S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[C.Ann]

How in the world is a 10-year old who has little, and sees some of her friends at school with so much, wanting what THEY have greedy?

When you were 10, would you have been happy getting mittens as your only Christmas gift?

Face it...how many of our OWN kids NEED a Wii? None of them...NONE of them...but we buy things that they want because it makes them happy.

So why can't you keep the spirit of the angel tree and accept that you are fulfilling a wish for a kid who has no other hope of getting something they really want. Nothing says you can't still get them a pair of mittens...but consider that what really makes a kid happy on Christmas is getting something they want rather than need.

I agree..

I do agree that those request were unrealistic for an Angel Tree. But we are talking about kids, here, who don't always understand the value of things, and don't really understand that there are real people out there buying them. I am not sure how much screening goes into those requests, or what guidelines the children are given, so criticizing a child for asking for his heart's desire isn't really fair, especially in this day and age of commercials and advertisements.

Also, when you were a child asking for something for Christmas, did you EVER ask for clothes? I didn't until I was a teen. If Santa brought a sleigh-full of clothes to my kids, no matter how badly they needed them, I can assure you they would not be happy, and I can't say that I would blame them.

Finally, Christmas is all about magic. Just because I NEED a new toaster does not mean that Santa shouldn't bring me something I WANT for Christmas. That doesn't mean that you should buy him a Wii, but try to come up with something within a comfortable price range to make him happy Christmas morning. Be glad that you are able to do a small part to help a child who probably spends the other 364 days of the year without.

Denae

Agree again..

It's called a "wish list" for a reason. Don't you think that poor children and teens WISH for the same things that other children do? Wishing for something isn't the same as being greedy or thinking you are entitled to it. (Especially if you think about younger children who still believe in Santa Claus. How sad to think that they should understand that Santa Claus may bring video games and brand name toys to OTHER children, but he only brings "necessities" to them.)

This one really hits the nail on the head.. A WISH LIST..

You're absolutely right about the older children. I have a DD13 who just recently started asking about Hollister, A&F, etc. She's just an average kid, so why wouldn't others her age ask for the same things? I agree there needs to be a middle ground here, but if you (not you particularly surfgirl) go to any of these stores you could find things on sale and still make some kid's wish come true. Best of both worlds.

Excellent idea!

Telling a child or teen not to wish for something expensive, is like telling many adults not to take a Disney vacation because it is expensive.

Wishes or wants are not necessities. And that includes expensive cameras, Wiis and even vacations.

Yep.. How many people here take trips to Disney when they "really" shouldn't - BUT - it's a great deal; or they received their tax refund; or their parents are paying for it, when they themselves are out of work..

I guess I'm missing something here. One GIVES because one wants to. I have NEVER seen an angel tree with requests for WII or such expensive items either at our church our in my local grocery store. This year I picked two off of our angel tree. One request was from a 12 year old for a watch and the other was for Power Rangers. IMO, one was relatively practical, one not so much. Did it matter? Not at all. It was what they wished for and every child should be able to have a watch and some action figures, right? The store requested that the gift be worth $30. When I think of how much money is spent on my children, it pained me to think that this present I was providing was possibly their "big" present. I do agree that those who have perhaps wished for a WII game system or something similar, should have been explained to that this was not practical. I couldn't afford to buy that either. But I simply would have chosen something I COULD afford to provide.

I also don't understand why asking for a gift card is so terrible. Some people prefer to just buy a gift card so the person on the receiving end can pick out something they'd like. Is that so awful?

Exactly.. We're talking about kids here.. It's only "normal" to wish for the same things that their peers have..

The bolded is what kills me about this need issue. How many of you really are giving your own kids mittens and a coat for Christmas??? Good grief. If you don't want to do it, then don't but good grief, most of these people are children. Last year I got DD an MP3 player for $10. Gave one to a girl her age on our church giving tree too. Found a digital camera this year for $45. Not the BEST quality but I am sure the child asking for it will be excited.

I know that sometimes the tags on the trees seem over the top and I am SURE there are people out there who scam the system. But I am also sure that many of these children have very little. The things my kids take for granted every day are a luxury in those children's lives. And sadly that is things like two pairs of mittens in case one is wet. So, I'll buy the mittens, but I will also buy the MP3 player.

Good for you! Our own children have so much in terms of "wants" as opposed to needs.. I don't understand why people here have such a problem with these children having normal "wants" and "wishes" as well..

I think the unfortunate thing here is that these kids probably would LOVE the big ticket items. They probably have nothing like this and if asked what they want, probably answer truthfully.


My aunt picks one each year that asks for a Wii or DS or the like because she is able to. We try to mainly do the tree where it asks you to purchase a new outfit including shoes and then toy along with it. I feel that way the child should be covered completely.

You and your aunt are wonderful, caring people.. You should be very proud of yourselves - knowing that you have truly made a child's Christmas wonderful !!!

I don't think that it's a bad thing for people to ask what these kids want. I mean, it's supposed to be stuff from SANTA! Santa is who we all asked for items that we dreamed of having. Sometimes the jolly old elf came thru and sometimes, well, it just didn't happen. Honestly, if I had the means, I would love to have taken a child that wanted a Wii or an X-box.

Kids are my soft spot. I don't have any, but the thought of any kid that believes in Santa finding nothing from him on Christmas morning just breaks my heart.

It sounds like you have a very firm grasp on the concept of children - and what "Santa" and Christmas morning means to them.. The thought of a child having nothing on Christmas - other than mittens and socks is just absolutely heartbreaking to me..

Amen. If a child asked for a Wii and that's not in your budget don't buy it and move on to one you can afford. We have adopted three children this year from the Angel Tree. The entire tree was children who were in the care of DHS. Their parents didn't fill it out or didn't tell them not to ask for expensive things because guess what their parents aren't around. For the three children that we adopted their was a needs and wish list. The needs list for all three children was school uniforms. Khaki pants and polo's. Easy enough to find at a reasonable price. I bought new because I buy my children new and I take my children shopping with me when we do Angel Tree. It is important that they know people who are less fortunate are just as important as we are and just as worthy as we are. Each child had several "wish" items. One was a baby doll and stroller. One was green luggage and a green fossil watch and one was a computer. Yes, some poor child dared to ask for a computer. I guess I should have bought them socks and underwear with a note that says, "I'm sorry you're poor and this is all you deserve." I'm so glad that those children asked for those things and I know I was meant to have those children. I found a fossil watch on ebay for next to nothing. I walked into Kohl's the Friday after Thanksgiving and found a three piece set of green luggage for 34.99 and finally my husband is a Tech coordinator and happened to know how to get a computer donated. I'm a spiritual person and I feel like the Holy Spirit worked it out for these children to get their needs and wants met. If they hadn't asked they wouldn't have gotten it. So maybe those tags weren't meant for you and they were meant for someone else who could make their wish come true. Do what you can and donate where you feel comfortable and donate for the right reasons. I give with a pure heart. If someone decides to take a gift that wasn't intended for them or gets themself on a donation list when they shouldn't that is their issue. Mine is to do what I can when I can. Some year's are better than others. The only thing some of these kids have is a dream or a wish. Lets not take that away from them.

I love your last two sentences.. "The only thing some of these kids have is a dream or a wish. Lets not take that away from them."

For those requests, it is hard to understand it being a "need" but if you think that - as a need of hat, gloves, coat, etc- I would hope that any money they did have- those things have probably been bought first or at least the small Christmas that the parents are able to give- those would be the things they buy so as not to have to depend on a stranger to get the most needed necessities and risk them not being given (as it does happen that some do not receive what they ask for)- the items left at this point that they feel is a "need" is the much coveted game system that their children get to play when they visit friends but do not have themselves- Not being able to afford the luxuries must hurt as a parent (I am blessed we do not feel that anymore) long ago, we went through hard times and thank God our children were young then and XBox was not even a thought-
However, the joy that is given in seeing a child open a Game Boy Advance (which can be bought for about $40- now) and how it would not have been possible otherwise if a stranger wasn't kind hearted enough to fill the request from an Angel Tree...
As we see so many people who do take advantage of the "system" and truly seem to be living better than many of us do with their high dollar purses and hair-do's, there are many who truly "need" and buy their kids coats as soon as they can when it is cold and can't wait until December when an Angel Tree is available to ask for items- At this point they are wishing their kids can have an item that their kids have always wanted as a luxury- the game systems we have for our kids, the music players, the computer, etc-
We get and hope that it is something that will brighten their season and help to bring the parent as much joy as the child that someone was able to grant such a wish-

Didn't mean to make this so long but as a reminder for all- Not everyone is dishonest - All kids should be allowed to ask for a true "want" at Christmas and not just a jacket and gloves or shoes- It is Christmas! $100- or more is a lot of money for everyone right now but if you are willing to spend $100- on a coat, hat & gloves... why not an mp3 player for $30- or a DS lite for $100-?

I was going to say the same thing.. The smaller, inexpensive "needs" (mittens; gloves; underwear; socks; etc.) may be the only things the parents can afford - and that is why they don't appear on the "Wish Lists".. Obviously if you are really struggling - and you yourself want to purchase a few Christmas gifts for your child, they are going to have to be the items that cost the least..

And to be truthful what is wrong with kids-any kids wanting a brand name? My school is a uniform school but the kids can tell if a sweater is from Aeropostale, American Eagle or Target. The girls are very fashion conscious. Some girls get creative and buy from Goodwill, Plato's Closet or share with friends, but as a mother of teens I can't blame them for asking. Even if they are poor, they still have that desire to look like everyone else.

The boys want electronics. I can't blame them if they want an Ipod. Shuffles are really inexpensive compared to the Ipod touch so that can be done. They still want to be like other teens even if they don't have much.

Just because they are poor they shouldn't only get socks and underwear.

As did my late DH - because he came from a very large family.. Back then there wasn't any "Angel Trees" or "Wish Lists".. If there had been, I don't think he would have "wished" for the same socks and underwear that were the only things his parents could afford.. Hats, mitten, and scarves were hand knitted by his mother..

I thought Angel Trees were not for needs, but for wants. When I buy my children Christmas gifts, I want them to be excited when they open them. My soon to to 8 year old really wants an ipod, and I can't wait to see her face. Ds10 only wants a trick bike and legos, and he's getting them. Dd12 is going to love her Juicy hoodie. It's the Christmas magic, getting things they wouldn't get any other time of the year.

However, to get something, a want, instead of a need, for Christmas, that their parents would never be able to afford, is, IMHO, what the Angel Tree is for. They're children.

Couldn't agree more..

I understand the frustration and disgust you fill but at the same time, remember that *poor* kids and families want the same things that we have. How sad that a 13 year old may only get a new sweater while her friends have MP3 players or the other hot things out there. MP3 fyi can now be bought relatively cheap ($30). Its one thing to say that the parents should be responsible and "be happy" with any help they may get, but these kids don't know any different other than to ask for what they truly want. Christmas is all about that.

But the kids...yeah, they're going to dream and ask, just like I did with the Sears Book when I was little and my list was 10 pages long.

Seems that many are expecting these children to act, think, and make requests as an adult would - not a child who only wants to enjoy Christmas like any other child does..

exactly my thoughts.. they are no different from my children and their christmas wants.. Come on... If you can give them that special more pricey gift off of their wish list- that is great. If not pick another child that may not want something so expensive.. Im practical for mine that we have bought for: they both are getting clothes AND getting the item they listed on their wish list.. I believe in santa and hoping to keep the spirit alive with what we are doing for these kids.. Its the spirit of the season and I hope we are making these kids smile come christmas morning..

Me too!!

I have to agree with you here. I dont think that a child even knows the entire concept of Greedy. They hear the stories of Santa and Toys. And when you were a child - I doubt that you only included a new coat and clothes for what you wanted for christmas. These children see all the commercials and ads for these games with friends all having them....and you know - I feel that Christmas shouldnt be all about what a child NEEDS.

And really if you are going to donate you money, I feel that you should give it freely, with no "strings attached". If you dont like what a child asks for then donate you money to an organization who will just apply the money where it is needed. That way you have no clue where you money goes.

Jennifer

"Giving" with strings attached is not "giving" at all.. It's emotional blackmail..

So if your child doesn't have it it's not OK for another child to have it? I don't think I follow or agree with this line of logic. I don't know the circumstances or situations of any of these families. They are going to be as varied as the people on this board. I don't think you should participate in this type of program if you are going to attach so many qualifications or pre-conceived notions. Participate in a program that you have more control of. I guess I just can't wrap my head around the thinking that because someone is less fortunate or asks for something that some children don't have is wrong or a reason not to do it. Not being able to fulfull it is one thing but placing a judgement on whether a child is entitled to it or not is another.

Because of one bad experience, people tend to paint everyone with a very broad brush - and unfortunately, the kids are the ones who suffer for it..

But more likely than not, if asked what they *wished for* for Christmas, your children would list many of the items on the trees that other kids list. So why should those kids be any different?

I totally agree that it it so wrong, deceitful, dishonest, to have parents ask for things they want just as selling your WIC vouchers and stuff is wrong but there will always be folks who do that and you cannot expend your energy worrying aout them. You have to move forward, do what you feel is right in your heart, and let the rest be. If they cheat the system, the shame is on them..

There will always be "abusers" - when it comes to donations; government assistance programs; etc. - but again, people should not paint everyone with the same broad brush - and worse yet, punish the kids for it..

So let me ask all of you something about these kids "wishes".. If this type of donation were for the "Make A Wish" foundation - that grants terminally ill children anything their heart desires - and the child "wished" for a trip to Disney, would you all be grumbling that it was "too expensive" and the child should be satisfied with a trip to McDonald's in the next town over????

If not, then maybe you might understand the difference between a child making a "wish" - and a child being happy with new underwear on Christmas morning..

If you are at all able, really think about what these kids are "wishing" for and if at all possible, purchase something for them that is going to put a smile on their face Christmas morning - or better yet, have them shout with glee!

As Danny Thomas always used to say:

"The takers in this world may eat better, but the givers will always sleep better..

 

[ncbyrne]

If you are talking about the actual Angel Tree Ministries program, it is for the children of inmates who are not home to buy things for their children. Although a lot the families are struggling when the breadmaker is incarcerated,not all of these families are needy. It's just a way for the father (ok, well I guess that's a sexist remark, cuz inmates can be women too) - to have a gift supplied for his child/ren. I personally prefer to give cash to the Salvation Army bell ringers, where I know it's really needed.

 

[mamalle]

If you are at all able, really think about what these kids are "wishing" for and if at all possible, purchase something for them that is going to put a smile on their face Christmas morning - or better yet, have them shout with glee!

I couldnt agree more..

 

[starrzone]

OK, I think I finally have something intelligent enough to post!

I myself have never taken a name off an angel tree, but after reading the responses here (yes, I did go through all 14 pages), I think I may understand the crux of the matter- wants versus needs, extravagant versus practical, what we think someone should get versus what what someone wants.

I don't think we as givers can dictate or assume what people want. Sure, there are instances of 2 year olds asking for XBoxes, but really; can a child of that age really communicate what they want? The parent might be thinking that this would be a toy that the whole family could use together, or that the child will use for years to come (at least until the new version comes along ). I think we need to give with the faith that our gift is being put to good use. It's like when I walk by the homeless man begging for change; sometimes I choose not to give and sometimes I do. Am I going to follow him around and make sure that my money isn't going to be used to buy alcohol or drugs? No, I can only hope that he is going to spend it one something he needs (food) rather than something he wants (or that he needs as a result of addiction). We can't control what other people need/wants/think/feel; we can only control our own actions.

OK, off my soapbox now! Giving to those less fortunate is near and dear to my heart. I am a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Canada and it has been such a wonderful experience for me. My little brother and his family have thanked me so many times for giving him opportunites to go places and experience things that he never would have been able to otherwise. Remember that there are many, many other ways to help those less fortunate if you choose not to give at Christmas time!

 

[Mandychelle79]

That is awesome i remember when my sd was 5 and all he wanted was a little red bike he had practiced learning how to ride a bike on the neighbors kids bike - I was a single parent at the time i signed them up for the angel tree and told the lady that was all he wanted nothing else of course i put clothes and shoes and stuff like that and NEVER dreamed he would get the bike and was preparing him for when it didn't come - when i went to pick it up they GOT him the little red bike i was crying so hard - and xmas morning he really could believe it was his I have to convenice him that it was his bike!!! i jsut has to share a good thing

When my dh and I were first married or we may have only been living together at this point, we picked a name off the angel tree and the little boy wanted a tricycle ( he was 2 or 3 I think). I was able to find one within my budget and I hope that his reaction christmas morning was like your sons.

 

[pigletto]

Call me crazy but I scrimped and budgeted and shopped sales to make this Christmas special for my kids. And as it turns out I have better cash flow than I usually do this time of year. So I called my sister and she and I are going down to a local community group to sponsor a family and get their list tomorrow. I don't know what will be on it.. and I don't even have a good idea of what it will cost.
I am not well off financially. But I am comfortable, my kids have what they need and I am grateful for what I have.
We'll do the best that we can with whatever is on the list we get tomorrow.
I am very blessed with a healthy happy family and I need to pay that forward.
And all I can do is hope that truly helps another family.

 

[adisneymama]

No, actually she wouldn't ask for the game system. When asked for her Christmas Wish she said "My family". But she is also the child that when asked on Santa's lap what she wanted for Christmas, her reply was for "all the children without familes to get a family".

For what its worth we give in our own ways. In ways that matters to us.

I think the angel trees are "to each their own" as it seems people have different experiences. And that is wonderful. Some of the posts on here have been warm and touching.

Your DD sounds so sweet! I have to agree with you when asked what she wanted for Xmas my DD said a barbie. Nothing more. Last year when we were donating to toys for tots my DD asked why we were giving the soldiers toys. I explained that there were some children who didn't have toys and some families that didn't have houses. She said very matter of factly, well we need to buy them a house! Sure hon, I'll get right on it!

 

[Mandychelle79]

My family used to chose kids off the angel tree but now we adopt kids who are in the system for Christmas. I have a 5 yr old girl and my mom had 2 ten year olds. Her 10 yr girl list had an mp3 player and a digital camera. We were able to find both at Big Lots for 20 each which is within my moms budget. My mom spends as much on her "adopted" kiddos as she does the rest of the family. I havent finished shopping yet but I got mine quite a few things from the dollar tree ( and got my dd the same thing).

I have no issues with my kids getting used things. If I did they wouldnt have the 14 foot trampoline or the 90 cc quad.

 

[dclfun]

I just wanted to share my experience from the side of a recipient. I have mentioned this before, but in the past both I had to quit work due to a progressive neuromuscular disease and also my husband from a terminal illness ( he has since passed away). We were the recipients of much unsolicited kindness to my family at Christmastime with a visit from "Santa" who brought a gift to each of my four children, a food basket, and gift cards from my co-workers for my kids to buy clothes, however one horrible thing happened that remains etched in my memory. We were told by a caseworker that a high school had "adopted" our family as without our knowledge she had submitted us as a needy family. I told her we really didn't need or want anything but she insisted that the school wished to help us. A HUGE box of wrapped presents was delivered to our home and we were told to place the gifts under the tree. THANK GOODNESS I decided to look through them first. Do you know what we received? Wrapped packages of crackers from Taco Bell and sauce packets, a tampon sample kit for my 11 year old daughter, an old stained polyester dress for me, and used clothing for my boys- things so old, torn, and stained I wouldn't have purchased them at the thrift store where I shopped. I can't imagine the faces of my children opening a pack of crackers and taco sauce on Christmas morning. I know this experience was probably unusual but please remember that families may be experiencing a first time life-changing event like we were, it could be their first time asking for help or even having someone else ask for help FOR them because it's hard to ask for help or realize you can't provide a happy holiday for your own family. Think about the face of the child who might open the present on Christmas morning or even the adult who has nothing because they've done their best for their children and are struggling to pay bills just to stay alive. We were so fortunate to have recieved nice things from others (that I had trouble accepting) but were deeply hurt by the insensitivity of these teens. It made me realize that their concept of "poor people" meant we would be happy to recieve a cracker. There is no difference in the hearts of poor people and what they wish for- please remember that we don't know the circumstances behind the "angels" placed on those trees but I'm sure that behind each of those paper angels is the face of a child who just wants to be happy on Christmas morning despite whatever turmoil or tragedy has engulfed their family.---Kathy

 

[cruellababy]

I think that whatever anyone thinks of "wishes" being greedy; we all should remember that these wishes are for children; and I for one wouldn't mind giving a wish for a kid-if I could afford it, then I would buy it. It wouldn't matter to me if my kids had it or not. We as a family are blessed w our health, a nice warm home, trips to WDW and the love/support of eachother. If a digital camera or a gift card or a wii- is their one wish, so what? I would buy what I could afford and leave it at that.

 

[CinRell]

Kathy that's awful! And how irresponsible of the teachers or supervisors not to check to see what was being sent first!!! Did you let the school know so that future families who didn't check first wouldn't be disapppointed on Xmas morning??

When I was in high school (waaay back when)... our marketing class sponsored a family. We had 2 families to chose from. One family was of a classmate (not in that specific class)... we chose the other as we felt this might be embaressing for our classmate. I still feel badly we didn't give HER a special christmas too though.

Anyway the family we sponsored was a grandmother with several grandchildren living with her. The mother was in jail and I have no idea where the father was. They lived near my house and lived modestly. The children were dolls.

We were given a budget and assigned a child or type of gift to buy. I don't remember the budget but I do remember i got the 3 year old little girl. I went WELL over my budget.. and this was on the puney salary as a part time worker in high school...

We actually got to go to the family's home. The grandmother insisted they wait until Xmas to open their gifts so they had SOMETHING to open. We said we were santa's helpers. They were so appreciative. And I was so happy to see EVERYBODY went well over budget. We had boxes and boxes of gifts for this family and I will NEVER forget delivering those gifts.

I feel like if someone asks for necessities, they will end up getting more (who would only buy a 3 year old a new pair of PJs and one outfit??)

If I got someone who wanted a WII (if I Could afford it).. unfortunately that would be their only gift. I'd rather get them a bunch of surprises....


I wish I had the money to get high end gifts for families in need.. .or even for my family. I used to do marketing for a mall... we had a giving tree... it was a higher scale mall but I'll tell ya what.. the people who took from that tree were mostly middle class... maybe because we know what it's like to have "been there".... and I think the frustration comes from us WANTING to help those in need but if the requests are out of our budget, we feel badly we cannot.. and therefore it turns into resent.

 

[shelly3girls]

That's the thing that is really making me crazy about this thread. Many of these kids don't know they are on an angel tree. They don't know they are asking for donations. They get asked what they want for Christmas and someone writes it down. This isn't the case in every situation but when I was a social worker we did our best with the younger ones for them not to realize they were a part of a charity drive. The older ones obviously did but we worked hard in those situations to make sure we did our best to allow the children and their families to keep their pride. I wanted that four year old who believed Santa was going to bring him a bike to think that Santa did. I wanted them to feel like other kids on Christmas morning. To not go to school or church and wonder why Santa brought the other kids big gifts and not them. I understand that there are abuses to every system. I wish there weren't. I think there are alot of old values that this society is losing and I understand alot of peoples frustration at the attitudes of some. On the flip side I was taught that you gave in quiet and that you didn't judge. That's an old value that some on this board seem to be losing. These are children. Let them be children. Lets not saddle them with the percieved inadequacies of their parents. We are making alot of assumptions about children we don't even know.

Thank you for your post. I opened this thread with a similar feeling. One club my DD belongs to did a fund raiser for a battered women's shelter. Most of the requests were for iPods, etc. I took some offense to it. I now have a much different attitude towards the list since I have a different understanding of how they are put together. I thought the mother's made the lists.

 

[ZPT1022]

I haven't read anything but the OP, so...

the gift card thing, I can sort of understand. Maybe they want one to Target, or WalMart where they can buy household stuff- sheets, towels, tp, cleaners, etc.... or maybe the kids have clothes right now but are close to outgrowing stuff and this will allow them to go out later when the growth spurt is finished and buy new socks, undies and clothes. That one's not the worst.

But a Wii?? Come on already. What happened to simple toys for kids? Playdoh, dolls, balls, action figures,blocks, board games, etc....?

and on a more practical note, don't wiis use batteries? and need accessories and games? DH and I looked at them and it seemed reasonable enough at first, until you add all the little accessories and stuff. While we might be able to afford that, I think it's a relatively large ongoing expense. If a family is in a position to be on an angel tree, they don't need any extra expenses. Plus what happens if they get the electricity cut off or something? Or the batteries run out and Mom and Dad can't/won't buy any more?

 

[crisi]

5. Of course I don't think children should only receive mittens and underwear for Christmas. For goodness sakes, I'm not the Wicked Witch of the West. I think everybody can agree there is a huge middle ground in between a $300 Wii system and mittens and underwear. I will admit that the thought of a child in the midst of a Chicago winter without a coat bothers me far more than the thought of a child without a Video Game system. When I see one situation, I feel called to correct it immediately. The other, not so much.

And that is the way the game is played - if you ask for reasonable things off an angel tree - then you have more of a chance of having your tag taken. If you ask for unreasonable things, then your tag stays - and you risk having nothing at all - not even mittens or a coloring book.

Its a little like weddings. Years ago a relative of mine got married - and registered for $250 a place setting china - far beyond the budget of her guests. She was incensed when she didn't get the china - moreover, she really didn't end up with much at all that she wanted since her wants were so extravagant. Instead she ended up with what her practical relations could afford and thought a bride should get - oven mitts, kitchen towels, bedsheets that were NOT Calvin Klein - and yes, Great Aunt Kathryn's old USED cast iron frying pan - the ones that are 80 years old have been seasoned and are they best - its practically an heirloom.

She certainly had every right to want Lemnox china or whatever it was - she didn't have every right to expect it - and because she played the game poorly, she ended up with a lot of stuff she didn't want at all. She would have been much better off registering for reasonable every day dishes, or doing a Target registry as well.

If these wishes are being guided by a social worker or someone else, than the social worker should understand the game even better than the kids.

 

[Belle5]

And that is the way the game is played - if you ask for reasonable things off an angel tree - then you have more of a chance of having your tag taken. If you ask for unreasonable things, then your tag stays - and you risk having nothing at all - not even mittens or a coloring book.

Its a little like weddings. Years ago a relative of mine got married - and registered for $250 a place setting china - far beyond the budget of her guests. She was incensed when she didn't get the china - moreover, she really didn't end up with much at all that she wanted since her wants were so extravagant. Instead she ended up with what her practical relations could afford and thought a bride should get - oven mitts, kitchen towels, bedsheets that were NOT Calvin Klein - and yes, Great Aunt Kathryn's old USED cast iron frying pan - the ones that are 80 years old have been seasoned and are they best - its practically an heirloom.

She certainly had every right to want Lemnox china or whatever it was - she didn't have every right to expect it - and because she played the game poorly, she ended up with a lot of stuff she didn't want at all. She would have been much better off registering for reasonable every day dishes, or doing a Target registry as well.

If these wishes are being guided by a social worker or someone else, than the social worker should understand the game even better than the kids.

Crisi summed up my thoughts perfectly and I think the bridal registry is a great example to use. Way back when, for my bridal registry I chose items that were reasonably priced. I think we received just about everything! I have looked at registries where I couldn't afford more than one hand towel so I just send cash--the amount I can afford.

I want to help those less fortunate and am drawn to those who ask for little. It is personally gratifying to greatly exceed their requests. When I have not purchased my own children extravagant gifts, just for me personally, it just doesn't seem that people are truly "needy" if they are asking for nicer items than I give my own children.

 

[Fintastic]

But there's a difference between an eight-year-old asking for Christmas gifts and a spoiled bride asking for $250 china! Adults should know better.

 

[PelletierBears]

I just wanted to share my experience from the side of a recipient. I have mentioned this before, but in the past both I had to quit work due to a progressive neuromuscular disease and also my husband from a terminal illness ( he has since passed away). We were the recipients of much unsolicited kindness to my family at Christmastime with a visit from "Santa" who brought a gift to each of my four children, a food basket, and gift cards from my co-workers for my kids to buy clothes, however one horrible thing happened that remains etched in my memory. We were told by a caseworker that a high school had "adopted" our family as without our knowledge she had submitted us as a needy family. I told her we really didn't need or want anything but she insisted that the school wished to help us. A HUGE box of wrapped presents was delivered to our home and we were told to place the gifts under the tree. THANK GOODNESS I decided to look through them first. Do you know what we received? Wrapped packages of crackers from Taco Bell and sauce packets, a tampon sample kit for my 11 year old daughter, an old stained polyester dress for me, and used clothing for my boys- things so old, torn, and stained I wouldn't have purchased them at the thrift store where I shopped. I can't imagine the faces of my children opening a pack of crackers and taco sauce on Christmas morning. I know this experience was probably unusual but please remember that families may be experiencing a first time life-changing event like we were, it could be their first time asking for help or even having someone else ask for help FOR them because it's hard to ask for help or realize you can't provide a happy holiday for your own family. Think about the face of the child who might open the present on Christmas morning or even the adult who has nothing because they've done their best for their children and are struggling to pay bills just to stay alive. We were so fortunate to have recieved nice things from others (that I had trouble accepting) but were deeply hurt by the insensitivity of these teens. It made me realize that their concept of "poor people" meant we would be happy to recieve a cracker. There is no difference in the hearts of poor people and what they wish for- please remember that we don't know the circumstances behind the "angels" placed on those trees but I'm sure that behind each of those paper angels is the face of a child who just wants to be happy on Christmas morning despite whatever turmoil or tragedy has engulfed their family.---Kathy

WOW! I think you said it all...put yourself in the place of the recipient and give what you can give. Christmas should be a one day escape from the stress of life.

 

[labdogs42]

THANK GOODNESS I decided to look through them first. Do you know what we received? Wrapped packages of crackers from Taco Bell and sauce packets, a tampon sample kit for my 11 year old daughter, an old stained polyester dress for me, and used clothing for my boys- things so old, torn, and stained I wouldn't have purchased them at the thrift store where I shopped. I can't imagine the faces of my children opening a pack of crackers and taco sauce on Christmas morning. I know this experience was probably unusual but please remember that families may be experiencing a first time life-changing event like we were, it could be their first time asking for help or even having someone else ask for help FOR them because it's hard to ask for help or realize you can't provide a happy holiday for your own family.

That is AWFUL. I wonder if those teens did that to any other families? I'm sorry that you were treated so insensitively. I kind of hope the organizer of that group found out about what the kids did somehow. I'd hate for that to continue.

We did an angel tree at work this year and I bought some nice Power Ranger and Transformer toys that I hope will make a little boy's Christmas more special. I think each of the people on our tree had three ornaments, one practical item and two "wishes". I wanted the wish ones this year!

 

[crisi]

But there's a difference between an eight-year-old asking for Christmas gifts and a spoiled bride asking for $250 china! Adults should know better.

Eight year old kids should know better as well - mine do (mine are nine and ten now - so just past that age). They don't ask their grandparents or aunts and uncles or parents for expensive gifts.

(They did ask Santa for ridiculous things - Santa being magic - but we explained to him that Santa's magic didn't extend to getting a pony or a swimming pool).

 

[secretpantssam]

But there's a difference between an eight-year-old asking for Christmas gifts and a spoiled bride asking for $250 china! Adults should know better.

Not really from the gift givers stand point. I can't afford $250 china and I can't afford a $250 Wii. I would like to give a person what they actually want, but if it's out of my price range, I'm not going to buy it. And it really doesn't matter who is asking for the gift.