isolated she felt from all the neighborhood kids. They'd all go riding off and she'd be left behind. Not a good feeling for her, Yes she survived but can I say she learned anything from the experience ...no.
To all the posters feeling taken advantage of or that kids are being greedy, remember what it felt like to be a kid left out. I'm in no way a socialist. People should work for what they want in life but these are kids and have no control over how their parents run (or don't run!) the household. I see MP3 players all the time on clearance at Target. Noone should be asking specifically for an iPod but there's nothing wrong with asking for an MP3. In regard to gift cards, a past poster told a wonderful story of her daughter being the recipient of an angel but the clothing was too big. If you were 16 and a foster kid wouldn't you rather have a gift card so you could pick out your own clothing? At that age having one great pair of jeans is worth more than having 3 pairs of jeans you hate or that don't fit right....sorry sometimes in life you throw the practical out and decide your worth having what you want. These kids have it tough enough let's not sit in judgement of their wishes. Give to who you choose to give to, if there are tags left, well that will be too bad, you can only do what you can do.

Merry Christmas - Happy Hunakah (sp - sorry!)

 

[Anjelica]

Our elementry school had an angel tree last year. I didn't notice any expensive requests though. I picked one for little boy that wanted Auqua dots (or something like that) snow boots, waterproof mittens, and a winter hat.

A couple weeks later I looked at the tree and noticed that every tag left on the tree was for an older kid. All the young kids were taken. I picked one for a 14 year old girl that wanted a hair dryer and shampoo and conditioner from a hair salon. This one made me so sad. I literally have a linen closet full of stuff from my hair salon. I couldn't believe this child wanted it for Christmas. I went to my salon and started buying a couple different shampoos and conditioners. The owner of the salon asked me if I was buying gifts and I told her about the 14 year old girl. She almost started crying. She gave me 6 different styling products for free to give to the girl.

This stuff breaks my heart. Of all the things she could have asked for - even stuff many don't consider over the top, etc. - she asks for something so basic. It was really wonderful what you did.

Like another poster, children are my soft spot. They didn't ask to be brought into this world and for many children they are born with a disadvantage right away. Many are then raised with the same "values" of their parent(s) and then the cycle starts all over again with their children.

I think my biggest issue with many giving trees these days is that I'm not sure who is really getting what I give. Is the person on the tag really the person who wanted those items (obviously some I can tell - like a 5 year old asking for Hanna Montana doll, etc.)? Or is the family "needing" more than what is on the tags. I used to give hundreds of dollars to some of the giving trees in our area until 1) many of them started turning into high priced electronics wish lists where I would have to hunt for 10-15 minutes to find one that wasn't asking for 150/200 of electronics and 2) when several of the giving trees charities were found to have some thefts and questionable workers.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

I still think I'd like to find a family in need who is not expecting help. Like contacting a school counselor in a low income district, and asking her to think of a family that needs the help, and give some ages and info about the kids. I've got to believe that the counselor is going to have a couple of especially needy kids that pop straight into her head. That would truly be a blessing for a family that doesn't expect anything but truly needs everything. It's just tough to find that connection, although I've heard that the Salvation Army at one point did do family matching if you call in asking for a family that needs help.

 

[angeleigh]

DD and I now pick from our Senior Angel Tree. Our poor lady asked for 1 medium shirt (I bought her 4), a 36B bra (got that), arts and crafts(used cpns at Michaels and bought some).

I have never heard of a Senior Angel tree. I am going to have to look in my area to see if I can find one.

 

[wall*e2008]

Now here's an angel tree I'd like to pick from and donate to!!!!

Check with the ARC. They do gifts for learning disabled kids and adults that live in group homes. One year we got a older women (she wanted a house coat) and a mid 30s man (he wanted sweat pants in a specific color). We always fulfill their wish lists. When we get kids we buy their want and many other things. The ARC only asks that you spend at least $25 on the gift, wrap it and return by a particular date. We have found this more enjoyable then the Angel trees.

Our local SA just puts general stuff on the tree and will take back expensive items (Wiis) to get more gifts. I know this because the director and I had a conversation about this. At one time you got a real kids name and request but not anymore. This has resulted in our no longer donating to the Angel tree.

 

[wall*e2008]

I have to agree with the above, it's time for the parents to step in and say "that's too expensive or that's too big, or that's too much to ask for, lets think of another gift".

On our local freecycle group we have someone new and she's constantly looking for high priced items, just this last week it was an american girl doll, nintendo DS, she had an entire list of specific furniture with wood type and size, and lecusart cook-ware). If people are going above and beyond to provide you with gifts or in her case free items you should be happy with what you are given.

Our SA stopped the adopt-a-family program this year. The lists were created by the parents and not the kids. The parents wanted the expensive stuff.

The SA director told me the reason they stopped the AAF program was due to the complaint of the families that did not get adopted and the complaints from the families who were adopted and did not get exactly what they listed or got less then their neighbor.

 

[gaelic grace]

See, IMO, that's Mama talking there... What 2 y/o could even say "diamond earrings"??

I bought children's diamond ( very small mind you) stud earrings at Kohl's they day after Christmas with a coupon on top of clearance for 16.99 the day after Christmas. Diamond studs doesn't have to mean hundreds of dollars.

 

[denisenh]

Well, that was a lot of reading! This is the happy and sad thread.

As a kid and a teen we had a few lean Christmas holidays. We never had donations and if there was little money to spend, the gifts reflected that.
I tried to be understanding but I do remember one Christmas when I was 13 opening a couple of dollar store type gifts and that was it. I spent a while quietly crying into my pillow that day.

I understand the different views here. I think that most people try to help others when they can.

 

[m&m's mom]

The last time my DH and I did the Angel tree was 8 years ago. We each picked out a 5 year old child and went shopping! We spent $250 for each boy and had bags and bags of Christmas items for them. We had SO much fun shopping for them. When we went to the drop off point, the salvation army people told us to "just throw it in the pile/bin". We tried to explain that we didn't have a bag big enough to fit the boys things in, and that there was no way that their stuff would be kept together. They just didn't care, and we were so disappointed.

Never again! Granted the toys and clothes probably went to needy children. But if I had wanted to donate random items and let whoever sort them out I would have done that to begin with. My DH and I are unable to have children of our own, so this was supposed to be a way to help us fill that void.

I will say it is my understanding that the Salvation Army does not keep track of what gifts were brought in for each of the actual tags.
They show them wrapping and sorting the gifts on TV and there are thousands. No way to keep a kid or a family's gifts together.

 

[gaelic grace]

The bolded is what kills me about this need issue. How many of you really are giving your own kids mittens and a coat for Christmas??? Good grief. If you don't want to do it, then don't but good grief, most of these people are children. Last year I got DD an MP3 player for $10. Gave one to a girl her age on our church giving tree too. Found a digital camera this year for $45. Not the BEST quality but I am sure the child asking for it will be excited.

I know that sometimes the tags on the trees seem over the top and I am SURE there are people out there who scam the system. But I am also sure that many of these children have very little. The things my kids take for granted every day are a luxury in those children's lives. And sadly that is things like two pairs of mittens in case one is wet. So, I'll buy the mittens, but I will also buy the MP3 player.

Amen. If a child asked for a Wii and that's not in your budget don't buy it and move on to one you can afford. We have adopted three children this year from the Angel Tree. The entire tree was children who were in the care of DHS. Their parents didn't fill it out or didn't tell them not to ask for expensive things because guess what their parents aren't around. For the three children that we adopted their was a needs and wish list. The needs list for all three children was school uniforms. Khaki pants and polo's. Easy enough to find at a reasonable price. I bought new because I buy my children new and I take my children shopping with me when we do Angel Tree. It is important that they know people who are less fortunate are just as important as we are and just as worthy as we are. Each child had several "wish" items. One was a baby doll and stroller. One was green luggage and a green fossil watch and one was a computer. Yes, some poor child dared to ask for a computer. I guess I should have bought them socks and underwear with a note that says, "I'm sorry you're poor and this is all you deserve." I'm so glad that those children asked for those things and I know I was meant to have those children. I found a fossil watch on ebay for next to nothing. I walked into Kohl's the Friday after Thanksgiving and found a three piece set of green luggage for 34.99 and finally my husband is a Tech coordinator and happened to know how to get a computer donated. I'm a spiritual person and I feel like the Holy Spirit worked it out for these children to get their needs and wants met. If they hadn't asked they wouldn't have gotten it. So maybe those tags weren't meant for you and they were meant for someone else who could make their wish come true. Do what you can and donate where you feel comfortable and donate for the right reasons. I give with a pure heart. If someone decides to take a gift that wasn't intended for them or gets themself on a donation list when they shouldn't that is their issue. Mine is to do what I can when I can. Some year's are better than others. The only thing some of these kids have is a dream or a wish. Lets not take that away from them.

 

[Moeluv4u7]

I haven't posted on this board in awhile as we have been planning our holidays around our first trip to the "world" next year and so, for us, things are tight- because we have a goal-
I haven't read every post but had to comment- for everyone who hates seeing these type of requests on angel trees-
I know, it is difficult to think of a supposed needy family asking for unbelievable type items as a "need" - i.e.- MP3 player, XBox 360, etc
But think about for those who are able to contribute such a gift (also don't f orget many of these items are getting less and less expensive if you get a different brand but does very much the same thing- OR we have many game stores that sell new and used/ refurbished systems and games, etc at a greatly reduced price)-
For those requests, it is hard to understand it being a "need" but if you think that - as a need of hat, gloves, coat, etc- I would hope that any money they did have- those things have probably been bought first or at least the small Christmas that the parents are able to give- those would be the things they buy so as not to have to depend on a stranger to get the most needed necessities and risk them not being given (as it does happen that some do not receive what they ask for)- the items left at this point that they feel is a "need" is the much coveted game system that their children get to play when they visit friends but do not have themselves- Not being able to afford the luxuries must hurt as a parent (I am blessed we do not feel that anymore) long ago, we went through hard times and thank God our children were young then and XBox was not even a thought-
However, the joy that is given in seeing a child open a Game Boy Advance (which can be bought for about $40- now) and how it would not have been possible otherwise if a stranger wasn't kind hearted enough to fill the request from an Angel Tree...
As we see so many people who do take advantage of the "system" and truly seem to be living better than many of us do with their high dollar purses and hair-do's, there are many who truly "need" and buy their kids coats as soon as they can when it is cold and can't wait until December when an Angel Tree is available to ask for items- At this point they are wishing their kids can have an item that their kids have always wanted as a luxury- the game systems we have for our kids, the music players, the computer, etc-
We get and hope that it is something that will brighten their season and help to bring the parent as much joy as the child that someone was able to grant such a wish-
Every year I take things to the battered women's shelter for the kids and women who are there- Not all of them are "needy" but most rely on the father to provide Christmas and if the women did have a good job they usually have to leave it if they are in a shelter so they are unable to be found by the abuser- This means that Christmas is otherwise bleak for them, they can not even have contact with family while in a shelter due to the high risk of the abuser finding them... we go through the kids toys, clothes and shoes- I go through mine and my mothers clothing, shoes, and makeup/jewelry- and then if we are buying a new system for our kids, the older systems gets sent on to a child who would otherwise not receive a special gift for Christmas- Our kids understand that many are not as fortunate and it may have been an item they truly enjoyed but it will now make another child happy and they will be receiving something equally as exciting for themselves.
Didn't mean to make this so long but as a reminder for all- Not everyone is dishonest - All kids should be allowed to ask for a true "want" at Christmas and not just a jacket and gloves or shoes- It is Christmas! $100- or more is a lot of money for everyone right now but if you are willing to spend $100- on a coat, hat & gloves... why not an mp3 player for $30- or a DS lite for $100-? Just food for thought- We set a budget for how much we can spend on an Angel Tree gift- times are a pinch for us so we can have a great trip and give a great Christmas but the children from the Angel tree, I bet, are not going to Disney. We are already in a better situation- our lights have not been threatened to be turned off, we haven't received a food basket from a donating source, and we don't take the bus or ask people for rides or gas money- We have and we can give, even a little, I'd like it to be for something the children want and not a coat and shoes as their only "wish"- Everyone Have an Incredible Holiday!

 

[Anjelica]

If a child asked for a Wii and that's not in your budget don't buy it and move on to one you can afford.

I think this is the crux of the issue for me - not that the child may want a wii, playstation 3, xbox 360, etc. because many children do - its the fact that they ask for it from strangers who are being generous. Sure there are some extremely generous people who would buy these high priced items even if they weren't on their wish list and pleasantly surprise these children but to request it ...well it baffles me.

Sorry - but for me its very hard to ever ask people for help. Luckily in my adult life that has been a very rare occurence. But the humbleness that overcame me when I did have to ask for help (from my own father at the age of 19) seems to be what I see lacking in today's society.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

DD7 first asked for a cell phone and then recently for Furreal Biscuit. Since she still really believes in Santa she thinks money isn't a consideration.
I've explained Santa has to buy a lot of the toys, he doesn't make all of them.

Her idea of how much money is a lot is untouched by mortgage,taxes, utilities etc so with $17.00 in her purse she thinks she can buy anything.

Really it would seem best for the parents to moderate the kids requests so they won't be dissapointed on Christmas.

P.S. Relatively inexpensive, good MP3 players can be found on the Creative Zen website.

 

[lastminutemom]

Yesterday we participated in Clark Howard's Christmas Kids. This is an annual tradition for our children -- they each pick out a child to purchase for and do it in lieu of a night of Hanukah. We try to get a child close to their age. (These children are all in the custody of the state in foster families.) As my kids have gotten older, the gifts that the same age kids request have gotten more costly. I have two teenagers now -- the reality is that the program only goes up to 13 year olds so we picked two 13 year olds and one younger child for my little one.

I was concerned going in because I know that the older kids tend to want more expensive items. Well, my middle child convinced his siblings to give up two nights on Hanukah to get everything they wanted.

Yes, the two teenagers wanted MP3 players as did a whole bunch of other kids based on the crowd at the electronics department. We got a basic one from a recognized brand. My son insisted on paying for cases for each of them. Most everything else they wanted was basic kind of stuff.

There were lots of people taking sheets that only were getting one thing on it (then the sheet goes back on the table for someone else to try and get the rest). I know Clark Howard is going to have a hard time this year. The crowds were certainly smaller than lat year.