Relocating-Your Experience Good & Bad

[GJM]

Me & DH have been talking about relocating to SC from NJ. A little info about us - We have a DS (5) has not started school yet, goes to daycare Pre-K. I have been at my job for over 20 years, it's an OK job, I am just comfortable
there. DH has been at his job about l l/2 years. All of our family lives close by and they do watch my DS when me & DH go out. I have lived in NJ my entire life. I am not too big on change where as my DH would pick up tomorrow and move.

I kind of like the idea of moving, but am still nervous about it. We would be able to sell our house in NJ and buy a house in SC and not have a mortgage. The weather would be better! (50 degrees here and it's the end of May) We would be driving down to check out the area. Now would be the perfect time to move since my DS isn't settled in regular school yet. But I worry about moving him away from our family, since he is an only child I want him to be close to our families.

My question is - How did you know it was the right choice for you to relocate and do you regret it? I'm hoping we will go to the area we want to live in and I will either love it or hate it. I worry about leaving my job, moving away from family and living somewhere new, I won't know where anything is, are the people friendly, will my DS make friends (Can you tell I worry!)

But then I think if I don't do this I could be missing out on a great experience, I don't know if we should take the chance.

I would love to hear anyone's experience or thoughts on relocating - the good and bad.

Thanks so much!

 

[SherryNC]

We moved to NC 3 years ago. Best decision for our family. My dh and I grew up and met in the suburbs north of Chicago. Raleigh reminds us of that in some ways, but a little slower pace. LOVE this city. We don't actually live near downtown, we are to the far north in suburban area. But we really appreciate all it has to offer. We are a couple hours from the beach and a few hours from the mountains. It really works great for us.

 

[Jasminesmommy]

i relocated from chicago to Indiana. Its onle 3 hours from home. For the first year I wanted to move back home to be with fiends and family but now I will never go back. The schools are better here and its safe as well. I have lived here almost 2 years now. You will be fine. You can always get someone from daycare to babysit for you.

 

[kerrynic78]

After living in CT my entire life, my new DH and I relocated to FL. He was offered an amazing job so there really was no question on if we would go or not but leaving my family and friends was so hard.

I also worried so much about not knowing anyone, trying to find a hairdresser, doctor, etc and trying to find the nearest mall!! I mean it sounds so ridiculous but you take things like that for granted when you have lived somewhere your whole life!

We have been here since January and yes there are moments when I get really homesick and miss everyone but on the upside we have had people come visit us every month since we have been down here!! We have made friends in our neighborhood and although I am not working yet, I hope to make even more friends when I find a job.

We have no kids yet so I can't help you with that aspect but I do worry a great deal about having kids down here with no family, I can imagine it will be difficult.

I do not regret our decision for one minute, we have a much better quality of life down here and we love the area. I know if we didn't take the opportunity I would always think "what if" my entire ife!!

Good Luck!!!!

 

[RadioNate]

We relocate all the time and I never seem to have any huge problem with it. There will always be ups and down but for the most part I've loved every minute of it. We've been here about 18 months and in all honesty I'm getting a little antsy.

I think it's been easy for me because I've been doing it for the last 10 years. Where in SC are you thinking about? I know SRUAlum is looking into Charleston/Mt Pleasant.

We lived there for about 18 months and I really enjoyed it.

Here's my biggest thought on successful relocating. I think the key is to be open. IMO it takes at least a year to get comfortable with a new place. We spend a lot of time talking to co workers, inviting people over and calling new friends when you talk about getting together. For example if you talk to another mom you think you may want to hang out with at DS's school. You really need to make the first move. "Lets get the boys together to play" Then you have to actually call and set that up. After a few play dates, it's 'how about dinner, I'll cook bring your DH and DS and we'll make an evening out of it."

Don't be afraid to ask. Where do you get your hair cut? Who is your Dr? What's your favorite pizza joint? Most people are willing to share.

Do either you or your DH work in an industry where relocations are common. That can help. It's always been my experience that people want to show you what they love about the new city. The key is taking them up on the offer even if you really don't feel like it.

It takes work but I love it. I have lived in Illinois, Iowa, Florida, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee and Texas. I can't imagine staying in the same place forever. There is just too much to see and experience.

I will say the biggest downside is that our families aren't near by. I do talk to my parents several times a week and they visit several times a year. We get a lot of houseguests.

I don't really miss my family but (and I know this is selfish) I do miss not having build in babysitters. I talk to my mom all the time so I don't miss talking to her etc but I do wish I could send DS over to her house for a sleepover every few weeks. To me that is really the biggest downside to not having family around. Most of the time I like that they aren't constantly in my business because I know if she lived close my mom would be here every week trying to redecorate my house and telling me what I'm doing wrong with DS.

hth

 

[SC Minnie]

Which part of SC are you look at moving to? It will be tougher going to a smaller town vs near a larger city where there are also a lot of 'newbies'. There are more people in our town that are from other places than were born here.

We moved about an hour away from my family and 500 miles from DH's in OH. DD10 is an only child. We see his family about once or twice a year, we are going up there this weekend. DD kept in contact with her Grandmother through letters and phone calls-- her hearing and eyesight are going so that is not possible anymore. When DD was learning to write Grandma was her 'penpal'. They loved getting each others letters. She talks on the phone to her aunts and uncles who are spread all over the country. These days there is also email and IM. It will be up to you and your DH to make sure your DS stays connected to them.

My brother lives FL and DD is going to spend a month with him and his kids this summer.

 

[Trinity721]

We just moved from Chicago suburbs to Jacksonville, because my DH is stationed here. So far I like it, but it's hard to get used to how spread out everything is and how you almost always need to take the highway to get anywhere. But it's only 2.5 hrs from WDW, so that is a definite plus The cost of living is lower, our rent here is less. But I was surprised to find out that car insurance in FL is one of the highest. I like the weather, though it hasn't gotten unbearably hot yet. DD is in daycare on the base. We don't know how long we will be here, maybe another year or two at the most. So we really haven't looked into schools. I am about to start a job that is close to downtown. It wasn't too hard to find a job here, depending on what you do. And this one is dumb, but I miss the great shopping in Chicago and a lot of the food. Can't find any good Chinese takeout here in Jax!

Still I really really miss home, and I guess I'll always be a Chicagoan. I also don't regret coming down here one bit. Having been apart from my husband for two years because of school and his deployment, I would happily live anywhere as long as we are together.

 

[snoopy]

My job is being relocated to central New Jersey (Somerset/Basking Ridge area) so I know what you are going through, its tough making these sort of decisions. For us, its not a consideration to relocate, first and foremost my DH's job is in the D.C. area (and he just started a new position a couple of months ago), and second of all New Jersey has more expensive housing (didn't think that was possible!!). I'm sad, though, because I really like this team of people I'm working with, especially my director, who understands work/life issues and has always afforded me such flexibility. I'd love to follow her wherever the job takes us, but its not to be.

I think you should write a list of pros and cons. A pro would definately be the equity that you would make on your house in Jersey and the cheap housing in SC. Having no mortgage sure is a huge plus. A con obviously is leaving your support system, that would be very tough for me. The details like finding a doctor or the closest mall are not huge, since eventually you would come to know the area well, and I'm sure you would meet new friends. I'd think long and hard about the schools -- I knew Jersey has really good schools, at least the area where my company is relocated, are South Carolina schools as good? Here is a great link to finding out more about the public schools all over the country: www.greatschools.com -- best of luck, no matter what you decide!

 

[StartedAJoke]

GJM, we relocated from CT to the Raleigh, NC area 3 years ago. (Howdy neighbor -- SherryNC). It took some getting used to. We transferred the kids as rising 1st and 3rd graders. Made the move in June to make it easier on them. Not sure about the areas in SC, but NC is booming with relocators, so the kids were far from being the only new kids in school. I'd moved alot as a child, but it was a harder move on DH who'd lived in NY for 30 years before moving across the line to CT for the next 10 years, but he's finally feeling like it's home. We definitely don't want to go back to CT, which was the case for a while. We knew it was time because we'd outgrown the 2bd townhouse we'd bought 8 years before and really had no other housing options open to us in CT. My folks had moved to NC 3 years before us, but they're 2 hours from Raleigh. It was very tough to leave DH's mom. She'd just retired to CT, and the girls spent alot of time with her. We go up a couple times a year for visits. We have all adjusted well.

 

[GJM]

Thanks for the replies so far. Me & DH are going to list pros & cons, everything to him will be a pro, I'm the one that will find the cons!

So far the one area we are thinking is Carolina Forest, Myrtle Beach. Some people say the schools are good and some say not so good, but we do want a good school.

RadioNate-You sound like my DH, he gets antsy where he has to move even if it is to another house! I like your idea about meeting people. I would probably have waited until someone called me to get the kids together or for dinner. I know what you mean about the babysitters. My MIL watches our DS for us when we go out and even for a weekend. That will be tough not having her.

kerrynic78-I worry about the same thing, finding a Dr. or a hairdresser. I love my Dr. and hairdresser that I have here. I need to be by shopping, I can't live out in the middle of nowhere. I wonder to "what if" if I didn't take the chance.

I appreciate everyone's comments, it gives me something to think about and to hear other's opinions.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We just relocated from Missouri to Texas in April. I suppose you need to ask yourself why are you relocating?

We relocated due to the shrinking job market in St. Louis. DH is in corporate sales and St. Louis is losing many headquarters. (read aka he was going to get canned if he stayed). It is also depressing as everyone is clawing at there jobs to keep them right now.

We have been here almost 2 months and things are chugging along. While I miss my family (all of them back in MO), I also don't miss them too...wierd, I know. It is kinda fun at 40yos too have our little family and do fun things. I am happy so far. Schools are better, house is better (for me, dh does NOT agree), more things to do here.

My dd starts High School next year so we are staying put for 4 years...

I will have to try RadioNates advice, thank you!

 

[GJM]

One of the reasons we would relocate is the housing. We would be able to buy a new house down there paid for after selling our house up in NJ. Plus the weather, I really can't stand the cold anymore, summer seems to just get shorter & shorter. I'm not sure how long I will even have my job, they are not doing so well. We figured SC isn't so far from NJ that we would be able to visit.

 

[vettechick99]

I've lived in 5 cities since I left my hometown at 22 (I'm 29 now). I love moving! I love experiencing new towns and cultures and meeting new people. The best advice I can give you is to go there and see how the town "feels". You'll get a good impression right off if you'll enjoy living there (some towns are clique-y, others open and welcoming; some conservative, others liberal). Moving was never a big deal to me because I could always move back if I wanted to, but I know when you have kids it's another issue.

It's really a personal decision, but for me it's not stressful. Good luck!

 

[GJM]

Thats what I am hoping that when we visit I will know if it is right. Just like when we purchased our house, after looking at so many I knew that the house we are in was the right one, I just had that feeling -

 

[Microcell]

Thats what I am hoping that when we visit I will know if it is right. Just like when we purchased our house, after looking at so many I knew that the house we are in was the right one, I just had that feeling -

I think that is very true. We moved to Iowa and it felt completely wrong to us, but DH had accepted, so we made do for the 2 years there. I also had to move from Detroit to KC and I like it here well enough, but Detroit will always be home to me. DH will not move there, though. You will know when you visit.

 

[chrissyk]

We moved from MA to FL for the cheaper cost of housing and the better quality of life. Our only regret is that we did not do this much, much sooner. We would NEVER move back. I don't miss MA. I don't even think about it at all, actually. It was such a relief to be able to move out. Our quality of life there was non-existant. 9 months of winter coupled with high housing prices made life there very unpleasant. I was very worried that my DH was at real risk of becoming depressed from living there. He really hated it more than I did.

FL is great. I couldn't imagine not having made the move. You can always move back if you regret it. Relocating can be a great thing, especially if you get a paid-for house out of the deal

 

[allicat]

Snoopy-most people I know (including me) would love to move out of NJ-so wise decision, although the area you mentioned is a good one.Due to DH job, we are here until he retires(luckily, he can retire young)

 

[arminnie]

I think I've moved about 15 times in my lifetime. Except for the couple of times as a child most of those have been just me moving by myself to a city where I knew no one (except when I recycled a couple of cities).

My advice to you is to just do it. It will be an enriching experience to have lived in different parts of the U.S. I love the fact that I am familiar with so much of the U.S.

I've lived from NY to CA and lots of places in between. First of all there is no such thing as a perfect place. Everyplace has it pluses and minuses.

As was stated earlier - just be open. Don't expect much of anything to be the same. I still remember my first move at age 9 (Detroit to Little Rock) - I was just furious that we were not going to have a basement. That's where we played most of the winter in MI - in AR no one had a basement, but you could play outside almost all year long.

Just be prepared to take time to make adjustments and don't have too many preconceived ideas - be open to new things and new people. Try to find good points in the people that you meet and don't prejudge them on whether you would have befriended them in your old environment.

Diversity is a good thing - even in our own lives.

 

[AdventurerKat]

We relocated from Seattle to Sarasota just under three months ago. So far, so good. Except my parents which you can see previous conversations on that subject. But, I give up there for now.

Anyway, the only issues I have had since we got down here is missing my friends and family. I love the weather. I love where we live. I love being 15 minutes from one of the most amazing beaches in the world. I am two hours from WDW and probably my only issue with that is I AM TWO HOURS FROM WDW which means I want and feel like I should go ALL THE TIME but can't. (Thinking about starting a post about all the people who live in Florida but not in Orlando and the pain of being so close...yet so far away! LOL)

Anyway, so far I think our move was a good decision. I am excited about the school my son will be attending, my job is going good, and I really have no complaints. I am not 100% sure we will stay in Florida forever at this point but I am sure glad we have made the move.

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[snoopy]

Snoopy-most people I know (including me) would love to move out of NJ-so wise decision, although the area you mentioned is a good one.Due to DH job, we are here until he retires(luckily, he can retire young)

Pretty much everyone I have spoken to that has already made the move to Basking Ridge echos your sentiments. There comes a point when the huge cost of housing becomes untouchable for most middle class folks, and the people I talked to were in that boat. The DC area is not much better, but if I'm going to relocate, its going to be to a place where its less expensive to live, not more expensive.