Relationship Advice Needed - WWYD? - UPDATE - Pg. 4

[dad2t&e]

Unless he is out of town, in the hospital or dead, then there is no excuse for him not returning her phone call, other than he is a rude, inconsiderate coward. And if he has no intention of dating her anymore he should return the DVD player to her. She shouldn't have to go get it, but there is no way I would let it stay there.

I did not say I agree with the way this was handled, I only gave her an insight to what this guy MAY BE THINKING or doing. There are always 2 sides to every story and I am not justifying the way he is acting, just giving her some things to think about. Of course he should be up front with her, and if he has no intention of dating her anymore he should tell her and return her stuff to her. BUT, there is no reason to make her think that he is a terrible person till she has a chance to speak with him.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I want to call not just for the DVD, but mainly to let him know that I didn't apppreciate what he did (or didn't do) and that his behavior was juvenile. I don't want him to think that this was just perfectly fine, and I didn't mind at all. Maybe he'll think again before he does this to another girl. (I can dream, can't I? )

I can understand your feelings. It looks like you want some type of closure if the relationship has ended. Can you e-mail him? He might be more likely to answer you with an e-mail. It looks like calling him isn't working, so I wouldn't keep doing that if I were you. It definitely looks like he is trying to avoid talking to you.

 

[poohs_hunny]

I can understand your feelings. It looks like you want some type of closure if the relationship has ended. Can you e-mail him? He might be more likely to answer you with an e-mail. It looks like calling him isn't working, so I wouldn't keep doing that if I were you. It definitely looks like he is trying to avoid talking to you.

Someone else suggested e-mail, too. Maybe I'll try that first. Still, I don't know why he'd respond to an e-mail if he is so insistent upon being "silent".

 

[momof2inPA]

Don't call, just move on and forget the DVD. If he really liked you, he would have wanted to see you more often than on the weekends, anyway. Don't settle for guys who don't treat you like you're irresistable in the beginning of a relationship.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I want to call not just for the DVD, but mainly to let him know that I didn't apppreciate what he did (or didn't do) and that his behavior was juvenile. I don't want him to think that this was just perfectly fine, and I didn't mind at all. Maybe he'll think again before he does this to another girl. (I can dream, can't I? )

You do what you have to do.

 

[LadyyRedd]

I want to call not just for the DVD, but mainly to let him know that I didn't apppreciate what he did (or didn't do) and that his behavior was juvenile. I don't want him to think that this was just perfectly fine, and I didn't mind at all. Maybe he'll think again before he does this to another girl. (I can dream, can't I? )

Trust me, he knows that it was a jerky thing to do and he already knows you don't appreciate it. Sometimes "closure" is overrated. I'm with the ones who say to let it go and move on! You'll be much happier that way. The more you push for an explanation, the more he's not going to contact you. When a guy truly likes you, you'll never have to question whether or not he does.

Kimya

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Have you ever read the book, ''He's Just Not That Into You?"

I picked up a copy awhile ago after a similar thing happening to me TWICE within a few months by two different guys.

Here are some excerpts:

An excuse is a polite rejection.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not into you.

Move on, sister! Cut your losses and don't waste your time. Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?

If a dude isn't calling you when he says he will, or making sure you know that he's dating you, then you already have your answer. Stop making excuses for him, his actions are screaming the truth: He's just not that into you.

When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted. And when you do move on and find your right person, believe me, you're not going to wish you had gotten to spend more time with Stinky the Time-Waster or Freddy Can't-Remember-to-Call.

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's intoxicatingly liberating.

I hope this helped you think things through a little. Good luck!

 

[grlpwrd]

I agree with you, DisneyAddict... I was just about to post to the OP that maybe "he's just not into you."

After 3 months of going out, he didn't even have the decency to return your calls?

There really are more fish in the sea. GL!

 

[horseshowmom]

Trust me, he knows that it was a jerky thing to do and he already knows you don't appreciate it. Sometimes "closure" is overrated. I'm with the ones who say to let it go and move on! You'll be much happier that way. The more you push for an explanation, the more he's not going to contact you. When a guy truly likes you, you'll never have to question whether or not he does.

Kimya

I've got to agree with this.

If you call him again, odds are that all you're going to get is his voicemail, so the best you'll get to do is leave a message (which he can shrug off, not listen to at all, or isn't going to have the impact on him that you'd like - shame, embarrassment, etc.).

Email - you probably won't hear back from this either since he's already shown he doesn't have any backbone.

He might mail your DVD back to you, but I doubt it, because it will be unpleasant for him to think about/deal with, so he'll just keep putting it off.

Personally, I'd just write it off and move on.

 

[chamonix]

yes, I would not even bother with the DVD. He knows you're looking to hear from him. He'll call if he's interested anymore.

Whether or not I would ever talk to him again (if it were me) is another story.

 

[poohs_hunny]

Well, you won't believe this. After the weekend, I had given up on this guy. I figured he just wasn't interested anymore and didn't have the guts to tell me. I even got myself to accept it.
So I get home from work today, and there's a message on my machine - guess who it's from? I could not believe it. He was very apologetic, and said that work has been really crazy since the new year started (he's in insurance). He wants to get together again, and said he would give me a call back. Now I'm just dumbfounded. I was so sure that it was over, and I'm still not completely positive that he is really interested. I keep thinking, how hard would it have been to just take a minute to call me and say that things are crazy and he'll call when they've calmed down? It shouldn't have taken almost a week to do that. I decided I'm not going to call him. I will wait to see if he really calls again. If he does, I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think that I was okay with the week with no calls. Should I mention how I felt (that I thought he wasn't interested) and give him an "out" in case that really is how he feels? Relationships can sure make a person !

 

[ButchJohnson]

Speaking from experience, it pains me to say that you should move on, he's avoiding you. In my life I've learned that if a guy likes you and wants to be with you, he WILL pursue YOU, he won't sit back and wait. If he wanted to talk to you or see you, he'd call. I'm sorry. Hugs from me because I know how much it sucks.



Kimya

Yep, agreed, it has all the classic signs of the "blow off" its not you its me thing. I would be prepared to move on, if he calls you fine, if he doesn't call you a another week or so, I would call and be nice and say "Hey I at least need to get my DVD back," and give him your mailing address. If he mails it back you know he's avoiding.

 

[bevtoy]

Well, you won't believe this. After the weekend, I had given up on this guy. I figured he just wasn't interested anymore and didn't have the guts to tell me. I even got myself to accept it.
So I get home from work today, and there's a message on my machine - guess who it's from? I could not believe it. He was very apologetic, and said that work has been really crazy since the new year started (he's in insurance). He wants to get together again, and said he would give me a call back. Now I'm just dumbfounded. I was so sure that it was over, and I'm still not completely positive that he is really interested. I keep thinking, how hard would it have been to just take a minute to call me and say that things are crazy and he'll call when they've calmed down? It shouldn't have taken almost a week to do that. I decided I'm not going to call him. I will wait to see if he really calls again. If he does, I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think that I was okay with the week with no calls. Should I mention how I felt (that I thought he wasn't interested) and give him an "out" in case that really is how he feels? Relationships can sure make a person !

If he makes you crazy now, it will only get worse in a long term relationship.
I don't think its "OK" for him to treat you so casually. Yes I would tell him its not OK! I don't think I could let it slide, but thats just me.

 

[horseshowmom]

Well, you won't believe this. After the weekend, I had given up on this guy. I figured he just wasn't interested anymore and didn't have the guts to tell me. I even got myself to accept it.
So I get home from work today, and there's a message on my machine - guess who it's from? I could not believe it. He was very apologetic, and said that work has been really crazy since the new year started (he's in insurance). He wants to get together again, and said he would give me a call back. Now I'm just dumbfounded. I was so sure that it was over, and I'm still not completely positive that he is really interested. I keep thinking, how hard would it have been to just take a minute to call me and say that things are crazy and he'll call when they've calmed down? It shouldn't have taken almost a week to do that. I decided I'm not going to call him. I will wait to see if he really calls again. If he does, I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think that I was okay with the week with no calls. Should I mention how I felt (that I thought he wasn't interested) and give him an "out" in case that really is how he feels? Relationships can sure make a person !

If you really do want to see him again, I'd have a low-key conversation concerning how you were kind of left hanging (and with no idea of what was going on), and that while you realize neither of you has any strings on the other, it would be nice if you at least had an idea of what was going on (I mean, you did call him twice and got no response).

If it ever happened again, I'd be done for sure (I wouldn't say this to him, because I think he would view it as a threat, and it wouldn't be appropriate, but I would definitely be done). The old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..."

 

[EthansMom]

I go with honesty as a good policy. If and when he calls again, I'd probably tell him that since I hadn't heard from him in a while, I thought maybe he'd decided he wasn't interested in seeing me anymore and that I would have appreciated a quick call to let me know that he had gotten my messages and was crazy busy. Don't be nasty about it, just let him know that a call back would have been appreciated.

 

[Lizzy2]

Sweetie, , please guard your heart in this situation. He sounds like his feelings are lukewarm at best and probably like he was dating someone else. I agree wholeheartedly with your decision not to call him but even if he does call again, please, BE CAREFUL!!

 

[noseybuddy]

Well, you won't believe this. After the weekend, I had given up on this guy. I figured he just wasn't interested anymore and didn't have the guts to tell me. I even got myself to accept it.
So I get home from work today, and there's a message on my machine - guess who it's from? I could not believe it. He was very apologetic, and said that work has been really crazy since the new year started (he's in insurance). He wants to get together again, and said he would give me a call back. Now I'm just dumbfounded. I was so sure that it was over, and I'm still not completely positive that he is really interested. I keep thinking, how hard would it have been to just take a minute to call me and say that things are crazy and he'll call when they've calmed down? It shouldn't have taken almost a week to do that. I decided I'm not going to call him. I will wait to see if he really calls again. If he does, I don't know what to say. I don't want him to think that I was okay with the week with no calls. Should I mention how I felt (that I thought he wasn't interested) and give him an "out" in case that really is how he feels? Relationships can sure make a person !

Sorry , I just can't believe that someone can be that busy that they can't take 2 mintues of their time to call you. Just seems like you were not a priority.

 

[disneyfreakk]

Sweetie, , please guard your heart in this situation. He sounds like his feelings are lukewarm at best and probably like he was dating someone else. I agree wholeheartedly with your decision not to call him but even if he does call again, please, BE CAREFUL!!

 

[poohs_hunny]

Sweetie, , please guard your heart in this situation. He sounds like his feelings are lukewarm at best and probably like he was dating someone else. I agree wholeheartedly with your decision not to call him but even if he does call again, please, BE CAREFUL!!

Don't worry - I am most definitely going to be careful. No matter what happens, my view of him has changed somewhat, and I will be watching his behavior carefully. If he continues to demonstrate that I am low on his priority list, I won't be wasting my time with him. Thank you for the kind words!

 

[lg3]

If you really do want to see him again, I'd have a low-key conversation concerning how you were kind of left hanging (and with no idea of what was going on), and that while you realize neither of you has any strings on the other, it would be nice if you at least had an idea of what was going on (I mean, you did call him twice and got no response).

If it ever happened again, I'd be done for sure (I wouldn't say this to him, because I think he would view it as a threat, and it wouldn't be appropriate, but I would definitely be done). The old saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me..."

ITA w/ this advice. I know this is hard.... been there.... done that.... and sending hugs.