From what I understand, their marriage ended over her affair with someone. He has told me it was a very rocky marriage. That was pre-me coming into the picture. She may have mental illness problems. At times over the years, she would be friendly to me & then weeks later for no known reason flip me off driving down the street. She has sabotaged vacations we have taken, had her daughter in tears many times for different things, she is like a cannonball. She has moved on herself & has been with this man for just slightly less time than we have, not married either. I don't know what you call it, jealousy, bitterness, it's gross.
You seem to get us here with this post. We do talk about it, but unfortunately everything keeps backsliding & it's wearing me down.
Unless you have some strong religious beliefs to marry or not is up to you. No judgement. Not living together, may play a role, you still have a degree of separation in your relationship...which may contribute to him keeping that part of his life more to himself, especially since she obviously wants nothing to do with you. Personally, I would give up the attempts to engage her, she does have some responsibility to act reasonably. Nothing you say to him is going to make any difference, it's his daughter and his relationship with her is his relationship with her. If she decides to come over when you are there, well that's up to her, she can decide not to come. If he expects you to leave, that is an issue you will have to address with him. I think if you want to continue with him, you need to just let that go and enjoy the time you do spend together. If this is affecting your relationship with him, you guys need to talk and come up with a solution so you don't linger in resentment mode. I hope you can figure it out. If not, maybe it's time to move on.
You're not going to fit into that. You will have two separate lives when it comes to his daughter and any grandchildren. I'm sorry if this is heartbreaking....but you are going to have to decide whether you are willing to deal with it or not. There is definitely something not quite right about this situation with her, and from what you've said I doubt it will change and there is anything he can do either. Some parents just have to put up with the personality of their child. It's not healthy, but it is what it is. If you can deal with this and still be happy with him, let it go. And...if you ever decide to live together, there will be another layer of challenges to consider.
There it is...now you've said it out loud! Are you WILLING to be treated like a second class citizen? This is something you'll have to decide. Not easy, not easy at all but this is it in a nutshell!
Well it sounds like he had you flapping in the breeze and not too concerned about moving forward TOGETHER. What I mean by safe is that you don't want more and he is just the ticket. I am sure that her mother does influence her in some ways but one of the things I am most proud of in my children is their ability to think for themselves...
This makes me wonder what happened, rational people don't just wake up one day and cut people from their lives for no real reason.
I do know in this (or any situation) for that matter, I am the only one I can control. I do want to express that it is not as though we are constantly at each other on this subject. That said, it is a source of tension at times & I will need to decide, long term, how I can better handle it for myself or if we are not meant to be-which I would have never imagined happening to us.
