S/O: Angel Trees- Long, winded VENT

[RobinFabulous]

So if your child doesn't have it it's not OK for another child to have it? I don't think I follow or agree with this line of logic. I don't know the circumstances or situations of any of these families. They are going to be as varied as the people on this board. I don't think you should participate in this type of program if you are going to attach so many qualifications or pre-conceived notions. Participate in a program that you have more control of. I guess I just can't wrap my head around the thinking that because someone is less fortunate or asks for something that some children don't have is wrong or a reason not to do it. Not being able to fulfull it is one thing but placing a judgement on whether a child is entitled to it or not is another.

I don't think that was what was meant at all. Simply put if I cannot afford to buy it for my own child, I can't buy it for someone else's, either. For us, it's a matter of money, period. I'd love to do much for a lt of people, but I can't. Can't is different from won't.......

 

[mommapea]

I haven't seen anyone address this. Maybe some of the posters that have posted that they work with the angel trees or community agencies or schools can explain if an MP3 player is a good gift? I would be happy to buy one but don't you need a computer with internet access as well as funds to buy music for the player? Also if the child receives a wii, a lot of the cool wii games are $50 or more. Guitar hero alone is like $100. So do you think it is okay to give the gift if you can't afford to give all the supporting items?? It's almost like it would be more of a disappointment for the kids in a way.

I work in an inter-city school, and no, I don't think an MP3 is necessarily a good gift. We ran into this 2 yrs ago when we wanted to buy them for prizes for some our students. Most of our kids don't have computers and definitely can't afford to download songs. As far as game systems, no offense, but many of my students already have more systems than I have (XBox, PStations, Wii, Other Nintendos, ds's)..seriously, these are like having name brand tennis shoes for our kiddos. I never ask where these game systems come from...but I do know that families with $0 extra will somehow come up with the cash for these games and systems. Priorities, I guess...plus it's something for the kids to do when they can't play outside.

As far as people selling things they're given...just remember to give with a full heart, with no expectations. I bought two outfits for a little girl last year, and she never wore them. When I finally asked, she said her Mommy took them back to the store. I have had families do that with coats, too. Our school gave turkeys at Thanksgiving last year, and one of the little girls came back to school and said, "My daddy got 10 bucks from my turkey!" She was proud. I was disgusted. We remembered that when handing out turkeys this year...and just moved on.

If you really want to help a needy family, my suggestion is to contact a local school, especially one located in a low income area. Most of the time, there is someone who has been overlooked, as those who often really need the help don't ask. I purposely look for these when we have people call us! My own church group is helping a family from my school, and these are really needy kiddos whose Mom would never think of asking for help from United Way or Toys for Tots.

 

[RobinFabulous]

I work in an inter-city school, and no, I don't think an MP3 is necessarily a good gift. We ran into this 2 yrs ago when we wanted to buy them for prizes for some our students. Most of our kids don't have computers and definitely can't afford to download songs. As far as game systems, no offense, but many of my students already have more systems than I have (XBox, PStations, Wii, Other Nintendos, ds's)..seriously, these are like having name brand tennis shoes for our kiddos. I never ask where these game systems come from...but I do know that families with $0 extra will somehow come up with the cash for these games and systems. Priorities, I guess...plus it's something for the kids to do when they can't play outside.

Almost DH installs cable and you would not believe the conditions that some of the houses he goes to are in. They do internet as well and one home's roof had fallen in in some rooms, but they were getting internet so the child could play Wii online.....
Another home they told him not to go underneath it to run lines there was an open sewer leak..... And these are homes with plasma tvs getting high definition cable........

It's all about priorities in SOME cases, but still there are others that make good choices, and cannot help their situations

 

[gaelic grace]

I don't think that was what was meant at all. Simply put if I cannot afford to buy it for my own child, I can't buy it for someone else's, either. For us, it's a matter of money, period. I'd love to do much for a lt of people, but I can't. Can't is different from won't.......

Maybe I mis-read the intent. I think it can be read either way and I should have given the benefit of the doubt to the poster. I think many of the posts have been about my child doesn't have this or that so why should another child ask for it. I don't think that's good reasoning. I tend to buy things for other children that I probably wouldn't buy for mine. I do this because my children have lots of other things and experiences to round things out. They also are fortunate enough to receive gifts from other family members.

 

[rumrunnergirl]

I have never heard of a Senior Angel tree. I am going to have to look in my area to see if I can find one.

In our area, Perkins Restaurants have the Senior Trees.

Our church does an Angel Tree for foster children, and one for children of incarcerated parents. We pick tags of items we can afford. I can't afford to buy a Wii for my kids, so I don't pick those tags. And how will "little Susie feel when Santa brings her friend a Wii and she gets mittens?" - well, that issue has been around for years. Some kids will always get more expensive presents than others, day in and day out.

Our church also does Operation Christmas Child - and we LOVE that! You can put in whatever YOU want to put in. We do boxes for a boy and a girl in the 10-14 age, and fill it with goodies and we KNOW that these boxes will go to kids who really NEED stuff for Christmas - kids who will be THRILLED to get mittens and a hat!! And since OCC spreads the word of Jesus - the reason for the season - it's extra special to us.

We like buying for foster kids and OCC - where we know that the recipients are truly in need and will be happy with gifts that have been lovingly chosen for them.

We proudly buy used items for ourselves, our kids, and our house all the time. I think most of our furniture has come from the curb, and we are active FreeCyclers too.

 

[Squishypig]

I wonder if you would feel okay about someone (possibly a relative) giving your children gently used toys? My motto is if I wouldn't buy it/accept it for my own child, I'm certainly not going to give it to someone else. Also, for many of these children they probably only own used toys and clothing. Why shouldn't they have something all their own, never before used or owned?

When I was about 6 years old, I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll. Unfortunately, everyone else wanted one too so my parents couldn't find one. My mom stopped into a doll boutique based on a tip that they had the CP dolls in stock, and fell in love with a doll that looked like a real baby and cried and everything. She knew that I would love that doll because it looked so real and her heart sank when she saw the price tag. She decided to buy that doll but everything else that I got from Santa: doll crib, high chair, stroller, changing table came used from the Salvation Army. Some of it wasn't even in gently used condition but horrible condition and she and my dad spent who knows how many hours cleaning, painting and sewing custom pink polka dot cushions so that everything matched. They turned those used toys into wonderful gifts for me.

A lot of my toys and clothes were hand me downs or bought at the thrift store. My dad found my bike in the TRASH and fixed it up. My mom found my toybox in a dumpster and fixed it up. I didn't care that these things weren't brand new because otherwise I would have had neither. So don't be knocking used toys as subpar or crappy gifts, sometimes those used toys that parents or relatives spent their already limited time to fix up become some of their children's most cherished possessions.

As for the Angel Tree, I get the kids wishing for large gifts but from my experience some kids only ask for big things and that sometimes ties the hands of the giver. My DH and I opted out of the Angel Tree this year because last year we spent about $350 on one child because the only things listed were large ticket items. We didn't want to deny her her wishes but dag! We had sticker shock! This year DH said that every tag on the tree had large ticket items listed so we have opted to donate to food and womens shelters this year.

I read this quote yesterday and I think this sums up my feelings on Angel Trees: You can have anything you want but you can't have everything you want.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

How in the world is a 10-year old who has little, and sees some of her friends at school with so much, wanting what THEY have greedy?

When you were 10, would you have been happy getting mittens as your only Christmas gift?

Face it...how many of our OWN kids NEED a Wii? None of them...NONE of them...but we buy things that they want because it makes them happy.

So why can't you keep the spirit of the angel tree and accept that you are fulfilling a wish for a kid who has no other hope of getting something they really want. Nothing says you can't still get them a pair of mittens...but consider that what really makes a kid happy on Christmas is getting something they want rather than need.

I totally agree with this. When I worked at an agency for kids with special health care needs, one of the families we sponsored happened to be on my case load and I was honored to be able to deliver their gifts.

I don't remember everything I brought them. I had asked the parent to have each child pick a gift they would like to receive, and one picked a video game, another picked a name-brand pair of shorts.

They lived in a tiny trailer out in the middle of nowhere. So what if they had a video game console, does that mean they weren't poor? They were still broke and thrilled to get these gifts.

When I worked home care, I visited plenty of homes where people had absolutely nothing--including one grandmother who had taken in 5 of her grandchildren and did not have even one single toy in the house. Not even a dollar-store coloring book or pack of 8 crayons (which is what I had brought each child as a little "ice-breaker," since most families aren't crazy about home visits).

Yes, I do get frustrated with the materialism of our society sometimes (including myself in this) but I cannot blame kids for wanting the toys and clothes that they see on TV and that their classmates have.

 

[JackJack08]

No flames, but I understand it. All kids want to fit in. Just because some of their parents can't afford the same clothes/jackets/toys that their peers get doesn't mean that they don't want them. I think most kids have little concept of money. I heard Hannah tell a friend's mother that Mommy got a good deal on her Northface and only paid $20 for it. Well, Noooooo I paid $97 for it!!! She doesn't know and my almost 7 year old's favorite phrase is a hundred dollars. It's sad that kids see those things and think they need them, but it's part of society.

Personally I'd buy what I thought was appropriate.

I totally agree. Just because Mom and/or Dad doesn't have the $$, doesn't mean they don't want it. They hear the other kids talking about their "stuff", why wouldn't they want it as well.

 

[Anjelica]

That's the thing that is really making me crazy about this thread. Many of these kids don't know they are on an angel tree. They don't know they are asking for donations. They get asked what they want for Christmas and someone writes it down. This isn't the case in every situation but when I was a social worker we did our best with the younger ones for them not to realize they were a part of a charity drive. The older ones obviously did but we worked hard in those situations to make sure we did our best to allow the children and their families to keep their pride. I wanted that four year old who believed Santa was going to bring him a bike to think that Santa did. I wanted them to feel like other kids on Christmas morning. To not go to school or church and wonder why Santa brought the other kids big gifts and not them. I understand that there are abuses to every system. I wish there weren't. I think there are alot of old values that this society is losing and I understand alot of peoples frustration at the attitudes of some. On the flip side I was taught that you gave in quiet and that you didn't judge. That's an old value that some on this board seem to be losing. These are children. Let them be children. Lets not saddle them with the percieved inadequacies of their parents. We are making alot of assumptions about children we don't even know.

Are you saying that the 12+ children don't realize when someone asks what they want for Christmas and xx person writes a down they don't get inquisitive?

You are absolutely right about one thing - old values that this society is losing. Many of those values were what "we" grew up with. Respect - Honesty - Hardwork - Personal Responsibility - Raising others to value those traits. I don't see alot of people on this board necessarily judging as I see that they see a system that is broken. I witnessed it first hand growing up - the neighbors who were on food stamps and other tax paying money funds they were receiving and they had cable television, kids had the "traper keeper" and us siblings - nope none of that. My dad working two jobs at Christmas (while he was serving this nation in the Navy (20+ year veteran)) just to give us a "nicer" Christmas. We didn't have alot growing up but at the early ages saw our parents buying families whole Thanksgiving meals.

I think what this thread really is about is someone venting about their frustrations with what they have seen in terms of their wishing tree. It's just an outlet and by the amount of responses seems to garner some attention. Just because someone gets on here and responds that they agree or disagree or what they have seen first hand with some of the practices of today does not make them judgemental - for all we know they are the ones walking around putting $100.00 dollar bills in the Salvation Army Kettles... In the end - people have to live with themselves and if they believe in something after life then its really between them and God isn't it?

 

[acename]

At Kmart tonight they had an angel tree set up. One of the Angels left was for a one year old boy. Guess what his wish was...an xbox 360. I bet the one year old can really use that . I was praying it was a miss print and was supposed to be 10 or 11 years old but nope, they asked for size 18month clothes. Sad.

 

[mickeymaker2003]

We picked an angel off the tree at the mall. There were several asking for video game systems. We chose the 1 1/2 year old boy who asked for "noisy toys." We laughed when we saw it and knew that was a request for something the CHILD wanted (not his parents). We gave him a xylophone and a few battery operated toys (with a bunch of extra batteries).

 

[TraciM]

I totally agree. Just because Mom and/or Dad doesn't have the $$, doesn't mean they don't want it. They hear the other kids talking about their "stuff", why wouldn't they want it as well.

True, but the majority of them is filled out by the parents. The kids are not aware of them. Some cases, not all.

 

[flakypuff]

Ok, I didnt read all the posts so if I am way off here...I am sure you all will let me know
I can only speak of the tree in our town...
First of all the names on the tree with the gifts...well they arent real names..
(I was shocked when I found this out) The stars have names, ages and gift requests...they are made by a team of adults....then when those items come in the age stays on the gift....it is then matched with a list of toy request from people in need..
So, there are several stars with names that ask for highend items, mp3 players, wii.... I asked about this and was told that "They put items that thier own child have but there is no real "JUSTIN..age 11 asks for a mp3 player.
What I was told was when they tried the real name real gift that some families did not get anything when the tag was taken but the person did not get the gift....therefore some family member got fancy gift packages with all extras and others in the same family ended up with nothing...
But, I do agree with the op. I have seen some over the top requests..I cant buy another child a wii so I dont...there are times (this year) when I just donate a few toys,,basketballs, soccer balls, skate board and scooters...and mark them "Any child" this way I know they will go to a child that needs a gift..

 

[PaulaSue]

I would not donate anything high price like MP3 or Wii beacause who is to say that the parents won't turn around and sell it. Sad but very real poss of happening.

 

[adisneymama]

Maybe - maybe not. Seems like an unfair assumption. We buy nice gold earrings because of allergy issues. I watch and get them at a good price and we only have a few pair. I see plenty of little girls with nice earrings. I can't tell if they are diamond or not and if I saw that on a tag and chose to take it I would compare. If I could get a good quality cubic with sterling silver or gold posts I would probably buy that and send it. I'm not sure that anyone would think to write clear gem-like earrings. I think when someone says diamond earrings you automatically know the type of stone they are talking about.

But keep in mind, this is a 2 yr old. She would not know to say diamond or even earrings. Mom has filled this out for her. This is suppose to be for families in need so that the children have a good Christmas. The problem with this is that a 2 yo should have a list for reasonable age appropriate toys or clothes etc. Not earrings. And had that been the only high ticket item I saw I would agree with you, but as the PP have mentioned almost every one of them regardless of age had something expensive on it.

 

[bmoncher]

But keep in mind, this is a 2 yr old. She would not know to say diamond or even earrings. Mom has filled this out for her. This is suppose to be for families in need so that the children have a good Christmas. The problem with this is that a 2 yo should have a list for reasonable age appropriate toys or clothes etc. Not earrings QUOTE]

I repectfully disagree. My 2 year old ASKED for earrings from her grandma. She knows what they are and she wanted Mickey earrings like Mommy's...

 

[LorlovesStitch]

OK, first of all, you need to stop looking at the individual "things" and see the big picture.

My DD wears Tommy Hilfiger frames. Thy were 2/$69 and the best I could afford. Yes, brand name, but they were discontiued specials. My kids & I wear Abercromie, Crocs, Gap and other brand names. Guess what? I purchase them all at Salvation Army.

We have a 42 inch flat screen TV. DH worked very hard for a man who gave it to us in trade. HE needed work done and could not afford it, since he had 3 TV's, he offered us this one in return.

Now, we refused to have our names put on an angel tree (We work very hard, budget wisely and provide more than is needed for our kids, but still get reduced lunches).

Yup, we go to Disney every year. We scrimp and save and use our tax return.

We are up to date with our mortgage payment, but did file bankruptcy 6 years ago when I was forced to quit my job to care for our preemie DD.

You cannot judge a book by its cover, and you cannot stop others from making bad decisions. Yes, sometimes people are greedy and out for a quick buck. Other times people do whatever they can just to make ends meet and would feel blessed to have a $10 gift card to the grocery store!

It is very simple. No one is forcing you to use your money in a way you do not agree with. If you choose to give, give wisely. If you can't afford to give money, give time. If you can't afford to give time, then May God bless you. Please do not judge anyone that does not agree with you. Do not judge those that have/ have not. Just being able to read this means you are richer than a majority of the world. You have access to the internet. You can read! You CAN make wise choices! Please do so.

The last thing I want to do is flame people, and I was merely stating my opinion of what I see going on around me on a daily basis. I do not feel that people are forcing me to use my money in a way I do not agree with. I find charitable organizations to give to that I know really and truly help needy people, most of which are through my church. I think you missed my point on how poor these children I work with really are. You are doing quite well financially if you can afford to go to Disney every year, even if you scrimp and save. In this economy most people have to scrimp and save to take any sort of vacation, if they even can! Let me tell you, I know for a fact that these kids are not getting "discontinued specials" and there is a huge difference in price between Tommy Hilfiger frames (discontinued or not) and D&G frames covered in rhinestones. My point WAS that they make bad decisions. In other words, they SHOULD be as money smart as you and choose the 2 for $69 frames. It just bugs me that they don't try to help themselves, but then turn around and expect everyone else to help them.

And I have personally been in the Salvation Army and consignment shops in the town I work in and they DO NOT carry any sort of designer labels whatsoever, nor do they in the only other Salvation Army near here. My point was that some people make TERRIBLE DECISIONS, which I think is what most people were stating in this thread, about the gifts that people ask for, when all others want to do is help them.

The main point to my post was that people do not always make smart decisions. And, if you quoted my entire post, you would have seen that I have financial issues as well (by the way, I had to take time off work too, to care for MY two preemie daughters). As a matter of fact, even with scrimping and using my tax return, we may not be able to take our Disney trip this year (which we don't do every year anyway), even being up to date on OUR mortgage, and paying full price for my children's lunches.

 

[mskayjay]

But I think what a lot of people are saying is the things on the lists are things they don't have for themselves. My DD does not have a $300 game system or an Ipod. She doesn't even have diamond earrings . As far as saying "well don't take the tag that asks for an Ipod", in some cases you don't get to "choose". I have seen Angels trees were the rule was "take the one you touch". I have also seen cases where items have been bought for children from Angel trees and the items were returned for cash by the receiving parent (Yes I know it is much harder to do now adays with receipt requirements). And I am not even going to comment on an 18 month old asking for an LCD TV.

But more likely than not, if asked what they *wished for* for Christmas, your children would list many of the items on the trees that other kids list. So why should those kids be any different?

I totally agree that it it so wrong, deceitful, dishonest, to have parents ask for things they want just as selling your WIC vouchers and stuff is wrong but there will always be folks who do that and you cannot expend your energy worrying aout them. You have to move forward, do what you feel is right in your heart, and let the rest be. If they cheat the system, the shame is on them.

I have never heard of a tree that says "you touch it its yours" in terms of picking a tag. That is disgusting.

 

[livndisney]

But more likely than not, if asked what they *wished for* for Christmas, your children would list many of the items on the trees that other kids list. So why should those kids be any different?

I totally agree that it it so wrong, deceitful, dishonest, to have parents ask for things they want just as selling your WIC vouchers and stuff is wrong but there will always be folks who do that and you cannot expend your energy worrying aout them. You have to move forward, do what you feel is right in your heart, and let the rest be. If they cheat the system, the shame is on them.

I have never heard of a tree that says "you touch it its yours" in terms of picking a tag. That is disgusting.

No, actually she wouldn't ask for the game system. When asked for her Christmas Wish she said "My family". But she is also the child that when asked on Santa's lap what she wanted for Christmas, her reply was for "all the children without familes to get a family".

For what its worth we give in our own ways. In ways that matters to us.

I think the angel trees are "to each their own" as it seems people have different experiences. And that is wonderful. Some of the posts on here have been warm and touching.

 

[mskayjay]

No, actually she wouldn't ask for the game system. When asked for her Christmas Wish she said "My family". But she is also the child that when asked on Santa's lap what she wanted for Christmas, her reply was for "all the children without familes to get a family".

For what its worth we give in our own ways. In ways that matters to us.

I think the angel trees are "to each their own" as it seems people have different experiences. And that is wonderful. Some of the posts on here have been warm and touching.

You have truly raised wonderful children. When asked her favorite memories of Christmas' past, my 21 year old says "family Christmas" first and then "doing Care and Share" (the program I ran) second. She loved helping me shop for those kids and hopes to carry it on later in life.

happiest of holidays to you and yours.
K