Rules about the opposite sex in your teens room

[Tangled4Rapunzel]

Nope, at school girls and boys had their own separate houses at our school. You couldn't enter the 3 girls' houses without their passcodes and likewise for the 6 or 7 boys' houses. You didn't want to get caught being sneaked in either! We also had a 2 inch rule whereby that was the distance you had to maintain between you and the opposite sex (usually enforced depending on the teacher, your whereabouts and if you were caught!!)

Don't know what it would have been like at home as it never really happened, my parents were just more excited than anything if a girl entered the front door with me!!

 

[YodaGirl]

Door open because DD is 9 years younger than DS.
My DH did come (unannounced) home in the middle of the day once towards the end of DS's Sr. year when he and his girly friend were making out hot and heavy half clothed in his room.
Ummm ya, that was a wee bit awkward. DH was more shocked than the kids were, I'm still not sure he is over it

Oops!

 

[bumblebee]

Add another to the list of people whose parents don't allow the door to be closed.

However for most of my friends, the girls are never allowed to have the door shut but my guy friends (and even my girl friends who have brothers) are allowed to have the door shut. Ugh, double standards.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

I don't even let boys in the house let alone in her bedroom. I know that will have to change soon (the house part not the room) as she is about to turn 15, but for now that's the way it is. I had DD when I was 16. Her bio-father was someone that was my "friend of the opposite sex" and welcome over our house from the time I was 13.

 

[minkydog]

I'm just curious about what the typical rules for having a member of the opposite sex in your teenagers room are. Does it change if the teen of the opposite gender is just a friend?

In high school I think most of my friends were allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends in their rooms as long as the door was open. Very few were allowed with door closed. Many of them were upstairs and separated from the rest of the house entirely so door open/closed didn't really matter.

Personally, I was never allowed to have any boy in my room, just a friend or not. But that's okay- I never wanted people in my room anyway.

We have always allowed DD18 to entertain her friends, boys and girls, in her room. We have no den where they can congregate. DD has a room set up that is conducive for entertaining. She has a loft bed with futon under it, so there's no lying around on the bed. She leaves the door open and we're up and downstairs when she has boys in her room. We have NEVER, NOT ONCE had a problem. most of the time when we pass by her room, they are crowded around her laptop watching a movie or sitting on the floor or futon. But never in a compromising situation. I'm sure a lot of parents would disagree with us, but it has not been an issue for us.

 

[dandave]

My rule was always that the door had to be open, if son and girlfriend were in there. Then, he confided in me that he had had sex. It wasn't at anyone's home, either.
He got "the talk" for the umpteenth time and a new box of condoms. I will allow him and a girl in his room with the door shut, but he knows that I will enter randomly, with only a quick rap on the door. It's a matter of respect, that there will be no sex in my home when I am there.
He's almost 17, BTW. If he were an adult at home, of course the rules would be different.

 

[rszdtrvl]

Why would it matter if it was the same-sex or opposite sex?

In my house it doesn't matter. Male or female friends over - door stays open. No exceptions. If I go by and the door is closed I will open it and remind them of that rule.

That being said, our house is a tiny 1000sqft.

 

[*JoGo*]

Honestly, unless the kid is doing it to get caught or out of defiance, s/he is not going to have sex in their bedroom with their parents home.

And regardless if the door is open or closed or no boys allowed, if they want to have sex, they are going to find a time and place to do it.


Signed,
No Boys Allowed in My Room and Pregnant at 16

 

[YodaGirl]

Honestly, unless the kid is doing it to get caught or out of defiance, s/he is not going to have sex in their bedroom with their parents home.

I don't know about that. Some parents just truly are oblivious...or they just don't care.

And regardless if the door is open or closed or no boys allowed, if they want to have sex, they are going to find a time and place to do it.


Signed,
No Boys Allowed in My Room and Pregnant at 16

I agree.

BUT

While I agree that where there is a will there is a way, I also believe that requiring the door to stay open removes an opportunity.

No, you can't remove all opportunities, but you can remove some.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

As for kids having an attraction to someone of the same sex...most teens are mortified at the thought of anybody finding out they are gay. Some go so far as to commit suicide if ppl find out, so even if the teen was gay, I doubt many parents would actually catch the teen doing anything naughty with someone of the same sex in the bedroom just for simple fear of the family finding out their orientation.

I think this was true when I was in high school 15 years ago. This is not so much the case now. Kids are "coming out" in middle school these days. Maybe it depends on where you live.

My kids haven't had bf's or gf's yet. They've only had same sex friends over, but we do have boys and girls spending the night over here at the same time at times. I am not sure how we'll handle this when they both get in high school. I know I always liked spending the night at a certain friend's house that had an older brother.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Does it change if the teen of the opposite gender is just a friend?

Oh dear lord no! 'Just a friend' in high school equates to "he /she is dating someone else and I'm trying to convince him/her otherwise...with tongue if possible".

Forget bedrooms. Basements. I can't tell you how much trouble I got into in basements...even unfinished ones. Parents watch the bedrooms, they don't think twice about the romper room! Door stays open, yeah fine...stairs creak!

 

[kimblebee]

Honestly, unless the kid is doing it to get caught or out of defiance, s/he is not going to have sex in their bedroom with their parents home.
And regardless if the door is open or closed or no boys allowed, if they want to have sex, they are going to find a time and place to do it.


Signed,
No Boys Allowed in My Room and Pregnant at 16

My boyfriend and I were allowed to be in his room with the door closed. Of course we took advantage of the situation. We weren't trying to get caught or being defiant, we were just horny teenagers.

 

[YodaGirl]

Oh dear lord no! 'Just a friend' in high school equates to "he /she is dating someone else and I'm trying to convince him/her otherwise...with tongue if possible".

Forget bedrooms. Basements. I can't tell you how much trouble I got into in basements...even unfinished ones. Parents watch the bedrooms, they don't think twice about the romper room! Door stays open, yeah fine...stairs creak!

One of my best friends in high school had a basement. There was a big TV, a couple of couches, and a couple of chairs. Her place was the hang out.

I sincerely hope that her parents burned those couches.

 

[fall08CP]

I was in a distance relationship throughout high school so when I saw my boyfriend, it was 24/7 for 2-3 weeks at a time. My parents never had any rules about him being in and out, door could be closed, no specific time he had to be out.

I was very open with them and they raised me well. They knew that I would make good choices, and they allowed me the freedom to do what I thought was right. Never bad ever happened- we were in love and were affectionate but never inappropriate. I appreciate that it was always my choice though, not my parents. I never felt like I had to sneak around their rules.

Funny story- when my older brother get married, the bride's father got up and told a story about his daughter and my brother. One day he saw them go into her room and close the door. It was quiet for awhile so he became suspicious. After trying to listen in and only hearing mumbling, he knocked and opened the door, expecting to catch them in the act. To his shock, they were holding hands doing a Bible study. I thought that was cute, and really showed character.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Males were allowed in the room, with door open. One of my best friends in high school was male and he stayed every weekend, slept on the couch in the living room. It wasnt until I moved home from the Freshman year of college that anything happened at my parents house. And by then I wasn an adult and they didnt have many rules for me at home.

 

[sunnyday123]

Hell to the no. I remember all too clearly my high school years. Not that having bf/gf's in a bedroom will completely discourage them, but I'm going to do my darndest to make it as hard as possible. I may rent a little kid to follow her everywhere from the time she's 15 until she leaves for college.


Btw, this thread makes me think of a girl I went to high school with. Her Mother told her that if she had sex she would bleed to death because of some deformity she had, and there was an operation to fix it, but she had to wait till she was 18. It worked, but when she eventually found out her Mom lied, it affected their relationship badly.

 

[ksjayhawks]

No one of the opposite sex was ever allowed in our kids' bedrooms. That is what the family room is for.

 

["Got Disney"]

Open door policy....and I am upstairs more than downstairs. they hang up there and play comp and video games and we never have just 2 in the room...his room is filled all the time...after all we are the house with the pool

As for him being up there with a single girl like a girl friend....he is a teen...need I say more...so no...I remember to well when i was a teen in my boy friends bedroom....although when in the den and the parents went to sleep leaving us alone it worked just as well....if ya get my drift...

 

[Family Fun Mom]

Honestly, unless the kid is doing it to get caught or out of defiance, s/he is not going to have sex in their bedroom with their parents home.

And regardless if the door is open or closed or no boys allowed, if they want to have sex, they are going to find a time and place to do it.


Signed,
No Boys Allowed in My Room and Pregnant at 16

My high school boyfriend's mom let us be in his room, with the door closed, when she was home and oh yes we did have sex. Even when she was there. All the time. We had sex lots of other places, too, but we knew we could always go to his house. So we did. That is where the majority of the sex happened.

I ended up marrying him and to this day I am ashamed that we were so blatantly disrespectful to her. But she allowed it. My parents NEVER would have allowed that. Not ever. Nor will I. No opposite sex friends in the bedrooms. Period.

Signed,
Still have to look Mother-In-Law in the eye after having sex in her house as a teen 20 years ago.

 

[charming23]

I was allowed to have anyone I wanted in my room as long as the door stayed open. My room was on the first floor right off the living room so nothing was happening. The playroon however was upstairs and no one ever came up there to check on us.