romantic getaway a no go

[quandrea]

An Update: I was hoping dh and I could go away for four nights in Aug or Oct, but dh doesn't seem on board. The whole trip would cost unde $1000 (DVC, AP, frequent flyer miles). I think he doesn't want my parents to sit our kids (6, 1, 1). When they watched them last for less than 24h we came home to chaos. The dog had eaten off the counter and pooped in the living room, Mum spilt pie all over the oven and I had to clean it and the house looked like a bomb hit it. The kids were fine. I was quite upset now that I think back, although until I thought of it again, it had slipped my mind. If the kids are fine, that's all that matters right? I'd love to get away, but perhaps dh figures it is just easier to bring everyone and save the chaos that we come home to. I must admit last time, my one night away had the shine taken off it when I got home. Thoughts.

I told my mother that we wouldn't be going away after all. Now she won't talk to me. She is offended because she thinks I don't trust her with my kids. My dh feels that the three children are a handful and that going away may have to wait a few years. When I think about it he is right. I'm really upset that she won't talk to me as I think this is an unreasonable response. What do you think? There is lots of backstory to this that I won't go into now, but things have been tough with her for a while now.

An update to this saga is on post 31 for all who are interested. Would love some contructive feedback.

 

[Darth Boeder]

Could they watch the kids at there house instead of yours?

 

[tlbwriter]

I think this is something you both need to agree on, and if he's not comfortable leaving the kids with your parents, don't do it. First, because it won't be a very romantic trip with one or both of you worried about what's going on at home, and second, because he's right - neither of you were happy with what happened last time. He just has a better memory.

 

[golfgal]

Have someone else watch the kids.

 

[quandrea]

I think this is something you both need to agree on, and if he's not comfortable leaving the kids with your parents, don't do it. First, because it won't be a very romantic trip with one or both of you worried about what's going on at home, and second, because he's right - neither of you were happy with what happened last time. He just has a better memory.

I think you're right. I'm just idealizing the thought of three days away. Unfortunately there is no one else who could watch them for that length of time. I don't think my dd would settle at my parents' house and their place is not really suited to kids (stairs, viscious dog, etc.). I guess the decision is made. We'll just find our romantic moments while away with the kids.

 

[okeydokey]

A 6 year old and twin 1 year olds are a handful (as you know). Maybe it's just too much for them to watch the kids and keep the house clean too? It's sure to get easier as they get older.

 

[golfgal]

Hire a cleaning person to come in the morning you are supposed to return. Pay them extra if need be.

 

[quandrea]

Hire a cleaning person to come in the morning you are supposed to return. Pay them extra if need be.

This is a fantastic idea. I do think leaving them will get easier as they get older. If you've never had twins, it is a rude awakening. They keep you running at every moment.

 

[quandrea]

bump

 

[golfgal]

This is a fantastic idea. I do think leaving them will get easier as they get older. If you've never had twins, it is a rude awakening. They keep you running at every moment.

My twins are almost 16...and we had a 3 year old when they were born.

How many siblings do you have? Your parents raised you, did you turn out ok? Sure, 3 kids is a lot of work but keep in mind, your mom has more experience with kids then you do.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am probably not the sort of person you want to hear from because I agree with your husband. If your parents are not up to a few hours a few days could be very dangerous. I seem to remember reading somewhere that a great number of poisonings and choking happen in the care of well meaning adults who "forget" how easily kids can get into things. A friend of mine had her daughter rushed to the ER when her parents left a quarter out that the kid swallowed because they didn't think she could reach that high. I myself have found stray pills on the floor that my MIL "missed". My SIL is forever pitching a fit that somehow my inlaws keep forgetting to disconnect the paper shredder on the floor in the middle of the house when they are there for a visit. I personally saved a baby cousin who was being watched by my aunt & uncle when he picked up a fork that had dropped to the floor (they were going to get it later) and was trying to decide how to wedge it into the outlet best.

Grandparents can be a wonderful help but if they aren't up to the task, and your OP does not make it sound like they are, then it might be best to just wait a few years until the kids can do sleepovers at friends houses. We never really had any help and it was hard, but the kids are ok. Where you are now only lasts a little while, it's not forever. Before you know it there will be sleepovers and you can swap babysitting with other parents for nice weekend get-aways.

Hang in there, I vote to take that $1,000 and hire a good local babysitter to watch the kids for you once a week and ask your DH to give you an hour of peace a night for a bath. The little things help soooo much

To each their own but if your husband has misgivings I don't think it's right to push him.

 

[SaraJayne]

OP, I'm so sorry to hear you won't be able to go.

Our trips away as lovers are the lifeblood of our marriage and we both look forward to the time away from our daily responsibilities. I hope your Dh agrees to go before a "few years" have passed.

There are solutions for what you went through last time (cleaning service, having someone else watch the kids, etc), but it seems your DH keeps trying to throw up walls to block those solutions.

 

[tlbwriter]

How many siblings do you have? Your parents raised you, did you turn out ok? Sure, 3 kids is a lot of work but keep in mind, your mom has more experience with kids then you do.

That's not criteria I would use to determine whether anybody is up to watching my kid NOW. Things change. People get older and slow down, and lose some vision and hearing. Parents whose baby-raising days were a long time ago can forget how fast the little buggers move and how high they reach. I wouldn't ask my MIL to watch my child as a baby simply because, while she was a good mother 35 years ago, she's now not physically up for it. And given all the havoc that was raised when the OP's parents watched the kids for a short time, I wonder if that isn't the case with them as well.

 

[quandrea]

I am probably not the sort of person you want to hear from because I agree with your husband. If your parents are not up to a few hours a few days could be very dangerous. I seem to remember reading somewhere that a great number of poisonings and choking happen in the care of well meaning adults who "forget" how easily kids can get into things. A friend of mine had her daughter rushed to the ER when her parents left a quarter out that the kid swallowed because they didn't think she could reach that high. I myself have found stray pills on the floor that my MIL "missed". My SIL is forever pitching a fit that somehow my inlaws keep forgetting to disconnect the paper shredder on the floor in the middle of the house when they are there for a visit. I personally saved a baby cousin who was being watched by my aunt & uncle when he picked up a fork that had dropped to the floor (they were going to get it later) and was trying to decide how to wedge it into the outlet best.

Grandparents can be a wonderful help but if they aren't up to the task, and your OP does not make it sound like they are, then it might be best to just wait a few years until the kids can do sleepovers at friends houses. We never really had any help and it was hard, but the kids are ok. Where you are now only lasts a little while, it's not forever. Before you know it there will be sleepovers and you can swap babysitting with other parents for nice weekend get-aways.

Hang in there, I vote to take that $1,000 and hire a good local babysitter to watch the kids for you once a week and ask your DH to give you an hour of peace a night for a bath. The little things help soooo much

To each their own but if your husband has misgivings I don't think it's right to push him.

You are exactly the type of person I want to hear from! Upon closer reflection, I agree with dh completely. I like the thought of going aways but the reality would be far different, I think. I am just so disappointed that mum can't understand and respect our decision as parents. To refuse to talk to me seems harsh. I figure as parents, we know what it's like in our house and I wish she wouldn't take offence. Thanks for all your kind words. You make me feel supported.

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I left DD1.5 and DD2.5 with my in-laws for 5 days to go to Vegas to attend a wedding and to celebrate our 10th anniversary. DMIL was not feeling great, but we devised a system which worked for them. The girls continued to go to day care during the day, as usual, and my in-laws picked them up in the evenings, and kept them overnight. That way they were not burdened by them 24/7, and they had time to rest during the day to gather strength to deal with the girls at night.

It worked really well, and although MIL was very tired when we got back, she really appreciated the time she was able to spend with the girls. She passed away three months later.

 

[sbell111]

How many siblings do you have? Your parents raised you, did you turn out ok? Sure, 3 kids is a lot of work but keep in mind, your mom has more experience with kids then you do.

My inlaws raised my wife, but that doesn't mean that its OK for our kids to be left with them for any length of time.

My MIL doesn't understand the conept of 'our kids, our rules'. The other day, she actually told my wife that my wife has no authority to tell her not to swear around our children. She's also repeatedly tried to sneak soda to our 15 month old and won't reliably keep their untrained and skittish pit bull segregated from our children.

Just because my wife survived her childhood doesn't mean that they are qualified to care for our children.

 

[tlbwriter]

I told my mother that we wouldn't be going away after all. Now she won't talk to me. She is offended because she thinks I don't trust her with my kids. My dh feels that the three children are a handful and that going away may have to wait a few years. When I think about it he is right. I'm really upset that she won't talk to me as I think this is an unreasonable response. What do you think? There is lots of backstory to this that I won't go into now, but things have been tough with her for a while now.

Sounds like more good reasons not to leave the kids with her... she sounds pretty immature and not willing to accept your parenting decisions, neither of which bode well for a babysitter.

 

[quandrea]

DH and I left DD1.5 and DD2.5 with my in-laws for 5 days to go to Vegas to attend a wedding and to celebrate our 10th anniversary. DMIL was not feeling great, but we devised a system which worked for them. The girls continued to go to day care during the day, as usual, and my in-laws picked them up in the evenings, and kept them overnight. That way they were not burdened by them 24/7, and they had time to rest during the day to gather strength to deal with the girls at night.

It worked really well, and although MIL was very tired when we got back, she really appreciated the time she was able to spend with the girls. She passed away three months later.

This wouldn't work for us because my little ones aren't in daycare or preschool yet. We are definitely not going away alone, actually booked for Sept as a family yesterday. My biggest issue now is not that we can't go away, but that mum is so mad at me for my decision. I just told her that we'd wait a few years, until dd and ds weren't into so much and such a going concern. I in no way feel she is incompetent. She's older now, and my house is a busy, sometimes scary place. I'd hate for something to happen on their watch, ultimately through no fault of their own. Anyway, I'm in the dog house. Last June, when dd, then 10m nearly choked on my Mum's dog's fur, she didn't talk to me for a week because I jumped up from the lunch table to dislodge the fur from dd's throat. She said I embarassed her terribly in front of her friends. Being frozen out like this is nothing new. I just find it upsetting every time it happens.

 

[mickeyboat]

This wouldn't work for us because my little ones aren't in daycare or preschool yet. We are definitely not going away alone, actually booked for Sept as a family yesterday. My biggest issue now is not that we can't go away, but that mum is so mad at me for my decision. I just told her that we'd wait a few years, until dd and ds weren't into so much and such a going concern. I in no way feel she is incompetent. She's older now, and my house is a busy, sometimes scary place. I'd hate for something to happen on their watch, ultimately through no fault of their own. Anyway, I'm in the dog house. Last June, when dd, then 10m nearly choked on my Mum's dog's fur, she didn't talk to me for a week because I jumped up from the lunch table to dislodge the fur from dd's throat. She said I embarassed her terribly in front of her friends. Being frozen out like this is nothing new. I just find it upsetting every time it happens.

Your mom is being ridiculous. She will have to get over it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

For peace within the family just keep laying it on thick about how much you would miss your kids and couldn't have fun with your mind on them all the time. It will take the pressure off your relationship with them. For me, it's true, not the whole truth but my in-laws don't need to know how much it bothers me that they don't listen to us, my SIL her DH or anyone else. Now be prepared, they will constantly bug you about being 'too protective', 'too smothering', 'too ----" whatever it is they can dream up but at least they won't be able to guilt you or get any leverage.

When I had my surgery in August I didn't ask any family for help with my kids, then 12 & 11. I simply had my kids sleep over at friend's houses for a few days. When MIL asked why I just told her my kids would have more fun with their friends... no way to argue that one. everyone thinks that with my in-laws next door they were such a great help and that couldn't be less true, the price is just too high even if it's not paid in $.

Good luck