Relocating-how to get the grandparents on board?

[MickeyMomOfThree]

That's funny, we did the opposite move. DH and I grew up in Michigan. He outside of Detroit and me half way between Detroit and Ann Arbor. We moved to NY (upstate though) for work. The economy wasn't nearly as bad then as it is now, but he couldn't find work then because of it. It is really hard being away. My kids are still very close to my grandparents but it is so hard when they leave. My kids ask all the time why we have to love so far away. Having said all that, we did what we had to do to provide for our family and you need to too. I hope your parents are willing to travel. We can't much because with 3 kids in all their activities we have such a small amount of time, but my grandparents are willing to come visit us often, about 6 times a year, and that makes it so nice!

Best of luck, it is not an easy decision and not easy to adjust, but if it is for the best it will work out.

 

[stopher1]

Ok, I'm chiming in here too with my own tale but a male perspective. 12 yrs ago I was in Your DH's shoes and offered the promo & move from the field to the HQ. We went from So Cal to Ann Arbor. Ds14 was just 2, the only grandson on my side, #2 grandson on DW's side. I might as well have been the devil himself for daring to take the dw & ds away from her family. My family was pretty much okay with it. But a month or two after we left, I received a wonderful, heartfelt card from FIL telling me how proud he was of my choice, and looking out for my family that way. Absolutely LOVED living there, (and would go back if we could). 2 yrs later I was laid off so we went back to CA.

New job. New scenario. 18 mos later (with the new job), guess what...another promo & another move...this time from HQ out into the field here in Indy area. Again I might as well have been the D himself since there was a souvenir from MI now too..DS11. BUT... no card this time but a very nice call from FIL once more after a couple of months.

We've been here in the Indy area nearly 8 yrs now & added another souvenir while here. 3 kids, 3 different states. BUT of all FILs kids (there are 4)... we are the most stable, employed and respected by the family for taking the necessary stands for our own family unit. He said so himself to both DW & I while visiting with us just a couple of weeks back. The others have been in & out of jobs, marriages & homes, actually one of them living in fILs condo for many months while jobless recently. Sad.

It might be hard for a while, but they'll come around.

 

[mjkacmom]

DH's company decided to move their corporate office from midtown Manhattan to NC when our twins were born. Even though we could've bought a home, in cash, much bigger than the one we live in, and his company would pay to move us, plus a big cash bonus, he found a spot in a branch office, an hour from our home.

Not only did I need support from my parents (I had 5 under 7), but all of our siblings live several states away, and my IL's are only an hour from us, too. My kids have such a close relationship with my parents at this point, us moving would cause them to lose a 2nd set of parents.

Do what is best for your family, but I can understand why your parents are being a bit selfish, and having a hard time.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just wanted to give my two cents. If your husband is given the choice between the two territories, do not choose Michigan. This place is going belly up fast. If you were to buy a home here, you may not ever be able to sell it. I know many people who have spent the last couple years trying to sell their homes and no one will buy them. They are priced well below market, and for a buyer are a steal...but that buyer may never be able to unload it. We would love to move out of Michigan. There are NO JOBS to be had here. But, we are stuck with this house, which in the last 12 months has lost $130,000.00 in value, and keeps losing more value with each passing day. So, we cannot leave. We feel held hostage.

Please think carefully about this opportunity. If your husband's job should end with this company one day, you may be "stuck" indefinitely, in Michigan too, without another job to be found locally and unable to unload your house.

Sorry, to rain on your already damp day.

Forgot to mention that DH got a great promotion at work at that is how we ended up here in Michigan...that job is loooooong gone.

My SIL's DH got a promotion and moved there about 10 years ago. They have since moved to Ohio and now Indiana, and rent out the home in Michigan, and are trying to sell the house in Ohio.

 

[Nancyg56]

I know that it is hard to understand how your parents feel but I know that I would be devastated. I would understand but I would feel as if a part of my heart was leaving me.

Your parents really do understand that you need to do what is best for your family and I am sure that they will adjust but sometimes it takes a little time to process the difference between your family moving away and losing your family. At first it seems as though you are losing those people who you love more than your own life but soon you know that is simply not true. Just give them a little time to let these feelings out, they are just verbalizing what they want, not what they know is right for you. That will change.

As a parent I have taught my children to make decisions that are best for their own family and that even if I give an opinion ( and I do seem to share my opinions) they need to consider their own best interests and not mine. Now my DH feels strongly about us minding our own business......right until my DD and DSIL decided to buy a condo in the center of town. Now the house for sale two doors down our street. Thankfully DD just let him talk about how he felt DGD "needed" her own yard....our quiet street....her Nana just down the way to visit.....
What he was really saying that he was going to miss coming home from work and taking her out for a bike ride or to the pond for a swim or having her racing down the driveway to greet him. He survived and so did I but DD let him work out his own loss while choosing her own path.

Good luck!

 

[dfchelbay]

Thanks My parents and I have a great relationship, but they have zero say in my marriage. I just feel bad that they are sad knowing this move is going to come. DH & I are a solid front and are excited for this opportunity. Hope I didn't sound like too much of a whimp!



Thank you -- it's good to hear form someone in MI! We would be renting for at least a year in Ann Arbor or one of the Detroit 'burbs. If he were to lose his job, we'd relocate back to the east coast because that's where his industry is centered. The move is also one that could be for a few years, then he'd be moved back to the home office in NY. It's the stepping stone he's looking for, so we could be renting for a few years which is ok by us. I'm sorry to hear about your house. I hope things turn around for you and your family.

Thanks again everyone. I appreciate the perspective

Maybe you should rent our house...it's in the #1 school district and a short drive to Ann Arbor. Let me know when you can move in...lol

 

[StephMK]

Three years ago, we did what you are planning. We lived in the same neighborhood as my parents & 20 min from the in-laws. But we were in the DC area so prices were high, traffic horrendous and DH had a horrible commute & really long hours. We both wanted to try another area & he ended up getting a job offer 1000+ miles away.

My parents were like yours, crushed that we were leaving, my dad took it really hard. And they were a little mad at DH for awhile. I had to explain that it was a united decision. I was actually excited about living somewhere new & trying another part of the country. I had grown up in that city and really wanted to live someplace different.

6 mo after we moved, the start up DH had been previously working for in DC shut down. He'd had no luck job hunting in DC before we moved so it seemed we made a good decision.

Now he works for a bank, has great hours, short commute, we live in a great neighborhood & the kids love their schools. We are surrounding by nice people and convenient access to lots of stuff. Our new city is a short drive and low stress as opposed to heavy traffic & lots of issues getting there.

However, there aren't still times that I don't wonder if we should have stayed. I miss my parents terribly though that is about the only thing I miss about our old city besides my friends. My inlaws moved 6 hrs away so we can drive to visit them several times. Luckily, mine are fairly young and healthy & have come out to visit, though not as often as I'd hoped.

On the plus side, we've gotten to know family that lives around the in-laws we wouldn't have known if we stayed on the East Coast, it's made DH & I a stronger couple w/o family & familiarity around and we've had some amazing trips to places we might not have seen otherwise. I like the values here and the ease of living.

Good luck, it's tough but your parents will probably come around when they realize it's best for your family. Mine did and recognize how happy my kids & DH are here. I'm still getting used to it but generally like it here. I don't regret moving but kind of wished we hadn't moved quite so far.

 

[micheleq]

Maybe you should rent our house...it's in the #1 school district and a short drive to Ann Arbor. Let me know when you can move in...lol

Stranger things have happened! If Michigan is the location, I'll def. PM you with lots of questions if that's ok.

Thanks again everyone

 

[EKW]

Only got as far as "Irish-Catholic guilt" and knew the answer...pull out the Bible verses from Sarah and Abraham. Tell them you are doing the right thing...honoring your husband and your marriage by supporting him in his career advancement.

Don't choose your parents over your husband. It will not work!

 

[southtexasmom]

We moved 600 miles away from all our family 8 years ago, DH was transferred and it was either move or not have a job. It was the best thing we have ever done.

My parents were heart broken at first but finally they realized we had to do what was best for us.

Your parents will be sad, but invite them for a visit ASAP so they can see the new life you are building for your family. After they can see your new home, new neighborhood and new city they will know that you and your family are safe and happy.

A few years after we moved my Mom confessed that part of her anger over us moving away came from her fear of the unknown -- what kind of house we would live in? what kind of school the kids would attend? would our neighborhood be safe? would we make friends? -- after her first visit all her fears were gone.