My mother had a heart attack while I was in Paris and forced my siblings to keep it from me, lest I cut my trip short. And yes, she could have died at any second. I did figure it out at some point, but my sister told me that if I came home early, Mama would have a second heart attack from the guilt. And she probably would have. So I finished the vacation as scheduled and took care of her while she recovered once I came home.
While adopting DD, we had to go to Russia twice. Once for a week and once for three weeks. My mother could have died at any time. There's no getting back from Russia in a hurry, especially in the middle of an adoption, so my mother said she'd make the others kids "keep her on ice" until I got home if she passed while I was away. She was serious.
Mama did die at home, hospice only, with my sister and I taking care of her for the last several months. Everything went pretty much according to schedule....meaning what the hospice team told us would happen did happen just how/when they said it would.
However, when DH's mother died "in hospice" it was a completely different outcome. I mention this because you said BIL was going "in hospice" and that can mean many things. They do hospice in a hospital setting, in buildings dedicated to hospice care only, nursing homes, at your own home, etc. In my MIL's case, the hospital she had been in had a section of one floor dedicated to hospice. So they moved her there.
The impression was given to my DH and his siblings that very soon after hydration and nourishment were ceased, MIL would pass away. As in a day or two....three would be a stretch. (Took her off the ventilator already.) All she got was oxygen. So the kids stayed by her side for a day, two days, three days......she was still alive. So much for passing quickly. It took her three long weeks in hospice to pass away. That was about 2 1/2 weeks longer than anyone at that hospital expected her to last, considering the shape she was in and that she was getting no fluids.
I'm not saying this to upset you, but to let you know that "2-4 weeks" may mean just that......or it could be 1-2 weeks or 4-6 weeks. That 2-4 week estimate is not written in stone, although I believe hospice workers usually get it pretty close to the mark.
Will it cause a lasting family rift if you go on the trip? If not, go, but be prepared for your DH to return for a funeral if needed. Here's why I'd go. I sat by my mother's side for months while she died. I'd wish that on no one, but it was my choice. The last bit was not good, to put it mildly. When DH's mother was near the end, I told him I didn't want to see her in that state and I preferred to remember her......Well, ALIVE. Keep in mind, she was basically gone already and I don't think that's the case with your BIL. So you should go see him while he still knows you're there.
But when he gets to the part where he is there in body only.....Having been through this with more than one relative, I expect no one to come around for that part. With MIL, we discouraged visitors because I knew goog and well MIL would have never wanted anyone to see her in that state. NEVER. I told them that she would not know they were there, that she looked terrible and that there was no need to put themselves through that, because they'd been good friends to her when she was alive and that was what really mattered......not seeing her now.
At some point, my poor DH (who had been caregiving for his mother for years, along with one sibling) finally became too stressed from what he called "the death watch" and said he was not going to stay at the hospital day and night just waiting for her to die. It was torturing him. I won't go into what all we'd already endured BEFORE she got to hospice, but we'd accepted that she was not going to live. But to sit there for 3 solid weeks was too much on top of what he'd already been through.
I guess what I'm saying is, when we've been in this situation, we didn't want to burden any more people than absolutely necessary with the pain of it. We knew they cared. Had you been my SIL, I'd have told you to go and try and have a good time because sitting around with me wasn't going to change one blessed thing.
It will all work out in His time... God bless your family.
