Reporting Someone on Facebook

[luvsJack]

Folks, if everyone would get off this hang up with the 13 year old rule maybe you could understand that this is NOT about age. It not even just about facebook. I get that the rule is 13 and that we are breaking the rule (remember though that the other girl being harrassed IS 13 and therefore NOT breaking the rule), but that doesn't make what this girl and her boyfriend are doing ok.

I am sorry but a 16 year old boy saying nasty little things to a 12 year old is BEYOND unacceptble.

If dd was 14 or 15 and this was happening to her, I would still want her to come to me.


My child is doing exactly what she should be expected to do in a case like this. She did not respond. She reported it to an adult. She has done nothing to this girl except make up with her best friend. So of the two girls the 12 year old IS handling this with responsiblity and maturity, it is the 15 year old that is not able to act with maturity.

 

[luvsJack]

As far as the messages go, you can change her privacy settings so that only her friends can send her messages. To do that, go to:

Account > Privacy Settings > Basic Directory Information > View Settings > Send me messages > Friends Only.

That should stop the harassing messages from people she isn't friends with.

Thanks. I was going to go online tonight and go over all the privacy settings and make sure they are as strong as possible. I promised dd that we would try everything possible but if they continued to be able to message or post things then we would have to delete her page.

Hopefully, talking to the girls' father will do some good.

 

[maxiesmom]

Folks, if everyone would get off this hang up with the 13 year old rule maybe you could understand that this is NOT about age. It not even just about facebook. I get that the rule is 13 and that we are breaking the rule (remember though that the other girl being harrassed IS 13 and therefore NOT breaking the rule), but that doesn't make what this girl and her boyfriend are doing ok.

No, it doesn't make what they are doing ok. However your daughter would not be dealing with it if you hadn't set her up on Facebook, when she shouldn't yet be.

Sometimes when we break rules there are consequences. Too bad your daughter has to pay the price when you are the one who decided to break the rule. The best thing you could do would be to take her back off until she is the proper age, which is what you should have done the first time there was drama on Facebook. Problem solved.

 

[cheermom1]

Lusjack to me it doesn't matter how old your dd is b/c that is a mute point and it's your choice to let her have fb. She is not anyone else's dd but yours.

AS far as what you did I think that was really all you could do other that deleting her account. But I see why you don't want too as I have lots of teens in my house and I have to tell you fb is almost necessary as they get assignment from school and announcements and stuff. Plus it gives the kids a little more to do in the summer when it is really too hot to be out.

I keep a very good eye on my kids as I am all their friends even my step son's (which bm hasn't said anything about, I assume it b/c she thinks she will get info about me on there) But I don't post anything personal at all.

But yeah I don't think there is much fb can do really except tell you to unfriend and block them or delete ss/bbff accounts. Sorry but I think that is really all they will do at this time unless they are repeat offenders and how are you going to know that? But IF they are and they get suspended or banned how will you know anyway?

I hope it works out

 

[luvsJack]

No, it doesn't make what they are doing ok. However your daughter would not be dealing with it if you hadn't set her up on Facebook, when she shouldn't yet be.

Sometimes when we break rules there are consequences. Too bad your daughter has to pay the price when you are the one who decided to break the rule. The best thing you could do would be to take her back off until she is the proper age. Problem solved.

Yes she would. They would be texting, calling, emailing, etc. Just like they are already doing. You are not getting it. ITS NOT JUST FACEBOOK. That is one part of it. I reported her so that maybe something would scare them a bit or let the parents know its serious.

Besides, what about the girl that is 13??

And at 13 there will magically not be a 15 AND 16 YEAR OLD to be mean to her and her friends?? Really? Please, do tell, what magical thing is going to happen when she turns 13 to take all of that away?

I am not punishing my daughter for what some other kid is doing to her, unless I have to. That is not fair.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

No facebook, no drama, no problem.

Be her parent, not her friend.



None of my kids have cell phones, texting, IMing, facebook, etc. They never complain about it. They never ask about it. Guess I'm an abusive parent for not allowing them access.

They will get the opportunity soon enough. Let kids be kids.

 

[maxiesmom]

Yes she would. They would be texting, calling, emailing, etc. Just like they are already doing. You are not getting it. ITS NOT JUST FACEBOOK. That is one part of it. I reported her so that maybe something would scare them a bit or let the parents know its serious.

Besides, what about the girl that is 13??

And at 13 there will magically not be a 15 AND 16 YEAR OLD to be mean to her and her friends?? Really? Please, do tell, what magical thing is going to happen when she turns 13 to take all of that away?

I am not punishing my daughter for what some other kid is doing to her, unless I have to. That is not fair.

If she wasn't on Facebook before she was supposed to be on it, you wouldn't be having any Facebook problems! That part of it wouldn't exist. You helped that along by putting someone underage on Facebook.

E-mail issues? Change your daughters e-mail address. Phone? Change her number. And don't let your daughter have those things until she can better understand who to give those numbers to and who not to give them to.

I agree that you need to get the other parent's attention. What the other girl is doing is wrong. But make no mistake if you hadn't decided to break a rule and put your daughter on Facebook before she is supposed to be the problem wouldn't be nearly as large. Own up to that fact.

 

[lajones81]

Folks, if everyone would get off this hang up with the 13 year old rule maybe you could understand that this is NOT about age. It not even just about facebook. I get that the rule is 13 and that we are breaking the rule (remember though that the other girl being harrassed IS 13 and therefore NOT breaking the rule), but that doesn't make what this girl and her boyfriend are doing ok.

I am sorry but a 16 year old boy saying nasty little things to a 12 year old is BEYOND unacceptble.

If dd was 14 or 15 and this was happening to her, I would still want her to come to me.


My child is doing exactly what she should be expected to do in a case like this. She did not respond. She reported it to an adult. She has done nothing to this girl except make up with her best friend. So of the two girls the 12 year old IS handling this with responsiblity and maturity, it is the 15 year old that is not able to act with maturity.

If you hadn't allowed her to have Facebook before 13, none of this would have happened.

No facebook, no drama, no problem.

Be her parent, not her friend.



None of my kids have cell phones, texting, IMing, facebook, etc. They never complain about it. They never ask about it. Guess I'm an abusive parent for not allowing them access.

They will get the opportunity soon enough. Let kids be kids.

AMEN!

 

[tnkr_bell]

Personally, I would do whatever you need to do to get this to stop now. I'm posting a link to story that happend right here in the town that I live in. It's very sad, but demonstrates how powerful these hate messages can be.


http://suburbanjournals.stltoday.com/articles/2007/11/11/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt

I haven't read all the posts, so I'm not sure what you've done so far, but I would talk to the girls parents and whoever else might be involved. Also, I can only hope that my dd's friends parents look after them the same way that you are looking after dd's bff. Bullying might be a part of growing up, but it doesn't make it right and it will never stop if people just ignore it. Good luck with this, I am so not looking forward to the preteen and teen years, girls can be so mean.

 

[Scurvy]

As far as the messages go, you can change her privacy settings so that only her friends can send her messages. To do that, go to:

Account > Privacy Settings > Basic Directory Information > View Settings > Send me messages > Friends Only.

That should stop the harassing messages from people she isn't friends with.

That's a really good point. All parents who allow their children to join Facebook should familiarize themselves with the site and the options for privacy settings. If a child's privacy settings were set so that only their friends could interact with them, something like this couldn't happen. I am always shocked that people let their children join social networking sites and message boards without doing their homework and making sure that their children are as safe as possible on there.

luvsJack, No magical thing happens at age 13 that makes a child able to deal with the ugliness that is present on the internet. Many 13 year olds should not be on social networking sites, even if they are technically old enough. Hopefully their parents know them well enough to know if they can handle those sites or not. Facebook certainly can't be expected to know them that well. But by turning 13, a child does magically become old enough to be in compliance with the Facebook Terms of Service.

 

[maxiesmom]

luvsJack, No magical thing happens at age 13 that makes a child able to deal with the ugliness that is present on the internet. Many 13 year olds should not be on social networking sites, even if they are technically old enough. Hopefully their parents know them well enough to know if they can handle those sites or not. Facebook certainly can't be expected to know them that well. But by turning 13, a child does magically become old enough to be in compliance with the Facebook Terms of Service.

Exactly. And if this was the first time the OP and her daughter had had issues on Facebook we could say that maybe it isn't that her daughter can't handle Facebook and all that comes with it. But this isn't the first time the OP has posted of her daughter having issues on Facebook. Which leads me to think that she is not yet old enough to be able to handle it.

If you put yourself out there on the World Wide Web you will meet some not so nice people who may say some not so nice things about you. Maybe the OP and her daughter need to take a step back for a while.

 

[KristaTX]

This reminds me of a reusable mugs or pool-hopping thread. Some of you sound like this: "You pool-hopped and your child got into a scuffle with some other kids, some of whom pool-hopped and some who didn't. Some of those kids pushed your pool-hopping child down and made her get all bloody. Well tough. Blood or no blood, you shouldn't have been pool-hopping. I'm secretly glad your kid got hurt, you naughty, pool-hopping fiend."

 

[Terry36]

Geez

 

[maxiesmom]

This reminds me of a reusable mugs or pool-hopping thread. Some of you sound like this: "You pool-hopped and your child got into a scuffle with some other kids, some of whom pool-hopped and some who didn't. Some of those kids pushed your pool-hopping child down and made her get all bloody. Well tough. Blood or no blood, you shouldn't have been pool-hopping. I'm secretly glad your kid got hurt, you naughty, pool-hopping fiend."

No one is glad the OP's daughter is having problems. No one has said that at all! However, sometimes when you decide to ignore a rule that is in place for a good reason, bad things happen.

The OP and her daughter have been having issues on Facebook for a while now. Maybe they need to realize it just isn't something they can handle, or something they need to do right now.

The OP should deal with the bullying. But she should also pull her daughter off of Facebook until she is a bit older and can deal with the drama better. Let things calm down for a while and let her daughter mature a bit.

 

[cheermom1]

This reminds me of a reusable mugs or pool-hopping thread. Some of you sound like this: "You pool-hopped and your child got into a scuffle with some other kids, some of whom pool-hopped and some who didn't. Some of those kids pushed your pool-hopping child down and made her get all bloody. Well tough. Blood or no blood, you shouldn't have been pool-hopping. I'm secretly glad your kid got hurt, you naughty, pool-hopping fiend."

This made me laugh b/c you are sooooo right!

 

[Scurvy]

This reminds me of a reusable mugs or pool-hopping thread. Some of you sound like this: "You pool-hopped and your child got into a scuffle with some other kids, some of whom pool-hopped and some who didn't. Some of those kids pushed your pool-hopping child down and made her get all bloody. Well tough. Blood or no blood, you shouldn't have been pool-hopping. I'm secretly glad your kid got hurt, you naughty, pool-hopping fiend."

What an odd comparison. I wouldn't have thought of it that way. I'm sure no one on here is glad that the OP's daughter is having problems. But now that you mention it, I suppose if you are going to go somewhere you aren't permitted to be, you really do have to accept some of the responsibility if something bad happens while you are there. Especially if you don't make sure to keep youself as safe as possible by using the tools available to you.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

It's a matter of maturity, both for the mother and daughter.

I never want to be the parent that says.."well, all the kids do it". That's never an excuse. A parent should never feel they need to bend to any societal pressure. Parents today seem to want to comform as much as their preteens/teenagers.

What ever happened to the old saying, "if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?" I remember telling my parents how the other kids got to stay up late, or buy something silly, etc. My folks didn't allow me to do these things because they loved me and wanted to create a safe environment for me.

This can be applied to all these wonderful technological advances.

The most important thing is to know YOUR child. My parents wouldn't allow me to get my drivers license at 16. They didn't think I was mature enough. Just because Facebook rules say 13, that doesn't mean it's a good place for YOUR child.

Facebook does have age rules. How can you report a kid on Facebook when your child shouldn't be on it in the first place. It's like calling the police and telling them someone stole your drugs. lol

 

[KristaTX]

No one is glad the OP's daughter is having problems. No one has said that at all! However, sometimes when you decide to ignore a rule that is in place for a good reason, bad things happen.

The OP and her daughter have been having issues on Facebook for a while now. Maybe they need to realize it just isn't something they can handle, or something they need to do right now.

The OP should deal with the bullying. But she should also pull her daughter off of Facebook until she is a bit older and can deal with the drama better. Let things calm down for a while and let her daughter mature a bit.

Oh, I'm not taking sides on this. I have no idea what previous threads there have been regarding Facebook or this poster. I've never even heard of the OP. But this really just started to sound like a mug or pool thread .

I just think it seems funny that some people are so focused on the fact that the age rule was broken, when even if the kid was NEVER on Facebook these other kids could still be saying really ugly stuff about her on Facebook for all her other friends to see. The OP's daughter may have done her own share of damage with these relationships, but I still hate for any kid to have lies spread about them. And if that's true, I am sorry for the girl and her mom. Like I said earlier today, I'm just glad I'm not a teenager anymore, and that I don't have any kids myself.

 

[book_junkie]

Are the others that are harassing your DD doing it outside of Facebook (Sorry, I got lost in the thread)? If so, I'd contact your local police department, and see if there's something that can be done, especially if (and I hope I've got it right) the 16 year old boyfriend is doing something outside of FB (emails, texting, etc.)

There are laws being passed that make cyber-bulling a crime as the bullying went to such extremes and the victims committed suicide. I don't know if your area has them or not, but it might be worth it to check...

 

[luvsJack]

If she wasn't on Facebook before she was supposed to be on it, you wouldn't be having any Facebook problems! That part of it wouldn't exist. You helped that along by putting someone underage on Facebook.

E-mail issues? Change your daughters e-mail address. Phone? Change her number. And don't let your daughter have those things until she can better understand who to give those numbers to and who not to give them to.

I agree that you need to get the other parent's attention. What the other girl is doing is wrong. But make no mistake if you hadn't decided to break a rule and put your daughter on Facebook before she is supposed to be the problem wouldn't be nearly as large. Own up to that fact.

She gave he number and email to a someone that was her friend. BEST friend at one time. And her friend turned on her. I won't be taking her phone any time soon.

Do your children not give their phone numbers to their friends?

My child was acting EXACTLY the way she should have. She did nothing wrong. Being 13 would not have changed one flipping thing. And if you would get over your hangup about it maybe you could see that. She is the one that acted exactly as she should have. The 15 and 16 year olds are the ones acting with immaturity.

AGAIN: Is what they are doing to her bff ok too, simply because dd is under 13?

The problem would be JUST as large. These girls are in our neighborhood, they have the same friends, they go to the same church, and starting next year one will go to the same school. Facebook has been one of their tools but you don't seem to get that its just one part.

I didn't have a need to change her number, I blocked their numbers from her phone.